Night Angel Grounded
by nancystagerat
Summary: Wicked bookverse. A plan for revenge takes some unexpected turns. ON HIATUS until it undergoes extensive revision.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~  
  
:Oh, gods, everything hurts.:   
  
I burn everywhere.   
  
:Damn it, I'm wet! Stupid little girl! If I ever get my hands on her, I'll - :  
  
As of that moment, I wasn't in the shape to get up and find anyone. My eyes couldn't see – it must've been the water that Dorothy girl hurled on me. Damn it, the water hurt more than the flames before it did! There was a pounding ache resounding throughout my head – probably from my wet hair. I fumed at the girl, that Dorothy Gale, who couldn't have been more than thirteen years old, who wore Nessarose's shoes, rightfully my shoes and she had the nerve to - ! Now if only the heat of my fury could burn the wet off me!   
  
How many days had it been since that girl arrived? How long had I been lying senseless in a pile of wet-through clothing? I didn't want to move, it hurt so much, but if I laid there in that sodden heap of fabric any longer it would've hurt more than it already did. Putting Dorothy out of my head for a moment, I tried to stagger to my feet. It didn't work as I had planned. I slumped back to the floor, a soaking, pained, weak mess of what used to be human. I sure as hell didn't feel like one now. Gingerly, I tried to peel off my saturated clothing and slowly I slithered over to a dry patch of floor. As my vision fuzzily returned, I glanced down at my arms, and I saw that my skin hadn't been hit with the water as badly as I thought it had, judging by the level of pain I was in. Good, no permanent damage. At least that was some small comfort; I wouldn't be disfigured any more than how I've been since birth. Being green is bad enough; I don't know what I would've done if that water had caused any more mutilation than my "unique" emerald-ness.   
  
:Well, I guess there is a good thing about always keeping myself swathed in so much fabric.: I thought dryly.  
  
The exposed places that caught the worst of it were the backs of my hands and my forearms, which were stinging cruelly; everything else just burned softly from the water saturating my clothing. My arms had some vicious burns on them but nothing I wouldn't be able to put up with in the long run. I grabbed the post of my bed and slowly heaved myself to my feet. Using the bed, the walls, the bookshelves for support, I made my way to the trunk in which I kept my clothing. I threw on the first things I grabbed and collapsed back to my knees. I took an old fringed scarf from the trunk and was about to use it to towel my hair dry when I noticed the pattern on it; red roses on a black background. I stared it a good long moment and set it gently aside, reaching for another scarf or stray piece of cloth to use to soak up the wet in my hair. Once thoroughly dry and no longer in as much pain as before, but still weak as all hell, I picked up the red and black scarf and stared at it for a while, lost in thought.   
  
"Fiyero," I sighed, fingering the roses. My expression softened as I brought it to my face and rubbed it against my cheek. Even that small motion brought pain, but it wasn't enough to distract me from that scarf. It still smelled of him, of spice and his sweat. I had missed it so badly . . . I folded the scarf gently and placed it on my bed. Levering myself off the floor, I dropped myself onto the bed, my chest heaving from intense soreness and exertion too soon after injury. Reaching gingerly up to the shelf near the bed I closed my fingers around a bottle of oil. Once it was in my grip I twisted off the top and poured some into my hands, rubbing it on the burns and blisters to soothe them. I remembered how years ago I used to lie on my bed and Fiyero would take some of the oil in his palms and massage it into my bare skin. He was always so gentle, my Fiyero. He treated me like a person, which was more than I could say for pretty much every other human being in Oz. To them I was a monster, to be avoided at all costs. To him I was precious, a love to last forever. And it would have, if it weren't for me. If I had refused to tell him about what I was partaking in on that fateful Lurlinemas Eve so many years ago, he'd still be alive. We'd still be in love. I miss him so much it hurts more than the water.   
  
:Elphie, he's dead. Get over him.: I tell myself, but only halfheartedly. I had been telling myself that for years every time I thought of him.  
  
I sighed, pushing Fiyero out of my thoughts. The pain of my memories of him hadn't lessened any in the years since he's been gone. I didn't need any more pain at the moment.   
  
Memories subsiding, feelings of intense hatred for all of Oz surfaced. What I wouldn't give to be able to get up and give them all a screwing they'd never forget! Unfortunately, I wasn't even in good enough shape to sit up on my own at the moment. I sighed in aggravation, and went to run my fingers through my hair but once my arm slightly lifted itself off the mattress a bone-deep ache ran through it. I was never one to show much emotion at all, even when I was alone without another human being within about a mile of me, but this time I had been put through too much torture to keep it all inside. A colossal roar fought its way out of my throat and reverberated around my tower, resulting in a pounding headache behind my eyes and a very sore throat.   
  
I don't know how long I had lain there, oblivious to all but the throbbing lancing through me, but soon enough I must have fallen into sleep as I woke up afterward in the middle of the night presumably days later. The moment I opened my eyes the tenderness took over.   
  
:Oh, joy, what fresh hell will I experience through this?: I groused as the soreness flared up again, furious that I could do nothing to help myself or lessen the pain. Taking a situation such as being totally and completely helpless was never one of my strong points. I need to be up and doing something; I am not capable of just lying on my bed idly waiting for the pain in my limbs to subside, I haven't the patience for that. I could not just lie there for gods know how long to wait it out.   
  
Frustrated beyond imaginable levels I growled softly and tried to heave myself upright. I bit my lip and hissed as I pulled myself into a sitting position. My muscles screamed in protest, begging to be left to rest, but my mind had other ideas. I was dead-set on regaining my mobility, whether my body liked it or not.   
  
The next step was to maneuver myself across the room to the tower window. It was beyond me at the moment. I wanted to see just how much damage that Dorothy girl had inflicted on my home. Like it or not, this depressing fortress was my home. However, the table with my Grimmerie on it was closer than the window, only about half the distance. Perhaps there was a spell somewhere within the somewhat-comprehensible mass of pages that contained a magical solution to my inability to move myself around without regretting every step I took? Right then, I was willing to try anything with no regard to my ineptness at most things sorceric. I was desperate to get away from all this.   
  
Sooner or later, after much swearing and fuming on my part, I had managed to get my little hatefully-colored green paws on the Grimmerie, and I was doing my best at feverishly turning pages while avoiding brushing them against my burns. There was no pain-killing spell to be found, but something else more valuable than that. That spell was my ticket to revenge. 


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~  
  
About a week or so later, the burns on my arms were still smarting some, but most all other pain had dissipated. I was moving around on my own again and deeply immersed in the pages of the Grimmerie. The spell I was poring over was very advanced magic, something that I would never have dreamed of attempting the day before my encounter with Dorothy Gale.   
  
As I read, thoughts of why she was dispatched to kill me in the first place swam to the front of my mind. It was the Wizard who was the brains behind Dorothy Gale. If it wasn't for the Wizard I could've been spared many long years of pain and heartbreak many times over. He was responsible for the deaths of huge numbers of Quadlings shortly after I was born; Madam Morrible's attempts to manipulate me, Glinda and Nessarose back at Crage Hall in Shiz; the murders of Doctor Dillamond, my mentor and friend, and Fiyero, my lover; the laws causing the Animals to lose their rights; the murders of Sarima and her family, and so many more. I didn't just want simple revenge anymore; I wanted the Wizard dead.   
  
I unconsciously reached my hand to the windowsill to stroke the fur of my pet monkey, Chistery, but it met only air and cold stone. I supposed with a heavy heart that Dorothy and her traveling companions had either killed him or scared him away, and if he was alive the first person to see him would probably kill him.   
  
:Every living creature that has the misfortune to come into my life is ultimately destroyed!: I mentally shouted, pinning the blame on the Wizard. I could only wonder what my life would've been like if he hadn't chosen me to torture for my differences. Just the thought that without the Wizard I could've lived my life in some semblance of happiness instead of eternal heartbreak made me smolder with hate and rage not only for what he had done to me but to everyone and everything I've ever loved. Was I really so harmful to Oz that I was to be considered too dangerous to live? I thought back to the numerous times I had asked myself that after Fiyero's death, and contemplated just giving them what they wanted by putting myself out of my misery. I'll admit that there were many times when it would've been so much easier just to slit my wrists and join those that had been taken from me, but every time I picked up the knife I lost my nerve.   
  
:If only I had been braver I could've saved myself so much unnecessary agony. . . :   
  
But no. I was alive for a reason, and I was determined to fulfill what my life had been mapped to do, however pivotal or insignificant it may be. I had a sinking feeling that I was to be pivotal in one way or another, and gods help whoever I was up against, be I faithless or not.   
  
After a while longer of unsuccessfully trying to make head or tale of the spell, I began to stare unseeing at the Grimmerie, its glimmering pages gazing back up at me, my frustration building.  
  
:Glinda would've been able to do this. If only . . . : But of course that would never happen. She was too loftily placed on the social ladder being the "good witch" and was too high in favor with the Wizard. Even if she would consider to consent to forgive me for everything I've done in the years since we were close to each other she would never agree to help me with this particular endeavor. Murder was never her cup of tea, so to speak, even if the death would in the end improve Oz and fix whatever damage the Wizard had caused that was still salvageable. She was never the brave one, my old friend, if I could even call Glinda "friend" anymore. We had taken such vastly different paths from each other and our lives had progressed so differently that the rift that had grown between us was more than likely impossible to bridge.   
  
:In a twisted little way, I miss her. The old Glinda, anyway. The girl she was after Doctor Dillamond's death, not the materialistic airhead she was in the beginning of our Crage Hall days.: I laughed a little. I wondered how life turned out for her. Was she happy with the way her life had progressed? Had she married and had children?  
  
:Does she miss me at all?:  
  
I shook my head, a bitter little smile on my face.   
  
:Why would she miss me, after all I've done? She's probably forgotten how close we were all those years ago. I can't blame her. I'm someone most people would rather forget. Even so, she's kind of helped to make me who I am today with all she did for me so long ago. We stuck up for and believed in each other, if nothing else. At one point in time we were united against the Wizard. Now I've got to go it alone.:  
  
I shuddered at the memory of our first encounter with the Wizard. I had lost it in his audience chamber when he was speaking to us, I had shouted at him in my recklessness and ridiculed the way he ran Oz, and in doing so it was probably the sealing of my fate.   
  
:Elphaba, you bring these things upon yourself. The Wizard would have left you alone if you didn't make him believe you were a threat! You, headstrong, idealistic idiot!: I shouted at myself. Even so, I really didn't care at the time. I was single-mindedly set on getting my vengeance one way or another, even if that meant attempting a spell that, were I in my right mind, I would never have dreamed of performing. Suddenly the old, dog-eared page of the Grimmerie with the nearly-incomprehensible curse written on it began to make a little more sense to me. I scribbled what little I could make out into terms I understood and little by little, it began to come together. I hissed as I put too much strain on my still-healing arms by writing so furiously, and swore colorfully at Dorothy Gale and her treacherous Wizardly counterpart for reducing me to such a level of existence. 


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~  
  
A few days after I had the majority of the Grimmerie's spell copied over (most of which I still could not for the life of me understand) I'd deemed myself strong enough to finally venture out of my tower. I wasn't sure if I was ready to risk leaving Kiamo Ko, but at least I could wander around the dusty neglected hallways of the fortress. For one thing, there were lots of ornamentations and tables or something of the sort to prop myself up with if I fell, which I wasn't intending on doing in the first place. I felt that I had given myself sufficient time to rest up and regain my strength (two weeks, in my eyes, was more than a sufficient amount of time) and I was ready for a little more exercise than just pacing my tower. I needed out before I developed claustrophobia from being holed up in one little room for so long.   
  
For another thing, I did not want to risk being recognized by any wandering Ozian (and especially not by the Wizard) when I had not totally banished the dizzy spells I'd been experiencing, as well as the fact that was definitely not up to flying on a half-burnt broomstick I hadn't the slightest idea how to fix. It had seemed like a good scare tactic for terrifying information out of that Dorothy character at the time I set the broom afire, but then that I looked back at it, I regretted ruining my only means of transportation. I passionately hated feeling so vulnerable and wanted to be out executing my revenge on the Wizard sooner rather than later, but common sense ruled this situation, not my now-reckless spirit and fired nerves. When you are widely hated and presumed dead, it's best not to be recognized too soon after "death". In this case, I could make my supposed demise work to my advantage.  
  
Just as I was about to open the door and risk descending the stairs, I paused as I passed my bed. I stared at the items sitting on the shelf near it, and as an afterthought, I took the carefully-folded fringed black-and-red rose scarf from it and knotted it around my waist as I used to do so many years ago before lying down to bed with Fiyero. Once more it was the good luck charm I would carry with me on my perilous undertakings. If someone had told me on the day before Dorothy that I would soon be regarding walking on my own a "perilous undertaking", I would've dismissed the person as a madman.   
  
I leaned my weight on the banister, making sure it was strong enough to rely on to help support me, I swallowed once and began my descent. Slowly I staggered almost drunkenly down the spiraling tower stairs to the main floor of Kiamo Ko. It was quite a nerve-wracking event, and I was eternally relieved afterward that my legs hadn't buckled from under me, as they had so often done while I was pacing the confines of my tower room, and pitched me down the rickety stairwell. The second I reached stable ground I groped my way to a chair and collapsed into it, breathing heavily more from fear than from physical exertion. If the water hadn't killed me, a fall down the tower stairs certainly would, and it would've been so counterproductive to die just as I was beginning to pull my life back together. I laughed at the thought. Surprisingly, I still knew how to laugh. I half expected to regard all things that were once humorous with irrevocable bitterness. I may have turned hardhearted after so many years alone but I wasn't yet so far gone as to not be able to laugh anymore. That was a small relief unto itself.  
  
I stayed in the chair for a few moments longer, until my breathing returned to a normal rate, and I pushed myself back up onto my feet. I decided to stumble my way to the kitchen before going anywhere else, for I had eaten extremely little in the two weeks since I awoke and I was starving. Lack of food had rendered me gaunt, phantasmal, and thinner than I had ever been in my life. I wasn't surprised to see that as I passed a mirror on the wall. My hand had knocked into it while I was leaning partway on the wall as I walked, and I stopped to see just how horrendous I looked. There was an almost transparent look to me, like I was a wraith risen from the grave taken to haunting the dusty halls of Kiamo Ko.   
  
:Gods, Elphaba, you look like hell.: I told myself. I should've guessed I would've looked like this by the way my clothes hung so loosely on my body.   
  
I reached the kitchen after much swaying and dizziness and pushed the door open, about to tear through the contents of the cupboards when I froze suddenly at the sound of familiar chattering.   
  
:I know that chitter – it can't be - :  
  
Slowly I turned my head in the direction of the sound and my weary eyes were amazed and delighted at the sight that met them. There was my little winged snow monkey, my Chistery, sitting among the remains of the vegetables and other food scattered around the room. Overjoyed, I scooped my pet into my arms and kissed his little furry head, ignoring how he made the burns on my arms sting brutally on contact.   
  
"Chistery, I missed you! Where have you been, my little menace?" I laughed as he climbed to my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my head.  
  
"Miss this, kisskiss!" he chattered in my ear before kissing it and finger-grooming my hair, which I had neglected to sweep back from my face. I reached up and stroked his caramel-colored fur, happy again for the first short moment since I had awakened. 


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~  
  
After I had found something at least partway edible to shove down my throat and stop my stomach's protesting being empty so long, Chistery hopped onto my shoulder, curled his tail around the back of my neck for balance and we doggedly set out to rediscover the rest of Kiamo Ko. I knew exactly what my next stop on the tour would be: the late Sarima's Solar.  
  
Sarima had been Fiyero's wife. They had been married as children, and love never had the chance to grow between them. He was hardly ever with her here at Kiamo Ko; normally he was in the Emerald City, as he was that year he recognized me in the temple of Saint Glinda. Sarima, her sisters, and her children inhabited the fortress after his death. I lived with them here for the better part of, oh, what was it, seven years? Or was it nine? I can't remember the number, only that it was quite an extended period of time for me to be stuck in a place with a tyrannical Mistress of the house, her overbearing sisters, and her three beastly, savage, creepy little children, not to mention Liir, the boy who insisted on following me here, but he was always a little more bearable than Sarima's brats. I was never able to call Sarima a "friend", being the type of person she was, but she was someone to talk to if nothing else. I'm still not really sure whether or not the deaths of she, her sisters and her children were my fault, as was her husband's, but I've piled them on myself like I have the deaths of whoever else had once been close to me in some way or another. Even so, their blood was on the Wizard's hands in every one of those deaths.   
  
I trekked doggedly, dizzily onward until I finally reached the Solar. The room was still familiar in most every aspect, except for the dust covering everything. I had spent a lot of time in this room in years gone by. I missed it, in some twisted little way. Snatches of memory images swam into my eyes of the many occasions on which I had frequented this room. Chistery swished his tail in my ear, and as I went to brush it away I thought I saw a ghostly Sarima out of the corner of my eye, sitting on one of the chaises in a beam of sunlight. When I looked back at the chaise the vaporous image was gone.   
  
I shook my head to clear it, convinced that what I had seen was a trick of the light and my still weakened eyes. Chistery chattered anxiously, tapped my forehead and bade me look to the chaise where I thought I had seen Sarima. Once more there was nothing there.   
  
"There's nothing there, my furry little friend." I said to him, half to convince myself it was true, half just to say so to Chistery. He shook his head in disbelief and settled himself back on my shoulder.  
  
Thoroughly spooked, I made my way out of the Solar before my eyes could deceive me into believing there really was a ghost here in Kiamo Ko. I shuddered, jostling the monkey; he swung his way from my shoulder down into my arms. It hurt some, but I hugged him to my chest with one arm as I walked. That was enough of the Solar for me. I didn't know where I would wander next. I wanted to go down to the basement, where the underground well was, but I most definitely wasn't up to descending more stairs today. Liir had once said that he saw a large, gold fish there, and that it had spoken to him. I was never really sure if I believed him or not, but now that I remembered it I was anxious to find out.   
  
:Next time.: I told myself, :Once I'm up to descending more stairs. Maybe tomorrow . . . : as I went to drag myself back up to the tower.   
  
:Oh, fun, more climbing.: I thought dryly, dreading the return trip upstairs.   
  
Later on that night, as I sat in my tower room on a chair near the window, I was absentmindedly stroking Chistery and watching the sunset. My mind kept wandering back to Sarima in the Solar. Common sense told me that it couldn't have been her ghost, but that tiny nagging part of me kept worrying, :Well, what if it is her?:  
  
"You don't believe in that sort of stuff, do you?" I asked my monkey, not expecting a reply.  
  
"Spirit sat Solar." he chattered at me.   
  
"You wouldn't say 'spirit' when I tried to teach you to not terribly long before that Dorothy girl came here. Have you been waiting for me to stop bothering you about it, you devious little thing?" I asked him, yet I pondered over the monkey's words. If Chistery had seen her as well . . . But then again they were the words of a monkey. Exactly how much regard should I give them?  
  
I sat there until Chistery fell asleep in my lap and the sun had set long hours ago, just thinking on many different things. Now that I had the time to just sit and think while healing I was going to use it to the best of my ability. As I grew more and more tired my thoughts started to slur together until they weren't thoughts anymore but dreams. My head leaned over onto my shoulder as I slept. Abruptly the snatches of incomprehensible dreams ended, and a brilliantly clear image swam to the front of my mind. Everything was black, except the bright white fog that swam and spun into a face, Sarima's vaporous ghostly face.   
  
"Aunt Witch," she whispered hoarsely as I looked on in disbelief bordering on fear.  
  
"Elphaba," she said. How did she know my name? I had never told her or any of her family my name, aside from Fiyero, who never spoke to her of me.  
  
"My husband is still alive."  
  
What? That wasn't possible! I tried to refuse to believe it, but when you have a ghost speaking to you in what was no longer a dream but a vision, continued disbelief was hard to manage.   
  
"Find him, Elphaba. Find Fiyero. Help him avenge the deaths of his family." With those last words the vision faded, but her words resounded throughout my head.   
  
I awoke in a painful paroxysm due to the cold sweat that had coated my skin during Sarima's phantasmal apparition. The fiery new pain on top of the dull aches I had been experiencing since Dorothy splashed me with the water was almost too much to take. Chistery leaped from my lap as he first felt me convulse and perched on top of my shelf, trying to find a scarf or something to give me to dry myself off. He threw me an old black headscarf which I managed to catch and I fervently tried to rub down my face and arms, which had felt the worst of it. Once I had composed myself again, Chistery vaulted himself back into my lap. I stared unseeingly out the window into the moonless, starless night.   
  
:Fiyero, if you are still alive, I will find you, and we'll both avenge those that have been taken from us. Those dear to us will not have died in vain, I promise you.: 


	5. Chapter 5

~Chapter 5~  
  
I didn't sleep the rest of that night. Between the pain and the vision that had scared me half to death it wasn't possible. But then there was that barely-there spark of hope I had been nursing in the back of my mind for more than a decade; Fiyero was alive. I had wanted to believe it but I had beaten it away for so many years, convinced that he was dead and gone as a result of loving me. It was so hard to believe, but it had to be true. That was not a simple dream my mind had conjured up to taunt me. The phantasm of Sarima Chistery and I had seen in the Solar had been no trick of the light or of my weakened eyes. I knew, in defiance of all the common sense I had instilled in myself over the years, that it had been nothing short of a vision. I knew it was true, and I would find Fiyero once I was well enough to get away from this godsforsaken fortress. I wanted to see him, to ask him so many things. How did he survive? Where has he been all these years? Why has he not tried to return to his family?  
  
:Why has he not tried to return to me?:   
  
I shook my head to clear it of the thought. I highly doubted that Fiyero could still love me after all these years, after all I had done or had in some way been responsible for. I was positive he'd never be able to forgive me for it all. I was the one who had caused the Gale Forcers to come after him and his family in the first place. I didn't want to wish for a love that I could never deserve or hope to feel again.   
  
:I shouldn't even waste crazy dreams on it. I mean, look at me, I've been transformed into the Wicked Witch of the West – Fiyero probably loathes me as much as everyone else in Oz does, thanks to, well, everything.: Of everything I had done, everything I had lost, the loss of love cut the more deeply than anything, hurt more than all else put together.   
  
:If I do manage to find him, what would I say? I don't know him anymore, and he certainly doesn't know me. I've changed so much . . . : It was true. I had changed in too many ways to count and probably even in some ways I didn't know of yet.   
  
:Do I know me anymore?:   
  
I looked down at the scarf still tied around my waist, gently undid the knot and pulled it off. I walked to the chest where my clothing was kept, folded the scarf, and buried it below everything else in the chest. It was no longer a keepsake of the love I had once known, but a hurtful reminder of the love which I could never hope to know again. A cold, hard look possessed my eyes as I snapped the trunk's lid shut.   
  
:Love is dead to me.:  
  
Days later, I had finally decided to attempt a spell to get me the hell out of Kiamo Ko. I could no longer stand to stay there one day more. It held too many haunting memories I would rather forget.   
  
I had gathered together the few things I would need to take with me on my departure, Chistery on my shoulder and a few other items, but had hit a glitch in my well thought-out plan: I had neglected to find the focus object I needed to locate Fiyero. The focus had to be an item that contained something of the person the spell was to track down and send you to. I realized my mistake after all other precautions had been taken and slammed a fist into the table in frustration.  
  
:Oh, how simply wonderful. That's another important mission I have managed to botch besides that failure of the Lurlinemas Eve assassination, and both regarded the same man in one way or another. How ironic. Why is it that whenever I try to do something with any connection to Fiyero whatsoever, something goes wrong?:   
  
Degrading thoughts aside, I needed to find something to use as a focus. The scarf came to mind, but what did that have of Fiyero's in it? The only justification I could come up with to use it was that he was the one who had given it to me out of love -   
  
:when I still believed in such a thing as love.:  
  
I grabbed it from my trunk in a last desperate effort to execute the spell at least partway correctly, at least to get myself in the city or area where I might find Fiyero. It would probably blow up in my face anyway, considering my distinct lack of magical abilities, but it was my only shot at success. Finding Fiyero was infinitely important to me, more so than my revenge on the Wizard, if possible. I not only owed it to Sarima and her family, I owed it to myself.  
  
Taking a few deep breaths and swallowing hard, I began to recite the transportation spell. I pleaded with whatever higher power there was (if there was one – I have always been an atheist), to at least let me succeed just this once. This was more important to me than anything else I've ever attempted, and if I failed I would never forgive myself. I closed my eyes as I completed the spell, the scarf clutched tight in my hands, fearing the worst. There was a burst of bright light behind my eyes, a loud squeal from Chistery, and then nothing.   
  
I felt like I was falling through water, just without the liquid and the pain, with a monkey's tail brushing against my cheek. I prayed for the spell to have worked with everything I had in me, and soon enough I was thrown backward against a very solid surface as the wind was knocked completely out of me. Chistery leaped off me as I landed. Once I managed to gasp some air into my lungs I pushed myself to my feet, steadying myself with a hand on the brick wall I had been thrust into. Chistery scampered back up to my shoulder, running his fingers through my hair to ensure that I was still in one piece.   
  
When I finally dared to open my eyes, I saw that the spell landed me in a run-down part of the Emerald City I had only seen in passing, despite having lived in the city for years before I called Kiamo Ko my home. The sorry excuse for a hovel in front of me much like the one I had once lived in on the other side of the city must be the place I was meant to have arrived at. I swallowed the enormous lump of "what ifs" in my throat and tried in vain to untangle the anxiety tying my stomach in knots. I had never been so completely nervous about something before. I hadn't seen him in so long –how would he react to me? How would I react to him?  
  
Before I could rap on the door, it opened in front of me. Both I and the figure on the other side of the threshold inhaled sharply. Each knew at first glance who the other was.   
  
Fiyero looked me up and down as I did the same, disbelief on his features. His face looked the same at it ever had; the lovely blue diamonds were still there, as were the wavy, shoulder length black hair and dark eyes I had once known so well, but there was a long scar running from the corner of his eye to his jaw. My eyes traveled down to take in the rest of him, and my heart lurched at the sight. There was a jagged, ugly scar slashing across his chest and abdomen, no doubt from a wound meant to be fatal. The fact that I knew where it had come from made my heart sick and sad. I could tell he had hardened himself, as I had over the years, against pain of any sort; the gash across his torso looked like the kind of wound that could give pain for ages.   
  
Silently, he motioned for me to follow him inside. I noticed how he walked with a limp, as if a leg injury had never healed properly, which was more than likely the case as a result of the same incident that had given him the scars.   
  
He led me into a makeshift kitchen and bade me sit down in one of the chairs at the table. Chistery jumped once more from my shoulder and scurried around, exploring.   
  
"How are you still alive and why are you here?" Fiyero asked sharply, his eyes boring into mine.   
  
My heart sank. I had feared that he would hate me as everyone else had, and I tried with much difficulty to resign myself to the fact that my worst fear had just been confirmed. I averted my eyes and stayed silent for a few moments more, trying to articulate the thoughts roiling furiously, each one jostling to be the first to burst forth from my lips.  
  
"Elphie?" he asked, more gently than before, "Are you alright?"   
  
"I've never been what you would call 'alright', but if you mean that as my being a breathing, functioning human, the answer is yes."  
  
He gave me a wan smile. "Start at the beginning. Don't spare me any details. I need to hear it all from your mouth. I've got all too much time on my hands, more than enough to hear the tale you've got to tell, and by the looks of things, you do, too, more than enough to tell it."  
  
And so I spun him my tale. As I spoke of the events that had passed since his "death", I submerged into numbness, mechanically recounting the better part of the last twenty years of my life. I didn't need to relive every emotion I had felt in those twenty years, especially not now, and my forced lack of feeling kept it all from flowing back and pulling me under.   
  
Fiyero stayed silent, listening in brooding silence, concentrating fully on all I had to tell. Finally, after quite an extended monologue, I broke from my unfeeling shell and dropped my head onto my arms, which were resting on the table. I involuntarily tensed my arms and pressed my eyes shut in apprehension and frustration at myself. I had revealed so much to him – what had I done? I now had nothing to defend myself with should he decide to turn on me.   
  
To my utter surprise, I heard a chair's legs grate on the floor and in the next instant, his hands were on my shoulders, gently massaging away the knots that had tied themselves in my muscles. I relaxed and let my guard down as a huge wave of relief swept over me. 


	6. Chapter 6

~Chapter 6~  
  
It didn't take long for Fiyero and me to pick up the ends of the ties where our friendship had left off so many years ago. I would never in a million and one years have believed that one day I would be sitting at a table with Fiyero doing exactly the same thing we had done on the day he rediscovered me in the temple of Saint Glinda; just talking to each other. It felt wonderful to finally be able to talk to someone; I mean really talking with him, not just formalities and terse conversations like those I used to exchange with Sarima. With his help I no longer remembered only those memories of what I had lost, but also the days when our whole group, Fiyero and I, Glinda, Boq, Crope and Tibbet, and even Nessarose, would spend long hours together at some of our various haunts back in Shiz. Somewhere in our long train of reminiscing the subject of my voice came into question.   
  
"Do you remember that one night when the whole lot of us were in that bar, and Nessa started saying something how you used to sing for your father?"  
  
"Oh, yes, how could I forget? That was mortifying." I answered, shaking my head and smiling a little.   
  
"But you had such a beautiful voice. It was a good thing we made you sing that night, or we would've dragged you into a dance hall and made you sing for everyone there." he laughed.  
  
"It was bad enough being stared at by everyone in the bar – as if I wasn't stared at enough already, but the singing was humiliation incarnate." I retaliated.  
  
"Stop arguing with me, Elphaba-Fabala-Elphie-Fae, you have a beautiful voice and you know it. If only you would use it more often."   
  
"What did you call me?" I asked, staring intently at him.  
  
"Elphaba-Fabala-Elphie-Fae, my old pet name for you." Fiyero said, cocking his head to the side in an expression of mock confusion. My smile widened a little, and I cast my eyes down, my cheeks coloring a hideous mix between pink and emerald. I hadn't blushed like that since the two of us had begun conducting our love affair close to twenty years ago.   
  
"No one's called me any of those names since what seems like forever ago. It's like a wake-up call now. No one's even called me Elphaba in years. To your family I was always Auntie Witch."  
  
"Oh, really? Then I guess I'll just have to get you back into the habit of hearing your own name, then, won't I, Fabala-Fae?" he said, smirking. Before long the both of us were laughing at his continued usage of my name after every three words, giggling like teenagers again.   
  
Before long, however, the conversation took a more serious turn. Ultimately I approached the topic of the Wizard, and I explained to him my plan for eventual revenge.   
  
"You've tried your hand at assassination before, Elphie, and you and I both know how we ended up after that." he cautioned. "I've never looked at Lurlinemas Eve the same way after that night." It was true. Neither of us had. That was the night he had acquired the wounds that had caused his scars and the permanent limp in his walk. I still felt responsible for that, no matter how many times he assured me I wasn't. I would always carry the weight of his pain on my shoulders. It took some persuasion, but ultimately I managed to convince Fiyero to help me execute my vengeance. I knew he would; Fiyero wasn't the type of man to stand by and let someone enact such torture as the Wizard had on so many innocent people like himself, his family, the Animals, the Quadlings, and others like them. I could tell that he was just as angered at the Wizard as I was for everything he had done to us, but he was reluctant to voice it to me. He still feared for me after all these years, but once again I was too hell-bent on the success of my mission to heed his words of warning. I would kill the Wizard; he would be the one person whose blood would rightfully be on my hands.  
  
I knew he was afraid that our history would repeat itself and that this time it would really end in death; I shared the same fear but tried my best to hide it from both him and myself as well. I couldn't back down now, not after I had thought my whole plot out so carefully, not after what Sarima had said to me in the vision; "Find him, Elphaba. Find Fiyero. Help him avenge the deaths of his family." I had let her whole family down once, and I was determined not to let that happen again. I had hurt enough people in my lifetime to know how heavy the weight of guilt that falls on you could feel.   
  
  
  
Before we knew it, it felt to both of us like the twenty-year separation had never occurred and we were as close as we'd ever been. I realized I cared for him now more than I ever had and I knew our companionship had progressed to a deeper state of friendship than either of us had ever felt. After a week or so of living together, as I had nowhere else to go, Fiyero and I fell into a daily routine; we would wake, shove something down our throats for breakfast, I would work some on untangling the little snares that had come up in my plot against the Wizard, and he would do whatever it was he did all day. When I would emerge from my little corner of the house (if you could call it that), I could often see him playing with Chistery, trying to teach my monkey new words. Mostly, Fiyero got gibberish out Chistery, but it was fun to watch.   
  
One day I was sitting at the table, frustration creasing my forehead, when I sighed in despair. Fiyero put my monkey down and Chistery scampered up onto the table, sitting on the Grimmerie. He started petting my face, cocking his head in what passes for concern in winged snow monkeys, and I laughed. Fiyero pulled a chair beside mine and wrapped an arm around me.   
  
"What's the matter, Fabala-Fae? You look overly stressed."   
  
"When have you known me not to be stressed?"   
  
"Well, more than usual, anyway. Do you want to enlighten me?"  
  
"I need help with this. Magic was never my strong suit, but I'll never be able to pull this off without it. The only one who could possibly help me is – well, she'd never agree to it. I've changed so much she probably won't even recognize me. Well, I mean of course she'd know who I am, but for one she'd never believe it's me, and for another, this is murder I'm trying to pull, here. She's too pristine for that."  
  
"I think I know who you're getting at, Fabala-Fae."  
  
"Well, if you haven't a way to get her to talk to me, knowing who it is won't help me much."   
  
"Forget about all this for a little while. You've been slaving over this book for hours today, give yourself a little break here and there. Come on, I know there's not much to do around here, but leave off work for a little while."  
  
I looked at him as if he was crazy. I was always the workaholic, and I needed to get this done sooner rather than later.  
  
"Please, Elphie?"  
  
"Oh, alright. Fine." I sighed, giving in to him and resting my chin in my palms. He planted a kiss on my temple and I looked up at him in incredulity. I had never guessed that would ever happen to me again; kisses were reserved for those in love, and I most definitely didn't believe love would ever touch me again.   
  
"What was that for?" I asked. Fiyero took my face in his hand and caught my line of sight with his.   
  
"I still do love you, Elphie. I was afraid to come after you once the Gale Forcers got at me, but once I shut myself up in this godsforsaken hidey-hole and everyone presumed me dead, I could hardly go around asking about you and where you'd gone. It would've put you in danger more so than it would have me. Believe me, I've wanted so badly to find you but I could never find a way to go about it that wouldn't hurt both of us in the end. I'm so sorry, Elphie."  
  
I was speechless. All I could do was stare at him, my mouth open in astonishment. He laughed at the look on my face as I tried to compose myself.  
  
"Why do you, I mean, I don't understand it. How can you still find it in you to put up with me after all – all I've done, to you, to your family - ?"   
  
He put a finger to my lips to silence me. "None of it was your fault. I am telling you, you never meant for any of it to happen, so don't pile so much undeserved guilt onto yourself. Please, believe me, okay?"  
  
"Fiyero, I -"   
  
"Elphaba, stop. Don't take responsibility for crimes you never committed. Just listen to someone else's advice for once, alright?" He brushed his lips softly against mine, and all other cares that had been weighing on me dissolved like smoke in the wind. At that moment I was happier than I had ever been in my life, a feat that moments ago I never thought I would be able to accomplish. 


	7. Chapter 7

~Chapter 7~  
  
And so we lived for a short few weeks in blissful ignorance of the rest of the world, oblivious to all but ourselves. For the first day or so I forgot all about the Wizard and revenge and focused on nothing but the love Fiyero and I had managed to salvage after what felt like an eternity apart. I needed him like I never had before, and clung to him at night for fear that when I woke in the morning he would've been naught but a dream.  
  
:It really is true that you never appreciate what you have until it's been taken from you.: I thought early one morning as the first rosy fingertips of dawn stroked across the sky. The haunting sense of loss I had felt for so many years still hadn't completely dissipated yet and a shiver ran down my spine. I pulled Fiyero closer to me, determined never let him slip from my grasp again. The tightening of my arms around him must have woken him up, as he smiled at me through half-open eyes.   
  
"Morning, my Fae. What woke you up so early?" he said drowsily.   
  
"Nothing. I was just thinking."  
  
"What about?"  
  
"About how I'm not going to let you slip away from me again. I've finally learned to safeguard those I hold dear to me; I've made more than enough mistakes to learn my lesson by now." He bent his head to kiss me and I raised my face to meet it. It was moments like these that made my life worthwhile again. When I pulled away I pushed myself to my feet and migrated across the room to my tiny worktable. I picked up Chistery, who was sleeping on the open Grimmerie, and set him on my pillow, anxious to be up and doing something. I never was able to sit still for very long.   
  
"What's the matter?" Fiyero asked as he propped himself up on his elbows, watching me intently.   
  
"Nothing's wrong, I'm just anxious to finally get this spell worked out. I figure the more effort I put into this now eventually it'll come together."  
  
"You are running yourself ragged over this spell. What exactly will this all-powerful magic do, Elphie?"  
  
"That's not information I'm willing to reveal at the moment." I replied tersely. I didn't even want to think about what the spell would do, and I most definitely wasn't going to tell Fiyero of the effects when I thought them too hideous to think about.  
  
"Alright then, but you've been working nonstop for so long, I want you to take a day off, for me, just this once. I won't bother you about your work anymore if you just give me this one day."   
  
"I took a few days off not terribly long ago, Fiyero. I can't afford to lose any more time." I said briskly, lifting the cover of the Grimmerie and flipping through the pages.  
  
"That was three weeks ago. Give yourself a day of grace now and then."  
  
I sighed exasperatedly. He wasn't going to give this up without a fight.   
  
"Please, Fiyero, I've already lost so much time and this endeavor is very important to me -"  
  
"But so am I, am I right?" His face took on the sweetest pleading look and I just couldn't resist smiling. The expression on his face made me melt inside.  
  
"Of course you are, but I just don't want to go on being idle for so long knowing I could be doing something that could help me repay my debt to you and your family."  
  
"You are my only family now, Elphie." he said quietly. I looked over at him, puzzled. When I said nothing he continued.  
  
"I understand why you're pushing yourself like this, and if there was anything I could do to help you with it I would, believe me. I can't help feeling like I'm partly to blame for the deaths of my family for disappearing like I did. If I had made some effort to go home to them – but . . ." He lowered his eyes, but he couldn't manage to hide the pain on his face. I knew exactly how he felt. I had lived through the feeling twice and didn't want to repeat it ever again.   
  
"And then, when I heard you'd died, I – I felt like a part of me died with you, like I'd never be whole again. You were closer to me than anyone else has ever been, and when word reached me, I felt like I'd lost you all over again. At least, when you were 'alive' I could keep foolishly feeding my hope that there was some chance of running into you again . . . You probably think it sounds stupid now, I know, but, Elphie, I -" He tripped over the words and looked at me, his eyes sparkling. I was surprised; I had never known him to be emotional, but then again, I hadn't thought I was capable of emotion any longer until recently, either.   
  
I walked to his side and slid my arms around his waist; he returned the gesture and rested his head on my shoulder. For a few moments we stood like that, comforting each other in silence, until a loud thud and a startled feminine-sounding "Ouch!" sounded from outside.   
  
"What the - ?" he said, lifting his face and reluctantly letting go of me. I went to go see what it was but he held me back.   
  
"Stay here. If there's a person out there they'll be sure to recognize you. There's a good chance they won't know me."  
  
I nodded and watched as he half-opened the door. He seemed taken aback by whatever was out there in the morning half-light.   
  
"Fae, I think you ought to come over here and see this." he said, beckoning to me with a hand, using my alias/pet name just in case the person managed to hear what he was saying; you don't get many green-skinned women named Elphaba in Oz, and if seen it would only be a matter of moments until I was identified. A confused frown creased my face, but disappeared when I recognized who the figure outside was.   
  
It was a very flustered-looking, curly-haired blonde woman in an extravagant blue dress who stood there brushing her skirts off and muttering to herself. She hadn't seemed to notice that we were there watching her from the doorway.   
  
"Remind me not to use that transportation spell ever again! Oh, where did I manage to send myself to now? Good, at least I'm still in the Emerald City. Gods forbid if I had managed to land myself in the middle of nowhere. Well, this might as well be the middle of nowhere; I haven't the slightest idea where I am." She turned around to better take in her surroundings when it finally dawned on her that Fiyero and I were watching her have a conversation with herself.  
  
"Who are – ? Wait, your face seems sort of . . . familiar." she said to Fiyero, unable to see him clearly from the shadow clouding his features. He motioned for me to go back farther into the house and for the woman to follow him inside. I sat down on the edge of the bed at the other side of the room and waited for them both to come in.   
  
Glinda, for there was no doubt in my mind that it was she who had botched a spell and landed herself in front of Fiyero's door, sat down on a chair at the small table, the puzzled expression still plastered on her face. Then she caught sight of me as her eyes followed Fiyero perching himself on the edge of the bed beside me.  
  
"How did you – why are you – this can't be possible! You, Elphaba, sitting there in front of me, and I – I thought you were dead, and yet here you are - !" she stuttered out, shock rendering her thoughts to astonished smoky shreds. I smiled out of the corner of my mouth and said nothing. She took a few moments to collect herself before speaking again.  
  
"Forgive my lack of ability to articulate at the moment, but Elphaba, if it really is you and I'm not going utterly mad, how is this happening?" she said, her blue eyes wide and unnerved at the sight of me.   
  
"It's a very long story." I answered, walking over to seat myself in the chair across the table from her.   
  
"I'll make enough time for it if you're willing to tell it."  
  
"You're sure you're ready to hear it, Glinda? Can you keep an unbiased state of mind long enough to hear me out totally?" I asked. I knew there was a lot she wasn't going to like hearing, and even more that she would probably close her mind off to altogether. She nodded grimly. Suddenly she seemed paler than when she first entered the room.  
  
So I gave her the condensed version of my life from the day I sent her back to Shiz without me up to the day I arrived in front of Fiyero's home here in Emerald City. For a while I teetered on the edge of wanting to give her the whole story; I needed her help with the spell so badly, and I knew that without her I would never be able to decipher let alone perform the spell that could finally get me my revenge. However I quickly came to my senses and decided to block out those parts of my narrative that would seem too controversial for her pretty little ears to endure. I couldn't even come close to telling her everything, for fear she would turn on me. She was high in favor with my hated adversary, and if I knew Glinda she would be quite concerned about maintaining her position. I didn't know exactly how much trust I could place in her; we hadn't really spoken in so long, and there was so much about me she didn't know, so much about her I didn't know.   
  
There were times throughout my account when I thought she clearly wanted to just walk out and leave yet forced herself to stay, and others when I could tell she was refusing to listen open-mindedly to what I had to tell. Even so, she sat through it without a sound escaping her mouth, saving whatever comments she had until I stopped speaking, a good three hours or more after I had started. When I had finished I watched closely for her reaction to my story.   
  
"It's so much to take in all at once." she said finally after I had fallen silent, pressing a hand to her temples. "I could use a day or so to think over all of this. There are so many questions jostling for position in my head right now that it's impossible for me to start at the beginning. Would you hate me very much if I asked to speak with you again tomorrow?" she asked, watching me half expectantly, half afraid of what my answer might be.   
  
"Please, just make sure no one sees you here. I'm afraid for your safety and that of Fiyero and myself. Too many people have died as a result of associating with me and I'm not anxious to repeat the experience. I've lost too many to the Wizard already, and if he or his minions see you with me after I supposedly 'died', they'll be after all our heads." I pleaded, genuinely afraid of what she might bring upon herself as well as Fiyero and me if she was followed or even glimpsed near here.   
  
"I understand. I won't be watched, you can be sure of that. If magic ever does one good thing for me it'll be getting me here unnoticed. Thank you, Elphaba." she said quietly as she stood up to go. I moved to follow her to the door. Suddenly she turned to face me again and gave me a hug so tight it squeezed the breath from my lungs.   
  
"I've missed you so much Elphie. Don't disappear on me again. It's been too long." she whispered in my ear.   
  
I wrapped my arms around her as well. "I'll try not to vanish anymore, my friend. I'm sorry for everything."  
  
  
  
OK, so I know this isn'n the best stuff I've put up but this is what I've got, for lack of a better way to get my story across. Sorry for the crap this time, but review anyway. It's gonna get better, I promise. 


	8. Chapter 8

~Chapter 8~  
  
  
  
"Going emotional, are you?" Fiyero asked after Glinda left. I shot him a look as I sat down beside him and he held his hands up in defeat.   
  
"I meant no harm, spare me the scathing looks! What's the matter? You were fine a few minutes ago."  
  
"It's just, I'm not sure I really did the right thing in telling her what little she knows. What if she . . . she's too close to the Wizard. That's my most prominent concern. I don't want her to do anything that could hurt any of us later down the road. I've never known her to think things through the way I do, and if she does something rash . . ."  
  
"What's done is done, come what may and hell to pay. How Glinda decides to put her newfound knowledge to use is out of our hands." he said solemnly. Chistery climbed into my lap as Fiyero and I lapsed into silence, and I stared fixedly at a knot in the wooden floor. I stroked his fur absently, my mind reeling. I wanted to believe I'd done the right thing, but I couldn't tell with myself anymore. I'd done so many things because I thought they were the right things to do at the time but they had come back to haunt me later in life. I fervently hoped that this wouldn't turn out to be one of those times.   
  
"I don't want Glinda to have anything to do with me. I want her to be happy for some reason, and if I in some way or another manage to ruin this plot of mine, which could be quite likely judging by the way things have been progressing, it'll not only screw me but it'll wound her position in society and possibly threaten her life as well as mine. But I need her help! If I chase her away I'll never be able to get this thing done right. If I didn't need her I wouldn't involve her in this in any way, and I would've concocted a royal mess of lies to feed her just to get her to stay away from me and to keep the effects of my scheme from by any means affecting her. I am tearing myself apart over this and I don't know what to do about it!" I said, angry and frustrated, twisting a lock of hair around my finger. My shouts frightened my monkey from my lap and he went and cowered under my worktable.   
  
"Shhh. Elphaba, calm down. It's out of your control at the moment. There is nothing you can do nor anything I can do to help you until Glinda comes back to tell you what she's made of the whole thing. The only thing we can do is to wait for her." He added as an attempt at levity, "You're scaring your poor monkey with all your shouting."   
  
"I am not capable of just sitting and waiting and worrying over what could come of this!" I cried, too agitated to hide my frustration behind a collected façade anymore. I hadn't counted on any of this, and in my eyes, it didn't bode well for the future. I stood and began to pace agitatedly around the room just to give myself something to do. After a few minutes Fiyero couldn't take watching me wear a hole through the floor any longer. He stood behind me, placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him.   
  
"Elphie, you have to stop this. Worrying isn't going to get you anywhere."  
  
"Do you think I don't know that?! Fiyero, I can't just sit and wait for someone I'm not yet sure I can entirely trust to decide whether or not to turn me in to her overlord! Just once I would like to be able to believe that they'll leave me alone to live out my existence in peace, but with so many people clawing at my throat that will never happen. You don't seem to understand that my life is resting on the decision of a woman who has no idea what I've been put through on the whims of her Wizardly master, and since you've had the misfortune to cross paths with me again your life also hangs in the balance!" I shouted. I collapsed onto the edge of the bed once more, my resolve deteriorating. He sat down as well, carefully watching my reactions.   
  
"I just don't want the Gale Forcers to hurt you again. If they've hurt you before they'll have no qualms over hurting you again to get at me. I don't know how I'd live with myself if I let that happen after all I've already put you through." I said, my voice tired and sad.   
  
I paused before whispering "Maybe I wouldn't even try to live with myself. I'm braver now than I was the first time around. If they . . . if this scheme of mine manages to blow up in my face and kills you, your soul will be seeing mine quite shortly in whatever form of an afterlife there is." Sighing heavily, I pressed a hand to my temples, my eyes tight shut.  
  
"Oh, Fae, I promise you that'll never happen again. I love you too much to let it happen." he said. He tangled a hand in my hair and brought my lips to his, the desperate kiss a vow unspoken. I held him tight to me, as if afraid that I would fall to my death if I let go.  
  
"And even if by some circumstance it does, promise me you won't end your life just because mine has." he murmured, his lips against my ear.   
  
"I'm sorry, Fiyero, but that's a promise I could never make. I lost you once, and I won't make the same mistake again. Now that I think back on it, if I'd had the nerve the first time, I . . ."   
  
"Elphie, please, don't talk like that. If you commit suicide all you've worked for your whole life would've been in vain. We still don't know how this will turn out, so worrying about it now won't help us any. Just promise me that if worst comes to worst you won't consider suicide as your means of relieving yourself of whatever pain you may experience."  
  
"I said I'm sorry Fiyero, but I just can't promise you that!" I said, turning away from him so he wouldn't see the torn expression on my face.   
  
  
  
  
  
The rest of the day crawled by, leading me into a fitful night's sleep. When I awoke I waited anxiously for Glinda's return. After what felt like an eternity she finally arrived, this time in a less-conspicuous outfit than her last "visit". I was always the one who could melt into the background unnoticed; she was the one who constantly stood out, and I was hoping against hope that this time she would be the one disappearing into her surroundings.  
  
"Thank you again for agreeing to speak with me once more. I know I haven't been the best of friends to you over the years." she said sheepishly. I smiled wryly.   
  
"Before I tell you anything you have to swear to me that you'll reveal none of what I say to you, ever. I'm very uncomfortable with my life in anyone's hands but my own, but as of now it rests in yours. Will you promise me nothing of what I say will travel outside this house?" I asked, locking eyes with her.  
  
"Nothing will reach anyone's ears but my own. I'd never betray you like that, Elphie." she answered somberly. I nodded grimly; my stomach twisted uneasily. Somehow her words seemed to cause my unease.   
  
Then the barrage of questions began. Most I only half-answered, as she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, and I still wasn't sure how much information to reveal. It took a huge amount of control just to keep myself from slapping my hand over her mouth to get her to shut up for a moment and listen to me. Instead, I did the next best thing.  
  
"Glinda! Please, will you let me speak?" I half-shouted. She nodded meekly, from shock I assumed.   
  
I sighed heavily, still torn in two directions over what to tell and what to keep to myself. I gave a slight grimace before plunging into a narrative about my revenge scheme, the spell that went with it, and my need of her assistance.   
  
"Let me see the spell." she said, her face set in an unreadable mask. I pointed to the open Grimmerie sitting on my worktable. She ogled over the tome for a few moments before speaking.   
  
"I've never seen anything like this. Elphie, where did you get this book?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the spell. I couldn't tell if she was alarmed or in awe, or both.  
  
"It doesn't matter where I got it, there's not another one like it in all of Oz, and I don't intend to let it get into anyone's hands but my own." I answered. She stared at the book for a few more moments before speaking.   
  
"I'm sorry Elphaba, but there is now way in Oz you'll get me to help you with this. I refuse to be an accomplice in murder, for there's no doubt in my mind that murder is what you're attempting. This is a spell that even I would be afraid to put into motion; what makes you think you'll ever be able to pull this off alone?"  
  
I molded my face into an unreadable expression to mask the defeat that would've shown there.  
  
"I was hoping I wouldn't have to go it alone. Now I can see I was mistaken in thinking so." I replied coldly.   
  
"Elphie, I didn't mean -"   
  
"I know." I said quietly. "Be that as it may, can I still trust you to keep what I've told you inside this room?"  
  
"I won't help you carry out this madness, Elphie, but I'll not hurt you with what I know."  
  
I stayed silent.  
  
"Please trust me, Elphaba. I would never in a hundred lifetimes betray you like that."  
  
"Good." 


	9. Chapter 9

All of you out there sitting and reading this, prepeare yourselves for the Sappy Hideous-ness that will befall your eyes if you dare read on. Yes, this chapter is probably pretty badly written, but yes, it will get better soon. I have already started chapter 10 and believe me, from the first sentence I wrote down it was better than this one. However, please bear with me once again.   
  
You can now see why I will never ever in a million and three years write romance novels.   
  
  
  
  
  
~Chapter 9~  
  
We sat there in an awkward silence while each of us waited for the other to speak. I was holding my breath inside, wishing Glinda would leave. I wanted nothing more to do with her. The cold exterior I had adopted to mask my suddenly shattered resolve wouldn't last much longer. I hadn't expected Glinda's refusal to hit me this hard.   
  
She was just as uncomfortable as I was, and it was easily seen in the way she fidgeted slightly and refused to meet my eyes. Then she began to speak partly just to end the growing silence.   
  
"I just can't help you attempt something so dangerous. You don't know exactly how powerful this spell is. More people have died from trying to perform it than from being the ones the curse was aimed at! I know as well as you do that you haven't any idea how to go about this correctly. I'm not even sure how to do it right." She paused, then began to plead with me, "Please, give this up. Do your best to stay unnoticed and you'll have the best chance of holding onto your life! Elphaba, I don't want you to die, not as a result of some crazy bid for revenge nor at the hands of the Wizard. Heed to what I say for once and stay away from the man! He's too damn powerful and influential for you to go up against!"  
  
"That may be, but I will go through with this. You have no idea, Glinda, what this means to me, and even if I explain you would throw my words to the wind. I don't know how to make you understand." I said, my voice tired.  
  
"Then there's really nothing else I can say." Glinda replied. "I'd better be going now. If you decide in the end not to follow through with your plan, I thank you for preserving your existence and granting me peace of mind. If not and you choose to go against the Wizard I want to wish you the best of luck." Locking eyes with me, she continued "This is goodbye for the time being, my friend. I hope you succeed in your endeavor, should you so choose to pursue it." She rose slowly from her seat and left without looking back. In a way I was sad to see her go.   
  
I didn't see Glinda again in the week to come; I supposed she had shut herself away somewhere to avoid the temptation to come back here and try to convert me to her way of thinking. Part of me missed her and wanted her friendship back, but the half concerned for the safety of both she and myself wanted her as far away from me as possible. More often than not I gave in to the second half, justifying it to myself with the fact that at least if she stayed away from me that would mean she'd still be alive.   
  
It's a wonder how quickly I had lapsed back into my former work schedule with nary a spare hour to myself, partly for work, partly to distance myself from reflections on recent events. My maniacal fixation on the spell had climbed to a level just short of obsession, and the only time that was not put to use in pushing forward my endeavor was either spent with sleeping or warring with Fiyero, who was fighting a losing battle trying to get me to relax for a short while. He would occasionally come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist or kiss my cheek to try and distract me, but he was always gently shooed away. The only good thing he could find with my work was the fact that I was no longer distraught with worry over whether or not to trust Glinda. I either now had better things to worry about, or was too hell-bent on success to bother with worrying at all.   
  
Surprisingly, only a week passed between Glinda's taking leave of me and the ultimate completion of the spell's translation. All that was left was for me to perform it against my adversary. I wanted to finish the deed as soon as possible, but all the anxieties pushed to the back of my mind about possible consequences came rushing to the front again, urging me to put off its enactment for as long as possible, or at least until I could find a better alternative. As a result I tried to forestall the eventual enactment of the revenge I had once so desperately wanted. I was apprehensive and listless once more. My doubts overran the former drive pushing me toward committing the eventual murder. I scolded myself on being as afraid as a small child worrying over whether or not to tell her mother she did something wrong, but I couldn't help it. I was no longer the headstrong, restless young woman I had once been, and I couldn't plunge ahead into things like I used to. Things I once believed in now seemed wrong and inconsequential. Things I would never have considered in my younger days now played a huge part in the ways I thought and acted. Life seemed like a never-ending game with my mind, being twisted and played with by whatever higher power there was, with the sole purpose of trying to see how far they could push me before I broke. I felt like the breakage was fast approaching.   
  
The night I concluded the copying over of my translations, I dropped my pen with a loud clatter, breaking the former quiet of the room.   
  
"It's done -" I whispered. "It's done."  
  
"That's it then? You've finished it?" Fiyero asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral. I glanced over at him. The monotone in his words couldn't veil the fear in his eyes. He'd been against this whole thing from the start, but he never had the heart to outright tell me not to go through with it. He respected my wishes enough to let me do as I wished. Sometimes he gave me a little too much respect where I would've done anything to hear him tell me to stay home with him instead of endangering my life – most of the time I hadn't the sense to tell that to myself.   
  
"I suppose I should get it over with, then. I have no excuse to wait any longer. I'll go tomorrow. I can't bear the grim apprehension anymore." I sat down on the edge of the bed before crawling under the covers next to him, trying in vain to hide the haunted look I knew had possessed my eyes.   
  
"Elphaba?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Promise me you'll be careful. Keep yourself safe."  
  
"Famous last words." I replied in a halfhearted attempt at sarcasm. The last time I had said that it ended in disaster. "And why should I keep myself so safe, Fiyero?" I paused and cast my eyes away from him. "I don't even know if it's worth it anymore."  
  
"I love you, if that's any consolation. Please don't throw me away in heedlessly throwing yourself away. I don't want to be alone anymore. I didn't think you did either."  
  
I curved my body to fit with his, needing the comfort and assurance of his presence. Closing my eyes tightly and grimacing in a mixture of fear and sadness, I tightened my arms around him, terribly afraid and childlike again.  
  
"I don't; gods, I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to go through with this anymore. I'm so scared, for Glinda, for you, for me – Fiyero, I keep thinking if this ends up like it did the last time . . ."   
  
"Shhh. If I know you as well as I know I do, I'm sure you won't let it happen like that again. Sometimes fear can be a good thing; it keeps us from doing the same things that turned out disastrous in years past. But please Elphie, let's not spend tonight in fear. Let me love you tonight like I should have been doing for the past fifteen some-odd years."   
  
His voice was warm, inviting, and sincere; I could tell he was hurt by my sudden self-depreciation and insecurity which was so out-of-character for me; he wanted me to be happy, if only for one short night. I saw no reason to deny myself the love that of late I had been pushing away from me and never allowing myself to experience in its entirety. Neither of us felt like we had to hold back from each other anymore. I had been holding back for so long, so afraid of being betrayed. He'd been trying to get me to trust again, and I'd finally opened my eyes to his attempts.   
  
The gentle way Fiyero caressed my face and stroked my hair conveyed how he wanted me to feel as valuable as he knew I was; if only he could make me believe I was. I wanted to be worthy of his love. I wanted to feel like I was something more than the cold-blooded murderer I had come to act like over the past week or so. Most of all I wanted to believe him, but that was the hardest thing of all for me to do.  
  
I pressed closer to him, receiving his warmth and offering him mine. I needed the comfort of touch as much as possible so it could take me away from this life. I needed to escape for one short night. Fiyero was my escape. Neither of us had anything to hide anymore, and in our being so open with each other we closed out the rest of the world and were blissfully oblivious to all but the love we both needed so badly to feel.  
  
My fears evaporated into nothingness for the time being. I knew they would flood back to me when I awoke but I didn't care. For the moment my mind was mercifully allowing me one last night of grace before all hell would break loose. Just before I fell asleep I realized that I was no longer afraid of tomorrow. 


	10. Chapter 10

~Chapter 10~  
  
All I have from that night on are patchy memories, none of which are definite or clear enough to string into one chain of events. This is what little I can remember if it all.   
  
  
  
::I woke a few hours or so before dawn, gently untangled myself from the arms of my still-sleeping Fiyero and dressed hurriedly, anxious to be out and getting this whole mess of a plan over with. I tore the original spell from the open Grimmerie as well as the pages of translations and descriptions of the magic and its effects and shoved them deep into one of my pockets. I was going to need those sooner or later.   
  
Before leaving I briefly stroked Chistery's fur then moved to kiss Fiyero's cheek in one of my last moments of feeling before I drew far back into myself, transforming my mind into a cold, unfeeling wraith, the remains of the emotional woman I had been the night before. To put it quite simply, I wouldn't let myself feel. I exercised all the self-control I had to ignore the emotions I knew could threaten the success endeavor. There was no magic involved in my transformation, just distrust in my own abilities and desperation. I needed to make sure my emotions wouldn't get in the way of what needed to be done. I couldn't let myself feel any sort of sympathy for my victim, or possibly, victims.   
  
I opened the door and emerged into the darkness-before-dawn without a backward glance at the loved ones I was leaving behind. There was no longer any place in my mind reserved for feeling.::  
  
  
  
::I vaguely recall my feet hitting the pavement, my eyes pleading with the stars to see me through this alive, but then swallowing my fear once more in frustration over how I let my sense of feeling leak through the shell I had encased myself in. I reinstated the hollowness I had previously adopted, only stronger this time, so it could keep me from any emotional thought whatsoever. I was eternally grateful that I was able to harden myself this way in the first place; I didn't want to feel at all.::  
  
  
  
::There was a man standing in front of the gate into the Emerald Palace, a guard I believed, in regards to the way his uniform matched the color of the buildings around him. I smiled grimly from my station behind a kiosk near the palace, long since vacated by its shopkeeper. I couldn't afford any witnesses to my breaking-and-entering, and I could see only one way to ensure my safety.   
  
I crept up behind the guard as he turned his back to my hiding place and I gently pulled the dagger from his belt. He sensed a weight lifting from his hip where the scabbard was resting and turned to see who was behind him. As he whipped around hoping to catch me off guard, I saw a flash of steel and the man didn't even have time to scream. He dropped dead instantly, his throat slit cleanly across by his own weapon. I was off again before the dead guard even hit the ground, and I didn't pause to survey my handiwork. I let the bloody blade fall from my hand as I walked and didn't pay his death another thought.::  
  
  
  
::A maze of empty glimmering green hallways stretched out in front of me. I stopped and stared in the three different directions leading off the main corridor, unsure of which to take. I closed my eyes for a moment while making my decision and when I opened them I plunged down the center hallway. I had a hazy idea of where I was going but paid no attention to where my feet were taking me. Before I knew it I was standing in front of large emerald double doors, the entrance to the Wizard's audience chamber. I laid my hand on the elaborately carved jade inlays in the painted wood before slowly pushing the door open, praying it wouldn't creak and betray my presence.  
  
  
  
::As far as I could tell, I was the only one in the large, incredibly dark room. I swore to myself; I had counted on the Wizard's being here so I could kill the man and be done with it. I paused to get a better sense of the room, just to see if there were any alcoves or something to use to my advantage should anyone enter. Suddenly I stiffened and quieted my breathing. I had sensed movement and caught a glimpse of a figure, average height, I believed, out if the corner of my eye; someone had the same idea. Either that, or I was being followed.::   
  
  
  
::"What are you doing here?" I asked, and my voice took on a low, cold tone. Glinda's bright blue eyes were wide and afraid; she had never seen me like this, and only saw the change I had induced in myself. She saw no Elphaba in me; what she did see was no more than a frosty replica put in place where a friend used to be.   
  
She carefully avoided answering my question. "So you've chosen to go through with this madness?" she said, trying to make her voice sound as if I was something distasteful on her tongue. However, as they always do when I look at someone's face, the eyes betray their real thoughts.  
  
"What do you think?" I said icily, anxious to be off again.   
  
"Wait, Elphie please, you can't do this. You haven't completely thought this through – "  
  
"Yes I have, Glinda. Believe what you will, but I know what I'm doing. Now, if you're not here to help me get this over with, don't be a hindrance to me and get out of my way!" I said, my voice dangerously soft with pronounced veins of rage running through it. As I tried to push past her she reached out and grabbed my arm.   
  
"Get off me." I said as I whipped around to face her, my dark eyes blazing with an inward fire that was never there before tonight.   
  
"No," she said, quavering under my glare. "I can't let you do this!" Even in her fear Glinda held her ground. I had to admire her courage for that. Even so, she was never a very strong woman, and her pathetic grip betrayed her. I wrenched my arm free and she was thrown backward, but not far enough to hit the wall and cause any unwanted noise. She recovered her balance as I started to back away from her down the hall to my new destination, the Wizard's tower.  
  
"If you want to keep yourself alive you'll go back to Fiyero right now, Elphaba! You are throwing your life away!" she said, but made no move to follow me.   
  
"It's too late for that, Glinda. Stay away from me. You'll have a better chance of maintaining your social status if you do." With that, I turned and left her staring at my retreating back.::   
  
  
  
::The farther I walked the more ornate the decorations and doors lining the hallways grew. I knew that if I followed it to the end, the door that was the most magnificently ornamented would more than likely be the Wizard's residence. I sped up my walk, my heart pounding more loudly in my ears with every step I took. The door at the end of the hall, as I suspected, was carved completely from jade, with emerald inlays every small length or so along it. It was also locked in several different places with several different strange contraptions holding it shut. I wasn't concerned about the locks, I had made sure to instill a simple spell in my mind in case of an incident like this. What I was worried about was whether or not the man was awake or not. If he was, this could be a hell of a lot harder than it had to be already.   
  
Whispering the spell under my breath, the door swung silently open before me. I tread carefully into the receiving room, trying not to make a sound. There was noise coming from behind a half-open door; there went my hope of finishing this quickly and easily as he slept. The Wizard was in his study, speaking to three or four other men who I guessed were elite members of the Gale Force. I waited with bated breath, my heart pounding with something between intense fear and exhilaration.:: 


	11. Chapter 11

~Chapter 11~  
  
  
  
A tinny, metallic voice suddenly sounded from behind me. I was concentrating so hard on how I would be getting inside that room, I had no idea one of the Wizard's tiktoks had seen me enter. I was dead in the water.   
  
"Bring her in." said a voice from inside the study. I knew that voice; it belonged to the man who had spent years trying to find new ways to make my life a misery. The machine grabbed my arm in a literal iron grip, and half dragged me into the study. No matter how hard I tried to resist I couldn't get out of its grasp, and the more I struggled the harder it squeezed my arm until it had cut off my circulation entirely.   
  
"So, we have the misfortune to be meeting again." The Wizard had a sickening smug smile on his face as he said this.   
  
"How did you know I was here?" I spat, revulsion and rage contorting my face into an expression of pure hatred.   
  
"I don't think you really want to know, but since you won't want to hear it, I'll tell you. Sooner or later."   
  
He dismissed the guards standing in the room, then once they were gone started to digress on in a lengthy monologue I paid no heed to. As he spoke I began to mutter under my breath, never once taking my eyes off his face. The moment had come to get this whole agonizing scheme into motion. I remembered the spell as clearly as if I was looking at the Grimmerie page itself. For once I actually believed I could do this, and do it right. I continued speaking the incantation, emboldened by my success so far. My passionate hatred for the Wizard, so blatantly obvious on my face, gave power to the words as they rolled off my tongue. They sent a resonating feel of intense energy through me, the thrum of it singing through my veins.   
  
"And, my dear witch, would you now like to hear how your presence was called to my attention? Or maybe why there was such a lack of guards crawling around the place? Why none of my people were in the halls like they normally are at this time of night?" His raised tone caused me to grant his words a little more notice than I was previously paying them. For some incomprehensible reason I wanted to know how he was aware of my breaking and entering. It dawned on me then the fact of how I hadn't given a thought to any possible reasons why the hallways of the palace had been so deserted.   
  
I still hadn't taken my eyes off him, still hadn't stopped the progression of my incantation. The Wizard continued, his face taking on the hungry, triumphant expression of a wolf that's just cornered a frightened doe.   
  
"Even though I had no idea of this little plot of yours to begin with, a certain someone alluded to it, however she wouldn't give me the details. Oh, but I have ways of making people talk. This particular little one was quite hard to break, but they all come around eventually." He snapped his fingers, and one of his guards, the one that looked the strongest of the lot, reentered a moment or two later, his hand tangled tightly in the curly blonde mane attached to Glinda's head. I realized there was a bruise spreading under her eye and a long cut down her right arm that I hadn't noticed in the relative darkness of the hallway she had seen me in earlier. I looked on in horror as the guard flung her to the floor, then left without a glance over his shoulder.   
  
"It seemed she valued her own life more than she did yours and for good reason, otherwise she'd be dead right now." the Wizard said, the wolf in his face intensifying as if he was moving in for the kill.   
  
I stumbled over my own tongue, struggling to continue the spell, but it was no use. My concentration and eye contact had broken. There was no picking up where I left off. A sharp pain lanced up my spine and the merciless, numb shell I had encased myself in shattered. The tiktok holding me grabbed my other arm as the Wizard pulled a small knife from his belt. He held the blade before my face, whispering "Your game is over. You have no way to protect Glinda, nor a way to protect yourself. I am going to enjoy extinguishing the flame that burns within you." He took the very tip of the knife and sliced a long, thin line from my temple over the hinge of my jaw and down to the base of my throat. Blood bloomed over the wound and ran down the side of my face, the moisture searing over my skin as it dripped slowly.   
  
"No wait, I have something else in mind that'll do better than just finish you." he said. He placed the blade on the desk in the middle of the room and called for the guard that had brought Glinda into the study. When he entered the Wizard leaned against the front of the desk and gestured over to me. "She's yours. Do what you will with her."   
  
I hadn't been afraid before, but once I heard what had come out of the Wizard's mouth I became the frightened doe about to be preyed upon by the wolf's murderous, lustful underling. The guard violently tore my wrists from the tiktok's grasp and smiled a bloodthirsty grin. In my fear I hadn't noticed that Glinda had struggled to her feet and grabbed the blade the Wizard had laid aside.   
  
Seconds later a strained gurgle escaped the lips of the Wizard, and he fell to the floor, Glinda standing over him with the bloodied weapon in her hand. The guard in front of me turned his head to see what had fallen and as he did I wrenched myself from his hands. He swung his arm back, preparing to lay a blow across my face, but before he could connect the back of his hand with my cheek Glinda had plunged the knife deep into his back. The corpse fell forward onto me and I pushed it backward to the floor, repulsed and trembling. I took one look at Glinda, blood covering her hands and clothing and ran.   
  
  
  
I ran from the palace and bolted out into the early morning rays of dawn. The streets were still as deserted as when I had departed hours earlier, a small blessing after the hell I had experienced in the palace. I took a different route than I had when I had left Fiyero; old habits died hard. I ran as if it could help me escape from the events I had witnessed; if only I could flee from my own failure!   
  
I slowed when I approached the hovel that passed for my home, opened the door and shut it quietly behind me. Fiyero was sitting at the table, his face haggard. I noticed the red around his eyes and the streaks down his skin. He had been crying. I had never seen him cry before.   
  
"Elphie, I was so afraid. Why didn't you wake me before you left?" he asked. I didn't reply.   
  
"Are you alright?" Still I didn't respond. He watched me as I slowly walked across the room, sat down on the bed and leaned against the headboard. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I pressed my closed eyes to my knees; they burned as if filled with tears, yet there was no moisture collecting in them. My mind reeled with hurt and betrayal, intense fear and sadness. My whole body ached; every muscle in me was taut and tense.   
  
Fiyero approached and sat down beside me. He tried to massage my shoulders but I shied away from his touch, he tried to take my hand and I flinched visibly.   
  
"Elphaba, what – "  
  
"Leave me alone." I cut him off, my words sharp and biting.   
  
"But Elphie – "  
  
"I said leave me alone!" I lifted my face, glaring fiercely at him. I did not want to be comforted nor did I want his company; I wanted to be left to deal with my failure alone.   
  
At first he seemed taken aback, and then he looked as if he was going to ignore my words and stay with me, but then he drew back. His face took on a look of fiery defiance, but his anger quickly cooled to hurt. He left me there and stood over at the opposite wall, staring out the window, looking beaten and defeated. I was instantly sorry my words had been so cold; I had deeply wounded him in speaking so. I had caused enough people excessive amounts of pain and Fiyero was the last person I wanted to hurt, but I could tell he didn't want to hear from me anymore at the moment; an apology would do him no good now.   
  
I closed my eyes against life and all its endless miseries, lowered myself so that I was resting on my side, and tried to ignore the growing emptiness overtaking my heart. Curling up tightly I forced myself to sleep. For the most part I did not dream, and when I did, there were nightmares haunting my subconscious.  
  
  
  
I slept until dawn the next day, and awoke with the blankets twisted tightly around my legs. I had dreamed I'd been running; fleeing from my past and the reality that felt like it was all a warped, never-ending game. No matter how far or fast I ran, I would never be able to escape from myself. I wished I could wake up from this nightmare somewhere far from here, in a different person's body with a different person's memories. I had no desire to continue living as myself. I had no desire to continue living at all.  
  
When I had fallen asleep the day before I hadn't been under the covers; Fiyero must have tucked me underneath them as I slept. He was sitting in a chair by the window, his head resting on his arms; I had a feeling he hadn't slept much in a position like that. My heart sank to see him that way. Part of me wanted him lying beside me, telling me it would all turn out alright, but the far larger part needed to be alone to deal with myself in my own way. I wanted to deserve his love, but I never could. I had hurt him far too deeply to forgive myself for it. I closed my eyes once again, sealing myself and my grief off from him; he didn't need to feel what I was on top of the pain I had already caused him.   
  
  
  
The next time I awoke light streamed into the room in wide ribbons from the one small window. I heard voices speaking in low tones; the deeper one was Fiyero, trying not to wake me. The other was higher and upset; Glinda.  
  
"Fiyero, I have to talk to her."  
  
"Let her sleep. You don't know what she's been through. I don't even know as of right now, but she doesn't need to relive it so soon after."   
  
"Please, I – I need to tell her I'm sorry."  
  
I pushed myself up into a sitting position. "Glinda, please, not now. I – I just can't."   
  
"Elphie –" she started to protest.   
  
"No, Glinda. I'm just not ready for it yet." My voice was tired and beaten.   
  
She seemed weak and sad, nothing like how she was two nights ago in the palace. She seemed – older somehow, different. I couldn't help feeling like I had caused her to age before her time.   
  
Glinda opened the door, and glanced back at me one last time before leaving.   
  
Fiyero approached me carefully, and wrapped an arm around me. I gently pushed him away, still not ready to be comforted. I shook my head and gave a feeble attempt at a smile. He nodded, expressionless, and sat down at the table. Chistery climbed up onto the table, gave me a good long look, and nestled himself in the crook of Fiyero's arm. I sat in the vacated chair by the window and stared outside, my eyes unseeing.  
  
  
  
Hours later when I looked away from the window the stars had begun to peek out through the black, moonless night. Fiyero was in bed, sleeping soundly; he badly needed it after his past two virtually sleepless nights.   
  
I couldn't believe I had failed. All I had tried to accomplish had come crashing down around me, and in the end I had to be rescued by Glinda, the woman who had told me that there was no way in Oz I could get her to help me with my plan. I was humiliated and defeated, yet I resigned myself to accept it. It was just that everything I had ever tried to do I'd either screwed beyond hope or had come back to haunt me in the years to come; it always ended in someone's getting hurt in some way. I was the ruination of yet another operation that I'd counted on doing right. I didn't want to fail anymore; I didn't want to hurt anyone again.   
  
The tears finally came after days of refusal to acknowledge the pain. They burned brutally as they rolled down my face, but I didn't have the heart to find something to wipe them away with. Unconsciously I began to sob; the soft, almost inaudible sound escaped my lips. It was the first time I had ever really cried, letting my tears flow freely and paying no heed to the pain they caused.   
  
Before I knew what was happening Fiyero's arms were around me and he was wiping my face with a towel, then helping me smooth oil over the burns. Soon enough my tears had been spent, but the dry sobs continued. He cradled me close, rubbing a hand in large, slow circles on my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder, unable to speak. He lifted me and carried me over to the bed. I vaguely heard Fiyero whispering in my ear, urging me to sleep; my sobs had turned silent at last and eventually I stopped shuddering from them. He murmured soothingly to me, trying to calm me down. His hand kept rubbing my back, the other smoothing back my hair. I drew in a shaky breath; my crying finally ceased. I fell asleep enfolded in his embrace, lulled into slumber by the steady beat of his heart and his voice assuring me that somehow it would all be alright. 


	12. Chapter 12

~Chapter 12~  
  
When I awoke, breathing heavily from my latest nightmare, Fiyero's arms were still embracing my body, and the muscles in my arms had all seized up; I supposed from clinging so tightly to him through the night. One of his hands was running through my hair in long, sure strokes. It was calming and reassuring after the dream I had been plagued with last night. The dissolute, cruel Gale Forcer I was almost "given to" by the Wizard brought dormant memories back from the days before my love for Fiyero. They flooded back in an inescapable crush, forcing me to relive the pain of my nights back so many years ago, when I had been feeling hard, calloused hands on me instead of Fiyero's gentle caresses; those nights were the reasons I had not bled the first time I had made love to Fiyero. I was trembling and sore all over, in part from fear of my memories and in part from the burns my tears had traced down my face.   
  
"Fabala? Are you alright?" Fiyero asked, noticing my wakefulness. I nodded, wincing as I tried to sit up.  
  
"Damn, everything hurts." I replied, falling back onto the pillow.   
  
"You've been sweating on and off all night from your nightmares." I noticed the towel lying near his free hand; he had been awake for the better part of the night making sure I was alright.   
  
"No surprise there." I said, and tried to push myself up again. I hissed from the pain as my muscles tensed and refused to move, along with the stinging from my sweat.  
  
"You fought me when I tried to wipe your face dry. That's why the muscles in your arms are so tight. You kept murmuring things in your sleep that I couldn't understand. Do you remember any of what scared you so?" He tried to wrap his arms around my waist but I jerked violently away.  
  
"No, don't touch me!" I cried out as fear flashed through me, only to dissipate only as soon as it had come on. He drew back from me, a concerned look crossed with something like puzzlement on his face.  
  
For a short instant it wasn't Fiyero I had seen trying to take me in his arms but the face of my first tormentor, a nameless man who was a member of the terrorist cell I had at one time been a part of, crossed with the face of the Gale Forcer from a few nights ago. The image melted back into the visage of my lover as soon as it had appeared, but the macabre thoughts it brought about in me lingered like a recurring nightmare. I was no stranger to the bruises, blood, and torn flesh that came with rape, since I had been fortunate – or unfortunate – enough to hold onto life through the experience the first time around. The man from my terrorist days had made sure I lived through the rape of those nights so long ago. If I had to go through a series of hellish experiences like that a second time around after so many years I was sure I wouldn't live to see my next year. I had pulled back from Fiyero due to a memory-induced shock of pain that always accompanied the image and emotion of the moment.   
  
"I–I'm sorry, I–" I stammered, as I shouted at myself, :Elphaba, pull yourself together! It's all over! You're with Fiyero again, not with the Wizard's perverse pet beast, so what are you so afraid of?!:   
  
"Elphie? What's wrong?"   
  
"Nothing, just a flicker of memory from the days before I had you to turn to. I didn't mean what I said the way it came out. I don't really want to talk about it." I said as I laced my fingers through his.  
  
"I might be able to help a little if I knew what you were talking about, or are you highly against speaking of it, whatever it is?"   
  
I sighed heavily and began to relate the entire incident to him from the very beginning; from the cold, loveless nights of the first time I had lived in the Emerald City even before Fiyero had come across me again, and how it related to what had come to pass in the Emerald Palace. I hadn't the strength to numb myself against the flood of recollections and emotion, and by the time I got to right before the Wizard had cut my face, before the one Gale Forcer that had appeared in my nightmare, I was trembling again. I had to stop there. Between the nightmares and the retelling of the whole ugly ruination of yet another thing that had been important to me it was all I could do to keep myself from the blind fear and deep depression.  
  
"You don't have to go on." he said, his lips against my ear. I pressed my eyes shut against the images forming in my head, but couldn't banish the perverse Gale Forcer's bloodthirsty grin from my mind. Previous experiences rushed hotly through me and would not be ignored.   
  
"I never want to feel or to be used like that again. Nothing can compare to the pain." I choked. "I was so afraid when it happened the first time so very long ago but when I heard it was about to happen all over again I stopped dead; I couldn't even fight back. The thought of what might have been if Glinda hadn't been there makes me freeze up and it scares the life from me." I whispered, flinching as I tried to sit up and failed once again from the sharp twinges due to sweat and muscle spasms.  
  
"Elphie, stop moving. I'll get the oil for you." he said, taking the bottle from the table near the bed. I tried to relax a little; I'd been making myself feel like a small child from relying on Fiyero's "mothering" me all this time; it made me feel guilty, like I was making him sacrifice some of himself for me. I'd always been so self-reliant, and didn't want him to have to keep doing everything for me. Even so, some of the guilt-ridden sting lessened once I felt his hands and heard his voice. I held my hair to the side as he rubbed the oil into the back of my neck then unlaced the ties halfway down my dress to spread the stuff over my back. The more contact my skin had with his hands and the oil, the faster the physical pain evaporated, leaving behind only the empty ache of failure.  
  
"You never said anything to me about what you had been put through. Why? I could have done something about it when I fell in love with you the first time…" he said; his new knowledge of my years-ago rape had hit him hard.  
  
"I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone other than myself to manage to drag myself through life still reasonably alive and self-sufficient." I sighed. "Could we please not talk about this anymore? It helps not to remember. I don't want to remember." He nodded, kissing my hair.  
  
"I promise, Fabala, I won't let anyone hurt you like that again."  
  
"I know," I answered, my underlying fears allayed for the moment. "I know."  
  
We sat together in silence for a short while, one of his hands tangled in my hair, the other laced through mine. My other hand was draped across his chest to rest on his shoulder. He squeezed my hand and I held tight to his.  
  
Soon enough however I fidgeted and pushed myself away; I had always found it hard to sit still, especially with so much weighing in my mind.   
  
"Fiyero, could you please go feed Chistery for me? I want to get myself into something that's easier to move in – or at least to try to move in." He nodded and left my side, rummaging in the cabinets for something the monkey would find appetizing. Once I made sure he was looking the other way, I shed my filthy, slightly bloodstained dress and pulled a looser, more comfortable one over my head. I called over to Fiyero, "Just grab anything, that little scavenger of mine'll eat anything as long as it stands still long enough for him to get his greedy little paws on it."   
  
Chistery, who had been grooming himself on the table, looked up from his work and scampered up onto the bed. He nuzzled his head up under my chin and chittered incomprehensibly; the Elphaba he knew was back, at least to some degree. I smiled at the little thing. Once he smelled food, however, he scurried back over to the table as Fiyero sat down beside me once more.   
  
I laid my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. Instinctively he reached out to take my hand, but noticed the thin, red line from the Wizard's dagger running down my face and throat. He redirected the path of his hand then gently traced the half-healed wound with his finger and asked "Where did that come from?"   
  
I hadn't gotten to that part in my narrative yet, and reluctantly progressed to giving him the rest of the details; how the Wizard would have given me to the Gale Forcer, how he made the mistake of laying the dagger aside, and how Glinda had committed the murders of both men.   
  
Then I let go of all the frustration, disappointment, anger at Glinda, and whatever else had been lying heavy on my shoulders since it happened. I couldn't hold these things in anymore. I'd spent so many years alone, with no one I could trust with my thoughts but myself. Once I found a way to break from keeping everything I felt to myself, it had become hard for me to hold it all away from Fiyero; he insisted on hearing the whole of what I felt. He was always open with me, trying to get me to open up. He wanted me to trust him. He taught me to trust again, not only in him but partially in myself. When I finished speaking I was so drained I curled up against his side, closing my eyes.   
  
"I know I shouldn't feel so furious at Glinda; I realize that if she wasn't there I'd have been dead or worse. Even so I can't push aside the knowledge that that she was the one who told the Wizard what I was planning to do; I can't help feeling that she betrayed me, and that's all that justifies my anger. And I can't take the defeat anymore! To have success snatched from my grasp by none other than Glinda, when I've previously heard from her own pretty little painted-up mouth that there was 'no way in Oz' I'd ever get her to help me …"  
  
"Elphaba, I understand that. You're entitled to feel like that. The only thing I have to ask of you is not to lay the total blame on Glinda. She's not the kind of person who'd throw away a friend's life just like that."  
  
"I know, that's why I feel so guilty about it. Once again I've managed to hurt someone through my actions. Everything I do or say always ends up hurting someone!" I half-shouted, aggravated at myself.   
  
"Fabala, it's not your fault. Why can't you realize that?"  
  
"It is my fault! If I hadn't told her in the first place –"  
  
"You told her because you knew you couldn't accomplish it alone! How you acknowledged the fact that you needed help and were willing to ask for it is something I admire about you. You're not afraid. "   
  
"But I am." I whispered. "I've been so afraid for so long …"  
  
"You don't have to be anymore."  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"For what reason?"  
  
"I have every reason."  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"The whole of Oz besides you and Glinda believe that I am a witch. They want me dead. I would rather be dead than have to live in hiding for the rest of my life with a chance at nothing better than where we are now. I don't want to be afraid for the rest of my life the way I am now. I don't want to run from the world, I don't want to run from life anymore. I don't want anything to happen to us, especially not you. You do realize that by associating with me you're putting yourself in more danger than you can comprehend?"  
  
"I'm not afraid of pain or death, Elphie. I've felt enough of it in my lifetime. I just don't want to lose you again like I did last time. I won't make the same mistake twice."  
  
"It's always possible one of us will." I said, moving away from him. I walked to the window and laid my hand flat on the glass, my face pained with internal struggle.   
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, following me, cupping my cheek with his hand. I began to lean into it, but then pushed away from him.   
  
"There's always the possibility that – that something might happen to make one of us leave the other. If ever there comes a day that my being with you puts you in imminent danger, I won't be the one to hurt anyone again, especially not you. I'll have to leave you. You have to promise that you won't follow me if I go."  
  
"Elphaba, if you ever leave me like that it'll hurt me more than it'll help me!" he cried, grabbing my wrists and making me face him. I tried to turn my face away but he put his hand back up to my cheek to make sure I met his eyes. The fire in them blazed with a sudden heat I had never seen. I was taken aback by his intense opposition to me and I wanted to look away, but I couldn't turn my head, his hand preventing me from movement.   
  
"Do you hear me, Elphaba? I will not let you just up and go like that! It'll hurt you beyond that you've been feeling since what seems like forever ago. You know it will."  
  
"Keeping you from pain is more important to me that what pain I cause myself!" I shouted.  
  
"No, it's not! You can't stop living your life just because you're afraid of hurting someone! People get hurt, Elphie. No one can avoid that. You just can't seem to grasp the fact that whatever pain people feel isn't something you and you alone have caused." He paused as if waiting for me to speak. I held to my silence, not sure of what to say.   
  
"Sometimes I feel that you must want to live the rest of your life alone because of the way you alternate between letting me stay near you and pushing me away! One moment I could be kissing you and the next we're fighting like alley cats! I don't know what you're trying to do to yourself, to me, but it's not making anything better." The pronounced aggravation in his voice made me want to walk away, but I was too fired to leave it at that.  
  
"I don't know what to feel, what to want, what to believe in! I don't know! What I once thought was real is now sparkling falsely in my eyes, mocking me. My life is a lie, Fiyero, a lie I'm not willing to keep living! I'm tired of cheating death! I can't live like that anymore!" I yelled as if the sound could chase it all away and leave me free to run. "It only hurts more to go on that way!"  
  
Over the weeks I had been living with Fiyero it had gotten so much harder to live with myself. Things in the Emerald City weren't as simple as they were in Kiamo Ko. Here in the city it was so much easier to get caught by someone, so much harder to preserve my anonymity. It was easier in Kiamo Ko to shut myself off from myself and my hurt, to push everything away. With Fiyero, despite how I knew how much he loved me and how much I wanted to love him back, it forced me to remember and retell what I've been through. I wanted it all gone.   
  
The growing silence between us expanded and enveloped the room until we were suffocating within it. 


	13. Chapter 13

~Chapter 13~  
  
Neither of us spoke to the other for the rest of the day. I was too worked up to say any more, and too stubborn to apologize. Fiyero didn't want to push me farther than I'd already pushed myself. The last thing either of us needed was for me to go over the edge again. I'd done enough of that in the past week to last me the rest of my life.  
  
I didn't even have anything to do to distract me from the silence. After that night in the palace, I never wanted to lay eyes on the Grimmerie again. It had been my downfall on more than one occasion. Once I cooled off enough to speak articulately I took a stab at conversation, but Fiyero didn't intend to humor me until he got an apology. He refused to talk to me and soon enough I gave up trying to talk to him.   
  
Later in the night I paced restlessly for a short while until I got sick of the movement and perched on the edge of the chair by the window. Chistery scampered up into my lap. He hadn't seen much of me in a while. Chattering something that sounded like "Stop sit sad. No yell Yero," he nestled himself into the crook of my arm and promptly fell asleep. I smiled wanly at the little creature. I never wanted to yell at Fiyero and I had never meant to, but he refused to understand me when I had spoken of the possibility that I might one day have to leave him. It loomed very close and very real in my mind should I ever be discovered. As I saw it there was a very good possibility of my discovery; I didn't know whether or not the other guards in the room off the Wizard's study had known that I had been the one in the room with the Wizard. If they did know exactly who they were looking for it was only a matter of time before they showed up here thirsty to have my blood coloring their hands. I knew that to get at mine they would have to first settle for Fiyero's, and if the Gale Forcers ever got at him again I would kill myself within the heartbeat.  
  
I carefully laid Chistery on the chair I had been sitting on and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Fiyero had been sleeping for a few hours already, and I could see how his eyes fluttered with dreams under their lids. He slept with his chest bare, and gently, so as not to wake him, I traced the jagged, ugly scar slashing across his abdomen with my fingers. A bitter taste rose in my throat, the remnants of the hate I still felt for the Wizard and his murderous, merciless Gale Force, and also of the hate I harbored for myself. If it hadn't been for me he would never have gone through the pain that resulted in that scar, and the pain that had resulted in so much more than just that scar alone.   
  
"Fiyero, I'm so sorry." I whispered. "You don't need me here. I'm more trouble than I'm worth." He must have had some semblance of consciousness left, for he reached out for my hand. I took it in one of mine and slipped my other hand under his cheek.  
  
"Elphie?"  
  
"Mmmn?"  
  
"Stay. I know how much you're worth to me and I'm not about to throw something so priceless away." He opened his eyes slightly, drowsily, quirking a corner of his mouth up into a half-smile. I obliged his order and swung my legs up to sit next to him. He lightly tugged at my hand and I slipped backward to bring my face nearer to his.  
  
"Fiyero, I'm-"  
  
"I know. It's alright. There's no need for you to be sorry when you've done nothing wrong."  
  
"Don't tell me that fight was your crazy attempt at psychoanalyzing me."  
  
`"Alright. I won't tell you." I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed. "I'm sorry too. I never meant to leap at your throat so savagely like I did. Even so, if it ever comes to that where you'd have to leave the Emerald City in order to hold onto your life you have no right to throw me away and leave me in trying to keep me 'safe'. I would rather be in mortal danger with you than 'safe' and alone."   
  
"I don't know, Fiyero. It's…"  
  
"Shhh. I don't want you to talk about this anymore right now. There'll be time for that when the danger is imminent, if ever."   
  
I nodded obligingly, just to turn the conversation away from such a subject. I didn't want to talk nor think about it and tried to push it away, but the endless "what ifs" kept growing, dark and foreboding in the back of my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face to his shoulder.   
  
"Fabala-Fae? You alright?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What's bothering you?"  
  
"It's nothing, just senseless worries."  
  
"Something tells me you don't think they're senseless at all."  
  
"It's not important."   
  
"It is to you, and in that context, it is to me. Tell me."  
  
"I have a feeling that you already know what's been bothering me."  
  
"Look," he said, wrapping his arms around me as I turned onto my side, "If worst comes to worst, I'm going to leave the city with you, so you can abandon any thoughts you're harboring about stealing away without me. Anyway, in the here and now, you have no reason to stew over something that's not definite and might not happen at all. For now let's take our days as they come, one at a time." He cuddled closer in an attempt to ease my mind. I let myself be eased, at least partway, for the time being, entirely sick of worrying.   
  
:I never used to worry like this. Damn, what is happening to me?: I asked myself before dozing off, not to wake until the day broke.  
  
  
  
Early the next morning I woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. Rain pounded against the window, thunder roared through the air, and someone rapped loudly on the door. I anxiously shook Fiyero awake, my eyes wild with unfounded fear.   
  
"Wha-?" he asked sleepily, only half awake.   
  
"Something's wrong." I said urgently, pushing myself to my feet. He quickly tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. I pulled him upright and went to the window. He pushed me behind him to look first, just in case it was someone we didn't want to see or someone that we didn't want to see me.   
  
"Open the door." he said tersely. "It's Glinda."  
  
I threw the door open and sidestepped to avoid the water she brought with her as she hurried in. I wasn't quick enough and a few drops spattered onto my face. I hissed at the pinpricks of pain and slammed it shut. Fiyero helped Glinda take off her wet-through cloak and I shivered just looking at it. She fell into one of the chairs at the table, burying her face in her hands. I sat next to her and laid an arm around her trembling shoulders; thankfully, the rest of her was dry.   
  
"Glinda, what's wrong? Tell me, it's alright." I said, trying to calm her down.   
  
"Elphie you have to get away from here!" she said gravelly.  
  
"Why, what's going on?"  
  
"That doesn't matter now. You have to go!"  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's happening."  
  
"I have two days before my trial."  
  
"Trial, what-?"  
  
"I'm being tried for murdering the Wizard."  
  
"Glinda, they can't do that to you!" I cried, all my former prejudices and resentment for her betrayal of me evaporated like smoke in a strong wind.  
  
"Yes they can. According to the new ruling party, there were no witnesses to the Wizard's death aside from a mute tiktok and a dead Gale Forcer. No one knows you're alive, and if you showed up to testify for me they'd most definitely arrest you for gods know what and have you killed with me before you had the chance to speak one syllable. I – I wanted to tell the both of you so you could save yourselves. Oz's new king has zero tolerance for murderers. There's no help for me now."  
  
"Glinda, you're not a murderer! You were defending yourself, defending both of us! I'll go to your defense, I won't let them -" I said, desperate for a way to get her out of this.   
  
"I can't let you do that! Elphie it's as good as suicide!" she yelled, "You are 'dead'; if all of a sudden you just show up alive and well you will be killed before you set foot in the courtroom. You have no idea how many people will be clawing at your throat with foot-long talons if they ever learn of your continued existence!"   
  
"I can't let you give yourself up so easily!"  
  
"I can't let you kill yourself trying to save me!"  
  
"You saved me; it's about time I return the favor!" I almost-shouted, taking her hands before continuing more quietly, "Glinda, there is no way in Oz you'll get me to turn my back on you again."  
  
"You have to or you'll kill yourself."  
  
"I can't do that to you." She squeezed my hand so hard it hurt but the pain was minimal compared to how deeply her news had cut me through. "Well, suppose you eventually turn me around to saving my own neck instead of yours. How do you suspect you'll keep yourself alive? What do you suspect could possibly grant you safety without me?"  
  
"I don't know, Elphaba. My whole life is here in the city; I've got nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. I'm hoping that if I can elude the law long enough they'll eventually give up on me, but something tells me I won't last that long." She lowered her head to hide her tears. The empathy I felt for her flooded over and I enfolded her in a tight hug.   
  
"Elphie I'm so afraid!" she sobbed into my shoulder as she hugged me all the tighter, as if I could make it all disappear if she didn't let go of me.  
  
"Shhh, Glinda it'll all be alright. We'll find a way to get you out of this. I promise you I won't let them hurt you."   
  
Her wet hair brushed my face; I ignored the sting as I rubbed her back and soon her crying began to slowly cease. Thunder rumbled distantly, and she jumped like a jittery mouse, small, alone and afraid of the dark. I realized then that no matter how different Glinda and I were from each other, at that moment we were exactly alike, as if we were sisters sharing one heart and the same frightened mind. 


	14. Chapter 14

~Chapter 14~  
  
We spent the rest of the day trying to find a way to keep Glinda alive past the two days she was allotted before her trial. Maybe a better way to say how we spent the day would be that we wasted it alternating between keeping her composed enough not to panic and Fiyero and I trying to keep ourselves composed to think clearly enough to devise a plan. As the hours passed nothing much had been accomplished, and it only resulted in Glinda's becoming more distraught than she already was.  
  
"Can't you just magic yourself away to somewhere far from here? You've had magical training; I mean, you're a powerful witch. There's got to be some spell, somewhere…" I said, frustrated, feverishly turning the pages of the hateful magic book sitting on my worktable.   
  
"If it was possible I would've already been somewhere they'd never look for me." she answered, perching herself at the edge of the bed and staring fixedly at the opposite wall.  
  
"What do you mean 'if it was possible'?"  
  
"When I was – detained – that night in the palace –"  
  
"Detained? How much time did you waste just standing there surveying your gory handiwork before it dawned on you that you'd be pursued?" I asked incredulously. I hadn't thought her to be that slow on the uptake.   
  
"You forget that there were two other guards in the room off the Wizard's study that hadn't any idea that you were ever there. They thought I was the only other one in the room and they came in a moment or two after you fled." she snapped before going on, "The man who would become Oz's new ruler, well, he's had magical instruction himself, and he made sure there was some enchantment laid over me to keep me from doing any form of magic, however insignificant the spell might be. I'd never heard of the particular charm they used, and it was too strong for me to throw off at the time. You can only fight it as it's being cast; once it's been completed you can't shake it off, no matter how powerful you are."  
  
"Maybe there's a counter-charm in here we could…"  
  
"Elphie, give it up," she sighed, "I'm currently unable to use magic to do anything, let alone to aid me in escape, and you – you've never been any great shakes at it yourself if you don't mind my saying."   
  
I curled my fingers around the edge of the table, digging my nails into the wood. I stared at the tabletop with such intensity that I could've sworn they were burning holes right through it. I knew she was right; there was nothing to be gained from denying my lack of ability in all things sorceric. I just didn't need her pointing it out so blatantly when I was already pushing myself to my limits; I didn't need her making it worse.  
  
She stood up and laid her hand on mine. I looked up, my eyes hard.   
  
"I'm sorry for sniping at you. I really do appreciate what you're doing for me." I softened a little when I saw the sincerity and remorse in her features.  
  
"It's alright. I'm sorry too. We're all on edge, here." I squeezed her hand to try to reassure her. "We'll think of something."   
  
  
  
  
  
I insisted that she stay with us that night, for fear of something happening to her before I had a chance to concoct a scheme to keep her alive. I slept very little on and off, mostly worrying over what as to become of her. I stayed in the chair by the window, flinching repeatedly as the rain hit it. Fiyero woke occasionally at different points during the night to make sure I was getting some rest, if any at all. He often sat next to me in silence, a welcome presence warming the chill that had set into me during the day.   
  
I would get up every so often to check on Glinda. She tossed restlessly and thrashed as if she were being chased by an invisible monster; I would gingerly brush back her sweat-dampened curls and whisper in her ear to quiet her. She would calm down for an hour or so but then resume her flight from the nightmares plaguing her subconscious.  
  
At dawn she sat up and looked around wildly, like a doe caught in the headlights of a train on the Gillikin Railway. I sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and she jumped, as if she didn't know my face anymore.   
  
"Glinda? Are you alright?"  
  
"Elphie," she said, recognition returning to her eyes, "You look terrible."  
  
"Like I've ever really looked good before." I began sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood a little. "I don't care what's wrong with me; I'm more concerned about you right now."  
  
"I'm…well, I've been better."   
  
"You're not kidding."   
  
She smiled weakly. "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you."  
  
"You've got nothing to be sorry for." I quietly laughed at myself; Glinda sounded like me and it sounded like I was morphing into Fiyero. "The only possible plan I could come up with under this much pressure would be for you to run. Run, or lay low here for a while. I've covered my tracks well enough. They won't look here."  
  
"I'm afraid that if someone, anyone finds a lead onto me Oz's new king will eventually be led to you. I'm not willing to put you and Fiyero at risk like that."  
  
"Then your only alternative would be to run. I'm afraid that if you try to leave the city you'll be dead before you reach the outer limits. You're staying here; at least while you're with Fiyero and me you have a better chance of holding onto your life beyond just the next two days." She fidgeted a little, looking away.   
  
"I guess you're right. I just don't…" Her voice faded and she wouldn't meet my eyes.  
  
"It'll turn out right somehow. It will…" I drifted off. In truth I didn't believe either of our "solutions", if you could call them that, would work. If she tried to flee the city the Gale Force, if that's what they were called now that the Wizard was dead, would be after her in a heartbeat; if she stayed here it would only be a matter of time before they discovered our location and holed us up like mice with a ferocious cat covering our only means of escape. I was deathly afraid for Glinda's life, but felt I had to keep a confident façade plastered on my face so as not to wordlessly dash her hopes for survival upon the city spires. The last thing she needed was to lose hope, even if the rest of us knew that eventually the Gale Force's iron fist would close mercilessly around her delicate throat.   
  
  
  
The day crept by in strained silence broken only by the occasional patter of rain against the window and our terse words to one another. Often one of us would glance out the window as if afraid of something lurking in the damp shadows outside. We each haunted various points of the room as if they were military stations we were forbidden to abandon; I paced the floor restlessly, the one who occupied the window space more often than not. Fiyero stood at the table, his face creased in concentration, and Glinda sat on the bed against the headboard, her knees drawn up to her chest, occasionally reaching out to stroke Chistery. The monkey had taken to her quite easily and did his best to cheer her up, babbling to her as he sat in her lap or sitting on her shoulder playing with her curls. She would smile a little and scratch his fur, detached and forlorn.  
  
As the gray sky deepened in color to smoky black I suggested that Glinda do her best to sleep some. She told me to be the one to sleep for a change; I had gotten very little rest the past night and I hadn't realized my exhaustion was that prominent. Fiyero agreed with her, putting his hands on my shoulders and steering me over towards the bed. I refused the offer, insisting that I cared nothing for myself at the moment and my mind was so riddled with distress and half-constructed plans that it would've been impossible for me to sleep at all.   
  
"Elphie, you're still as stubborn as ever. You need the rest more than I do right now. Listen to someone else's advice for a change; it'll do you good." Glinda ordered, nudging me over to the bed. It was inviting, but still I didn't think I would be able to sleep if I tried.   
  
"Elphaba, go. Fiyero and I are of the same mind on this." She glanced nervously over at him and then continued, "Come to think of it, Fiyero, I think you could do with some sleep yourself. You two get some rest; I have several things on my mind I have to sort out before I do." she said, staring fixedly out the window. I finally gave in to Glinda, Fiyero, and to my own exhaustion. Fiyero stretched out beside me and was asleep, his face nestled next to mine, before I even let my head hit the pillow. I lied awake for a while longer, just watching Glinda as she sat staring out the window, until the night overtook me and made sure I closed my eyes, for I refused to do so of my own accord.   
  
  
  
When I awoke a gray sun was already shining bleakly through my eyelids, the seemingly endless rain drumming relentlessly on the window glass. I felt Fiyero's breath warm against my neck and tried to delay opening my eyes for as long as possible. Pressing myself closer to him I ran a hand through his hair. I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw being his face, but a moment later they looked beyond him, falling upon the empty chair by the window.   
  
:Empty chair by the window…:  
  
Slowly my half-awake mind put two and two together and, once able to think coherently again, glanced around to take in the rest of the room. It was painfully empty of life aside from Fiyero and me. I flew from under the blanket, now fully awake, and forcefully shook him awake. He tried to get up quickly but in his state of clumsy drowsiness fell from the bed, hitting the floor hard.   
  
"You've got to stop doing that to me." he said, rubbing his backside and pushing himself to his feet.  
  
"She's gone!" I cried, tightly grabbing his arm both to help him up and wake him up as well.  
  
"Loosen your grip a little, will you? Who's gone?" His mind was still seemingly fuzzy with sleep. His lack of ability to wake himself up was beginning to aggravate my mind, already fraught with unease.   
  
"Glinda's gone, you halfwit!" I shouted at him. "Oh, gods, I don't know what – why…? Where has she gone?"   
  
"Apparently, she's gone to the palace." Fiyero said, staring at a piece of scribbled-on paper lying on the table.  
  
"Why in hell would she go to the palace?" I asked, coming up next to him and reading over his shoulder. She couldn't be that mad…   
  
I read the note she left to myself as did Fiyero, my heart sinking with every word.   
  
:This is my sorry attempt at a goodbye, my friends. My trial is tomorrow, or I guess you could say it's today, because as I write this it's just about one in the morning. I've left to turn myself in. I couldn't bring myself to tell you how soon it really was, but I couldn't have you following me and getting yourself killed alongside me. Elphie, I had to go, I couldn't just stay holed up here with you and Fiyero until the Gale Force found us and killed us all. I was afraid it would endanger the both of you more then you already are. I just couldn't live with myself anymore.   
  
I'm sorry for betraying you, Elphie, that night in the palace. It seems to have only resulted in my own demise after all. I'm sorry for being the one who almost handed you your death sentence that night as well. I'm sorry for worrying you over the past two days like I did. I'm sorry for a lot of things that would take too long to list here in the limited time I've got left to scrawl the remainder of this note out. Please, Elphie, try to find it in your heart to forgive me for all I've done to you. I feel it's better for me to die with your forgiveness than to live with the guilt for the rest of my days. I'll miss you so much, both of you. Thank you for all you've done for me.:   
  
When I finished there were tears standing in my eyes that I had to rush to wipe away before they fell. I couldn't believe her. I wanted to find her and kill her myself for doing this to all of us, but at the same time I wanted to grab her and hug her and cry into her shoulder, telling her to never scare me like this again. However, none of that would be possible. If I wanted to kill her the Gale Force was about to beat me to the punch, and more than likely if I ever hugged her again it would be her lifeless body.   
  
"I have to do something, I have to go –" I tried to push past Fiyero but he caught my hand; I whipped around and tried to wrench myself free. His grip tightened until it felt like he had my hand in a vice, crushing my bones into dust.   
  
"Fiyero, let go of me!"  
  
"No, Elphaba, I know this hurts but there's nothing we can do for her now."  
  
"How can you be so calm about this? How do you act so nonchalant when a friend is about to be put to death? She saved my life; I can't stand by and watch them kill her!"  
  
"Elphie, there's nothing you can do! She's turned herself in, there's no way we can got to her fast enough, and even if we did, it's raining. There's a good chance you wouldn't last long enough out in weather like this to reach her!"  
  
"But I can't watch her die knowing I did nothing to try to save her!" Fiyero said nothing and looked away, still keeping my hand held tight within his.   
  
"If you really love me you'll let me do this!"  
  
His grip loosened from surprise. I was surprised myself at what had come out of my mouth, but held to coherency enough to slip my hand from his and step away. I had never tested him like this before, and at the moment I didn't even realize what I was doing to him. His brokenness never permeated through my single-minded desire to get to Glinda before someone else did. I moved farther toward the door and he made no move to stop me.   
  
"Fabala, please be careful. Come back to me." he said quietly, his eyes penetrating deeply into mine. I nodded once, grabbed my hooded cloak from the hook in the wall it had hung upon since the day Fiyero opened his door to me, and put it on. Thankfully, there were gloves still in my pocket from the last time I had worn the thing a few years ago. Before I lifted the hood over my head, I caught Fiyero in my arms and kissed him hard and intense. I wasn't going to leave without letting him know how much he meant to me.   
  
When I pulled my face away I whispered, "I won't let them lay a hand on me. The only real danger I'm in is from the rain, and I'm prepared for that. I'll come back to you. Don't worry about me."   
  
"I've learned to be very afraid of when you say that." he answered, giving me one last squeeze before he released me. I smiled weakly.   
  
"I'll be fine." I opened the door, made sure I was sufficiently shielded from the wet, and swept out into the downpour, too driven to care about myself. 


	15. Chapter 15

~Chapter 15~  
  
I guessed the trial would be held at the palace, if in the end they decided to bother with a trial at all; everyone already knew what the verdict would be. That was where I was headed. I hoped my notion was right and that I would get there in time.   
  
I tread carefully down some streets and up others, trying not to step in any puddles or splash any unwanted droplets of water on my legs. My taking such pains against the moisture made my going agonizingly slow. I kept thinking :If I keep moving at this rate I'll never get there in time - : In time for what? In time to watch Glinda die? How would I save her when I would be caught and killed alongside her if seen? My mind raced for answers but to no avail. The only thing that came to mind was :What in hell have I gotten myself into? There's nothing I can do – :   
  
:There's has to be something, please tell me there's still something I can do…:  
  
I tried to quicken my pace but when I did I was met with a sharp stinging from water that had connected with my legs. I hissed but kept going, a little slower now. I cursed whatever higher power there was that damned me like it did; for coloring me an outcast, for killing or maiming those I held dear, for making my own skin betray me at the faintest hint of moisture. My life was a never-ending, sick-minded game I was tired of having to play.  
  
  
  
  
  
I had feared time would be passing too quickly for me to make use of what little there was left before Glinda's execution, and all my fears were confirmed the moment I reached the square outside the palace. There was already a horde of people come to watch the "good witch" put to death. It was sickening how the world could turn so quickly on someone that had once been beloved and idolized, only one small step down from being worshipped as a mortal goddess.   
  
I looked on, horrified, as my vision fell upon the noose swinging in the breeze, slapping wetly against the wood holding it suspended in the air. I started to push my way around people; I needed to reach her, but for what? Like I'd asked myself before, what was there for me to do?   
  
Five green-clad Gale Forcers marched Glinda up onto the hurriedly constructed wooden platform, her loose white skirts whipping around her in the strengthening wind, her curls hanging limply around her face. Glinda's eyes were closed and she didn't fight those who held her; she seemed to stand like some fallen angel, resignedly accepting damnation to hell by whatever god ruled over her as the noose was slipped around her neck. But no, there were no gods, no angels; what kind of divinity stood aside and looked on in indifference as an innocent life was about to be thrown away at the snap of a finger, the utterance of one man's word? What god could be so cold-hearted as to watch one of his daughters have the breath stolen from her lungs and do nothing to ease her pain, to do the least? What use was there for life at all if in the end it would only be torn apart on a whim or for public entertainment due to one man's prejudice? Did no one value the life of another anymore?  
  
I tried with every ounce of will left in me to shove my way through the crowd, and I was blinded by a dry, vicious burning in my eyes as a shout sounded from the mouth of Oz's ruler; my eyes were absent of tears simply because I had none left to cry after the last undertaking I had screwed beyond hope. A terrible cheer rose from the people congregated around the platform. I couldn't bring myself to look up; if I purposefully made myself look at what had become of the woman whose actions out of love for a friend had ended with her swinging from the end of a rope it would most definitely cause me to break beyond repair. What had I come for, to watch one human being intentionally give the order to kill another out of his own discrimination? I had once again tried to attempt the impossible; whatever lives I tried to save or prolong before always ended in tragedy. I should've known that by then, but no, I had to learn it the hard way, this being the hardest on me of all. I felt doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. Those mistakes had all stemmed from the fact that I just cared too much. If I wanted to stop the hurt I must first stop caring about people and their fates.  
  
I gave up the push toward the front; I was too late for me to right another scenario I had caused to go terribly wrong. There was no purpose left in my movements. I lingered until half of the crowd dispersed then retreated to a side street off the square to wait for the people to desert the area; hopefully soon enough I would once more be free to move. I settled myself in the driest spot I could find to wait out the worst of the rain. I was saturated enough and if it got much worse I would feel as if aflame before I traveled three feet from where I was currently resting. I wanted to get back home to Fiyero as soon as possible and get out of the wet.   
  
The rain kept falling, hissing as it traveled through the air, each new drop pounding louder and louder reverberating through the hollowness of my heart. The shocking reality of it all was numbing; I welcomed the absence of feeling, the lack of reality, thankful for the short bit of escape before it all set in and I would be unable to outrun the tidal waves of emotion.   
  
I lost all sense of passing time, partially hypnotized by the sight and sound of the slowly dissipating rain. Much later in the day, only an hour or so before sunset when the moisture in the air was no more than a fine mist, I started at the sound of footsteps treading cautiously down my alley.   
  
"Fae?"   
  
I looked up at the familiar voice, my empty gaze meeting Fiyero's. He reached to take my hand and help me to my feet. I stood, staring blankly in the direction of the square.  
  
"How did you find me here?"   
  
"I was sick of worrying; I needed to know that you were alright." He wouldn't drop my hand, even after I was fully upright and needed no assistance in movement.   
  
"Never – follow me – again." I replied shortly; my voice was hard and backed by a force stronger than any tone I had used with him before. The command was fueled by a passionate desire for him to get as far away from me as possible before I could do anything else to hurt him. I was still haunted by what had come to pass the last time he had followed me somewhere. There could be no more blood, no more pain in the lives of the people I loved; I wouldn't be able to take much more. That moment in my wish to keep him from any more hurt I didn't realize that my ordering him to stay away from me was hurting him more than I could compensate for.   
  
He led me away from the alley, his fingers clenched around mine; still he refused to drop my hand. Even still, despite his unwillingness to leave me he refused to meet my eyes or even look at my face. I could tell he was trying not to let my curt words and cold, distant stare penetrate through to his heart, and he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding how much I was wearing him down. In spite of the obvious strain so clearly etched on his face, in my detached state I took no notice of what he was feeling or how painfully evident it was displayed. All I knew and felt was that there was an absence of…something. I knew there was something I was supposed to feel, a grief of some sort, but no sensation of anything reached me; there was only hollowness, a void where the grief should have been housed. It was alarming, my sudden lack of pain – I had just witnessed the death of a close friend; shouldn't there have been some sort of sorrow induced in me by that? I was afraid, and yet the fear never registered completely in my mind. There were brief flashes of alarm, but the real sensation of terror never took hold. What was happening to me? This was nothing like the forced ignorance of emotion I had induced in myself that night at the Emerald Palace, this was a genuine emptiness brought on by my having been through so much loss, a real incapability of any feeling at all.   
  
Fiyero led me back to the square. I looked up at the noose, still around Glinda's neck. There was no shock of aching sadness lancing through me at the sight of her hanging there dead; the only thing I was aware of was the presence of her body and Fiyero's hand over mine, only what tangible things I could see, could touch, could hear.   
  
Pulling me up onto the platform, he took a switchblade from his pocket and handed it to me. I flicked it open and looked at the blade, a hungry expression taking over my face. It would just be so easy to end my false reality right here, to die without consciously acknowledging the physical pain and my hollow heart.   
  
But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Fiyero, even in my vacant state I knew I could never kill myself after all he'd done for me, all he'd reintroduced me to.   
  
I grabbed the discarded stool Oz's king had formerly been sitting on, climbed upon it, put the switch to the rope and cut the noose down from its supports, my eyes blank and disconnected. Fiyero caught Glinda's body and lowered it down to me. I knelt on the sodden wood, her head in my lap. Thankfully, the thickness of my skirts kept the water from seeping through the layers of fabric, though I doubted that I would be able to feel the stinging in its entirety. As of the moment I wasn't able to feel much; even physical sensations were dulled, and the emotional ones were nonexistent.   
  
I loosened the loop of the noose and slipped it over her head, gently fingering the chafed skin that had emerged from under the rope. Disgusted, I threw the thing aside. Brushing her wet curls from her face I kissed her forehead and said my last goodbyes, my eyes dry and my face empty of all emotion. 


	16. Chapter 16

~Chapter 16~  
  
We made our way slowly through the misty air back to our small home and almost nonexistent life; Fiyero too hurt to show emotion and myself as of then not capable of it. He carried Glinda's corpse, walking behind me as I led the way along a different route than I had taken to the square.   
  
I opened the Grimmerie once more when we arrived; I no longer cared how much damage the book had caused. I ran my hand down one shimmering page, quickly taking in the spell I was about to attempt. I beckoned Fiyero to follow me behind our tiny domicile; he laid Glinda's body where I instructed him to, then I began muttering the words of the spell. Soon enough her body was reduced to ashes, even though no flame had flared up to engulf her. I leaned back against the wall, gazing fixedly at the cinders the spell left behind.  
  
:Of course the only spell I've ever actually completed correctly was in response to another death.: I thought. There was nothing filling the space in my mind-voice that would've housed bitterness; the emptiness had complete control over me, the emptiness and…something else. My mind had begun to thaw from its iciness and was no longer completely vacant of emotion.  
  
There was one prominent thought racing through my mind; :You've broken him, Elphaba. You've pushed Fiyero away one too many times. If you carry on like this much longer the only thing you'll accomplish is to crush him further. Look what happened to Glinda; look how much damage you've caused. If you want to stop hurting people you'll have to end it once and for all. There's only one way to do that.:   
  
My mind was made up. I loved him; I wanted him to be happy, and he could never be happy with me the way I was and I was likely to only keep pushing him away out of love. His hurt would stop faster if I'd just go. I knew now how I'd be leaving. My existence had hurt others too many times.   
  
I stood there unmoving, Fiyero beside me, until all of the ash had been carried away on the wind. Only then would I move back inside. I shrugged off my wet cloak and cast aside the gloves.   
  
"Where's the switchblade?" I asked flatly, my intentions made clear by the query.  
  
"No, I won't let you do that." he said coldly. "I can't let you do that to yourself."  
  
"You have to."   
  
"No I don't, and I won't."  
  
"I've lost everything. I've neither dignity nor the will to stay alive any longer. Let me have the switch."  
  
"I said no."  
  
"I don't care!" I shouted. "Anything is better than what I've been reduced to. At least now that I don't have the ability to feel much in the way of pain at least I won't have to endure it for long."  
  
"Elphaba, I do care! I care too much about you to let you commit suicide!"  
  
"Apparently I don't care at all about myself, Fiyero, so just give me the damn blade and let's be done with it!"  
  
He stared at me long and hard, but made no move to speak or to retrieve the knife I wanted.  
  
"The faster I get this over with the faster we won't have to suffer anymore! You'll have your life and I'll be gone, where I want to be!"  
  
"I never had a life until there was you! How do you expect me to have life if you don't? I hate to see you broken because when you break yourself you break me! You'll kill us both if you commit suicide!"   
  
"I've been dying a slow, painful death for years; it's about time I came to my senses and ended it before I hurt anyone else! You're family's dead because of me, and now Glinda is no more than ashes on the wind! If I stay much longer you'll be lost to me as well! I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's life, especially not yours! Just because I die doesn't mean you will! If I leave you have a better chance of staying alive!"   
  
"If you're not here I have no reason to live."   
  
"Yes you do; think of it as my freeing you from a life in hiding."  
  
"I don't want to be freed!" he yelled, turning sharply away, then continuing more softly this time, "I can't fight with you anymore."  
  
Exhausted and incredibly incensed, I threw myself onto the bed and tried to shut Fiyero out of my mind. At the moment I was remorseless and only knew my own anger and my strong desire to die. I pressed my eyes shut and forced myself to rest. It didn't take much effort to command myself into sleep. I barely noticed when Fiyero slipped under the covers and wrapped his arms around my body, but I awoke later in the night and disentangled him from me. There would be no contact, no comfort, if I could not feel it. I felt as if lodged into a waking dream; you could experience neither pain nor pleasure while unconscious. I almost wanted to stay in this state of almost-wakefulness; at least it kept the pain away. Drifting away into dreamless sleep, I abandoned everything; reality was pain, fantasies caused pain, there was no in-between. I could only achieve that painless equilibrium while lacking consciousness.   
  
When I awoke my rage had all bled away from me and I was once more tangled together with Fiyero. I cringed away from the contact. The rage may have been gone but my intentions were still as they were the night before. He shouldn't be here with me. If he stayed with me much longer surely I would slip somewhere and he'd be gone like Glinda's ashes scattered across Oz. I pushed myself back and up off the bed just to avoid his touch; it wasn't the soft touch itself that repulsed me, it was the fact that I was the one he wanted to touch. Why was he with me when I brought him more hurt than happiness? Why did he want me? Why was I here? Why was I alive? Everyone in Oz save for one person thought I was dead and rightfully I should be rather than alive and leaving disaster in my wake.  
  
I sat by the window again; the rain had at last ceased it's bombardment of the glass and for that small detail I was grateful. After sitting there, staring at nothing for maybe an hour or so, his voice broke the silence, its tone quiet, almost aching.   
  
"Why do you push me away?"  
  
I forced myself to remain still; I couldn't look at him and not hurt.  
  
"Elphaba, why won't you let me in?" he sighed, burying his head in his hands. "It's always a fight with you, to try to get you to trust me. I want – no, I need you to trust me. You need you place your trust in someone or you'll forget how; you'll eat yourself alive from the inside out."   
  
I turned my head to look at him. He went on.  
  
"I can see what you're doing to yourself. I watch you hurt yourself and it hurts me to see you so broken. I know the losses you've seen and lived through, I know you can live beyond this. The question is whether or not you want to. I only wish you could see…" he faded out and turned away from me.   
  
"See what?"  
  
"See –" he began, and then, "Forget it; you'll only shut me out again."  
  
"No, tell me."  
  
"I need you to take the time to really see yourself, to rediscover who you are."  
  
"What good will that do me? It won't bring back the ones I've lost, or repair the things I've done wrong. It won't erase the scars; delving back into memory will only break open old wounds and cause them to bleed again." He didn't answer, only stared at me with a piercing dark gaze, his eyes and face hard.  
  
"I have enough fresh wounds to deal with without bothering with those long healed." I finished.   
  
"No, Elphaba, you haven't even begun to heal. You're still bleeding out of gashes that are years and years old."  
  
"How would you know what I feel?" I cried, glaring at him.  
  
"I know because I've felt it, too! I know what real pain is!" he answered, crossing the room in two strides and seizing me in his arms. The breath caught in my lungs and my vision was captured in his eyes, so dark and intense – and beautiful. His eyes were breathtaking.   
  
"Can you feel this?" he whispered. I could feel him against me, almost too close for comfort; it was so different compared to the night before. It seemed every inch of my skin was alert and throbbed with the pulse of love, despair, longing, and heartache. I needed comfort and yet didn't want it. I needed to touch him but I couldn't for fear of hurting him. I needed him to touch me but I had to distance myself from him in order to make sure I didn't hurt him again.   
  
"I can't, I'll –"  
  
"No, dearheart, you'll only hurt me if you continue to close yourself off from me. Your pain falls upon me so much stronger when I see you pulling away out of fear. Please, Elphie, don't hide from love."  
  
"No, it's not – I just can't bear to…" I trailed off my words into a sigh as he trailed a line of kisses over the curve of my neck.  
  
"No, Fiyero, you can't; I can't…" He put a finger to my lips to silence me.  
  
"Yes, we can. We can make our way through this. You can overcome whatever it is that keeps you from me; I'll help you get past your loss if you'll help me get past mine. Say we can do this, Elphie, say we can." he breathed, whispering into my hair.   
  
"I don't know. I've been so, I've done so much to you; why do you still want me like this? Why do you still want me to stay?"  
  
"Because I love you. Don't make yourself lonely when we're together."  
  
"I love you too. That's why I need you to kill me." 


	17. Chapter 17

~Chapter 17~  
  
When Fiyero heard what I'd said he lurched away from me as if I had burned him.   
  
"Elphaba, I could never do that! You have to stop going on like this! You can't be so desperate that you have to ask me to –"  
  
"I am that desperate! I can't bear the thought of hurting anyone again! If I die at least I'll die assured that no other will ever know pain because of me, especially not you!"  
  
"I don't think you even know what pain is anymore! Pain is finally having you here with me but having to watch you turn on yourself! Pain is trying to console or comfort you and feeling like I've done something wrong every time you push me away! Pain is seeing the one you love so defeated and broken that she asks you to help her end her own life!"  
  
"No, Fiyero, pain is being reviled by your own family just because you had the misfortune to have been born. It's being shunned by the world because you're color sets you apart. It's being raped by a man whose name you never even knew. It's believing for years that your lover was murdered at the hands of your hated adversary. It's knowing that your dearest friend and an entire family have died as a result of mistakes you've made." I was quiet in my words, turning my back so he wouldn't see my face.   
  
"You could never have disallowed yourself to be born, and there was no way for you to predetermine that your skin would be so different. Elphie, every single one of those happenings was beyond your power to prevent. You cannot blame yourself for things that were out of and were never within your control."  
  
"But there are so many things I've done that ended up leading to more and more disasters."  
  
"You never knew how they would end."  
  
I couldn't continue without spitting some scathing remark at him and what he had to say. I kept myself turned away from him, clenching my fists so tightly my nails dug into my palms, cutting small crescents into my skin. I swore as the blood blossomed over and hastily went to clean it away.   
  
"Here, let me." Fiyero caught my hands and grabbed a dry towel from the counter, gently wiping away the crimson painting my palms.  
  
"Thank you."   
  
"Mmmn." He sighed, tracing the thin, pale scars on the insides of my wrists with his fingers. "Where did these come from?"   
  
"I tried to kill myself – years ago. Obviously I never did manage to go through with it. I was just too damn afraid."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I thought you had died. That was when I first tried to distance myself from people for fear of something like that happening again. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried it wasn't to be. Your family still died because the Gale Force was trying to get at me. Glinda died because she was trying to protect me." I kept my face turned down. "I don't want protection. I don't want you to have to take care of me, or for you to have to be strong for me. I want people to stay away from me so no one else will have to hurt because of me!" My voice cracked, but still I had no tears to cry. "But I just can't be strong for myself anymore! I can't take being responsible anymore!"  
  
Fiyero pulled me into his arms and held me to his chest. "You don't have to be strong right now. You of all people are definitely entitled to weakness now and again, especially since you so seldom show whatever vulnerability you feel." He kissed my hair and then continued, "Elphie, you're not responsible for those things, you never were. Why can't you see that?"   
  
"I suppose it's because every ill that's befallen Oz over the years has been pinned on those that are different, and those that are different are feared. You don't get much more different than woman the color of the city walls, do you?" I relaxed in his embrace and murmured; "I'm being crushed under it all. Fiyero, I think it's been killing me, slowly, agonizingly eating my heart away until it drives me to wish it would just finish me off already." The last words wavered and died on my lips as I pressed my face into his shoulder, my arms loosely wrapped around his waist. He didn't notice as I slipped my hand into his pocket, the one where his switchblade was housed.   
  
"Shhh. don't talk like that." He cupped my cheek in his hand and made me meet his eyes. I leaned into his touch until my lips were against his palm.   
  
"Elphaba, you have to let it go. When you release yourself from what's been weighing on you the pain will eventually ease itself away."  
  
"I wish that were so." I pulled away from his embrace, the knife curled tightly in my palm. I hid it in my sleeve for the time being, hoping he wouldn't realize it was missing.   
  
"Elphie, it is. All you have to do is let go."  
  
"You just don't understand, do you, Fiyero? You never have! That's not possible! I can't let it all go at the snap of a finger! This has been weighing me down for years – I cannot just wave my hand and wish it all away!" I cried, backing away while gesturing widely with my arms and causing Chistery, who had been watching from his vantage point on top of the table, to run scampering under the bed.   
  
"Believe me, if I could kiss it all away from you I would! You alternate between running hot and cold with me; it's either intimate or a fight! Is there never a day where we can just get by without a shouting match?" he retorted.  
  
"Maybe it's better that way!" I replied.   
  
"And why do you say that?"  
  
"Because it'll soften the fact that I'm gone when I finally work up the nerve to leave! Neither of us will have to miss the other as much!"  
  
"Elphaba, we've been through this! I will not let you kill yourself!"  
  
"Who are you, the father of mine that finally decided to show an interest in me?"  
  
"No, I thought I was your lover. You are making me feel like your warden!"  
  
"You won't have to anymore! It's because I love you that I feel I have to go! If only you'd bother to see through my eyes!" With that I flicked open the blade and began to press it into my wrist. Fiyero lunged to knock it away before it could break the skin but as his hand connected I reflexively flashed the knife away, trying not to let it make contact with him. Unbeknownst to me at the time the arc I would swing it in trying to avoid him would cause the switch to slice deep into his upper arm.   
  
He roared out like a wounded animal as he dropped to his knees, the blood pouring profusely forth from the hideous gash. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to find something to serve as a tourniquet. I grabbed the closest thing within reach; the rose scarf I kept folded beneath my pillow. I wrapped it tight around the wound, his blood covering my hands, hoping against hope that he'd be alright. He passed out from loss of blood, his head falling onto my knees, before I had finished tying the scarf tight enough around his arm.   
  
There was blood everywhere; my hands burned because of it but I was far too afraid to pay it much heed. Once I had his gash sufficiently bound up my shock-dulled senses came around enough to tell me I needed to get the liquid off my skin. I found a towel and seized the bottle of oil sitting on the bedside table; hastily I cleansed myself of the blood, but once that was done I pulled a pillow down from the bed and slipped it under Fiyero's head. I wished I was strong enough to be able to get him onto the bed, but I did the next best thing; mindful of his arm, I laid myself down beside him, wrapping my arms around him and trying to comfort him as best I could. I laid a kiss upon his lips and held him close, as much for his sake as for my own. As I laid vigil by his side my heart grew sick and sad, and I worried myself into restless desperation, all the while one frantic thought running through my head; :Oh, gods, I've done it again. I've managed hurt him again! Damn me, what have I done?: 


	18. Chapter 18

OK, I'm really sorry I haven't posted in a while but my computer's down right now - I can't even turn the thing on. I'm putting this chapter up in the computer lab during my study hall and until the machine at home gets fixed I have to wait until my studies to post. Sorry :( I'm technologically challenged - I'm probably the one who broke the computer in the first place lol. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
  
~Chapter 18~  
  
Fiyero did not wake for two days, and in my fear I would neither leave his side nor sleep till he awoke. I laid beside him in such a way so that I could feel his breath on my face; throughout the first day his breathing was labored and sporadic, scaring me beyond all reason. For hours that felt like weeks I thought :Please, Fiyero, don't leave me like this. I can't lose you again!: Thankfully, towards the first night his breathing evened out into a more normal rhythm and I almost collapsed with relief; however, we weren't through with this waking nightmare just yet.   
  
As his breaths became increasingly steadier he also began to cry out in his sleep, sometimes a light moan and others gasps of pain. It tore me apart that there was nothing I could do to relieve him of whatever was plaguing his dreams, be it physical or imaginary. All I could do was gingerly smooth back his sweat-dampened hair every so often and brush a kiss on his forehead if he became restless. I did everything in my power to prevent him from movement; any aggravation to the wound on his arm could cause it to worsen and do more damage than I'd already caused. The last thing he needed was for me to accidentally cause him another malady while trying to protect him.  
  
Now and then my eyes would come to rest on the scarf I'd used to bind up his injury, the old frayed thing that had helped me get here in the first place. It was now patchy with Fiyero's blood, just beginning to dry. That sorry looking length of fabric had seen so much, all of its previous uses having been in acts of love between the two of us. I would've never believed I would one day be using it to stem the flow of blood from a wound I had caused.   
  
At sunset on the second day since my most recent dire mistake Fiyero finally managed to open his eyes. I released the breath I seemed to have been holding for two straight days and took his face in my hand, briefly kissing his forehead, whispering "Oh, love, I was so afraid! I'm so -"  
  
"Shhh. I've lived through worse." he replied hoarsely, cutting me off and trying to push himself up off the floor. He got as far as his knees and I reached out to help him up.  
  
"Here, let me." I leaned down and wrapped an arm around his waist, half lifting him to his feet.   
  
"Sit, and stay. I'll find something to serve as painkiller." I helped him ease himself onto the bed before leaving his side. I began hurriedly picking through the small parcel of my things I had brought with me from Kiamo Ko. I knew I had thrown some herbs and things in before I left, and I unearthed a few certain questionable-looking vials containing what I used as medicine. I quickly poured out some oil onto the herbs and managed to concoct a salve to dress his wound with; perching next to him on the edge of the bed I gently tried to untie the scarf around his upper arm. He gasped when my fingers put the slightest pressure upon it.   
  
"I'm -" I began.  
  
"No, don't. Not now." Fiyero replied, "Save your breath. Just do what has to be done."   
  
Doing my best and failing to ignore how he winced and tensed as I undid the knots in the now thoroughly-bloodstained scarf, I had to exercise extreme control not to just give up and try again later when he wasn't as sore. I hated watching him in pain. Every time I paused in my work he would urge me on. When the scarf fell away I bit my lip at the sight of the gash, a mess of half-congealed blood and torn red tissue. I had done that to him; my hand had been on the knife that tore open his flesh… Swallowing the thought I spread the unsightly sticky mess of a salve over his arm as gently as I could; still he hissed at my touch. Once it was sufficiently covering the wound I made to look for something else to tie his arm up with, but Fiyero grabbed my wrist with is good hand.  
  
"Use what you've got for now. Don't waste time looking for another 'bandage'. The faster this thing heals the better."   
  
"Brace yourself. You're not going to like this."  
  
As much as I didn't like it I still forced myself to begin rebinding his arm with the bloody scarf. He tried his best to hide how much it hurt but he couldn't bite back every whimper or gasp that fought its way to his lips. Once I finally managed to bring myself to finish tying it he let out one last half-swallowed cry.   
  
"That balm should kick in soon. I made sure it was pretty strong; it should make short work of the major pain."  
  
"Thanks." He tried to stretch out but cringed as he tried to move his arm.   
  
"Don't move it if you can help it. If you aggravate the wound it could get worse."  
  
I turned in to face him but cast my eyes down. It was painful to see his face contorted from the hurt.  
  
"I want to apologize but I don't know how to go about it. How can I say I'm sorry for…for this? I don't think I'll ever be able to atone for it."  
  
"You don't have to apologize for the physical wounds. I know you weren't trying to do what you did. I need you to realize how much more it hurts knowing that you feel you need to relieve me of yourself."  
  
"Yes, I do need to. There's so much I've done to you over the span of time I've been here. The only way I can find to release you from whatever other hurts I seem to have such a gift for causing would be to rid you of me."   
  
"Elphie, if you still want to commit suicide at the end of all this I won't stand in your way, but until I heal I need you to try to realize that the pain in my arm is nothing compared to the pain of thinking of what my life would be like without you in it, without the foolish hope that I still might see you again. There's something I need to show you that might help you realize what I've been going through while watching you tear yourself apart."  
  
"What might that be?"  
  
"Here." He used his good hand to open the top four buttons on his shirt then ran his finger in a line from one side of his neck to the other across the base of his throat. I leaned in closer to see what he was getting at. There was a thin scar along the path his finger had traced, only a slight shade lighter than the surrounding skin and almost invisible; I didn't even see the scar until I saw where it cleaved in two one of the blue diamonds on his skin.   
  
"Where did that come from?"  
  
"You're not the only one who's come close to suicide."  
  
"Why-?"  
  
"Because I loved you and wanted to be with you, no matter what I'd have to do to get there. I thought you had died and much like you the first time around, I figured that a life without love wasn't worth living. I thought this would be the quickest and easiest way to go. Like you again I lost my nerve, and I was too afraid to try it once more."  
  
My mind seemed to shatter into hundreds of tiny shards; how could anyone love me like that?   
  
I gently touched my fingers to his scar. "I think I understand." I whispered.   
  
"Good," he replied, taking my hand and pressing it to his cheek, "good."  
  
I leaned over and kissed his forehead. "But, love, I can't make you any guarantees. If I don't screw anything else by the time you heal I might be able to make you some promises."  
  
"Then I'll do my best, on one condition."  
  
"And that condition is?"  
  
"You have to help me. If I'm going to heal, I want it to be as soon as possible." He took his finger and lifted my chin, staring into my eyes. "That means no talk of death, please, or any doomsday prophecies or anything else of the like. And no degrading yourself or piling more blame on yourself than is necessary."  
  
"I'll try." I was willing to do or say almost anything to make him happy right now. The faster we'd forget about my latest screw-up the better. Soon neither of us would be able to take much more. "Has that painkiller kicked in any yet?"  
  
"A little."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I can't believe you kept this thing."  
  
"What, that scarf?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"For one thing, you gave it to me; I used to love that fringed piece of work. Don't you remember how many nights I wore it?" My face colored a vile mix of pink and green and he smiled; I still went on, "For years after that it was the only thing I had left of you. Of course I kept it. It was the focus for the spell I used to get here in the first place."  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about. What in Oz is a focus?"  
  
"It's an object that can help you to pinpoint someone or something, for lack of a better explanation, but the focus object itself has to have once been in contact with or belonged to the person or place you're trying to find."  
  
"You used that ratty old thing to get to me?"  
  
"It was the only thing I had of yours, or that had once been somewhat yours."   
  
"Well, it won't be good for much now." he said, no doubt referring to the amount of blood on the thing, a hint of sadness coloring his voice.  
  
"Actually, I think it might be better this way."  
  
"Covered in my blood? How is that better?"  
  
"If I ever lose you again I'll be able to get back to you somewhat more easily than the amount of effort it took to get me here. The blood is undeniably yours, all the more desirable in a focus."  
  
"For someone who's never had magical instruction you seem to know quite a lot about the sorceric."   
  
"Some of it I managed to pick up from Glinda while we were at Shiz. Whatever else I know is in the Grimmerie, or at least was in that monstrosity of a spell book at some point or another."  
  
Chistery, who had been hiding under the bed for the past two days, finally managed to crawl out when he sensed the coast was clear; I wasn't yelling, Fiyero wasn't in that much pain at the moment, in my monkey's eyes all was well with the world. He unfurled his wings and flitted up to bring himself to rest in my lap.  
  
"Hello, my little winged friend. What brings you back out into the light of day?" Fiyero asked Chistery, who had begun to brush some dust bunnies out of his golden fur. The monkey then scampered up onto his shoulder, climbing right over his wound. Fiyero hissed and I rushed to scoop Chistery off him.   
  
"Are you alright?" I asked, snatching the monkey away and about to try and see if there was anything I could do to help him.   
  
"It was just the contact pressure from his paws. I'm fine now. The pain was gone as soon as it came."   
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"I'm sure." he said, rubbing his shoulder and trying to put my mind at rest.  
  
"Here, let me." I set Chistery on my pillow and positioned myself behind Fiyero, easing him back until he was leaning against me, his head against my shoulder. I gently laid my hands on his shoulders, carefully massaging them and the muscles around the wound on his right arm.  
  
"Just tell me if I'm hurting you any." I said, working my fingers over his flesh.   
  
"No, not at all." He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, enjoying my touch. Eventually he fell asleep in my arms, lulled by the steady rhythm of the strokes my hands made. I kissed one of the blue diamonds right below his ear and softly sang to him, at ease for the first moment in a long time. 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19  
  
Fiyero slept in my arms for about two hours; I didn't want to move him for fear of waking him up or hurting him, so I waited as he lay in my embrace, singing to him softly a lullaby type of song I made up as I went along. When at a loss for words to add I would hum or just let my voice lilt over the flowing notes. I tried to remember the words as I added them, hoping to commit the song to memory; I didn't sing anymore, and to tell the truth I never realized how much I missed it until then.  
  
After a while he opened his eyes, staring drowsily into my face, and I, being so absorbed in the song, didn't even notice until he spoke.  
  
"That's beautiful."  
  
I abruptly cut off the song and my face colored a particularly nasty shade of pink-tinged emerald, slightly embarrassed at having been heard. I hadn't realized he'd awakened or that he had heard any of what I'd been singing.  
  
"Please, Fabala, your voice is lovely. Why'd you stop?"  
  
"Because you're awake."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"I didn't mean for anyone to hear me."  
  
"What's the point of singing if you don't mean for your song to be heard?"  
  
"I sang to put you to sleep. People who are asleep can't hear me. That was my aim."  
  
"Are you embarrassed by my hearing you or something?"  
  
"To be honest, yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I haven't sung in years. For all I know I could sound like some cawing raven."  
  
"More like a nightingale."  
  
"Stop. I don't even know what I sound like, and frankly I don't want to know."  
  
"Then maybe you should sing more often and get used to the sound of your own voice."  
  
"Oh, no. This has been mortifying enough."  
  
"How has this been mortifying, I ask you?"  
  
"I don't like showcasing myself. For anyone."  
  
"But your voice is something that rightfully should be showcased and acknowledged as beautiful, especially by me."  
  
"But it's not."  
  
"Yes it is, and don't argue with me. Yesterday you agreed not to degrade yourself, remember?"  
  
I sighed. "Alright, I'll stop, but only if you let this go."  
  
"But why should I? I think you're so unused to hearing someone give you compliments that I need to teach you how to accept them again."  
  
"I don't want to be taught to accept something I'll never get. Besides, who in their right mind would look to find anything about me that's worth complimenting?"  
  
"I would."  
  
"Besides you."  
  
He changed tracks on me to avoid answering the question. "You sang for me and Glinda and a whole lot of other people in that bar years back. You weren't afraid then."  
  
"I was still at school! I had been drinking wine with all of you for the better part of the evening! And my singing then hadn't been by choice. If I remember correctly, it was you, Glinda, and the rest of them that made me sing before we left the place for the night. Actually, it was Nessarose's doing, since she was the one who brought it up in the first place." I tried to ignore the pangs that came from remembering Nessa and Glinda, especially Glinda.  
  
"But everyone in the entire bar went quiet. They all wanted to hear you. They liked the sound of your voice."  
  
"That was then and this is now."  
  
"I don't care when it was. Do you remember the words to the song?"  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"Try to remember, please, for me." He gave me big, pleading eyes in a desperate appeal to my heart and I laughed at his ridiculous expression.  
  
"Even if I do manage to remember the words, you can't make me sing it."  
  
"Please, Fabala?" he pleaded, pushing himself up out of my lap with his good arm.  
  
"I'll think about it."  
  
"Is that a yes or a no?"  
  
"Will you drop it already?" I asked, throwing my hands up in mock exasperation.  
  
"No." He smiled smugly at me. "It'll help my arm if you'd sing for me."  
  
"Now it's my turn to refuse."  
  
"You promised to help me heal, Elphie. You can't go back on your word, not when I need you so badly."  
  
"My voice will do nothing for you, so stop trying to guilt me into singing."  
  
"I'll stop badgering you if you sing a little of it for me."  
  
"How much, exactly, constitutes 'a little'?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know, until I ask you to stop?"  
  
"Definitely not."  
  
"Okay, then, half of it."  
  
"Maybe, if I can remember that much." I said, trying to make him leave it at that.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You owe me for this, Fiyero." I replied. He kissed my cheek.  
  
"My debt to you shall be paid in full when this damned arm of mine decides to mend."  
  
"I'll take you up on that, mark my words." I finished, trying to concentrate on the old song and silently growling at my stupidity.  
  
After a while I gave up on it without really trying that hard. "I can't remember this, who am I kidding? Tell you what, I'll make you up a new one sometime and I'll sing it for you once I've worked out a tune."  
  
_:And once I've worked up the courage to.:_ I added to myself.  
  
"Oh, alright, but still try to remember the old one. It was such a pretty thing. You have a way with words and how to make them really touch people. We all had tears in our eyes when you sang for us so long ago."  
  
I smiled a little. "I'll try. But again, no promises." The words had actually been coming back to me as I spoke, but I wanted to avoid singing it as long as possible. I needed to forestall the inevitable influx of memory.  
  
"I guess I'll take what little I can get, then." he said, reaching over and scratching Chistery's golden fur. The monkey lifted his head and sat up, then padded over to sit in Fiyero's lap. Chistery gave a purr-like sound as Fiyero scratched his back, stretching out and flexing his wings.  
  
"I can't get over how much my Chistery's taken to you."  
  
"I was always playing with him while you worked yourself crazy over the Grimmerie. I guess it's because he knew he couldn't get any attention out of you while you were working so he took what he could get."  
  
"He hasn't spoken in a while. Normally he babbles strings of words together just for the sake of making noise."  
  
"I've noticed. I wonder why he's been so quiet."  
  
"The last intelligible thing he said to me was chiding me to stop fighting with you before Glinda came here looking for help, and the last sounds I remember him making were from the day before she – she turned herself in."  
  
"He told you to stop yelling at me?"  
  
"Yes, and that's beside the point. I don't know why he's been so silent lately." I said, wrenching my mind away from Glinda.  
  
"Maybe he just doesn't have much to say." Fiyero replied lightly.  
  
"No, it's not like him."  
  
Chistery looked at me, yawned, and blinked twice. "You sing for us. Yero likes." The monkey urged. All I could do was stare. That was the closest thing to an actual sentence I'd ever heard him utter. Maybe this was the link I'd been searching for between the Animals and animals...no, one almost- sentence wasn't enough proof. I'd need Chistery to begin continually talking like that before I'd be able to go anywhere with the theories I'd created a few years back based on my work with Dr. Dillamond at Shiz.  
  
Fiyero laughed. "The monkey has spoken! That's two of us who want you to sing." I rolled my eyes at him.  
  
"Not now! I don't even know what I'd –"  
  
"Then can you make something up?"  
  
"I already told you, I don't like showcasing myself for one thing and for another I told you I'd sing once you've given me time to create something to sing."  
  
"You've got time now."  
  
"Just drop it!" I cried.  
  


Later on, once he finally did decide to drop it, I mixed together some more of the salve I'd put on his arm the previous evening. I flinched more than he did when it came time for me to undo the knots in the scarf and to lay eyes on the wound again.  
  
When the scarf fell away I made myself examine the gash to calculate the extent of the damage; it wasn't as deep as I'd thought, thank goodness, though still a mess of congealed blood and twisted, torn flesh.  
  
"Well, there is one piece of good news. The wound itself isn't as deep as I'd guessed by the amount of blood you lost; it should heal well, but it'll leave you a nasty souvenir. You've got to have that washed. It'll get worse if you don't. Since I'm incapable of getting my hands wet I'll try my oil on it and see how that goes."  
  
"Do what you must. The faster this monstrosity heals the better, scar or no scar." Fiyero replied, bracing himself for the sting.  
  
"I didn't think you'd be happy with another one." I answered, swiping the bottle of oil from Fiyero's bedside table and opening it. "I've got so many of them one more will hardly matter to me at all."  
  
I paused before pouring the liquid into my hands. "Yes, but how many of those scars were ultimately my doing, like this one is or will be?"  
  
"One: they were not your fault and two: you agreed not to bring it up, no matter how much you may believe it. You never meant any of it, so let the matter rest. The faster you forgive yourself and forget about it the better." He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I have no need to forgive you, since you've done nothing wrong. The only thing left for you to do is to forgive yourself and help your own wounds to heal. Consider the subject closed."  
  
I didn't pursue the matter nor did I speak. :My wounds are deeper than you know, love.:  
  
I poured the oil onto his upper arm and rubbed it over the wound, my strokes brisk and businesslike yet gentle enough not to hurt him. It succeeded in removing whatever blood had dried on his skin as well as cleaning it so I could re-administer the balm. Once that was done I tried retying the scarf around his arm.  
  
"Tell me if I'm hurting you."  
  
"You're careful enough not to hurt me."  
  
"Just bear with me, alright? I worry about you. I'd be worried if I were you, having to live with me."  
  
"Why should I be?"  
  
"You told me to drop the matter before and now I'm dropping it. I don't have the strength to avoid another fight."  
  
"Neither do I, which is probably obvious, but I can't afford to fight with you anyway. I can't do much for myself at the moment without you."  
  
"Your patience must be infinite to be able to deal with this so well."  
  
"I had to wait for a lot of things over the years; if I'm not patient by now I'll never be."  
  
He flinched as I knotted the scarf for the last time; I must've pulled it a little too tight. The makeshift bandage tied once more, I settled myself next to him, just thinking and enjoying his company. After a little while he spoke.  
  
"Fabala, would you hate me terribly if I asked you to massage my shoulders like you did last night?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't hate you terribly. Maybe a little, but not that much." I answered, a smile twitching at the corners of my mouth as I came to rest behind him once more. He leaned back, his head resting just below my shoulder; I kneaded my fingers into his flesh and felt his muscles relax under my touch. He closed his eyes, letting out a contented sigh before he spoke again.  
  
"Would you hate me terribly, Fabala-Fae, if I asked you to sing for me?"  
  
"You're pushing your luck just a little, my dear."  
  
"Please, Elphie? I really do love the sound of your voice." he pleaded.  
  
I pressed my eyes shut, swallowed what little dignity I still had and tried not to let my face flush. :The things I do for him...I'm surprised I have any dignity left to swallow.: My face burned, but still the words came in a rush and it took a minute for me to sort them out into some semblance of a song. I never realized just how easily the music came to me, lyrics and notes alike. Trying to forget the fact that Fiyero was there listening to me, I let the notes flow off my tongue like water in a stream; hurried at first, but once I got used to the sound of my voice the flow of the music itself it slowed as if the rivulet had leveled off, streaming lazily onward toward its mouth and end.  
  
_"Things once bright have faded /The moon once full has waned/A dream once strong had weakened/Things found have been lost once more_  
  
_"But everything feels differently now/My memories no longer seem like my own/Unspoken feelings surface yet again/Your kindness has made such a difference._  
  
_**"There's a tune I can't begin to sing/This unexpected song/So brand new and strange/It's a sensationI can't yet understand/This unexpected love/But it's tracing its path on my heart**_  
  
_"I've asked you time and time again/Whatever made you choose me?/I'm so quiet and yet so noticeable/But I can fade before your eyes_  
  
_"You sweetly laugh and take my hands/Then look into my eyes/You say I see you differently/And I accept you as you are  
_  
_**"I've started to learn how to sing/Our unexpected song/So beautiful and frightening/I've started to let myself feel/Your unexpected love/All at once I know my heart is yours  
**  
"I don't understand why you let me in/Being as different as I am/I don't now why you see me as such/But I need you like no one else has  
  
"I've never known anything like it/You see me as though I'm an exquisite rose/You know me like no one else ever has,/You're the only one who let his heart see  
  
**"I'll forever be able to sing/Our unexpected song/So only we can hear it/I may never understand/Our unexpected love/But only we can feel it."**_  
  
My song ended and I finally dared to open my eyes, my face aflame as I glanced nervously down at Fiyero. There were tears in his eyes.  
  
"Are you alright?" I asked, thinking my touch had unknowingly put too much pressure on his wound.  
  
"Yes," he stammered, "I'm fine. I just – don't know what to say."  
  
"Then don't say anything." I murmured, resting my lips against his hair. I almost didn't want to know what he thought of it. He rested in my arms for a short while before he pushed himself up and turned around to sit before me.  
  
"You owe me for that, Yero my hero." I said; my face hadn't yet completely lost its unsightly blush and I tried to hide it from him. He caught my cheek in his hand, forcing me to look at him.  
  
"I know, and like I promised, sooner or later I'll be able to repay you for it in full once this blasted arm is through torturing me. For now, though..." He pulled my face close to his and touched his lips to mine in a series of little kisses, each one deeper and more passionate than the one before it. I laughed lightly and leaned in to receive his kisses, stealing them from his lips and then giving them back, only to accept another right after I returned them. When finally we did pull away from each other the blood was singing in my ears and I could feel my heart beating swift as a bird's.  
  
"Fae-Fae, that was beautiful. You really ought to sing for me more often, if this is what comes after it." I smiled, averting my eyes; the blush was creeping back up into my cheeks.  
  
"Now you've only got to remember the song from Shiz and I'll be able to stop bothering you." He smiled, but the little grin was erased from my lips; I couldn't sing again, not that song.  
  
"I'm not singing that one, even if I do manage to remember all the words to it." I replied, wiping my face blank.  
  
"But your voice is beautiful; what are you so afraid of?"  
  
"It's the memories that come with my lyrics I really don't care to recall."  
  
"What's to be afraid of? A memory is just a residual image of something that's long past; what's to be afraid of?"  
  
"It's not that I'm afraid of them, it's the fact that they're there. In case you haven't noticed, every memory I have has some sort of pain attached to its recollection."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Look, love, I really don't want to talk about it right now." I said, turning my face away. He still didn't know exactly how much loss I've seen, how much my heart still twanged with hurt every time the subject was brought up; if he continued with the oblivious glib comments I'd most definitely spark either my own depression or an argument. He didn't need me to sink into either, nor did I want to. Right then I wanted to love Fiyero as best I was able and I needed more than anything to be loved by him; in order for me to love him like he deserved first I needed to forget the curse of memory that came with loss; a loss that cut too deep, bled too freely and scarred too visibly to ignore.  
  
"Elphaba, what is it? Please let me in. I can't take being shut away." he said gently, sliding his hand over my shoulder and down my arm until his fingers were tangled with mine.  
  
"You're not much going to like what I have to say."  
  
"Try me."  
  
"No, love, it's not worth it."  
  
"Elphie." He stared into my eyes and I saw the pain in them. "Please. I don't know how to help you if you won't agree to help yourself."  
  
"I really don't enjoy being psychoanalyzed."  
  
"I'm not trying to. You need to let go of whatever's weighing on your soul."  
  
"I've never had a soul."  
  
"I'm not up to a repeat of conversations and arguments that died years ago. All I'm asking is that you open up to me. I want to help you."  
  
"Fiyero, everything I do or say comes with memory, memory I neither want nor need. Memory that reaches throughout my veins and threatens to shred me apart. I look at you and I see the pain I've caused. I remember your family and I see blood. I think of Glinda and I see her face pallid and cold. I look at myself and I often see a monster, sometimes a disease, and others a human wrecking ball. I've destroyed so many, and now it's destroying me. I don't know how to escape." I paused, then laughed derisively. "Strange how much fresh damage my remembering one song can cause."  
  
"Elphie, come." he said, reaching out to pull me into his embrace. I wanted to resist, afraid he would hurt himself, but gave in despite it. He enfolded me in a one-armed embrace and I squeezed him back as hard as I could.  
  
"Help me, Fiyero, I can't do this alone. I don't even know if I can do this at all." I murmured, fraught and exhausted, yet more open than I'd ever been with him. I'd never been one to bare my soul or lack thereof to anyone, not even to myself, but now I had reached the point of no return. It was either I admit to my own weakness and ask Fiyero for the help I so desperately needed or let him watch me waste into a wraith with nothing left of me but the emaciated shell of my body.  
  
"I'll do my best if you will. I won't leave you alone with this, Elphaba. I'd never give you up, not for the world." he said softly, moving as if to run his hand through my hair but stopping mid gesture, hissing with pain. I extricated myself from him and moved away. I knew I needed help, preferably as soon as possible, but he came first in my eyes. Right now he needed my help more than I needed his.  
  
"We can deal with my twisted mind some other time. First I want you to take care of yourself. Rest now; I'll still be here when you wake." I gently pushed his good shoulder until he was resting back against the pillows. I smoothed his hair away from his face and smiled feebly. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"Can you sing for me, the one Unexpected Song, one last time? I'll never ask you to again if you'll do this for me now."  
  
"I'll try." Pushing the notes past the knot in my throat I sang him into sleep before curling up beside him, descending into the irrevocable blackness of the night clouding my eyes – or were they tears fogging my vision? 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20  
  
When I awoke there were vague nightmarish images chasing themselves around my head. There had been a nightmare haunting me during the night, a dream that was beyond my power to recall it. I couldn't remember much of it past the blood. I knew there had been blood, and…something else.   
  
The skin around my eyes was raw and burning; there must have been fear-induced tears there during the night. It hurt when I tried to force the lids apart.   
  
_:Oh, damn! The oil's on his bedside table.:_ I thought, sitting up and probing with my hand to make sure Fiyero wasn't anywhere close enough for me to accidentally hit as I tried to close my fingers around the bottle. My hand brushed against his back and he cringed slightly; it must have been getting worse to hurt hum that easily. He had turned over in his sleep, nursing his injured arm to his chest. While I fought to find the bottle and tried to avoid touching Fiyero lest I do something to hurt him, Chistery scurried out from under the bed and flitted up into my lap.  
  
"Not now, little one, I'll play later." I told him, setting him aside and struggling to keep my eyes open past the pain. I groped blindly for the bottle of oil, and once I did have it in my grip to my dismay there was only a little left filming over the bottom and sides of the bottle. I poured out what little there was and smoothed it over my eyes, leaning back to wait for the return of my sight. In the blackness behind my eyelids the images from the dream swam to the front, much clearer than they had been when I'd tried to recall them earlier. I didn't want to see them again now and I tried to push them away but it only made the visions more prominent and brought them into sharper focus.   
  
_ ::I was sprawled out on the floor, resting on my side. There was blood, dark and sticky flowing from my wrists, which were slack and resting palms-up on the floor. And in the midst of the scarlet mess there was the dull color of steel, or something else vaguely silvery…it was Fiyero's switchblade, my blood still sliding in large droplets from the steel. Then there was another hand, adorned with azure diamonds, closing around the handle of the knife. Fiyero raised it to his throat and then…::   
_  
I felt Chistery land in my lap. The images dissipated and I was unable to call them back to mind.   
  
"No see sight?" the monkey chattered, climbing to my shoulder and laying a paw on my forehead.  
  
"No, I can't see right now."   
  
"Dream dark?" That comment unnerved me a little, but I answered anyway, half-hoping he would say something else like that. I wondered what he was getting at.  
  
"Yes, it was."  
  
"Nightmare nothing nice?"  
  
"Not at all, little friend. Nothing nice at all." I said, humoring him, actually eager for him to continue. His words seemed to get more and more unsettling as he went on, but as they became unsettling they also made sense.   
  
"Something silver there, silver switch–" he cut off mid-thought, turning to face Fiyero and scampering off my shoulder to examine him. I opened my eyes, ignoring the initial burning sensation that came with forcing them apart while not yet healed. Fiyero was moaning quietly, his face twisted in pain, sweat dampening his brow as he clutched his arm to his chest. It hurt to blink, but I hardly noticed. I went to feel his forehead, bracing myself for the sting. He was burning up; as my fingers made contact with his skin his eyes sprung open, glancing around frantically with a wild look to them like that of a frightened rabbit being cornered by a ravenous wolf. I sharply drew back my hand, drawing in a startled breath.   
  
"Fiyero, what's wrong?" I asked, wiping the sweat from his face with the edge of the blanket.   
  
"Nothing, I – I'm fine. It was nothing."  
  
"You're hiding from me." I replied. "You were cradling your arm before. Might it have had anything to do with that?"  
  
"The wound twinges on and off."  
  
"I wouldn't call what it was doing to you a 'twinge', Fiyero."  
  
"It was just a quick flash of an ache, nothing more. It was over as soon as it had come."  
  
"Something's telling me I shouldn't believe you."  
  
"Look, Elphie, I'm alright. You don't need to hover so."  
  
"Yes I do. You're not letting on and it's my duty as your lover, and as of this moment your nurse, to poke and prod until you tell me what's wrong."  
  
"It's nothing all that bad."  
  
"'Nothing all that bad' my eye! I was the one who caused you that wound in the first place so the least you could do is let me do my best to set things right! Tell me, Fiyero, please, tell me what's been bothering you." He shook his head to refuse.   
  
"Then let me have a look at it so I can assess the damage myself." He tried to jerk his arm away before I could lay a hand on the knot tying the scarf around it, but he hissed from the sudden movement.   
  
"You see, something must be wrong, otherwise you'd let me tend to you."   
  
He lay back, sighing heavily and resigning himself to my incessant probing. "Just look, then, if you must." He sounded irritated, but resigned to the fact that we both knew I was right.  
  
I undid the knot and the scarf fell away. The flesh around the wound was inflamed, much redder than it had been the night before. Something was definitely amiss.   
  
"I think it's getting worse, Fiyero, maybe an infection. I don't know what's causing it, but I have to get you something else to serve as a bandage. This scarf is absolutely filthy." I tore through my things, finding a skirt long enough to tear up some without doing too much damage to it. Once there was a sufficient length of fabric balled in my hand I laid it aside and set to finding something to clean his arm with. There wasn't any oil left in my bottle and I dared not go near the water.   
  
"Do you think you'll be able to hold out long enough to wash this yourself? You know I'd do it for you but I've no more oil and you know that water and I do not mix."   
  
"I'll be alright." He shoved himself to his feet and gingerly trod across the room to the sink. Carefully rubbing some soap onto the wound he scooped water up into his hand he let it flow over the wound, clenching his teeth against the pain. After a short while I went over to him and dried it with a towel as gently as I could, muttering apologies every time he winced.   
  
"Fabala, be quiet. Apologies can't serve as physical painkillers. If I was doing this myself it'd most definitely hurt more than how you've been drying it off."  
  
I bit back a protest and continued to pat his wound dry. It was no use arguing with Fiyero; he always found a way to wear down my stubborn resolve until he could get me to listen to him. I silently cursed myself for giving in more easily than I used to, but in this instance, however much I hated to admit it, he was undoubtedly correct. He probably would end up hurting himself more than I'd been. His patience with me was infinite (the reason behind it I'd never been able to understand); his patience with himself was as small a measure as mine was when I was dealing with my own shortcomings.  
  
Once I'd re-bandaged his arm I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He opened his mouth as if to say there was, but decided against it and replied "No, Elphie, I'm fine for now. Come sit with me." I was sure he'd been about to ask me to sing but he'd thought better of it, thankfully.   
  
I sat beside him and he wrapped his good arm around my waist; even still, he winced from the pain in the other that came about with even the slightest movement. We sat in silence for a while, just thinking and each being comforted by the closeness of the other.   
  
  
  
Over the next few days he didn't ask me to sing again nor did he take me up on my promise to remember the song I'd invented at Shiz. He must have realized at last how much recalling old incidences had been wearing on me during my time spent here in the city with him. The memories tore at me, working at my nerves, which would ultimately cause me to become a shattered, hopeless mess, a mere shadow of my former self without even a fraction of the strength I used to have. I felt that what little strength I had left had been dwindling alarmingly with each new defeat I was thrown. Already I'd become vastly different from the woman I'd once been; I'd lost much of the hard edge that was once my best means of escape from the human race and I'd become more open in the process. The new openness came with vulnerability, a quality I would've liked more than anything to trade in for the edge I'd lost in its acquisition, but the loss of the vulnerability would drive me away from Fiyero. I couldn't do that to us, not again. I'd done the both of us enough damage already.   
  
  
  
That damage worsened as the days went by. Every morning I would check the status of Fiyero's injury, which was becoming further inflamed as time passed, make him wash it again so I could put the salve I'd been using on it and then I'd continue to tear up the dress whose fabric I'd been using to bandage his arm. The wound was beginning to close up, but the surrounding flesh flushed ominously as it did so. I feared an infection and voiced to him my concerns over acquiring something to treat it with before it caused damage I couldn't repair.   
  
"I've no oil to clean it anymore, and the longer that gash festers the faster the pain and the gash itself could become irreversible."  
  
"It'll heal eventually. Don't worry so much, Elphaba."  
  
"Look, love, I know it'll get worse if you don't do something about it. I'm not blind; I can see how much it's been bothering you lately, and it's only going to hurt more as time goes on. Please, let's try to prevent that before something we'll regret happens."  
  
He sighed and gave in, his tone slightly irritated. "I'll see if I can find a way to get my hands on some oil and maybe some rubbing alcohol for it. Are you quite happy now?"  
  
"I'm absolutely overjoyed." I replied dryly. "Thank you." He squeezed my hand and said nothing.   
  
  
  
Another day or two passed like that before I was woken up towards midnight from an already restless sleep. Of the two voices in the room Fiyero's was easily recognizable, but the other was also strangely familiar.   
  
"I've got you the things you needed. That should hold you for another two weeks or so. I – damn, Fiyero, what in Oz happened to you?"  
  
"That's not important right now. I need to know if you can get me one or two bottles of oil and something that'll either clean this thing or a medicine or some sort that'll prevent further infection."  
  
"The oil I know I can get you. I'll do my best by way of the medicinal request but I can't make you any promises, though."  
  
"Thanks. This means a lot to us."  
  
"'Us'? Who's 'us'?"  
  
"No one, Boq. I meant me."  
  
I tried not to stir or even breathe too loudly lest I give my presence away. Obviously Fiyero didn't want Boq to know I was alive, let alone here, and neither did I for that matter. What I wanted to know was why Boq was here in the first place. Fiyero was in for a full-scale interrogation once Boq decided to make his way out of here.  
  
"To be honest with you, Fiyero, I really don't believe you're alone, judging from the lump lying asleep in your bed."  
  
"Boq, I think it's time you left –" Fiyero began, but Boq interjected.   
  
"I thought you were still in love with Elphaba. I see you've finally moved on; good for you. I guess the death of the Wicked Witch of the West did manage to do you some good after all." I heard Boq snort good-naturedly and thump Fiyero on the back. Fiyero bit back a cry of pain and Boq muttered a hurried apology.   
  
"Anyway, I'm happy for you. You really did need another woman in your life; you spent far too much time yearning for the one that had been doomed from the start. I'm glad to see that you've let Elphaba go at last. Well, what does your new lady friend look like?" Boq prompted, striding over to the bedside. I prayed that he wouldn't see me, that Fiyero wouldn't let him get close enough to see me.  
  
"Boq, no –" Fiyero started urgently, and judging from the gasp I heard escape his lips I guessed he'd tried to reach out to stop Boq with his bad arm. Boq pulled the covers away from my face, his fingers brushing against my cheek as he did so. I winced from even that slight contact, afraid of what would happen if he came to know I was alive. Boq drew in a sharp breath as the blankets fell back from my face. 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21  
  
I continued to feign sleep for the time being, unsure of what to do just yet. I didn't want to just leap up and start shouting, which I felt that at this point I was quite apt to do. I was furious, but at the same time afraid. I was never the best of friends or even on the best of terms with Boq; the two of us had never really been able to see eye-to-eye. What would he do now that he knew I was still alive and did I really want to know?  
  
"Sweet Oz!" Boq whispered, drawing sharply backward as if I was poisoning the air he breathed with my presence; he stumbled over his own feet but managed to catch himself before he fell.   
  
"How the hell – Fiyero, you've got some explaining to do." he sputtered out, in a voice that sounded like it was colored by rage and also by something like fear.   
  
"You're not kidding." I interjected coldly, sitting up and fixing Boq with a hard, burning glare. My eyes slowly traveled to rest their gaze on Fiyero, losing none of their fire in the process.   
  
"You," I said tersely, turning again and training my eyes on Boq, who was standing a little ways away in a position that looked like he was trying to appear confident, but it came across as something more like a cower, "Sit." I gestured toward the small table and chairs at the center of the room. He obeyed tentatively, thoroughly shaken.   
  
"You," I turned back to address Fiyero, "Explain."  
  
He sank onto the edge of the bed, massaging his temples with one hand. "I've been in contact with Boq for a good ten years or more now. He's been getting me supplies and whatever I've been living off of since then so I didn't have to leave here and risk getting caught again. Normally I would've met him outside, but he never told me he was coming tonight. I heard him knock on the door but before could get there he let himself in. He saw you, in bed and asleep with the covers over your head, and-" Boq looked as if he was about to interrupt with some remark I didn't want to hear.  
  
"I heard most everything from there on." I cut in, shooting Boq a look that said,_ ::You've made too many mistakes for one night. Keep your mouth shut and tread carefully with me.::_  
  
"Elphie, I'm –" Fiyero tried to continue.  
  
"Don't waste your breath on apologies." I said, dismissing Fiyero and addressing Boq again. "It'd be best for me right now if you left, lest something puts me over the edge, but there are a few thing I have to set straight with you before you do. I'll leave you alone for as long as I manage to keep my life if you don't breathe a word of my existence to anyone. If you do you're not only handing me a death sentence, you're probably handing Fiyero his as well. I know you're not too keen on seeing me again but you barging in here and poking your nose into my business isn't exactly my cup of tea, either."  
  
"I'm not much worried about you, Elphaba, I'm more concerned about Fiyero. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who slashed his arm open." he said, his voice icy.   
  
I was taken aback at first, yet still recovered fast enough to shoot at him sardonically, "Your tongue's loosened considerably since last we met. Would you mind terribly if I tie it back up, or better yet, _cut it out entirely?_"   
  
Fiyero stepped between Boq and me, his words level and calm. "Both of you, be civil! Boq, it really would be best if you left right about now, but before you go you have to promise me you won't utter so much as one syllable concerning Elphaba to anyone. Have I made myself clear?"  
  
"Crystal," he spat, "but if it's not too bold of me to say so, what's the difference if she lives or dies? She's a Wi-"  
  
"That is most definitely too bold." Fiyero growled, his tone turned dangerous. "Elphaba is not a witch, never was, probably never will be. If you won't keep tonight's events within this room for her sake, do it for mine. I love her more than life itself; you of all people should know that."  
  
I heard Boq mutter something that sounded like "Then you must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."  
  
"I call you a friend, Boq, and you know I can't do much for myself right now. It'll help me a great deal if the two of you would just agree to put up with each other, if nothing else." Fiyero went on.   
  
"I won't give either of you away. You have my word." Boq said.  
  
"I'll keep my mouth shut if he holds to his end of this." I replied.  
  
"Good." Fiyero finished, closing the discussion.  
  
"I'll see what I can do about the medicine for your arm and I'll be back with whatever I can get to you as soon as possible." Boq strode across the room and left without so much as glancing at me, and closing the door behind him.  
  
As soon as Boq was out of sight and earshot, I took Fiyero's hand and bade him sit down at the table.   
  
"Since we're both awake and it doesn't look as if I'll be sleeping anytime soon, I might as well say this now." I fell into the chair opposite him. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've avoided the scene that ensued if I'd been informed ahead of time."  
  
"I didn't because I was trying to avoid a scenario like that which came to pass tonight, and also I wasn't willing to risk having either of us go out to do things ourselves. It would've been far too easy to slip up somewhere and get caught. Lurline knows what would've happened then."  
  
"I understand completely, and I agree that it's a lot less dangerous to rely on Boq to get us what we need, but it would've been easier on both of us if you'd just told me about him. To say the least, I wouldn't have lashed out like I did." I paused, searching his blank face for any sign of emotion, then continued, finding nothing in his unreadable expression. "I don't keep things from you anymore; to tell the truth, I no longer feel capable of keeping anything from you. I need you to be open with me just as much as you need me to be open with you, maybe more."  
  
"Here, get some sleep. If you're ever going to heal you're going to have to stop moving as much as you've been." I took his hand, lacing my fingers through his. I led him back to the bed and urged him to sleep. Once he laid back he fell asleep within a quarter of an hour, but I was still far too incensed with Boq to even hope to rest. His words kept reeling through my head:   
  
_"You must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."  
  
"What's the difference if she lives or dies?"  
_  
When he'd said that those comments they'd smarted worse than a slap to the face. Now that they've had time to sink in they stung far worse than salt in an open wound; an open wound that still bled, even though I hadn't even realized existed until now.   
  
_** "What's the difference if she lives or dies?"  
**_  
Unfortunately I didn't find it hard to believe the fact that Boq thought that way about me, but I refused to think about it or let his comments ferment and distort themselves until I became a monster in my own eyes again.   
  
  
  
In the morning I felt Fiyero's heartbeat beneath my cheek; I'd no idea how I came to be in such a position, resting on his chest, but I delayed getting up for as long as possible, just being comforted by the steady rhythm of his heart. I sighed, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.   
  
"Elphie? Are you up?"  
  
"Mmmn hmmmn. You feel okay?"   
  
"Better than I did last night."   
  
"Good."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
I sat up and tried to avoid his question; what little intimacy there had been evaporated. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Please don't take any of what Boq said last night to heart. He couldn't have meant it."  
  
"He's made it quite clear that he doesn't give a damn if I die. Since I've tried my hand at death already and failed I'm more inclined to keep myself alive just to spite him." I said lightly, hiding the fading sting the words invoked.   
  
Fiyero laughed. "That sounds like you."  
  
"I know." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and busied myself finding something for Chistery to eat. The monkey flew up to my shoulder, peering through my loose curtain of raven hair to watch me work.   
  
"I don't want this," he said, and pointed to the grapes on the other side of the tiny countertop, "I want those."   
  
"Alright," I said hesitantly, and let Chistery have at the grapes, intrigued. I hoped he would continue speaking like this. I felt that maybe, just maybe everything I'd tried to teach him was possibly beginning to come through…   
  
"Grapes are good. They're better than tower food."  
  
"I can't believe he's talking like this." I said to Fiyero, elated over the prospect of what was happening. I'd give it a little longer, though, before I'd draw any conclusions from it. I needed him to continually talk in coherent sentences before I could even dream of going places with any theories I might have kept through the years.  
  
"Smart little thing isn't he?" Fiyero replied.  
  
"He's my smart little thing." I said, smiling at Chistery, picking him up and scratching between his wings.   
  
"I mean, he's actually started using sentences."  
  
"If he keeps this up…" I trailed off, hugging the creature. "Do you think you can keep this up?" I asked the monkey, and he nodded enthusiastically. I laughed as his proud expression; he looked so sure of himself and animated it was both endearing and funny.   
  
  
  
A few days later Boq returned, with relatively good news.   
  
"Here's the oil I promised you, and I managed to find a medicine for that arm or yours, Fiyero. It should have the wound completely closed up within two weeks or so. I don't know what's in it, but I've been guaranteed it'll work."  
  
"Where did you get it?" Fiyero asked, taking the flask eagerly, examining the frosty blue glass with a hungry expression on his face.  
  
"From this disturbing old woman; her name was something with a Y…"  
  
"Yackle?" I asked quietly, both relieved and unnerved at the same time. The uneasiness twisting my stomach was easily explainable, but the relief I couldn't for the life of me place.  
  
"…Yes…" Boq replied hesitantly, "How did you-?"  
  
"Let's just say I've had my share of run-ins with the mad old bat and let the matter rest there."  
  
"I'm sure as Oz not going to press the subject. To tell the truth, I don't even think I want to know. There was just something about her that wasn't…right? You know?"  
  
"Do I ever." I sighed, picking up one of the three green glass bottles of oil. I did not trust green bottles of anything, not after one such bottle and its contents damned me with an emerald complexion and in turn damned my mother with me. "I trust that these didn't come from her?"  
  
"No, those I got from a shop somewhere in the square." he reassured hurriedly, balking at the intensity in my face.   
  
"Thank Oz." I relaxed a little. "I don't trust that woman, but right now I'm willing to try anything to get Fiyero to heal, even if it means relying on the word of someone like Yackle." I finished, closing the discussion. 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22  
  
I progressed right away to undo Fiyero's bandages, swallow any fears or misgivings I had about the "medicine" Boq had acquired from Yackle, and pulled the stopper from the blue bottle, tipping some of the stuff into my palms. Out poured a foul looking and even worse smelling concoction; Fiyero covered his nose with his good hand and Boq grabbed a towel, holding it over his nose and mouth to filter the air before he breathed it in.   
  
"Sweet Oz, that's disgusting!" Boq cried, his voice muffled by the towel. I shook my head at him and smiled wryly; he was reacting as if someone had thrown him into some sort of gas chamber. I'll admit, the stuff did smell like a carcass rotting in the sun, but for heaven's sake, it was only medicine, not poison!  
  
Surprisingly, when I smoothed it over the wound, the unsightly inflammation paled almost instantly back to Fiyero's normal skin tone. The substance bubbled slightly, then sank into his skin, leaving no trace that there ever was an infection or inflammation in the first place; the only evidence left was the moderately thin line where the gash was beginning to scab over.  
  
"I don't know what is in that stuff, but whatever it is, it works miracles;" Fiyero said, flexing the muscles in his injured limb, "the pain's been almost completely extinguished."   
  
"I only hope that there won't be any side effects that could end up causing more harm that help." I said, wrapping the bandage back around his arm, securing it there.   
  
"Thank you." I said, turning to face Boq. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't agreed to try and get this for him. You have no idea how much this has helped." I paused, lowering my eyes so he wouldn't see my embarrassment; even so, I felt that my pride could afford to be wounded for the time being; "I believe an apology is in order, but I'm not very good at delivering such things."  
  
"Consider the thanks apology enough; just promise me you won't let Fiyero do something stupid like tear the gash open again once it heals." Boq replied, shelving his own pride for the moment and deciding to be agreeable rather than spit sarcasm at me.   
  
"Are you calling me stupid?" Fiyero laughed, challenging his friend.  
  
"What if I am?"  
  
"Watch it, pal, you just might end up with a similar injury if you're now careful!"  
  
"Boys, please, self control!" I interrupted, stretching my arms out between them.   
  
Boq laughed. "Yes, mother." He stuck his tongue out at me.   
  
"Be careful or I just might make good on that threat I delivered you a few nights ago of cutting your tongue out!" I retorted, a smile twitching at the corner of my mouth.  
  
"Is it safe to take this thing off my face now?" Boq asked, referring to the towel he was still clutching to his face.  
  
"Coast is clear; gods, Boq, the way you reacted to the smell was as if you were in some sort of gas chamber." Fiyero laughed.  
  
"Excuse me, but I don't deal well with stenches that smell like something died and fermented in the desert for a week!" Boq retorted, chortling at his own comment.   
  
"Well, Elphie, another week or so on this stuff and I'll be able to repay you for that song you performed so beautifully for me." Fiyero said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against him. "Now the question is, how would you like your payment?"  
  
"Let me think on it," I said, "I'll get back to you when I've made up my mind." I smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek.  
  
"Oh, please, you're making me sick to my stomach!" Boq cried, getting up and striding toward the door.   
  
"If that's the case…" Fiyero said, sliding his lips over mine. I giggled, kissing him back.   
  
"If you two keep going on like this I'll be forced to leave! You don't want to lose my high-esteemed company, now do you?" Boq asked good-naturedly, opening the door.  
  
"Oh, Boq, before you go, would you mind washing this for me?" Fiyero asked, taking the red-and-black scarf from his bedside table and tossing it to Boq.  
  
"This thing is revolting!" Boq said, holding it between two fingers.  
  
"Oh, come off it, it's only a bit of blood."  
  
Boq rolled his eyes. "You call this_ 'a bit of blood'?_ The thing is completely encrusted in the stuff!" Nevertheless he folded the scarf, tucking it into his pocket.   
  
"It'd been in service as my bandage for a few days; blood is a given." Fiyero answered, giving me a brief kiss on the forehead; he was acting as if Boq's presence at the moment was no more important than that of the dust under the bed. The man cared nothing for Boq's witnessing our kisses and at the moment I didn't pay him much heed, either; I was enjoying myself far too much.   
  
"Whatever. Can I trust you two to cut with the kissing or will I be forced to leave?"  
  
"Elphaba and I cannot be trusted with something like that. Don't even bother to ask." Fiyero replied, kissing me harder, keeping one eye on Boq until he opened the door, about to go.  
  
"If this is what happens while I'm here I shudder to think what goes on behind closed doors." he laughed and shut the door behind him, shaking his head at the two of us.  
  
"You know, no matter how well Boq and I know and look out for each other and how good friends we've come to be, it's times like these where I just can't wait for him to leave."  
  
"That makes two of us. Well, you've got your privacy and at least the partial ability to use your right arm; life must feel pretty good for you right now."  
  
"It's even better now that I can wrap both arms around you, Fae, without having to fear hurting myself with the motion."  
  
"Since you can, hold me closer; I miss the feel of you." I replied, nuzzling my face into his shoulder and kissing his collarbone, gently running my lips over his neck. He relaxed, leaning into me.  
  
"Boq's lightened up some, hasn't he?" I asked as I laid my head just below Fiyero's shoulder, running my hand through his hair.   
  
"If anything he was in a much better mood today than the last time he clapped eyes on you."  
  
"I know I might've deserved his anger that night but mercifully our fury's cooled off a little since then. I don't need any more enemies. Another friend, however, would be appreciated. I need you to help me make sure I don't lash out at Boq over trivial things anymore. If I manage to do something stupid like that and he turns on me..."  
  
"Don't worry, he's not going to. I made sure he knows how much you mean to me and I know for a fact he won't do anything that might hurt you in some way. He's my friend and he wouldn't do something to intentionally hurt both of us like that."   
  
"I know he's your friend, but I'm still not sure exactly how much trust to place in him, or in myself. The littlest things tend to set me off when they come from him-"  
  
"I'll keep an eye on your behavior. You won't have to worry about that. Can we please get off this topic? I'm little fed up with the man at the moment; there are a few things I have to sort out with him."  
  
"Alright." I wished I knew what he meant by that, but I was disinclined to ask just then, as his lips had begun caressing my throat.   
  
"It's mind boggling how much you can long to be with a person even when they've been living with you in such close proximity for the past few months." he murmured.   
  
"It feels like we're miles apart the longer I have to live without the comfort of being able to stay close to my other half, which is what you've become to me since I've been here. I hate feeling like you'll be punished with pain if I try to touch you." I said, tightening my loose embrace.  
  
"Do I sense separation anxiety, my dear?" He smiled and reached up to smooth back my hair, which had fallen across my face. "Has it been half as hard for you to deal with these past few weeks as it's been for me?"  
  
"If not as much, more. We can be close again; I don't know about you, but I'm just about ready to begin taking advantage of it." I smiled, but pushed myself away.  
  
"Give me a minute or two first, though; I'm smarting a bit." I'd been sweating a little in the late summer heat where his hand had been resting on the small of my back and I needed a moment to grab the oil before I went back to him. I reached for one of the unattractive green bottles and pulled the stopper out, a little apprehensive about it; the bottle was remarkably like the one my mother had been in association with while pregnant with me. I stared at it for a moment or two until Fiyero spoke up.  
  
"What's the matter?"   
  
"I don't much like green bottles, but what the hell; if this is meant to turn someone green I can't actually get much worse, can I?" He laughed and beckoned me back to him. I sat in front of him and he unlaced the back of the sleeveless dress I was wearing, then he took some of the oil in his palms, smoothing it over where the skin had flushed from the sting. He let it sink in for a few moments before he redid the ties and rubbed what little oil there was left on his palms over my bare shoulders.  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Much."   
  
He began to hum what little he knew of the "Unexpected Song" I'd made up for him, and I turned away, pressing my fingers to my closed eyes. He noticed and fell silent.  
  
"I'll keep my mouth shut if you want me to."  
  
"No, it's okay, just let me teach you the rest of the tune. Your notes are a little off. Well, terribly off, which is all the more reason for you to learn how to get it right." The perfectionist in me shone through; as much as I loved Fiyero I wouldn't tolerate his making a mockery of the song I liked so much, however unintentionally it was done.  
  
He broke into a wide grin and said, "I'm yours for the teaching, Fae; sing for me."  
  
I broke back into my old ways, shy and unwilling to showcase myself; "But only if you'll sing with me."  
  
"You said I was the one off; show me the right notes."  
  
I began tentatively to sing the part he'd messed up, and while I sang he sang as well, deliberately exaggerating and screeching every obscene note he could reach.  
  
"You little - !" I cried, pouncing playfully on top of him so he fell onto his back.   
  
"Aack! Gerroff me! Leggo, Vabalah!" he said thickly, the words muffled by my hand over his mouth.  
  
"What was that, Fiyero? Speak up; I can't hear you, dear!" I laughed, not lifting my hand from his face. I shrieked with laughter as he threw me off balance so that our positions were reversed, he the one on top of me. I hurriedly pulled my hand away and the laughter evaporated, causing both of us to become incredibly uncomfortable with the arrangement of ourselves. I was painfully aware of the places our bodies touched and I wanted him off me; I needed to remove myself from such contact with him. But then there was that little piece of me that wanted what we had so long ago, the ability to give ourselves so completely to each other…No, I couldn't. I couldn't let myself want that back, not anymore. It was too late for anything like that to ever come to pass; I just didn't think I could love like that anymore.  
  
"Please, Fiyero, get off me." I murmured, my voice urgent and almost fearful.  
  
He hastily backed off, moving away and nervously running a hand through his hair. "I, uh, I'm sorry, Elphie –" he stammered, embarrassed.   
  
"No, it's alright, you didn't do anything wrong, but it's not – I can't –" I let out whatever air was in my lungs, giving up what I'd been about to say. "I'm sorry, I just – can't speak, not about this." I stood and shuffled toward the table, absentmindedly scratching Chistery's back. A faint sense of heartache echoed throughout me, and so did a bit of something else I couldn't place. Maybe longing, maybe sadness, maybe fear; I couldn't tell.   
  
"I understand."  
  
He tried not to let it show, but I saw how he was just as scared as I was of the intimacy there had been, just as hurt by the fact that it was virtually impossible for us to be as we once were. We could be close, but never as one again.   
  
There was warmth in his eyes as he looked at me; mine were misty with wet and could not focus correctly on anything. I felt myself withdrawing to some place deep within the shadows of my mind where loneliness lurked, riddled with only the "what-ifs" and "what-might-have-beens" to keep me company. As my stare turned vacant Fiyero caught my hands, trying to pull me back to reality.  
  
"Fabala-Fae?"  
  
"Mmmmn, yes?" I said softly, hardly hearing the words.  
  
"Please, don't shrink away. I hate to see you so hurt."  
  
"I hate feeling it but sometimes there's nothing I can do about it."  
  
"Maybe I could do something to ease the pain a little?"  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"Can I at least try?"  
  
"I guess so." There was no emotion whatsoever in my voice.  
  
Fiyero reached out an arm for Chistery to climb upon; the monkey obliged and sat there, flexing his wings and yawning.  
  
"Are you sad?" the little creature asked me, flitting from Fiyero's arm to my shoulder. He put one paw on my cheek for balance and stroked my loose hair with the other.  
  
"A little." I said, humoring the monkey, wondering where he was taking this.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know, Chistery. I couldn't tell you if I wanted to."  
  
"You love Yero, right?"  
  
"Very much."  
  
"Give Yero a hug."  
  
A corner of my mouth quirked upward into an almost-smile and I wrapped one arm around his back, grasping his lower arm with my other hand. Fiyero did the same; he didn't let go of me when I went to move away, and actually I rather liked it that way.  
  
"Now kiss him."  
  
I looked up at Fiyero, his mouth twitching at the corners. "Did you teach him to do this?" I whispered, trying not to let the monkey catch on to what I was saying.  
  
"No, I had no idea he could do this. I just figured since he's such a character he'd be able to cheer you up some." he replied.  
  
Chistery tapped my cheek impatiently to regain my attention. "I said kiss him! Why won't you listen?"  
  
I laughed and quickly brushed my lips against his cheek, waiting for Chistery's next command.   
  
"Are you happy again?" Chistery asked.   
  
"Relatively happy, yes." I said, smiling at the monkey sitting on my shoulder.   
  
"Good," Chistery said, folding his arms, "my job is done." And with that he stretched his wings and took off, landing curled up like a cat on my pillow. His position brought back a flash of memory of the cat that had once slept on my pillow when I'd previously lived here in the city…  
  
"Malky–" I whispered, my eyes wide and empty, but as soon as the shock had come I shook my head to clear it of its thoughts.   
  
"Elphaba? Are you okay?"  
  
"Yes, fine, thanks." I shook my head again and Fiyero held me still, running his fingers slowly through my hair, trying not to catch them on any little tangles or knots.   
  
"You know, this would be easier if I had a hairbrush." he said, as if it was the most important revelation he'd ever experienced.   
  
"No, really, you think?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I pulled away. "My brush is in the trunk."  
  
He retrieved it from its place among my clothes and began brushing out my hair, but after a short while he stopped; his arm had seized up and was beginning to trouble him again.  
  
"You'd better stop moving it for a while. You've exerted that arm far too much for today."  
  
"Yes, Mother."  
  
"I dare you, call me that again and you're getting sent to your room!" I said in a mock-serious tone, poking his nose with a finger, a deliberately over-exaggerated scowl twisting my mouth.   
  
"I'm already in my room. This whole rattrap is my room."  
  
"Then you're going to bed early."  
  
"It's three o'clock in the afternoon!"  
  
"Too bad." I said, smiling smugly, and pushed his nose with my finger so his head snapped backward slightly. I yelped as he lunged forward with a ridiculous grin stretched across his mouth, trying to catch me. His hand caught the back of my skirt as I tried to avoid his grasp. Giggling, I was pulled backward until I was sitting on his lap with his arms around my waist.  
  
"If I have to go to bed, you're coming with me."  
  
"What makes you think I'll agree to that?"  
  
"Because you love me."  
  
"I hate it when you're right." 


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23  
  
As the days progressed I grew more and more eager to see to what new heights Chistery would take his new patterns of speech; his sentences became longer and more drawn out, the complexities in them making him sound almost like a young human. There was excitement in my eyes every time I heard him speak, and my heart leaped with the prospect of where I could take this. I became more and more convinced that Chistery was no longer a mere animal, but wasn't yet to the level of thinking that would characterize an Animal.   
  
_::I'll work with him a little longer, and then see what we can do with it.::  
_  
My "working with him" was more like waiting for Chistery to talk on his terms when he wanted to and about what he wanted; it was impossible for me to force him into saying anything. I would sometimes entice him into speaking by using words that he'd never heard before and when he heard them he's ask what they meant. Once I'd given him the definition he'd begin using whatever word it was as many times in one day as he could. Even so, the aggravation that came with hearing the same word over and over again would always be balanced out with the satisfaction that the monkey would be one word closer to becoming an Animal.   
  
After a week or two of such work Chistery decided he didn't much like my goading him into speech. I had begun to get frustrated with him; he wouldn't oblige me and speak when I asked him to, not even when there was a new word to be used, nor would he say anything unless it was absolutely necessary for him to, such as when it came to what he would be eating for supper.  
  
"That's yucky. I want this." the monkey said one afternoon while I was trying to find something edible for Fiyero and me to eat for lunch. There wasn't much there; we were due for a visit from Boq later in the evening, which didn't help much since Chistery chose now to be picky.  
  
"That is not for you. You had lunch already. I let you have what you wanted then, so now it's my turn."  
  
Chistery turned his back to me and sulked like a child who'd been denied a piece of candy. He must've chosen then to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day, for that was what occurred. Try as I might to get him to talk, he would not utter so much as one syllable to me.  
  
Later in the night, incensed and tired, I propped my elbows on the windowsill and placed my chin in my hands, staring blankly through the glass into the night.  
  
"Hey," Fiyero said, draping himself over my shoulders and settling his head next to mine, "what's on your mind? You don't look good."  
  
"It's nothing all that important."  
  
"Then it won't do anyone any harm if you told me."  
  
I sighed. "It's just Chistery. He's being difficult again."  
  
"Well, he's becoming a bit of a strategist, if nothing else."  
  
"I know, he's coming closer and closer to achieving an Animal's state of mind, but I wish he didn't enjoy testing my patience so much."  
  
"He's acting like a young child; at this point it's understandable, given how much he knows. Chistery's at the point where he's got the mentality of a five-year-old. He's finally figured out how to tell you what he wants when he wants it."  
  
"I wish I knew what was going on in that little snow monkey brain of his. To figure that out I'd need all the research I'd done at Kiamo Ko while living with your family, but it's not as if I can go back there now or magic everything here. I don't even know what I did with a lot of it. For all I know the Gale Force could've gotten into that tower by now and destroyed it all."  
  
"Maybe you can go back there." he said slowly.   
  
"_What?_" I cried, trying to straighten up and as I did so startling him off my back, "How could that ever be possible?"  
  
"The Wizard is gone, and the world thinks you're dead. This new ruler has no interest in the Vinkus whatsoever judging by the newspapers Boq's been bringing me to read. If you really wanted to you probably could go back to get whatever things you need."  
  
"And how would I get there, exactly? It's not as if I could take a caravan or something like I did the first time, and my broom has been burnt to charcoal, not to mention the fact that it's still in the tower."  
  
"Broom?" he asked, confused.  
  
"It's a rather long story and I'm far too tired to tell it right now."  
  
"What about that transportation spell, the one that got you here?"  
  
"What do you suggest I use as a focus? Hmmmmn?"  
  
"The Grimmerie."  
  
"The Grimmerie?" I said in disbelief.  
  
"No, really, the thing sat on a shelf in the tower for years before you got there. It still smells like Kiamo Ko dust, for Lurline's sake. You probably could use it as the focus."  
  
"The dust?"  
  
"No, the book."  
  
"The book originally came from somewhere that's not even part of Oz. Heaven knows where I could end up if I tried to use it."  
  
"There's bound to be _something_ you took here from Kiamo Ko that originated there."  
  
"I don't know. The only things I took with me here were my own, none of which originated where I need to be." I sighed.  
  
"You can always use me."  
  
"You?" I said dubiously, "I can hardly magic _myself _places, let alone the two of us."  
  
"Think about it; I was born out in the Vinkus, so if I don't take you exactly to Kiamo Ko I'll at least get you in the vicinity. Plus, I know my way around out there better than anyone, except maybe the Scrow. I could get you from any area in the Vinkus to Kiamo Ko in a week or less, and get you there unscathed for the most part, weather permitting."  
  
"Well…"  
  
"Is it worth a shot?"  
  
"Depends on whether or not I get the spell right. You know how I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to magic…"  
  
"From what I've seen of you and magic, you're pretty good at it."  
  
"Considering you haven't seen me make many attempts at it, that's not saying much."  
  
"You need to have a little faith in yourself, Fae-Fae. It's worth a try, if nothing else."  
  
"I'll think about it."   
  
At that moment someone began rapping on the door and Fiyero went to let Boq inside.   
  
"Welcome to the rattrap, population three." I said, without taking my eyes from the window.   
  
"Three?" Boq asked.  
  
"You never noticed the monkey?" Fiyero asked, gesturing to where Chistery was sleeping curled up among the many old scarves and clothing in my trunk.   
  
"To tell you the truth, no." he replied. "How'd it get wings?"  
  
"Long story." I said.   
  
"I'm not sure I want to know. Have you been using that medicine?" he asked Fiyero.  
  
"Yes, I have, and the wound is almost closed up."  
  
"There's good news for you." Boq said. "Your supplies for the next two weeks or so are outside. Someone want to help me bring them in?"  
  
"I'll go, you stay here and don't do anything to hurt yourself." I said, putting a hand on Fiyero's chest to restrain him.  
  
"But Fae-"  
  
"It's the middle of the night; no one is going to see me. Plus, I wear black."   
  
"I don't think I've seen you in anything but black since you arrived here."  
  
"I haven't worn anything but black since I left Shiz." I said and went to help Boq haul everything inside. Once that was done I began putting it away just to avoid conversation. Boq engaged Fiyero in a discussion about something or other I had no interest in but soon their words broke off into an awkward silence with nothing else to say.   
  
"What is it? Two minutes ago you were talking animatedly and now such quiet." As much as I didn't want to speak I didn't like such uncomfortable stillness, either.   
  
"Just nothing much to say." Boq answered.   
  
"Actually, Fae, since you so rudely cut me off by going outside before, why haven't you worn colors in so long?"  
  
"One: for years I'd been mourning the loss of you and two: nothing goes with green." I said dryly.   
  
"Apparently, blue diamonds go quite well." Boq said, smirking at me.   
  
"You keep your abnormally large nose out of my business!" I said, trying to sound serious, but I couldn't help laughing anyway. Fiyero grinned.  
  
"Is my nose really that big?" Boq asked, looking for a mirror to check the diameter of his nose. I doubled over, in pain from the laughter; Fiyero's shoulders shook with it, his voice ringing out clear and strong above mine. I loved the sound of it, sweeter than any song I could ever sing for him; he was happy, at least for a little while, and I felt more at ease knowing that he wasn't in pain or disheartened by anything, especially not by me.   
  
Once I'd composed myself my mind regained coherency enough to wonder about how Boq had been getting our things here in the first place.   
  
"Boq, what have you been using to take these things to us? Two weeks worth of food and whatever else is a lot for you to be getting here on your own."  
  
"Here, if you want to I'll take you to see my team." The proud way he said "team" made it seem as if whatever animals he used to get him here were dearer to him than his wife and children. In a way it made me think of myself when it came to my monkey and the other animals I'd once owned, Malky, the pristine white cat, and Killyjoy, the large wolfish dog; they'd been the other pets I used to have and loved as if they were my children. Heaven knows what happened to the cat, and that brat Dorothy and Co. finished off my dog. That was probably the foremost cause of my resentment of the girl, her causing the death of my pet and friend.   
  
"Fabala, I'm not sure this is such a good-"  
  
"Fiyero, relax. Like I said before, it's the middle of the night and I wear black. I will be fine. Come on." I gestured for him to follow Boq and myself out the door.   
  
We traveled a short few blocks away to where he'd parked his "vehicle"; a haphazardly constructed cart attached by harness to two of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen. One was a jet-black stallion with a handsome face, the other a delicately-featured, dappled gray mare.  
  
"Boq, they're gorgeous." I whispered, slowly coming toward them with my hand outstretched for the pair of horses to sniff. The mare nuzzled my fingers with her velvet nose as if searching for some sort of treat. The stallion progressed to probe through my hair with his muzzle, whickering as he did so.   
  
"You must really have some sort of charm when it comes to animals, Elphaba; my mare, Juliette, is so skittish I need Milla or my eldest daughter to harness her for me. The black's name is Taye. Normally he doesn't take to anyone so quickly, either; he tries to bite me if I take too long bringing his food out to him for lunch, let alone when I try to get a bridle on him."  
  
I ran my fingers through Juliette's wavy silver mane and stroked Taye's silken black neck. "I enjoy the company of animals far more than that of most humans. For one thing, the animals don't give a damn if I'm green or purple or zebra striped, and for another, they act more human than most humans do."  
  
"I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or not." Boq said, standing to the side with his arms folded, watching me fall in love with his horses. Fiyero stepped up beside me and made to pet Juliette's nose, but the mare shied and Taye lunged, trying to nip Fiyero's hand in order to protect his friend.   
  
"Whoa, a little hostile there, isn't he?" he said, rubbing his fingers as if the horse really did bite him.  
  
"Try being the one who had to harness him a few hours ago." said Boq dryly, holding out his arm to show me the teeth marks on his forearm.   
  
"I don't know how you do it, Elphaba, but I need you to come and take care of these two for me sometime. I'm infinitely proud of these beauties of mine, but one's as timid as a mouse and the other is fiercely protective of her as well as of himself. The only people they'll allow to handle them are Milla and my daughter, and now, apparently, you."  
  
"It's got to be that they prefer the feminine touch." I said, surprising myself with the words; I never acknowledged the fact that I had a sex at all. I used to fight with Fiyero years ago because I'd never really believed or thought of myself as a woman or even a person; I was just there, an "it", otherworldly and unnatural. One thing was true of this new revelation of mine; I was opening up, not just to Fiyero, but also to myself. I didn't believe I'd ever accept myself totally, but for now I was becoming at least a little more at peace with the fact that I was as human as I'd ever be, and probably more so than most people.  
  
I could've kept petting the horses for hours but allowed myself to be dragged back home a short while later. Boq had gotten into his cart to drive home, in doing so helping Fiyero to tear me away from my new "pets". I had adopted those horses as my own and insisted that Boq let me visit them the next time he came. Boq agreed and once he was out of sight Fiyero took my hand and proceeded to lead me back the way we'd come; I tugged him down a different side street just to be safe. When we reached home and entered I was greeted by a very irate snow monkey dive bombing toward my face.   
  
"Where have you been?" Chistery cried, stopping short in front of me and flapping his wings to keep him hovering at my eye level.  
  
"Fiyero and I were visiting with Boq and his horses." I felt like a little girl being interrogated by her pet, if that made any sense at all.  
  
"Next time you go someplace you have to take me, too!"  
  
I rolled my eyes and plucked him from the air, cradling him in the crook of my arm and stroking his white belly fur.   
  
"That's better." Chistery said, making himself comfortable.   
  
"What about me?" said my neglected lover, "What, I'm not as good company as a couple of horses and a monkey?"   
  
"Depends…" I said, letting him wrap an arm around my waist.  
  
"You are a cruel woman, Fabala-Fae; you really know how to cut someone deep."  
  
"I pride myself on it." I said, smiling warmly up unto his eyes.   
  
"But then again, it's not necessarily a bad thing." he murmured, kissing me quick and soft.  
  
"Yuck. I'm leaving." Chistery said, sticking his tongue out at us and extricating himself from my grip. I smiled and shook my head at the little thing, watching him settle himself back into the pile of scarves on top of my clothing.  
  
Fiyero let go of my waist and rummaged through one of the bags I hadn't unpacked yet. His hand emerged with the rose scarf clutched in it, clean and without a hint of blood left on it. He handed it to me.  
  
"Here, give me your hand." I said, taking it and holding it in mine. I unearthed a pin from among my things and pricked his finger with it, drawing a scarlet bead of blood to surface from under his skin.  
  
"What was that for?" Fiyero asked, trying to pull his hand away.  
  
"Wait a second." I said, taking his finger and smearing the crimson droplet onto the fabric. "There, just in case I ever have to use this as a focus again it'll be sure to take me right to you."  
  
He sucked on his injured finger. "When do you think I'm going to let you lose me?"  
  
"Hopefully never, but I like to have it if only as a security measure for my own peace of mind."   
  
"I hope your mind's at peace right now." he grumbled, nursing his finger. "Making me bleed for no apparent reason. That's inhumane, that is, you evil, evil woman, you."  
  
"I am incredibly evil, am I not? I'm just making sure if anything ever happens I can get back to you. That's got to be the evilest thing a person can do when she's in love, you know?" I said, my voice as sardonic as it was possible for me to make it.  
  
"It is, isn't it?" he said, taking the scarf from me and beginning to tie it around my waist. I put a hand over his to stop him and removed myself from the scarf.  
  
"I'm disinclined to wear that right now, but it's not for the reason you might think." I said, putting the scarf away on the bedside table underneath one of the bottles of oil. "I have a sinking feeling I may need to use it someday." 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24  
  
One morning a couple of days later I woke up a little before dawn, too restless to sleep any longer. I sat up, drawing my knees to my chest, and rested my gaze upon the window; staring outside, there was a strange hunger in my eyes and a longing to get out of this little box we'd been living in. Chistery, who was sitting on the windowsill and also staring fixedly through the glass I guessed was feeling the same way. I was sick of the same four walls surrounding me and tired of having to hide from everything. I wished I wasn't the person I was. What I wouldn't have given to be able to move as I pleased. I wanted more than anything to be able to walk through the glittering city at night, hand in hand with my lover, to have the freedom to travel the streets without having to hide my face, to live again to some degree. I felt caged where I was; even the feel of rain burning my face would've been a welcome change from breathing the same stale air in our what seemed like two foot square of a home.   
  
I growled under my breath and swung myself back into bed to avoid further depression by looking out at the world I could never have. There was a quick dark flash passing the window as I turned away, but being so absorbed with frustration I didn't give it another thought, dismissing it as a trick of the light and the eyes. Chistery, on the other hand, only pressed his nose to the glass, his gaze even more focused than before.   
  
Curling up into a ball, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to shut out the sound of the few larks that still lived in the city. I tossed and turned, aggravated by the birds, by the sun creeping through the window, and by whatever else was out there where I couldn't be. As I vented my frustration into my pillow I also unintentionally woke Fiyero.   
  
"Fabala, go back to sleep." he groaned, tugging the blankets off me and burrowing down farther into them. I tugged them back and after a moment threw them off myself, dissatisfied with the thought of sleeping.  
  
"Make up your mind, already; you either want the covers or you don't." he said groggily, yanking the covers back to his side of the bed.  
  
"If I could get back to sleep I would steal those back from you."  
  
He turned over and propped himself up on his elbow. "What put you so on edge this morning?"  
  
"Existence in general."  
  
At that moment the monkey collided with the side of my head.  
  
"Chistery, what in the name of Oz _possessed_ you to-" I cried and picked him up, holding him at arm's length. He was trembling, his eyes wide.  
  
"We c-c-can't stay here!" he chattered, stuttering with fear.   
  
"What is it? What's the matter, little one?" I asked, my voice softening.  
  
"Someone was outside!"  
  
"_What?_" I said, glancing nervously toward the window; there was no one there.  
  
"Not here now, but they were before! Before you got up someone was here!" he said, squirming out of my grip.   
  
"Who was here, Chistery, tell me who was here!" I said, scooping him back up and stroking the fur between his wings, trying to calm him a little.  
  
"A girl, with dark hair and a pale face."  
  
"I'm not sure whether or not to worry excessively." I said in a halfhearted attempt at levity. It was the word of a monkey, but an intelligent monkey that seemed entirely serious.  
  
"At any rate, whoever it is, I'd rather not stay here long enough to find out." Fiyero said, pushing himself up out of the bed and pulling a shirt over his head, getting it stuck there.  
  
"Forgot that it's got buttons down the front, did you?" I said, smiling wryly and undoing the first four buttons for him so he could pull his head free. I made sure he was busy with his own clothing and turned away from me before I changed mine.  
  
"Elphie," he began, "d'you think we could use this as an excuse to get ourselves to Kiamo Ko?"  
  
"For one thing, I really don't think I ought to use magic to do it and for another, what do you mean 'ourselves'? I am not too keen on taking you with me."  
  
"Well, if you want to leave this place I'm not going to let you go without me. And staying here isn't exactly the best of solutions, given our discovery. For another thing, it's not as if you can just pick up and walk all the way out to the middle of the Vinkus. As I see it this is your best shot at getting out of here as well as reclaiming possession of whatever you need by way of the Chistery Project, and the only way to make sure we don't get caught by whoever it was that stumbled upon this place."  
  
"I can try the magic, but that doesn't solve the dilemma surrounding what to use as a focus."  
  
"I've told you, I'll be your focus. It really is the best chance you have at getting there with little or no doubts about where the thing might take you. Like I said, I was born in the Vinkus; you don't get much more of a surefire way to do this right."  
  
"With my luck coupled with my dangerously low skill level I'm liable to get us both killed while attempting it."  
  
"Look, you got yourself here with this same spell, and it worked pretty damn well; it landed you right outside my door, for Lurline's sake. We don't know how much time there is before whoever it was might come back, so the sooner we get this over with and get our sorry tails away from this place the better."  
  
"But I've only ever used it on myself, a few of my things, and a monkey! Heaven knows what'll happen with the extra load of another human and whatever else we've got to take! There was a lot of weight on the spell with what I had to move the first time; the added strain could either land us in the middle of who-knows-where or kill us. Or both, for that matter."  
  
"All we need to take is ourselves, the monkey, the oil and my medicine. There's enough stuff left at Kiamo Ko for whatever else we need; by way of food, if there's nothing really edible left in the place I can always go out and kill something."   
  
"Well, Fiyero, the thought of you killing something for me is very flattering, but, consider the chance that we might be dropped miles from where we want to be. What do you propose we do for food, and, taking into account that it's the Vinkus we're trying to navigate, water?"   
  
"Hope we land near the river?"  
  
"That's really not funny." I said, my patience level dropping with each of his remarks.  
  
"I know for a fact that I can go from any point in the Vinkus and get us to Kiamo Ko in less than a week, so figure that's how much food and water we should bring, a week's worth or so. Elphie, believe me, I know what I'm doing. Eventually things will turn out alright, trust me."  
  
"Just get whatever you're taking and let's get the hell out of here." I said, rubbing my arms to fight off the chill prickling over my skin. A shiver lanced up and down my spine; I was hard pressed to think of something good that could come of this mess, and couldn't shake the feeling that things were only going to get worse.   
  
  
  
In about fifteen minutes we'd thrown what little we were taking into a sackcloth bag of some sort Fiyero unearthed from wherever he kept his things; I grabbed the Grimmerie from the table and flipped through to the page with the spell I was looking for. Just as I was about to begin the incantation I caught sight of the scarf still sitting on Fiyero's bedside table and snatched it up, tying it around my waist.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere without this." I said, and commenced with the spell, coming as close as I ever had to actually praying we'd land somewhere in the vicinity of where we needed to be.   
  
  
  
The all-too-familiar feeling of falling through some sort of liquid surrounded us, this time for what seemed like longer than the last time I'd experienced it. Then we landed; the monkey, being the smart one, leaped off my shoulder where he'd been resting just before we hit the ground. I'd landed heavily on my side and had maybe a half a second to recover before Fiyero slammed into me, knocking the wind out of me for the second time in less than thirty seconds.  
  
"Fiyero, get off me!" I cried once there was enough air in my lungs for me to croak the words out. He rolled off me and clutched his healing arm to his chest, hissing in pain. Chistery sat on the ground in front of us and shook his head, tsk-ing at us as if to say _::Don't you wish you_ _were me?::_   
  
"Shh, love, before we move I need you to take that bag off and let me help you." I said, easing the straps over Fiyero's arms and fighting to pull the blue glass bottle from among whatever else was in the bag. Pulling the stopper from it I set I aside and undid his dress-fabric bandage, then poured some of the stuff onto my palms to massage over his wound.  
  
"Thanks." he said once that was done and I'd tied it up again. Taking my hand and helping me to my feet he stood to take in his surroundings. After a long moment or two of analyzing any clues to the weather he could detect he spoke.  
  
"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we're a few miles past Kumbricia's Pass and just about at the foot of the Great Kells. The bad news is, there's a storm on the way, and by the looks of those clouds it'll be a monster. It's going to be a package deal, complete with lightning and the works, judging by the size of the thunderheads over that way." He pointed roughly toward the east where the storm clouds were gathering ominously. "It's a little late in the season for clouds like that to be overhead, almost unnatural for early autumn like this, but out here you never know what sort of weather you're going to get."  
  
"What is our next plan of action, Mister-'I-Know-What-I'm-Doing'? Know anywhere we can go to get out of the elements?" I cried, throwing my hands in the air. I resented the feeling of helplessness I was faced with whenever circumstances landed me with something I couldn't turn aside or avoid all that easily, such as the inevitability of driving rain.   
  
"Calm down, if we can get to the Kells before the storm breaks we'll be alright. There's bound to be a cave or overhang we can use to our advantage."  
  
"Easy for you to say." I replied, rubbing my arms to ward off the chill that had begun to crawl over my skin.  
  
"I know this can't be easy for you, but we have to try to get there. I'm pretty sure we've got a few hours or so before the inevitable downpour; the clouds look far enough away to give us a sufficient amount of time. We'll make it. Here," he said, taking my hand, "Let's go."  
  
I squeezed his hand, trying to reassure myself that he was right. We set off at a fast walk, my jaw set against the fear clamoring to take control of me. Chistery took off into the air and flew ahead, stopping after every fifteen yards or so and hovering in place to make sure we were catching up.   
  
As for us having a few hours before the sky dumped it's load onto our heads, Fiyero couldn't have been more wrong. After we'd traveled maybe an hour and covered nearly a mile or a little more than that heavy drops of water began cascading relentlessly down on our heads with maybe another half mile to go before we reached the Kells. We broke into a run, but given the situation we'd been dealt I wasn't able to keep the pace up for long. The water had such an effect on me that the droplets I kicked up as I ran stung like a thousand bees as they hit my legs. The stinging became a steady burn and my muscles couldn't take it for much longer. Eventually my legs gave out from under me and I crumpled to the ground. I tried to force myself back to my feet, but the weight of my sodden skirts dragged me back to my knees as well as the fact that I was in far too much pain to stand, making any attempts I made at mobility utterly in vain. It even became a fierce battle just managing to keep air flowing into my lungs. Every inch of me screamed out to relax and let go, but I felt Fiyero pull me up again and I tried to stay awake as long as possible before the pain clouded my eyes, making the blurred landscape go black. 


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25  
  
When I awoke heaven knows how much later I was in a remarkably low state of pain. _::Strange, I figured by the amount of water dumped on me I'd be a liquefied green puddle in the grass by now.::_ I thought dryly. My eyes fluttered open to meet the sight of the dismal gray rock ceiling of the cave I was housed in as well as the still leaden sky continuing to spew steely rain down onto who- or whatever had the misfortune to be in the path of the storm. I would've preferred it to rain hot coals. The warm, heavy air closed in oppressively and the dampness was beginning to take shape into a headache originating behind my eyes.   
  
"Does it ever end?" I groaned, trying to push myself up, my fingers brushing Fiyero's sleeping form lying curved around me as they did so. As I sat up I felt folds of fabric slither down from my body, which had been covered in a thin film of oil everywhere except the parts of me I'd never let him touch. Mortified, I clutched the thin blanket back up to my shoulders, glancing wildly to make sure Fiyero wasn't awake. Thankfully, he was still out; for how long, however, I had no idea. He tossed in his sleep, eyes darting under their lids, and he reached out, his hand groping for mine; I could see his dreams were anything but pleasant by the way his face twisted in pain or fear. Letting out a sigh of relief when I saw he was at least partially dead to the world, I moved to fish my extra dress from the pack but was jerked backward when his hand closed around my wrist.   
  
I couldn't wake him unless I wanted to suffer extreme humiliation aside from that already discoloring my face; my only option was to wait until he loosened his grip and decided to free me, and then would I be able to make myself decent again.   
  
I sighed in frustration, lowering myself down onto my back, making sure the blanket was still safely pinned under my arms. I felt stupid; he'd seen me bare before, so what was to be afraid of now?   
  
_ ::But that was so long ago…:: _my mind reasoned. It was times like those when I wished my mind would crawl under a rock somewhere and leave me alone. I didn't need to be reminded of better days, if anything in my life could ever qualify as a 'better day'.   
  
Fiyero cried out once, his eyes pressed tight shut trying in vain to ward away whatever dream he was having. I turned carefully onto my side and cupped his face in my hand, murmuring softly to soothe away his fear. His features were thrown into sharp focus in the flickering light from the little fire blazing a short distance away from us. His face seemed more defined, each of the diamonds adorning it smoldering brightly against his skin, which was tinged coppery in the orange light. I kept whispering to try and put his mind at ease but I bit back my words when his eyelids fluttered and I hoped he would close them again. However, luck kept her face turned away from me, ensuring his wakefulness. Conceding defeat, I brushed his hair back from his face.  
  
"Are you alright? It must've been some killer of a dream to make you so restless." I said.  
  
"The hell with me, that's not important; how do you feel?" he replied anxiously, pushing himself up to sit and face me.  
  
"I'm fine for the most part; there's no permanent damage. A few spots are still smarting some, but I'll live. There may be just a few faint scars to remind me of this at the very worst." I said, my face flaming, "Thank you, for – for everything. "  
  
His cheeks flushed a shade slightly more pink than his normal skin tone and nervously ran a hand through his hair, carefully avoiding my eyes.   
  
"I wanted to make sure you were alright; I was afraid that the storm could've – I was afraid you'd have been - Elphie, if I did anything to make you feel-"  
  
"No, it's okay, really, you've done nothing wrong. To tell the truth I'm grateful that you did such a thing for me. I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for you." I said hurriedly. It was true, at any rate; all he'd done was try to keep me safe. I just wished the water hadn't affected so much of my skin so strongly he had to undress me to make sure I was alright. I would've been more satisfied with ten times the amount of pain I was in now just to have remained fully clothed.   
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Of course. I want to thank you, Fiyero. I owe you so much…" My face flamed more hideously than before and I turned away. "Would you mind if I asked you to turn away for a moment?" I said, feeling increasingly more stupid by the minute.   
  
"Not at all." He moved away from me and went to stand at the mouth of the cave, staring out at the driving rain.  
  
Relief flowed in waves through me and I eagerly shed the blanket, dressing as hurriedly as was humanly possible.   
  
"It's safe for you to turn back now." I said a moment or two later, slightly ruffled from rushing so. The unsightly blush, however, still hadn't drained from my face.  
  
"Feel a little more comfortable now?" he asked, a sheepish smile giving a slight curve to his mouth.   
  
"Mmmn hmmmn. How long was I out?" I asked, rubbing my temples and trying to ward off the impending headache I felt coming on; the dull sense of pain there had been when I awoke had advanced in size to a pounding throb.  
  
"About a day, and you're better off for it. It hasn't stopped raining since. I'm hoping it'll let up tonight and give the ground a chance to dry out before we move on. It's not going to take us long to get to Kiamo Ko if we can get out of here tomorrow morning."  
  
I shuddered. "I can't wait for this be-damned storm to run it's course and leave me alone. My head is bothering me to no end from all the wet in the air." He wrapped an arm around my back and rested his head on my shoulder.  
  
"If there was anything I could do for that I would, you know it. You rest a while, see if it gets any better." he said, releasing me and watching to make sure I laid back down. I sighed and tried to relax, but couldn't get comfortable no matter which way I turned. He laid himself at my side and slid his arm underneath my head to serve as a sort of living pillow, which felt somewhat better than the rock floor of the cave.  
  
"Thanks." I murmured, closing my eyes to see if that could bring some relief.   
  
"Gods, I'm tired." he said, yawning, "I was up the better part of the day and all of last night trying to make sure you were alright. I was so afraid... I hope I did my job somewhat well."  
  
"Of course you did well! You kept me alive, Fiyero, and I still haven't gotten the chance to properly thank you." I said, leaning over and kissing him softly. "You were indebted to me for the song, and your taking care of me has paid me back tenfold. I actually owe you quite a lot more than just a kiss now."  
  
"Be quiet and go back to sleep. You, of all people, need it pretty badly. I'll take you up on the question of your debt at a more appropriate time and location."  
  
"Fiyero-"  
  
"Sleep, Elphie; I have spoken." he said, and kissed my forehead. He fell asleep much faster than I did, and I sat up after a while, groaning quietly in frustration at the rain and my pounding head. When I looked back at Fiyero, though, asleep and at peace, my eyes softened. The gray light leaking in from the mouth of the cave coupled with that of the little fire still burning steadily fell across him in such a way that it lent him a soft glow in the dimness. I sighed, tracing one of the diamonds on his face with the tip of a finger. He was beautiful, in so many more ways than one.  
  
"Yero, my hero," I whispered, "It's got to be so hard for you to put up with me."   
  
_::I mean, look at me, the slightest bit of water sends me reeling.::_ I thought bitterly.  
  
He sighed in his sleep, his breath soft and warm against my hand.   
  
"Sleep tight, sweetheart. At least while you're out you don't have to worry about what new havoc I'll cause just by breathing." I said, making myself somewhat more comfortable and waiting to drift off into some semblance of sleep, but sleep was not forthcoming. The rain, at least, was tapering off from downpour into drizzle, but the pounding in my head was now much worse than it had been when I'd awakened. My hair was still a bit damp, which was not helping the situation. I glanced around, looking for something I could use to possibly towel dry my hair. There was the small fire crackling a little ways away from us and our drying clothing spread out before it, Chistery sleeping curled up like a cat on top of a rock near the fire. I snatched up my skirt for lack of something else to use and bit back a hiss when I tried to touch my scalp. I forced myself not to cry out and eventually managed to get the job done. Since it was impossible to force myself into sleep I faced the mouth of the cave and stared out across the drowned, washed-out landscape, watching the rain diminish and eventually cease.   
  
Having such time to waste before we could leave lent me unwanted time to think about things I'd rather my mind never noticed, however accidentally it may have fallen upon such details. My thoughts drifted back to Fiyero and the nightmare he'd previously been living through before he'd awakened. I wanted to know what had been haunting him. While dwelling on that I realized how hard it must be for him to come back to this place after so long, only this time without his family there to greet him at the door. Intense guilt flooded through me; I was the one who'd done this to him. No matter which way I looked at it, I was always the one who'd ultimately killed his entire family. But then there was Nor...   
  
_ ::By now she's probably dead just like the rest of them.::_ I thought, _::I could've saved her. I tried to...::_ I clenched my teeth tightly against the hopelessness that wouldn't be turned away. _::What am I doing here? What am I doing to him by dragging him back here?::_ Immersed in empathy for him, I stared harder at the few lingering drops of rain falling from the sky, waiting to see what fresh hell I would be dealt in the morning.  
  
  
  
The fire burned to naught more than a few smoldering embers, and I was still staring into the sky, my eyes not focusing on anything in particular, my arms hugging my knees to my chest. The gray light entering the cave was stronger now with the dawning sun, but thunder still echoed distantly through the air despite the lack of rain.   
  
"How long have you been up?" Fiyero asked as he walked up beside me, his hand falling heavily onto the top of my head.   
  
"Since before you fell asleep. Do me a favor and get off my head." I answered curtly. He knelt next to me and slid his hand down to my back.  
  
"Are you okay?"   
  
"Yes." I forced myself to say. I no longer desired to go back to Kiamo Ko as strongly as I did before, but I had to go through with it now that I dragged myself and Fiyero all the way out here. I figured the faster I got this over with the faster we could leave.   
  
"No you're not."   
  
"Really, I'm alright. When can we get out of here?" I asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Maybe around noon if the weather holds up. And something's wrong. Just tell me and then I can leave you alone."   
  
"I'm fine, Fiyero, stop pressing the subject."   
  
"You only tell me to leave you alone when something's bothering you."  
  
"Right now the only thing bothering me is you."  
  
"Elphaba, please, we've gone for a good while without a real fight. Can we keep it that way for a little longer?"  
  
"Fine, just please leave me alone."   
  
"I refuse."  
  
I glared daggers at him.   
  
"Elphie, just tell me. The faster you give up the stubborn silence the faster I can leave you alone."  
  
"You're not going to leave me alone even if I do tell you what's eating at me. Knowing you you'll only press for more details like some prying psychiatrist."  
  
"This time I will."  
  
"You'll only pick a later time to bother me about it. I know you too well."  
  
"And I know you well enough to know that if I bother you long enough you'll let up and tell me."  
  
"I was only thinking about people I'd rather not have remembered, but going where we're headed the memories are inevitable anyway."  
  
"I know what you mean." he said, and remarkably left it at that. It wasn't like him to just let it drop so easily. I guessed he must have been trying to run from the same types of memories; he was just better at hiding it than I was.   
  
"Help me get our things together and wake up the monkey for me, will you?" he asked, changing the subject.  
  
I followed him to the wall where our things and Chistery were resting. I tickled the monkey between his wings and he picked up his head, scowling at me.  
  
"What was that for? I was sleeping." he said groggily, his eyes still half-shut.   
  
"Don't look at me like that. We're leaving soon." I said.  
  
"I'm hungry." Chistery said, sitting up and folding his arms.   
  
"We'll find you some food in a minute, little friend. Hold on for a minute or two, okay?" Fiyero called over, taking some food out of the bag and shoving our now-dry clothing into it.   
  
"Before you bury it completely in my skirt, pull out the blue bottle please." I told him.  
  
"I really don't think I need this stuff anymore. My arm hadn't hurt since we landed two days ago."  
  
"Until your wound's completely closed up I'm going to make sure this stuff gets used." I said. "Sit."  
  
"Elphaba-"  
  
"Just sit and undo your bandages. I'll finish with this." I ordered, yanking the blue bottle from the pack and stuffing the clothing back in. We hadn't even used a quarter of the stuff in the bottle yet, it worked so well.   
  
"Yes, mother."   
  
"I dare you to call me that again." I said sharply. The word stung now that I was back out in this godsforsaken place, forced to think of the people I'd left once Dorothy saw fit to barge in and screw up what little order was left in my life. The one in particular I couldn't help but think about was Liir. No matter how much I tried to deny myself the truth, I knew he was my son and Fiyero's bastard. He couldn't know. He'd never forgive me for acting as I had toward the boy. I was not a mother and never would be again. He had no idea how his lighthearted jest had cut to the bone.   
  
"Alright, I won't." Fiyero said, treading cautiously with me. "Calm down, I meant nothing by it."  
  
"I know," I said apologetically, "I'm just on edge right now." Being as gentle as I could, hoping my touch would mask the bite there had been in my words, I helped him untie the bandage and poured a small amount of that medicine over the wound. It was almost completely healed, but I wasn't about to take any chances with his health.  
  
"Remind me to thank that Yackle woman if we ever see her again. This stuff has been working miracles." Fiyero said, rubbing his hand over the bandage after I'd tied it up for the umpteenth time.  
  
"That woman is disturbing." I shuddered. "She had a habit of turning up at the strangest times, and you never know what's going to happen while you're in her presence. She's too unpredictable for my liking. If we ever run into her I'm not going to know whether to thank her for helping you or to turn tail an run in the other direction."  
  
"Well, how likely is it that we'll ever se her at all? I'm guessing by the number of people there are in Oz the chances are slim, so you don't have much to worry about."  
  
"I'm still hungry!" Chistery cried, spreading his wings and taking off to land in front of Fiyero. "You said you'd get me some food."  
  
I rolled my eyes and fished some bread from the bag. "I'm starting to regret teaching you how to talk." I said as I handed it to him.  
  
"But you love me." he said, scurrying up to my shoulder and kissing my cheek.  
  
"You little kiss-up!" laughed Fiyero, plucking the creature from his vantage point and setting him on the floor. "Only I'm allowed to do the kissing-up! She's mine, not yours." Fiyero grabbed my arm and hugged it as a child would squeeze a favorite stuffed animal.  
  
"Get offa her!" Chistery screeched, trying with all his might to pry Fiyero off me.  
  
"Boys, please! Behave!" I said, extricating myself from their grips.   
  
"Can I go outside?" asked Chistery through a mouthful of bread.   
  
"Stay close. We don't want some wild animal to get at you." Fiyero said. "Lurline knows what kind of things like lurking around the Kells."  
  
Once Chistery was out of earshot Fiyero spoke again. "I feel like I'm talking to a four-year-old when that little animal speaks. Next thing you know he'll be all smart and grown-up and writing his autobiography."  
  
"That's a little hard to imagine at this point." I said, shaking my head at him. "Don't get my hopes up."   
  
"You're really bent on teaching him these things, aren't you?"  
  
"I've always been fascinated about the connection between animals and Animals ever since Dr. Dillamond at Shiz. You can thank him for my dragging you all the way out here."  
  
"I figure we can probably leave within the hour or so. It'll be fairly dry by then once the sun burns through the clouds."  
  
"The sooner we get out of here the better."   
  
"Do you hear that?" Fiyero asked abruptly.   
  
"Hear what?"  
  
"That growling. That sure as hell isn't Chistery."  
  
There was a faint growling sound coming from within the bowels of the cave, deeper than either of us cared to investigate.   
  
"I vote we get moving." I said quietly, staring deep into the darkness.   
  
"That's unanimous." he replied, grabbing my wrist and turning to go.   
  
Faint footfalls padded closer toward where we were and I stopped; Fiyero tried to tug me farther out but I refused to move.   
  
"Elphaba..." he whispered, "Let's go...", but I didn't acknowledge the fact that he'd spoken. There was something familiar about the hulking shape moving around in the shadows, and I refused to move until I was able to get a better look at it. I may have been having a temporary lapse in sanity at the time but I had to see what it was. Something told me I'd seen whatever it was before. A pair of slitted amber eyes emerged, glowing harshly through the black not too far from where I stood. A large clawed orange paw stepped into the half-light of the cave, and the soft growl escalated from a low rumble to a deafening roar. 


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26  
  
I wanted to run, but a sensation I couldn't place made me remain rooted where I stood. Fiyero tried tugging on my hand to get me to move but I shook him off me; I wouldn't be going anywhere until I knew exactly what it was that paw and roar belonged to. He stood there dazed, disbelieving and afraid.  
  
"Elphaba, please..." he whispered, laying a hand on my shoulder and trying to steer me away.   
  
"Fiyero, I think you should back away some." I replied quietly. "I'm not moving. Not yet, anyway."  
  
Whatever it was roared again as if in agreement with me.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere unless you do."  
  
"Fine, then, you can stay here and get cut to ribbons with me if that creature sees fit to do so." My words, meant to scare Fiyero backward a few steps, had no effect whatsoever on him; he only came closer to me.   
  
The beast stepped a little farther into the dim light leaking in through the mouth of the cave. Most of the features of its front half were that of a tiger, except for the pearly oversized teeth and claws. Halfway down it's body the sleek orange and black fur changed smoothly into metallic scales in a hue slightly darker than my skin, though threaded with shimmering orange highlights; they glittered menacingly to some extent, yet in that far corner of my mind beyond common sense and reasonable thought, the creature struck me as somewhat benign despite its rather fearsome appearance.   
  
"I've seen you before..." I murmured, and my eyes glazed over, staring hollowly straight ahead at nothing. I reached out a hand to it; at the same time Fiyero's hand shot out, tightly gripped my wrist and pulled it back to my side; the beast roared again, advancing a step, its eyes transfixed on Fiyero.   
  
"It wants you to let me go." I said.  
  
"Elph-"  
  
"Get - off - me. I'm not so incompetent that I need you to monitor every move I make. Let me follow my own intuition this time." The hollowness was replaced by a fire in my eyes as I stared at him and he reluctantly loosened his grip. I wrenched my arm away from his touch, extending it back out toward the tiger-beast. It sniffed at my fingers, licked my palm briefly with it's strangely forked tongue and nodded once.  
  
"You're the one." it murmured; so it was a Tiger, then. It laid its white-furred chin in my hand for a short moment before Fiyero moved to pull my hand back to my side and away from the creature; it growled menacingly, fixing its eyes on him, staring fiercely into his. Fiyero withdrew his hand and rested his fingers lightly on my arm; he was fighting internally with himself over whether or not to grab my hand and make a run for it, or to stay and see what the beast wanted from me. The creature didn't look as if it meant me any harm by the way it was acting toward me, but it would've leaped at Fiyero if he tried to interfere, of that I was sure. Fiyero thought better than to get involved in this, and reluctantly stepped back a few feet, relinquishing his hold on me against his better judgement. I could see it tore him in two, giving me over to this beast; he wanted to protect me from it, but this was an instance where my wishes outweighed his own. He loved me enough to let me decide whether or not I needed or wanted his guarding despite his overprotective nature in most all matters concerning me. In this case I felt sure enough to be able to go it alone, as well as the fact that I didn't believe the creature would let Fiyero accompany me even if I wanted him to.   
  
"Follow me, Elphaba." it said, motioning for me to go further back into it's cave. As it turned around to lead the way I saw that it's back end and tail were also scaled over, the tail coming to a point like a spade much like that of the dragons one reads about as a child. Fiyero advanced a step; he wanted to follow me, but the beast turned back to face him, its lip curled up in a soft growl.   
  
"You will not be joining us." it said in a dangerously soft tone.  
  
"How can I trust you not to-"   
  
"I'll not in any way harm your lover; you can rest assured, Fiyero of the Arjikis. She's far too important to the both of us. You'd best stay here and wait for her. We'll not be terribly long." it cut in before whipping back around and lumbering into the shadows. I glanced back once at Fiyero, his face fraught with concern for me.  
  
"Will you be alright?" he asked, biting his lip from anxiety.  
  
"Don't worry. I trust this creature; I wouldn't be able to tell you why if I wanted to, but I know what it says to be true. Wait for me?"   
  
He nodded, swallowing and setting his jaw against whatever it was threatening to make him lash out at the Tiger leading me into a darkness he wasn't sure I'd ever emerge from despite all my assurances.  
  
"Come!" the Tiger-beast called for me, and I obeyed his command, turning my back on Fiyero.   
  
  
  
We walked through the darkness for a length that felt to me like forever; the only things I could see were the Tiger's glowing, slitted amber eyes every so often when he looked back to make sure I was still following. The light from his eyes and the soft sounds of his paws on the stone was all that kept me assured that this was real.   
  
Finally, the beast stopped dead in his tracks and looked back at me, swishing his reptilian tail from side to side. "This is our destination. Hold on a moment longer while I get the door open." he said, his deep voice reverberating off the stone walls, leaving a slight echo in its wake. I could just make out a door against the stone in the darkness, and I wondered how a creature with only paws was going to manage opening a door, but I felt a sensation like that of electricity arc over my skin and it made the fine hair on my arms stand on end. There was magic in this beast, no question about that.   
  
The door swung open silently and the Tiger motioned for me to enter. The room was spacious, simple, and lit dimly by a few small globes of light suspended in the air. The bare walls were cloaked ominously in shadow and the only furnishings were a plain, unadorned trunk pushed up against the wall, a small, low table and a few velvet pillows strewn across the floor.   
  
"Sit." said the Tiger, nosing a pillow over toward me. Meekly I obeyed, pulling it closer to the little table. The beast used its claw to open the lock on the trunk and the top swung open. He poked through the contents and finally unearthed what he sought, carrying a small glass sphere in his mouth over to where I sat. Sitting across the table from me, he put the ball on the floor, covering it with a paw before speaking.  
  
"You recognized me when I showed myself in front of your Fiyero."  
  
"How did you know who-"  
  
"That question is irrelevant to the matter at hand. All I can say is that there's more information than you can ever imagine saturating through every fiber of my being. Getting back to what I said before, what's the farthest back in your life that you can remember?"   
  
"I guess it must be the day my sister Nessarose was born. Things before that are hazy, just a lot of vague half-formed images, and I can't even piece together what little of those days I know, but you, something about you is terribly familiar."  
  
"Maybe I can help you to See again." he said, and stretched his neck across the table toward me. The way he used the word "see" gave the impression of a capitol "s", and gave a sort of weight to the meaning of the word; something about the way he spoke told me that all was not right in my little plane of existence.   
  
"Give me your hand." it ordered. I did as I was bid, reaching to where he could get at it.   
  
"Splay your fingers and lay it palm-up on the table." Once that was done he lifted his paw from where it was resting on top of the glass ball on the floor. He picked it up carefully with his teeth and laid it in my palm, then nosed my fingers so they curled around the base of the sphere. Now that I was able to get a better look at it, I saw that the little globe was a clear bright green color, hypnotizing to the eyes.   
  
"Focus your attention and centralize your energies in on it."  
  
I stared into the glass, my eyes boring into its center. Soon enough I'd been drawn into its depths, no longer aware of the presence of the Tiger or anything else. The inside of the ball was no longer clear and hollow, but fogging with curls of silver smoke. The tendrils thickened and roiled like a storm cloud in the wind, rolling over itself again and again. Little sparkling threads of something, magic I supposed, lanced through the fog, lending the white-gray smoke tiny strands of brilliance that multiplied until they replaced the smoke and formed a mirror-like plane in the center of the sphere. The mirror-surface burst into a beam of bright light alive with every possible color before settling into an ill-defined, fuzzy image. The scene slowly sharpened, the colors settling into fixed shapes within the mirror. Soon enough it cleared enough for me to see there was a tiny green girl that couldn't have been anyone but me; I couldn't have been more than a year old, and I was sitting on top of the crossed forepaws of the very same Tiger-creature sitting in front of me now. The Tiger was crouched beneath the dock near the small lake that our house in Nest Hardings had been located near, and I looked as if enthroned atop its paws, comfortable with my placement above the damp ground. I was also staring with one eye closed into the same green glass sphere my eyes were so fixed upon at the present time. The little girl's open eye was hollow, sparkling strangely with an inward light I guessed to be a result of whatever magic was infused into the sphere. I narrowed my eyes, trying to get a better sense of the scene about to play out before me, and with the extra concentration of my attentions sound soon accompanied the images.   
  
_"Horrors,"_ the younger version of me said, repeating the word over and over again, all the tiny girl's energies focused solely on the center of this very green globe. Occasionally my little emerald hand would reach out and stroke the fur of the Tiger, but it would soon be brought back to grip the glass sphere even tighter than before.  
  
After a few moments of watching myself so focused upon whatever I'd been Seeing at the time, Nanny, my mother, my father, and a Quadling I guessed to be Turtle Heart, an old friend of my parents', emerged from our tiny house and stared in dazed fear at the creature upon whose paws I was perched. I just sat nestled in the forearms of the Tiger, perfectly attuned with whatever it was I was Seeing in the green glass, repeating the word _"horrors"_ every so often. Turtle Heart dropped to his knees and began muttering something about how my little self was _'seeing him coming by the air in a bubble the color of blood'_; I took that to mean that I was watching the arrival of the Wizard in his hot-air balloon. Then, the Quadling suddenly fell face-forward onto the ground, landing inches away from me and my creature companion. I didn't so much as bat an eyelash at the heavy thud announcing his contact with the earth; it seemed all I could do was repeat _"horrors"_, compelled by some unseen force, causing me for some reason to be the one to witness such events.   
  
My mother and father stood there stupidly, unsure of what to do, but Nanny moved to snatch me away from the Tiger. I hadn't even noticed that my family was there; the younger version of me narrowed her eyes shortly after Turtle Heart had lost consciousness and brought her face closer to the globe, staring, enraptured, into its foggy depths. Something else had happened in her vision, some new event revealed. The little girl whispered, _"No, no, no more blood, no more wet-"_, touching her nose to the glass, totally engrossed in the vision. Then, a split second later, the beast growled menacingly to warn Nanny away from me and stop her from advancing further, breaking my little self's focus and making me begin to lose the vision just as I was almost able to zero in on the images my tiny self was watching in her globe.   
  
The new image that had almost been revealed to me in the little girl's ball must've begun to fade away for her just as it was being lost to me. My younger self shook it hard, trying to get the pictures to return, but to no avail, and began to wail in anger when the images didn't come back. I watched myself carefully place the glass ball on the ground, then turn around and bury my face in the Tiger's neck fur. My parents finally regained feeling enough to advance some to try and get me away from the creature, but my Tiger snarled, causing them to back away, buying me time to scream myself hoarse into his throat before I'd have to be returned to the parents who cared next to nothing for me. After a while I sniffled a few times, muttering _"horrors"_ into the Tiger's throat, petted his sleek white neck one last time, and he gently picked me up in his teeth, setting me down on the ground. He then just as carefully closed his mouth around the green glass sphere, stared at my "family" long and hard, then turned abruptly and bounded away. My little self watched the Tiger until he disappeared over the horizon, then I drew back into myself, muttering_ "horrors"_ every now and then. I didn't react when Nanny picked me up and brought me back inside; I just repeated _"horrors"_ to the wind as if it was the only thing I had the power to do.  
  
With that, the scene that had taken place so many years before dissolved into the mirror, colors and shapes fading into nothingness, shimmering like liquid silver for a moment before morphing back into smoke, then disappearing altogether.  
  
"No, not yet,"I murmured, trying with everything I had to focus back on the center of the few wispy tendrils of thought-smoke that hadn't yet melted back into the clear green of the glass, "what else was I Seeing? Show me what it was, I need to know, what blood, what wet..." I didn't know why I so desperately needed to See the things I'd once seen, but I was riveted and passionately needed to See them again; an animal instinct in my stomach screamed out to me that it was crucial for me to remember them. After a moment or so longer of vainly trying to call the mirror-stuff back to the forefront I sighed heavily in frustration and gave up, relaxing as if I had just let out a breath I'd been holding for hours. I stared blankly at the small green sphere resting in my hand.   
  
"Were you able to remember?" asked the Tiger, studying me intently, his head cocked slightly to one side.   
  
"Somewhat more than I did before, yes, but I couldn't - I wasn't able to-"  
  
"You weren't able to focus in on what your young self was Seeing?"  
  
"No, but I was so close...the vision began to dissolve when my child self broke concentration. When she looked away I lost focus." I said. I looked down at my hands, placing the globe on the table and resting my palm atop it.   
  
"Horrors..." I whispered, "I wish I knew what sort of horrors I was Seeing so long ago..." I kept trailing off, my mind clearly focusing on events I'd never gotten the chance to really See at an age when I'd be able to comprehend, until the Tiger rested his paw on top of my hand, jerking me back to reality. I drew my had away, taken aback by the unexpected contact.   
  
"Hold onto the glass. Try to See again. In time you'll be able to See down into it's depths. Hopefully you'll master it before-" the Tiger bit his words off, coughing involuntarily.   
  
"Before what?" I asked quietly, my voice taking on a slightly urgent air, "What is it? Tell me, please!"  
  
"No, no, it's not my place to tell you and not your place to know; not yet anyway. The same magic that turned me into this draconic aberration also has a hold over what I can and cannot say, what is to be revealed and what is to remain in secrecy. For as long as I'm under the magical control I foolishly entrapped myself in I'm bound to silence. I've already revealed far more than was safe for me to unveil. If at all possible I'll come back to you to see what there is I can do to train you further. The most I can say for now is that you must continue trying to See. If you're able to train yourself enough to do so on your own you'll also be able to turn aside whatever your next h-" he choked on the word. I rose hurriedly, going to the Tiger's side, and unsure of what to do, tentatively reaching out to stroke his fur. He was able to relax a little as my fingers massaged his flesh, loosening the constricted muscles closing his throat enough so he could get air past them again.   
  
"Are you alright?" I asked, still gently working my fingers through his fur.   
  
"Yes, better, thank you." he said weakly. "I - I don't have the power to tell you any more. If I can I'll find you, then I can help you to achieve the kind of Sight needed to look far enough into the globe to gain whatever insights could help you-" he strained to get the words out, "-farther down the road. It'd be best if you returned now to where you belong. Take this with you." He stretched out his neck and gently nosed the sphere into my hands. I caught it and looked at it again; for some reason it felt colder than before and it seemed to glow with an inward light.   
  
The tiger coughed violently then spoke again;

"The Sight came easily to you as a small child; I hope for the sake of both you and your lover that it returns just as easily."


	27. Chapter 27

OK, I'm apologizing from the lack of clarity in the last chapter, but if you've ever tried to write about a character watching herself in some sort of crystal ball in the first person you'll know what I'm getting at. And I'd like to apologize in advance for the lack of plot in this chapter, but please bear with me; there will be more plot quite soon, I promise ;) ::grins conspiratorially::

Chapter 27  
  
"You're going to have to make your way back on your own." the Tiger said weakly, "As the restraining magic tightens its hold on me it drains away what strength I have to move and speak. It's a straight path back to the cave, if you remember. Just keep a hand on the right wall - there aren't any alcoves or passages leading off from there."  
  
"Thank you," I said, "I'll do my best to See. Don't strain yourself by trying to get back to me too soon after today. If you eventually do try to get back to me you'll either find me at Kiamo Ko, or a sorry excuse for a hovel in the Emerald City. But if I'm not at the fortress, it'd probably be best for all of us if you didn't show yourself in the City."  
  
"Understandable. Now go; your Fiyero probably thinks I've eaten you by now. Warn him I'll be back so he knows what to expect." The Tiger winked once, a hint of a smile playing over his mouth, then laid his head wearily on his paws, sighed, and closed his eyes; I'd been dismissed.  
  
I snatched up the glass sphere before turning and letting myself out; If I was ever to figure out what it was, exactly, that I needed to See it wouldn't do me much good to forget the thing. Compared to the dim light in the Tiger's room the tunnel leading to and from it seemed thrown into impenetrable darkness. I made my way slowly down the corridor, running my fingers over the right hand wall just for my own peace of mind. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding when a little pinprick of light showed its face, indicating where the passageway opened up into the cave. The closer I came the easier it was to hear and make out the shape of Fiyero pacing around outside the mouth of the tunnel, talking to either himself or the monkey.   
  
"She's been gone almost an hour; what could've - why did I - Chistery, get off me!" I heard when I was almost at the end of the passage. I laughed to myself as I stepped into the light once more, shielding my eyes against the glare and watching him pace back and forth. I stood there for a few moments, casually leaning against the stone wall and shaking my head at him before it finally dawned on him that I was standing there.   
  
"Fabala, I - why did you - what took you so long?" he asked breathlessly, capturing my hands in his. My skin began to burn softly under his touch.  
  
"Let me go, love. You're all clammy and damp. Go dry your hands off before you touch me again, will you?" I said, my eyes laughing as I slipped my fingers from his grip and handed him the edge of my skirt for him to wipe his hands off with.   
  
"Sorry, I was worried about you. Now, to put my mind at ease, what did that - that thing - want from you?"  
  
"It's a long story. Can we get out of here now please before it gets too dark to travel?"   
  
"It's not even noon yet."  
  
"I'll tell you everything if we can leave now. The sooner I get to Kiamo Ko, find what I need and get back to the City the better."  
  
Enticed by the prospect of information, Fiyero agreed and we left within the next ten minutes. I'd made sure the glass sphere was painstakingly protected within the bag of our things before going. Chistery, who'd been flitting around exercising his wings outside the cave, threw himself at me the moment I showed my face out in the light of day.   
  
"Where were you?" he asked, crashing headlong into my shoulder and scuffling to get his balance and scramble up to sit on it.  
  
"I was speaking to a nice Tiger."  
  
"Tiger? What Tiger?" He put his hands on his hips, wrapping his tail around the back of my neck for balance. "I don't know a Tiger."   
  
"Yes, Elphaba, you promised me information." Fiyero said as he led the way farther into the Kells.   
  
I inhaled deeply and plunged into relaying the story to him. It took far longer to tell than I expected, what with Fiyero's incessant questioning and asking if the Tiger had done anything to me that he shouldn't have after every three sentences I got out. By the time I was finished we'd been traveling for a good two hours and had progressed quite deeply into the Kells.  
  
"But if all you were 'Seeing' in that sphere was the Wizard's arrival, what good'll that do you now? The man's already dead."  
  
"You've got to open your ears a good deal more, love. I told you, the images broke apart before I could focus on the second vision my little self was Seeing. That's what I need to be able to call to the forefront of the globe."  
  
"What's so important about the one image?"  
  
"I don't know, but the way the Tiger said _'The Sight came easily to you as a small child; I hope for the sake of both you and your lover that it returns just as easily'_ doesn't bode well in my mind. Heaven knows what it could indicate for us."  
  
"You're more than likely right. I guess there's no reason for me to try to get you to not try to See whatever it was that was lost to you before. I didn't quite like the sound of when your child self said whatever she did about blood and wet aside from having to deal with the Tiger. That was almost definitely concerning you. I just don't like where this whole affair with the Sight is going. What is it getting at? It all seems eerie, like something we weren't meant to know."  
  
"I know what you mean, but if it in any way might indicate what 'horrors' the future might throw at us, we may be able to find a way to deter it. It could be a good thing after all. Let me try."  
  
He nodded, and reached out to take my hand. "I know you have to do this, but I can't help but worry about you. That's what people do when they're in love. That's why I followed you the night I was almost killed, that's why I let you go ahead with your Wizard-eliminating scheme, that's why -" He noticed that I'd looked away and was staring fixedly at the ground as I walked. All he was succeeding in doing was reminding me of past failures.  
  
"I'm sorry, I never meant to bring those back up. You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."   
  
We walked on for a while in strained silence before I spoke again.   
  
"Where, exactly, are we?"  
  
"In the Kells; where'd you think we were?"  
  
"No really, Captain Obvious? I hadn't noticed." I replied, over-exaggerated sarcasm finding its way into my voice. "I'm serious, how far do you think we are from Kiamo Ko?"   
  
"Maybe another two days or so of a walk left before we'll be clear of this place. We should be able to camp out tonight and the next in whatever caves there are along the way; the Kells are pretty much run through with them. From there it'll be smooth sailing to the fortress."  
  
"I hope you're right, unlike last time. Oh, 'we've got a good few hours before the rain'. I think not!" I said, playfully punching his arm.  
  
"That was a freak incident! More often than not I'm right about things like that!"   
  
"Whatever you say." I said, rolling my eyes.   
  
  
  
The next two days passed in a fairly unremarkable fashion, we'd wake, shove something by way of food down our throats, walk for most of the day, find a satisfactory cave in which to spend the night, and sleep. Towards noon on our third day in the Kells we emerged from among the dismal rock landscape and emerged into grassland, the sight of Kiamo Ko about a half mile or so off in the distance.   
  
"I told you I could get you there within a week." Fiyero said matter-of-factly.   
  
"I never doubted that you could. It's just your inner meteorologist that needs the practice." I laughed, beckoning him to pick up the pace. "Let's go; we can probably get there in less than a half hour you decide to move a little!"  
  
"Excuse me!" he cried, taking off, "Now who's the one going slow?"  
  
I sprinted after him, a competitive grin spreading across my mouth. Chistery yelled for me to slow down, as he was sitting on my shoulder and losing his balance further with each of my footfalls, but I paid him no heed, and he took to the air, scolding me and grumbling under his breath as he flew alongside us.   
  
Sure enough, we found ourselves staring at the heavy wooden door of the fortress all too soon.   
  
"I never thought I'd be back here." Fiyero muttered, inhaling deeply and setting his shoulder against the wood, heaving the door open. It creaked ominously as it swung inward, propelled by its own momentum. I closed my eyes for a moment, steeling myself against the memories, then entered.   
  
I glanced around the entrance hall, still as familiar as ever. Nothing had been disturbed since I'd left, and there was a heavy coat of dust covering everything. I had no desire to stay on the first floor; I left Fiyero to gawp at the sight of his former home and took to the hallway leading to my tower stairs. I wasn't sure if I could still call it 'my tower', but as long as my things were still inhabiting it the place was as good as mine. The stairs creaked ominously as I climbed them; at least this time I didn't have to worry about my legs giving out from under me, just the old wood. When I reached the top I held my breath as I entered the small circular room once more.   
  
Everything was exactly as I left it, just slightly dustier. I set to work ruffling through all the books and papers littering the place, hoping to find something I could use for research. After a few hours or so I had a moderately large pile of unsorted leaves of parchment containing usable information all jumbled together with various usable books and other papers with little or no relevance to it whatsoever. I was slightly disheartened by the task at hand, and groaned when I thought of the prospect of all the work there was to come; there was just so much to sift through for what could be valuable to the "Chistery Project" as Fiyero so charmingly called it, but first I knew there was more research material to uncover from amid the other things littering my little corner of the fortress. I went back to work pulling books off the shelf and rifling through old notebooks of mine.   
  
  
  
After a while I was torn from my driven state by a rather soft rapping at the trapdoor and stopped to listen to who it may be. I highly doubted it could be anyone but Fiyero, but I couldn't shake the feeling that at any time some Gale Forcer would come crashing through the place and kill who- and whatever he found alive.  
  
I relaxed at the sound of a little voice calling "Open up!" through the wood. Chistery I could deal with; I tugged the trapdoor open for him.   
  
"What do you want, you little menace?"   
  
"Come downstairs!"   
  
"What for?  
  
"For Fiyero."  
  
"Is he alright?" I asked, ushering the monkey through the door and following him.   
  
"Not really." Chistery scampered down the stairwell, leading the way.  
  
I walked behind the monkey, winding down a good number of familiar hallways to a room I'd only been in very few times before. Chistery stopped and looked up at me, his eyes wide and questioning as if to ask ::You can make him feel better, right?:: before he turned and took off, skiddering back the way we'd come.   
  
Fiyero was leaning heavily against the doorframe, his face buried in his arm, his shoulders shaking violently. I'd never seen him so stricken before. I laid a hand on his shoulder and he stilled some, yet still shivered like a frightened rabbit under my touch.   
  
"What's wrong, love? Let me know what's on your mind." I said softly, moving beside him and slipping my arms around his waist. It was then that I got a good look at the inside of the room he was gazing into. It had pale pink walls and a girl-sized bed pushed up against the wall, littered with dolls and other toys; Nor's room.   
  
"It's so hard to accept that they're gone. No father should have to live while his children lie dead." Fiyero murmured, turning his head to meet my gaze; the raw emotion in his voice was heart rending. His eyes sparkled with moisture, and his cheeks were streaked with bitter tears.   
  
"Oh, Fiyero..." I sighed, pulling him close. He pressed his closed eyes to my shoulder and wept, letting out his grief.   
  
"I'm sorry, I'm-" he tried to speak, but his voice broke.   
  
"Don't be." I said for lack of a way to articulate my sympathy. The depth of his brokenheartedness was far beyond that which any word of comfort I could give him could ease. All I could do was rub his back and let him cry; the silence in itself was comforting in a way, giving him the solace I wasn't able to. I paid no heed to the tears beginning to seep through the fabric of my sleeve; a little physical pain was nothing compared to how much of his hurt I was feeling as well.  
  
After a while his trembling shoulders stilled and the racking sobs quieted, yet his grip on me tightened. I brought a hand up to his face and lifted his chin with a finger, gingerly brushing a few loose strands of hair away from his eyes.   
  
"No, don't touch me, I'm all wet." he said, his voice still shaky as he wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He gazed back into Nor's room through reddened, bloodshot eyes, staring for a good long moment before speaking.  
  
"I loved them so much, Elphaba." he said hollowly, "I may have been no more than a friend to Sarima, but Irji, Manek and Nor, the three of them were my first real loves in life. My children may not have been conceived through love, but once they were born I tried to make up for that. And now...being back here, I can't help but think about what might've happened if I'd had the courage to return to them and not hole myself up in the City like I did; I can't help but wonder if I might've been able to forestall their fates."  
  
Guilt took it's icy hold once more over my heart. I'd as good as let them all die.   
  
"Tell me what happened to my children, Elphie." he said abruptly.  
  
"Fiyero, no-" I said, not wanting to cause him any more pain, but he cut me off.  
  
"I'm serious, I - I need to know. I know it'll only hurt more but I need to know what happened to them." he said, his face set and braced against what he wanted me to tell him.  
  
I took a deep breath; I didn't want to be the one to let him know. He was in enough pain already.   
  
"Elphaba, please, tell me." he said after I hesitated to speak.  
  
"Manek died in a freak incident a winter or two before the spring I almost did. Irji, along with Sarima and her sisters, met his end at the hands of the Gale Force. Nor was taken by the Wizard as a slave; I don't know what happened to her after that. Liir-" I abruptly cut myself off; I couldn't let that slip, I couldn't tell him about the boy, not _that_...  
  
"Who's Liir?"  
  
"No one, just a boy I knew while staying here with your family."  
  
"I don't recall anyone by that name ever living near this place, and you were never one to have much tolerance for children in the first place."  
  
"I came across him - by accident, you might say. You really don't need to know the circumstances."  
  
"What are you hiding from me?" he asked, catching my face in his hand and forcing me to meet his gaze. "You avoid answering my questions only when you're keeping something from me."

"I'm not hiding anything from you." I said too quickly to mask the lie, averting my eyes.   
  
"Look at me, Elphaba. Who was he?"  
  
"He was only a boy that followed me here - I don't know why he chose me to hassle but he did, and tagged along after your children once he got to know them. I'm guessing he left with that Dorothy girl after she arrived here; I think because everyone believed me dead, and he was never too fond of me to begin with, but then again, no one ever was." I replied; I couldn't have been farther from the truth, at least with the bit about Liir, anyway.  
  
"Why did you let him follow you here?" Fiyero asked, trying to squeeze more information out of me.   
  
"He more often than not stayed out of my way, but kept insisting he belonged with me. I couldn't shake him. He kept away from me mostly; everyone did. He was with your children more often than not."  
  
"How long was he here?"  
  
"As long as I was."  
  
Fiyero gave me a look that said he wasn't sure whether to believe me or not, but mercifully didn't press me further. I was afraid another slip like that would only drive him away from me. He let go of my waist and stepped into Nor's room, sitting on her bed and picking up one of her dolls, fingering the toy's red curls.   
  
"Elphie, would you mind terribly if I asked you to leave me alone for a while? I - I have some things to sort out with myself before I can come to terms with - all this, and I need some time to say goodbye to them."  
  
I walked over and kissed his forehead briefly. "Not at all. Take as long as you need, love. If you need me, I'll be in the tower."  
  
I left the room, stopping at the door and taking a last look back at him; he had pressed the fingers of one hand to his eyes, the little cloth doll held tight to his body.  
  
"I wish I could do something for you. I'm so sorry." I whispered, and made my way back upstairs to face the daunting task of contending with whatever information could be used for research dealing with Chistery.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28  
  
I didn't go back downstairs. If Fiyero had wanted me with him he would have come looking for me; I wasn't about to deny him his time to grieve by inflicting my presence upon him.   
  
The next week was spent much the same way as it had been for me when I'd once called this fortress my home; in solitude, holed up in my tower, working on virtually the same things I'd been doing with the monkey the first time around. By the third day of the week I'd managed to get most of the books and papers on the floor into some semblance of order and put them in two piles on the table, one for the things I could use and one for what was to be set aside. Towards the fifth day I had everything a little more organized and I'd begun to dive back into my old work schedule; hours on end with my nose buried in various books.   
  
I pored over and weeded through the sea of stuff, pulling out whatever might prove useful and casting aside everything else, until I was just about done; it was the last day of the week and Chistery let himself in, making himself at home among my things on the table. He must've needed more space to sleep or to do whatever it was he wanted to do up here, so the little beast just pushed everything I'd organized off the surface. The papers flew everywhere, and the books hit the floor with a resounding bang. I swore colorfully at the top of my lungs, scaring the living daylights out of Chistery, who swung himself down and cowered for a while under the table. It took all my self control to keep myself from picking the monkey up and chucking him down the tower stairs, where he'd be out of my way for a while. I sighed heavily and began the daunting task of sifting through all the information all over again.   
  
As I was just about to get back to work there was a loud rap on the trapdoor and Fiyero's voice called from the other side of the wood.   
  
"Elphie? What was that? It was so loud!"  
  
I tugged the trapdoor open and grabbed his hand to help him drag himself up into the room.

"Do you mean me or the bang of books hitting the floor?" I asked dryly.

"Is everything okay? I was in the hallway downstairs wondering whether or not you wanted my company when I heard the noise and jumped eight feet in the air, then I heard you shrieking and I came up to see what was wrong."  
  
I was glad to see Fiyero again, and if I wasn't so incensed I would've wrapped my arms around him before saying a word. I could thank Chistery for making me freeze over like this.   
  
"It was only Chistery wreaking havoc on **_everything_** I've been doing this _entire week_!" I shouted, my aim being for Chistery to hear loud and clear what I was getting at. He was still sitting under the table, no longer cowering but trying to look as innocent as possible. I knelt down and began to scoop up everything the monkey had pushed to the floor, trying in vain to remember which items had belonged to which pile they'd formerly inhabited. Fiyero got to his knees beside me and helped to gather everything together, and then we dumped it back onto the table; at this point I was beyond caring what went where. I stood and sank down onto the bed, tense and aggravated. I buried my face in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut.  
  
"Would you take Chistery downstairs for me, and make sure he stays there for the time being? I really need to get through this-" I said through my fingers.  
  
"Take a break, Fae; you're all seized up. You're becoming obsessive over your work again. I haven't seen you in a week." Fiyero sank down onto the bed beside me and massaged my shoulders. I wasn't up to leaving the work I hadn't really even begun now that I looked at it, but his presence was welcome after a week alone.   
  
_ ::It's strange now to think that for fifteen years I'd hated contact with other people, and now that I'm not alone anymore I can't take being by myself for more than a few days.::_ I leaned back against him and rested my head on his shoulder.  
  
"You asked to be alone to say goodbye to your children, and I wasn't going to impose my unwanted presence upon you, so I withdrew. Anyway, I had - or should I say_ have_ - work to do sorting through this mess," I said, gesturing to the jumbled disaster that was once my research, "work I was _almost done with_ until _dear little Chistery_ saw fit to destroy it on me." I glared once more at the creature still sitting under the table and trying to look as angelic as he could.  
  
"Relax. You've got all the time in the world. No one knows we're alive, aside from Boq, his horses, and the Tiger. What could possibly happen to us out here in the middle of this place? Come downstairs for a while."   
  
His words induced a memory of the Tiger, perhaps the only living being aside from Boq and Chistery that actually knew of our existence, and with the Tiger came recollection of the glass sphere.  
  
"No, I can't, I've got too much to concentrate on. If I leave this now I'll never remember where I left off, and I still have to try to See..."   
  
Fiyero sighed. "Alright, I'll give you another few days to collect yourself, but then I get you to myself for a day. I missed you this week." He kissed the side of my head and continued. "Agreed?"   
  
"What did you miss me for? I'd think you'd be more concerned with your family that anything else right now. It's only been a week, and I know how much you loved your children; how could you have possibly let them go after such a short time?"   
  
"Normally, the Arjikis who live out here are allowed to grieve for loved ones for a year, but with the exception of their ruler. I'm allowed a week; the leader of the tribe is taught from childhood to let go of people so much faster, since they have to be able to deal with loss in case of war or some other tragedy. Granted, my children are the hardest to let go of now, and I doubt I'll ever fully be able to, but I guess there is life after loss. I've always been weak in that respect, especially when it concerned you. Look at me, I never was able to accept that I'd lost you after my 'death', but I got extremely lucky, and never had to. If I lost you like that again I don't know where I'd be." His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me to his chest, and he nuzzled his lips in my hair. Gentle puffs of air tickled the back of my neck as he breathed, and I recoiled to escape the tickling sensation.  
  
"Stop, sweetheart, I've got to go-"  
  
"No you don't, not yet." The air against my neck was replaced by little kisses of the barest contact with my skin, which actually made it tickle more.   
  
"Yes I do. You promised me a few days to collect myself. Then I'll spend some time with you. You have my word."  
  
"So, you plan on taunting me with separation? Is that what you're trying to do? One of these days, Elphie my love, you'll be the death of me, mark my words." he said, and I kissed him before he left me to my work.  
  
  
  
The three days I was allotted breezed by faster than the wind in a summer storm. Since I'd been through all the information before, it was relatively easy for me to reclassify everything into the categories I'd formed the first time around. Then I was able to really study the changes that could occur in an animal to induce the transformation in mentality that would make the creature an Animal. According to the research I'd done regarding the process in which a animal becomes an Animal, Chistery was almost there. His vocabulary needed to grow a little more, and then he needed to grasp a few more complex concepts of logic before he could be classified as a Monkey. All animosity there had been when Chistery knocked my things topsy-turvy evaporated, and the pride I had in the little monster tripled. I even let up enough on him to allow him access to the tower again. He flew up one afternoon when I left the trapdoor ajar and collided with me, fastening his little arms around my elbow.  
  
"Don't make me stay downstairs again. Fiyero's being boring."  
  
"How so? You used to play with him all the time."  
  
"He keeps sitting in the pink room and telling me not to touch anything in there."  
  
"Oh. Well, then you'd better listen to him. He needs to be by himself for a little longer. You can stay here for the time being."  
  
"Yay! Please don't kick me out. I won't cause trouble." he said, pleading with me to let him stay. I was in a fairly good mood due to my discoveries and wasn't going to begrudge him what he wanted for the present.   
  
"Alright, but you have to be careful around my things, not like the last time you were up here. Understand?"  
  
"Uh huh." he said; the little thing was only concerned with having a place to stay and now that he had one he was going to ignore everything I said until he pushed me too far and set me off. He began tearing through the clothing I had left here, unearthing a few other scarves to amuse himself with. I shook my head and smiled at him before turning back to the last thing I needed to work with; the green glass sphere.   
  
I went downstairs to the entrance hall, where the bag of the things we'd brought with us still was. Fishing through its contents, my fingers brushed the cool, smooth surface and I pulled it out as carefully as I could. I made my way back upstairs as inconspicuously as possible so as not to draw attention to myself; the last thing I needed was for Fiyero to realize I was downstairs and try to draw me away from the task at hand.   
  
I made it back up with little difficulty, and made sure Chistery was asleep before I set to work focusing on the centralized magics residing within the glass. The inside fogged up and silvered over, and the scene I'd witnessed in the Tiger's cave materialized once more. Once again, the moment I tried to zero in on the little green girl's visions, the Tiger would snarl and the images would dissolve. I tried again to call the scene back, this time working at Seeing my little self's visions a little earlier this time, but I lost concentration when Chistery woke and crawled into my lap. The pictures dissipated and when I tried a third time to See, by then my mind had been pushed too far and I wasn't even able to make the silvery fog reappear.  
  
I groaned from frustration, making Chistery to grow apprehensive.  
  
"Did I do something bad?" he asked, staring up at me through wide eyes.  
  
"No, not at all, little friend. Everything's okay. I'm a little frustrated with myself, that's all."  
  
"Oh." he said, relieved that he wasn't in trouble, and promptly fell back to sleep.   
  
  
  
When my three days were up, Fiyero pounded on the trapdoor at around eleven in the morning, let himself in, and knocked me from one of the four hours of sleep I'd actually gotten over the three day span. I was half-shocked out of slumber by the noise, and then abruptly shaken awake when Fiyero flopped gracelessly down onto the bed beside me. I rolled over, turning away from him, desperate for an extra hour of sleep, but he ignored my movements and entrapped me in his arms anyway.   
  
"Yero, please, not yet." I moaned, pulling the covers up to my neck.  
  
"Oh no, dearest, no more sleep for you. You had three full days to yourself, and if you didn't make sure you got enough rest while I wasn't here then that's your own fault, not mine. It's my sworn duty as your lover to be with you and pester you until I can make you believe that you're both loved and the most beautiful woman alive." He pulled me close and kissed my hair, then buried his lips there.  
  
"I never doubted that you loved me, but the beauty issue is impossible for someone like me to believe. Don't lie to me like that."  
  
"I would never lie to you."  
  
"I believe you just did."  
  
He opened his mouth to argue but I continued before he could get a word in. "Fiyero, I'm exhausted and I'm in no mood to fight with you over something stupid like my looks. I'm green, and when you're green there's no room left in you for beauty. End of story. Now will you please just give me one more hour to rest?"  
  
"I said no. This is your little scheme to get away from me. Well, you conniving woman, you, I am not going to fall for it!" He laughed and tugged my hand. I rolled back over, and when he had me facing him he stood and fought to yank me to my feet.   
  
"Come downstairs with me. I can see you haven't eaten much in the last three days, and I, for one, am not going to let you starve yourself while your nose is stuck to some old musty books."  
  
"Let me change first! I've been wearing this same dress for two days!" I let go of his hand and went to tear through my trunk for something a little cleaner to wear.   
  
"Still so black? Come with me, you can't be in mourning for the rest of your life over someone who isn't even dead."  
  
"Must you do this to me?" I asked, too tired to fight as he led me down the stairs.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh joy."  
  
Eventually Fiyero pushed open the door to a fairly large room that I'd never really been in before. It had a window on the large-ish side taking up the better part of one wall, a bed pushed against another, and a large wardrobe inhabiting a third, near it a dressing screen with a mirror mounted on one panel.  
  
"This must be Sarima's room; whatever it is you've got in mind, I'm not doing it."  
  
"Yes you are." Fiyero said, closing the door and throwing open the doors of the wardrobe. He pulled out a few dresses that he thought might fit me.  
  
"I won't do this, Fiyero. It feels as if I'm somehow invading her privacy by your going through her things like this, looking for something for _me_, of all people, to wear..."  
  
"Try this on." he said, ignoring everything I'd just said and holding out a creation of red satin.  
  
"No, no, no. You are _not_ getting me into that."  
  
"Fine, then. This one." The new dress was a pale blue with a rather low-cut back.   
  
"You have got to be kidding me. I'm not going to parade myself around in something like that to be looked at like livestock up for sale. I'm not pretty, so why bother? Something like _that_ is more my speed." I pointed out a black dress quite like the one I had on.   
  
"That's the problem. I miss the sight of you in colors. You said so yourself, you haven't worn colors since you left Shiz, and that was a good twenty years ago, maybe a little less."   
  
"Since when do you care so much about what I wear?" I shot.  
  
"I want you to see yourself with the beauty I know you possess. You sell yourself short and it's about time you stepped up and bothered to recognize how lovely you are."  
  
"When did you become the High Fashion Consultant of the Vinkus? Don't even bother with it. You're wasting your time." I said curtly.   
  
"No, I'm not. Here, how about this one? It's not revealing at all, believe me, I bought it for Sarima. It was never her style and she never really liked it - look, the sale's price is still there; Sarima's never even worn it, so it's not as if you'll somehow be invading her space or betraying her in any way by trying it on." It was a beautiful dress, white and simple with a sort of elegance most of the more extravagant dresses failed to pull off. Even so, preserving the small amount of dignity I'd been able to retain through the years won out over the gown's appealing presence.  
  
"I can't - "  
  
"Please, Elphie? Humor me now and I'll never make you do something like this again, you have my word."  
  
The prospect of never having to do this again was far more satisfactory than refusing him now and having him bother me about again it at some later date. I took it from him, glowering, and stepped behind the screen, grumbling to myself and dreading the moment I would have to catch sight of myself in the mirror.   
  
"You are a heartless, insensitive man, Fiyero." I called as I stepped from the black heap of cloth and pulled the white dress over my head.  
  
"Am I, now?" he asked automatically, not really hearing me.  
  
I carefully smoothed down the skirts; the dress itself was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but I hated to make a mockery out of something so lovely by inflicting upon it contact with my body, which was enough to make people recoil at the sight. I glanced in the mirror to make sure I was in no way harming the dress with any creases or the like and I froze up at the sight, taken aback and caught completely off-guard.   
  
"Sweet Oz..." I said quietly; I'd been transformed. The drape of the fabric was such that places where I'd been all angles before had seemed to soften into curves, the material clinging to me in some areas and falling gracefully from others.   
  
"What is it, Fae-Fae?" Fiyero asked, "Are you alright?"  
  
""Yes, I'm fine, I'm - "  
  
"Can I see?"  
  
"No, Fiyero, this isn't me in this dress, it's not - " I couldn't articulate anything; my tongue felt knotted up as I spoke.  
  
"I made you try it on, Fabala, I'm entitled to see what it looks like." he said matter-of-factly.  
  
I didn't hear him. I could only stand and stare numbly, my hands over my mouth. I didn't even notice him at all until he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and began murmuring in my ear.  
  
"Oh, Elphie, look at you. Now will you believe me when I call you beautiful?" He kissed my ear, his breath warm against my neck.  
  
"I don't - this isn't me you're seeing. It's something I'm not..." I said, unsure of whether to be happy with my appearance or to despair over the fact that I could never really be able to retain such beauty.  
  
"Than show me what_ is_ you."  
  
"That-" I said, pointing to the black I'd formerly been clothed in, "is me."  
  
"But why do you feel like you have to remain so dark? Why must you belittle yourself? Elphie, I only want you to be happy, and I want you to believe in yourself the way I believe in you."  
  
"What if I was happy the way I was before?"I asked quietly, gazing wistfully down at the white folds of the dress, wishing I would somehow be able to retain the beauty the dress had lent me for the time being. I would've been better off with the way I'd been before, when I cared little for what I looked like.   
  
"Elphie, I am not blind and deaf. I see and I hear every time I watch you dismiss yourself and all that you do as unimportant, or blame yourself for crimes you never committed. You were never truly happy with yourself the way you were, Elphie; you only seem to tolerate yourself because you have no other choice. People have beaten you all your life into believing that you have neither beauty nor worth just because you're different from them, but none of them have ever taken the time to see you for who you really are. I want you to know how far they've always been from the truth. I've tried everything to get you to believe me when I say you are beautiful. Please, Fabala, tell me what I can do to get you to believe me."  
  
He turned me around and lifted my chin with a finger, making me meet his eyes. I could see the pain there; I still couldn't begin to comprehend how much he felt for me. "Can you believe me at all?"  
  
"Hey," I said gently, bringing my hand up to stroke his cheek, "Thanks for making me try this on. It's so pretty, and I actually feel pretty wearing it. I think I can almost see what you mean by beauty - or whatever passes for beauty in green women." I smiled a bit and stretched to kiss him softly. He managed to give me a smile as well, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me back so tightly it hurt, but it felt nice to know he was there and wanted me to be happy, which was more than I could've said for anyone there'd ever been in my life, even my own family.   
  
"I'm afraid to get this thing dirty, so I'll only wear it for a little longer."  
  
"No, keep it on if you like it. Once we get back to the City we can always ask Boq to clean it." I laughed once and wondered what he would be thinking when he realized Fiyero and I were gone. 

"I like to see you wear white; it's a welcome change from the black. Maybe tomorrow we'll branch out a little farther to blue or something."  
  
"That's pushing it, Yero my hero."  
  
"Okay, we'll wait for that."  
  
"I never said I would wear anything besides this and that which belongs to me."  
  
"Alright, alright, I won't push you. Come on, I'm starving and I bet you haven't eaten in a while, either, if you've kept yourself shut away upstairs for three days. There's got to be something edible left in the kitchen. I figure I'll go out and hunt for something tomorrow."  
  
"Sure." I took him by the hand and we strolled through the halls together, grateful for the company. In exiting the late Sarima's chambers I left behind that dismal black cloak I'd been wearing for fifteen years, with it abandoning the lowly image of myself I'd been forced to harbor since I was small.  
  
  
  
Fiyero and I spent quite a length of time sitting in the kitchen, talking and laughing over nothing, a welcome change from the dusty research books that had been my only companions for the past three days. It had gotten late and the sun was low in the sky by the time my mind drifted to the Sight.  
  
"Can you give me an hour or two to myself so I can try to See a little more? I really need the practice, and I'm starting to get a little apprehensive over not knowing what 'horrors' there could be to look out for."   
  
"Fabala-Fae-"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Alright, but I'm coming with you. You're not staying up there alone for too long today. You promised me a day to have you to myself, and I intend to make the most of it."  
  
"You have a deal."   
  
As we passed through the entrance hall to get to the corridor that would take us to the tower stairs, Fiyero hooked the pack we'd taken here from the City over his arm.   
  
"I don't want to leave this down here. Your spell book's in it, the oil, and my medicine. I do not, repeat,_ not_, want the monkey to get into those things."  
  
"Then take it upstairs. I can put it in my trunk. The lid's too heavy for Chistery to lift on his own."   
  
We trudged back up the tower stairs, listening to the sinister creaking of the old wood as we moved.  
  
"D'you think those stairs are still safe enough to use like this?" he asked uneasily, wincing with every little skreak.  
  
"We're not going to spend the next three years here, so we won't have to worry about it for long. I can try to reinforce them magically, but something tells me I might end up making them explode instead."  
  
"There you go. See what I mean about belittling your abilities? If you can perform a transportation spell the likes of that which got us here, you can do something simple like make wood a little stronger."  
  
I decided to give it a shot, surprising myself when I actually succeeded.   
  
"You're better at this magic than you thought, aren't you?"  
  
"I guess so. Now the sooner you let me get to my work the sooner I can get to you." I shooed him away and he sat on the bed, paging absentmindedly through the Grimmerie and scratching Chistery's stomach every once in a while, keeping him quiet for me.   
  
I freed the green sphere from the scarves it was nestled among and lifted it from the trunk I'd taken to keeping it in. When I sat at the table and focused on calling the silver smoke to form the mirror-surface, it materialized much faster than it ever had. The scene I'd become quite familiar with progressed as usual, and this time when my young self began to witness the second vision, the new image came into sharp focus for me. I got as far as the sight of a man, backlit by the rising sun and grinning maliciously, but then there came a loud screech from back in reality and I lost the entire scene just as fast as I'd gained it, down to every last foggy shape. I looked away and sighed, glowering at the snow monkey perched on top of the bookcase, a page from the Grimmerie clutched in his hands. I looked to Fiyero for an explanation.   
  
"He climbed onto the book, and when I tried to get him off, he got angry at me and tore it. I'm sorry..."  
  
"It's okay." I sighed, rubbing my temples and coaxing the monkey down from his perch with a piece of bread that had been in the pack we'd brought here. It was a good thing the little monster was always a sucker for food, otherwise there would've been no guarantee ever I'd get the Grimmerie's page back. When Chistery had handed over the paper and fallen asleep on top of the bookcase and the page was safely back in my hands I was able to attach it into the book again. It happened to be the page with the spell I'd tried to use to kill off the Wizard. As much as I didn't want to keep the page, I stuck it back into the spell book just for the sake of not ruining the Grimmerie any more than it already was.  
  
"I was just so close." I said, sitting down next to Fiyero, "I was so close to achieving the vision I'd tried so hard to See, and the monkey just had to be difficult."  
  
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed my arm. "You'll get it soon. You probably would've done it if Chistery and I'd left you to your work alone."  
  
"No, I'm glad you're here." I said, kissing the hinge of his jaw. "I'll try again tomorrow. But the fact that I was a hair's breadth away from the Sight..."  
  
"Don't dwell on it, Fae-Fae. Just think of it this way, the closer you came today, the easier it'll be tomorrow to call it back."  
  
"I suppose..."  
  
"Come here." he said, pulling me onto his lap. "Take your mind off the Sight." His arms snaked around me and he rubbed my back, loosening the tense muscles there. As I relaxed I seemed to melt into him, comfortable and perfectly at ease. The white folds of my dress whispered against my legs in the cool breeze entering the tower through the open window, causing a single lock of Fiyero's hair to brush continuously against my face. I tucked it behind his ear, smiling as he kissed my closed eyes. I trailed my lips over the base of his throat, planting a delicate line of kisses over the thin scar there. I silently promised never to give him reason to drive himself so far for me again. There would always be love, but love had its limits. Even so, I planned to test those limits, _my_ limits, tonight.  
  
My hands skimmed over his chest, searching for the buttons on his shirt, opening them once I found them. He loosened his grip on me as I smoothed the shirtsleeves down over his arms, my hands caressing as gently as they could over his recently-healed right arm. His skin was pleasantly warm to the touch, especially as he pressed me close, as if he would never let go. Before we knew it our clothing was falling away from our bodies and we were lying on the bed, our hands exploring every inch of each other, our kisses hot on each other's lips. He felt so familiar and yet so unknown, shrouded from me through fifteen years' worth of separation. That shroud was cast aside as we lay there, moving as one, rediscovering each other as if it was the first time. His hands traveled down over my stomach and when they got to a certain point he hesitated; this had been the point where I would always back away from his touch, but tonight all my fears were torn asunder and I bade him to continue. All too soon we shuddered with a sweet pain and lay spent and still, our legs tangled together and our arms around each other, both giving and receiving warmth through the cool autumn night as well as the listening to the lullabies of our mingled heartbeats. We may have been two separate people, but just then it was if we two belonged to the same body.  
  
Little did we know that our ecstacy was to be extremely short-lived. Being so wrapped up in our own bliss we were oblivious to the sounds of people banging around on the lower floors of the fortress.


	29. Chapter 29

I'm sorry for the lack of length in this chapter and how long it took me to put it up, but I'm experiencing some technical difficulties at the moment ::coughfinalscough:: and I have the next chapter up as soon as possible.

Chapter 29  
  
_ ::"I see you still haven't attained the full use your Sight yet, my dolly." said a foreboding, all-too-familiar voice; Yackle.  
  
"Why are you here?" I asked, drawing the blankets up hurriedly and pinning them under my arms. "What kind of havoc are you trying to wreak on my mind?"  
  
""You haven't managed the Sight of the visions you've been sent through your younger self. Very disappointing, my dearie, I expected better of you."  
  
"I know that, I've tried to See them, I have to work at them more tomorrow-"  
  
"Tomorrow's too late!"the old woman said in a tone, almost a laugh, that made it sound as if she took some perverse pleasure from foretelling what fate would throw at me. Then she really laughed, her old, cracked cackling resonating through my head as she faded from view, abrasive and painful until-::_   
  
I was awakened by rough hands closing vice-like around my arm, pulling me upright and thrusting me to the floor. It was happening so fast; one moment I was lying curled up against Fiyero, being comforted by the feel of his skin against mine, and the next I was being thrown to the cold wooden boards, my head snapping back up off them as it connected with them.   
  
"Well, well, well, what have we here? We never expected to find _you,_ of all people, alive, now, did we, boys?"   
  
It was the Gale Forcer from what little I had been able to See of the second vision, smiling in the same hungry way, his eyes glittering with malicious intent. I presumed him to be the leader of those few other Gale Forcers present. He was painfully familiar, but his name was not forthcoming.   
  
The other soldiers nodded, wide, triumphant grins spreading across their faces. The head of the party kicked me moderately hard in the small of the back, adding pain to the fear and the humiliation I was already feeling. It sent sharp waves of pain lancing up my spine; my back arched away from his boot, but he only tapped my spine with his toe once more, slightly harder this time, before speaking again.   
  
"Oh, how sickeningly sweet, she's even taken a lover to bed with her." He turned and unsheathed his dagger, laying the flat of his blade under the hinge of Fiyero's jaw, lifting his chin and turning his face to better examine him.   
  
"This one doesn't look dangerous; he probably never had the strength of mind to compete with her magic. The Witch probably picked him up on a whim, to use for a night and be rid of. Or do you think it could actually be possible that she loves him? No matter, I doubt any living creature could ever come close to loving something like_ her_." That drew a derisive laugh from the rest of the men assembled, and intense hatred and hurt to flare in my eyes. He returned the blade back to it's scabbard, and his hand hovered over the holster where his pistol was housed.   
  
"You three, stay here. The rest of you, downstairs. I need you to get the rest of them loafing around outside ready to move. Tell them we've got someone; someone they never expected to see." the leader barked to the other two, jerking his head toward the open trapdoor. The men obeyed, their raucous laughter and cutting mockery echoing off the stone of the tower walls.   
  
"Dress, both of you!" he snarled at Fiyero and me, drawing his pistol from its holster and pointing it at me. My face flamed with humiliation, fury and fear. I did as I was bid, throwing the closest thing to me - the white dress - over my head, hate and rage blazing rampant in my eyes; I didn't even bother to cloak the heat in them. I took a good look at those still assembled, the leading officer in particular, as my face contorted with fury. He was a decorated officer, with gold epaulets on his shoulders and medals pinned to the jacket; I guessed he was of a rather high rank, which infuriated me even more, for some reason, as well as the fact that I still couldn't call his name to mind. I knew he was the same officer that Liir had chosen to follow like some lovesick puppy when they'd first forced their way into the fortress a year or two ago, before they'd taken Fiyero's family to their base and killed them all, all but Nor. A passionate hate rose in my throat, a hate so strong that if looks could kill, that man would've been ashes on the floor by now.   
  
I surveyed the rest of the room, taking in the others; they seemed slightly afraid now that their number had shrunk. I could probably play with their minds some to make them fear me enough to let me be able to get a request fulfilled every now and then, but weighing that against my circumstances, if I led them to believe I really was a witch, they'd more than definitely see me as a bigger threat than they already believed and take it as an excuse to kill me, or worse. As my eyes scanned the room a third time, I noticed that Chistery was nowhere to be seen.  
  
_ ::That little beast was damn smart to get out of here when he did.::   
_  
It took everything I had to force myself to remain silent; if I lashed out at them like I wanted to nothing good could come of it. It was bad enough as it was. Once I had myself clothed again I tried to stand, but the leader of the small crew cocked the gun, the menacing click sharply descending on my ears. I tried not to show any fear but I flinched at the sound anyway and lowered myself back to my knees; it wasn't the prospect of being shot of which I was afraid, but the fact that the officer had turned the barrel of the gun away from me and onto Fiyero.  
  
"Hmmn, he could work to our advantage." the leading officer murmured thoughtfully, glancing from me to Fiyero and then back to me, his lip curled and his gun unmoving from it's current position.   
  
"D'you think we ought to take them both, or just the Witch?" asked one of the other soldiers, pulling his weapon from his belt.   
  
"Put your gun away, Dancith, you imbecile. Open your eyes! I think even_ they_ know that their position right now isn't one that'll allow them any leave to fight us!" He knocked the gun from the hand of his underling, sending it skiddering across the floor, dangerously within my reach. Dancith hurried to pick it up before I could register what kind of an advantage the weapon might've given me.   
  
"We might as well take them both;" the officer drawled, finally getting around to answering Dancith's question, "the man might be of use to us in the long run, if only as a sort of bribe or scare tactic, if you will, to frighten her into obedience if it comes to that."  
  
I snorted at that comment; if he thought I was going to give him an easy time with this he was sadly mistaken.   
  
"Get them down the stairs and outside. We've got to get them back to our base. Once we're there I'll radio the City and see what the commander wants us to do with them. Whatever it is, I should enjoy it." He lowered his pistol some, turning toward me, and he grinned with dark anticipation over his shoulder at his comrades, who mirrored his expectancy with identical expressions. Fury rose like bile in my throat, burning in it's descent back to my stomach, but I held to my silence, so long as the man kept his weapon turned away from Fiyero.   
  
"Take them downstairs. The sooner we get out of this little niche of hell out in the middle of nowhere the better." As he ordered his subordinates scurried to obey, taking me roughly by the arms and yanking me up to my feet, doing the same to Fiyero.   
  
"I can stand on my own, dammit." I spat at the soldier who'd been ordered to me, clenching my hands into fists, but forcing myself to ease them back to the way they were, hanging limp at my sides. The soldier, a waxen, washed-out looking sort of man, was taken aback at my words; he hadn't expected me to speak at all, and he cringed at the sound, as if I could hex him to death by just aiming a comment in his direction.   
  
_ ::Weak-minded idiot.:: _I thought, glaring stonily at him, watching him squirm under my gaze. _::Well, being a "witch" does have at least_ one_ advantage.::   
_  
"Well, so she isn't a mute after all."said the head of this twisted little party, glancing back at me, a cruel smile playing over his mouth."It'd be best if you kept your mouth shut, before I have to shut it for you." He fingered the barrel of his gun and looked at Fiyero, and I silenced.   
  
I went meekly down the stairs despite the hate and self-blame roiling through me, wishing I hadn't reinforced the stairs the way I'd done last night. It would've been amusing if they'd fallen through the weak boards, and possibly would've given Fiyero and me a slight chance of escape; a head start away from them, if nothing else.  
  
_ ::If only I'd tried a little harder to See all this madness...I was so close yesterday...Why didn't I pay more attention to the little I did See? And now I'll probably never have the chance to try again...::_ I thought. _::I acted as though I had all the time in the world, despite the Tiger's last words to me. What the hell was I _thinking_? And now, look where I've managed to get us.:: _I looked over at Fiyero as the leading officer heaved the doors of the fortress open, my eyes pleading with him to forgive me. The fear in his eyes mirrored mine, and I hoped he could see how sorry I was to have failed to prevent this.  
  
Soon enough I was being pushed roughly out into the early morning daylight, just managing to keep my balance enough to not fall on my face. The sky was turning from dawn pink to hazy blue, and the air had a chill to it, being early autumn as it was. I shivered a little in the breeze despite myself.  
  
"Sir, should we mount and have them walk, or what?" asked a soldier I didn't recognize as one of those that'd been in the tower before.   
  
The head of the party thought on it for a moment, then replied, "No, give them one of the horses. We want to make sure they aren't harmed any until we have explicit orders from the commander-in-chief. But it'll be easier to deal with them if we can guarantee they won't be able to fight." The man grabbed a few lengths of rope from the open saddlebag of the horse that appeared to belong to him, and tossed the coils to two other soldiers. The men commenced to seize my and Fiyero's wrists and secure them together in front of us, then commanded one of the horses to kneel so we'd be able to climb up onto it. I was first on it's back, Fiyero behind me. The extra rope attached to that which bound our hands was then secured to a metal ring on the saddle in an intricate knot the likes of which I'd never seen. Then the horse stood. I was hard pressed to keep my balance and was close to falling until Fiyero leaned forward slightly and nudged the horse into turning a certain way so I could steady myself. The horse was then tied behind one of the animals belonging to another soldier; they were most definitely not going to let us steer the creature ourselves.  
  
"Keep your mouths shut and you'll be able to remain relatively painless for the time being." the leading officer said, walking his horse to the front and taking off.   
  
We rode for the better part of the day, forced to listen to the obscene comments and raucous laughter of the soldiers. Fiyero leaned his forehead against the back of my shoulder and picked his face up after a moment or two, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my neck, a small comfort in this largely uncertain situation.   
  
Later on, towards evening, the head of the soldiers slowed his steed until he was riding beside Fiyero and me.   
  
"I don't believe I ever introduced myself." he addressed me. "You might remember me from a few years ago, Commander Cherrystone?"  
  
"Oh, how could I forget you?" I snapped, "You're the one who had them all killed."  
  
"And who, may I ask, might 'them all' be referring to?" he asked, a corner of his mouth twitching.  
  
"You know very well who I mean." I spat, trying to control my rage.  
  
"That's right, reign yourself in, witch. You don't know who you're dealing with." he muttered.  
  
"And why should I care? I've done nothing to deserve this but breathe. You, sir, are more deserving of what I've been put through than anyone else alive."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"You have terminated more innocent lives than I care to mention."  
  
"And when have I ever killed an innocent person of my own accord? Tell me what I've done to deserve your wrath."  
  
"You and your men slaughtered the family that used to live in that fortress! You my not have been the one who called for their deaths, but you did as you were bid with no regard for guilt or innocence or anything of the like!"  
  
I felt Fiyero flinch and exhale heavily at my accusations of Cherrystone; he still needed time to heal from the shock of their deaths, and I wasn't helping that any. My heart went out to him, but I wasn't quite finished with Cherrystone just yet.  
  
"When you have a superior the like of Oz's former Wizard you have no choice but to do as you're told! Guilt and innocence are irrelevant to whatever actions your superior calls for. And if I'm not mistaken, the man called for your death as well, witch. I'm just carrying out the orders that the ten-year-old girl he sent to rid Oz of you failed to execute!"   
  
"So you have no feeling whatsoever toward who you kill or who you spare?"  
  
"You can't _care_ about who deserves to die and who doesn't when you're told to carry out orders!" his face stony, he set his eyes to bore through mine.  
  
"You're not human." I said softly, shaking my head in disbelief, "You can't be human if you have no qualms about being the hand that stills someone's heart." I refused to speak any longer, turning my head away from Cherrystone and squeezing my eyes shut. He kicked his horse into moving and resumed his place at the front of the party.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30  
  
We rode until the sky had deepened from light blue to the dusky purple always left over after a brilliant sunset. Unfortunately, I was too furious at Cherrystone, not to mention afraid for our lives and heartsore for Fiyero, to pay much attention to it. Fiyero had pressed his eyes shut and leaned forward a little in the saddle, resting his cheek against my back shortly after I'd refused to fight with Cherrystone any longer. He had not yet moved from that position, a good three hours or more later, still seeking the comfort I wished I could give him. He still hadn't recovered from the deaths of his children, and my fighting with Cherrystone over their deaths hadn't done much to ease his pain. I wanted to turn and tell him I was sorry, sorry for bringing the subject to head, sorry for not trying to befriend his family more while I had the chance, sorry for not being there to help them when I could've; if only I'd known. If it had been anyone else's family I wouldn't have cared so much, but the fact that it was Fiyero's and I'd known them as well as I had, coupled with how there was nothing I could do to help him get over his losses I felt intense hostility toward the one who'd snuffed them all out. I wanted more than anything for there to be something I could say, something I could do for him, but I didn't want to say something that might accidentally make things worse, or push our luck with Cherrystone any more by speaking. Heaven knows I'd already done enough to jeopardize the situation.   
  
The stars were clear overhead when Cherrystone circled his horse around the group, shouting for his soldiers to dismount and set up a sort of a camp for the night.  
  
"Why are we stopping? The base isn't far from here." asked one soldier.  
  
"Be that as it may, I know from experience that it's not safe to ride out in the Vinkus at night. If you've never done so, it'd be best if you never contemplate such a thing. There's no telling what manner of beast may be lurking around out here." the commander said, his voice dangerously low. The soldier he was addressing shivered and turned to do as he was bid, thoroughly spooked. I could tell by the way he spoke that Cherrystone was still smarting from our "conversation" earlier, and I wasn't sure whether or not to get some small sense of satisfaction from it, or to make sure to keep myself in check and to start to pay more attention to whom I set off.  
  
"Someone deal with the two of them." Cherrystone called once the rest of them had dismounted and begun setting up a makeshift camp, gesturing to Fiyero and I, still atop the horse. A young, orange-haired soldier who didn't look as if he could have been more than twenty-five or so, one I didn't remember seeing at all, came up and got the horse to kneel, then untied the rope fastening our bound wrists to the saddle ring. We were able to climb off then, and Fiyero managed to lift his face from my back, shaking his head; he hadn't yet opened his eyes, and his expression was, if possible, more pained than before.   
  
I stared blankly at the expressionless face of the young soldier, some familiar essence I wasn't able to place telling me I knew this man, that he was in some way connected with me.   
  
Taking the extra rope as if it were a leash, the soldier tugged on it lightly to get us to follow him.   
  
"This is where I've been told to put you." he said as he tied the "leashes" to a pole that had been pounded into the ground a short way away from where the rest of them had made camp. "I wouldn't be doing this to you if I didn't have to." he muttered under his breath, and I wasn't sure whether that meant he was of a more kindly disposition than the rest of the soldiers, or if that meant he would've liked to be doing much worse to us. Still, there was that nagging feeling telling me I knew him, trying to tell me to do something about it. Once he made sure we wouldn't be going anywhere, he trotted off to join the rest of his company, scrounging something by way of food out of their saddlebags.   
  
As I stood there, watching the rest of them through hollow eyes, I felt my knees threaten to give out from under me; I was sore from sitting on a horse all day, and the trials of the day were beginning to take their toll on me. I lowered myself until I was sitting on the dry ground, my legs folded beneath me. Fiyero sat beside me, staring straight ahead, focusing on nothing. As I tried to loosen the tension that my muscles had accumulated during the day, I was suddenly aware of every place on my body that was twinging with the slightest pain, amplified tenfold. My legs ached from being stuck on a horse for twelve hours or more. I felt a bruise forming on the back of my head from when I'd hit the floor this morning, and another on the small of my back from being kicked by Cherrystone's steel-toed boot early this morning. My wrists were raw from the rope rubbing against them all day and my back was seized up from trying to be as still as possible for the three or more hours Fiyero had lain his cheek there. I wanted to sleep and let the rest ease whatever pain had come flooding to me, but given the current situation that was virtually impossible. In trying to get myself to ease my stressed muscles I only succeeded in causing them to knot more severely from anxiety. I exhaled heavily, my face contorting as I desperately tried to think of a way out of this. I bit my lip so hard it drew blood, and I hissed when I felt the scarlet liquid blossom over my skin.   
  
"Are you alright?" Fiyero asked, which was the first I'd heard him speak all day.  
  
"Yes, it's only a little blood. I can deal with that." I licked my lip to try to get the blood off, but my tongue only added to the moisture and it burned more fiercely.  
  
"Here, press your mouth to my sleeve for a while. It should stop the blood after a bit."  
  
I nodded and touched my lips to his shoulder, keeping them there until I felt the burning subside. When I pulled my face away there was a small dark circle where the blood had seeped through the fabric of his shirt.  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Mmmhmmn. How about you?"  
  
"I - I don't know. Emotional pain dulls after a while; it's still there, make no mistake, maybe even more than before, but it's taken a backseat for the time being. I'd rather not think about it. There are other more prominent things to have the mind dwell upon, like how in hell we're going to get ourselves out of this mess."   
  
"I'm s-"  
  
"Don't be sorry."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Hush."  
  
"Fiyero, look what I've done-"  
  
"None of this was your doing."  
  
"Both of you, _shut up_! Your senseless banter is irritating. I doesn't matter which of you takes the blame; there's nothing you can do about it now." Cherrystone said, coming up behind us. "You're lucky I don't just lose my head and shoot you now, witch, like I should've done to that son of yours a few years ago along with the rest of those Winkies living in that godsforsaken fortress, that annoying boy you tried to keep away from me. What was his name, Liir, I think?" His mouth twisted into a sickening grin and his eyes glittered with malice; he knew he'd succeeded in gaining even more of an advantage over me than he already had. I heard Fiyero inhale sharply, the air hissing as he drew it into his lungs, and my throat felt as if someone's hand had closed around it, cutting off my air for a short while. As I struggled to force myself to breathe again, Cherrystone chuckled to himself before walking back to the rest of the soldiers, throwing a last glance over his shoulder to see my reaction. The sight of him made me want to retch. I closed my eyes tightly against his face, so many thoughts roiling through my head I felt as though if I didn't manage to reign them into some sort of order they would force their way out through my weakened defenses and overtake me.  
  
I'd managed to keep the truth about the boy to myself for so long, and now, despite all my efforts to protect Fiyero from it, they were all torn to shreds. The fragile shield I'd created for him against that sort of pain turned on both of us and shattered with Cherrystone's words; what I meant to defend turned out to do naught more than betray.   
  
I sat there, stunned into a lack of feeling, cut beyond depths any knife, whatever its length, could reach. Hours had passed since Cherrystone said what he had about Liir, and still I sat unmoving, my eyes staring hollowly out onto the darkness, drinking in the light of the stars as if it could somehow cleanse away my entire past and all the mistakes I'd made. Glancing from the stars fixed up in the black velvet of the sky to the soldiers around their campfire and then back up to the stars, I thought bitterly that while there would always be beautiful things to love in the world, there would always be just so much to hate for scorning what little there was that might somehow have the potential for beauty. Absorbed as I was in the flase sparkling of the stars, I took no notice of the nighttime activity flurrying through the camp, the lookouts being changed, the lanterns being extinguished, the soldiers tossing in their sleep, or the horses grazing on the dry grass not too far from where I sat, nor the orange-haired soldier who'd fixed his gaze on me. Silence echoed through the night, broken only by the occasional snore once the soldiers fell asleep or the whicker of a half-asleep horse.   
  
_ ::How did he...How could I...What have I done to us by holding back the truth?::  
_  
I'd begun to descend into the numbing sense of nothingness I'd not felt since the night the Wizard was murdered; it was too much for me to handle all at once, so I tried in vain to push it away. I hadn't yet gotten the chance to fall very deep into that unfeeling state when I was startled back to reality once Fiyero spoke.  
  
"Elphaba, was he - Liir - ours?" His voice was soft, strained, like he didn't want to ask but still needed to know, despite how he knew the truth would hurt.  
  
I looked at him and nodded once, focusing my empty eyes beyond his.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"It hurt too much to admit to myself; it hurts even more now to have to admit it to you. I kept it to myself to try to keep you from any more pain. I've screwed up too many times. I don't know how much more I can take before...before I push you too far."  
  
"Push me too far?" he asked, quizzical, as if he couldn't guess at what I meant.   
  
"I don't want what I've done or failed to do to push you away, but how much more of me - of this - will you be willing to take? Look how far I've already pushed you; if it gets much worse it'll destroy you, just like it's done to everything else I've ever cared for, or to anything that made the mistake of caring for me."  
  
"How many times have I told you, I don't care what mistakes you've made. I know you better than I think you know yourself, and I love the woman I've come to know. I won't let myself be pushed away unless you truly want me gone. Do you want me gone?" he asked,   
  
"No, never." I replied haltingly, the emotion returning to my eyes.  
  
"Then I won't go." he said, "I'll never go. My one request is that you try to leave your past behind you. What's done is done and can't be helped. If you don't it'll tear you to shreds. I've asked this of you before. Can you listen to me this time?"

"I can, but it's just so damn _hard_." I said despairingly.

"I know it's not the sort of thing you can let go of overnight, but just try, for your own sake."  
  
I laid my head on his shoulder and we kept silent for a few moments, staring at the stars.   
  
"How old would he be?" Fiyero asked.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Liir - how old would he have been?"  
  
"Maybe a year or two younger than Nor; it depends on how old she was the year after I'd thought you'd died."  
  
"By now that'd be about twelve, thirteen, right?"  
  
"I believe so."  
  
"D'you have any idea what happened to him?"  
  
"He was smitten with that Dorothy girl when she came. He might've gone with her back to wherever it was she came from, or he might've stayed here, I don't know. I do know that there wasn't a trace of him in Kiamo Ko when I woke after my dousing. Maybe he's better off that way, without me, I mean. I...was never exactly what you'd call a - a good mother - in any sense of the word."  
  
"D'you...think there could be any chance of...maybe, seeing him again?"  
  
"I don't know." I sighed, staring up at the sky, wishing I could somehow give him the "yes" he wanted to hear.   
  
He looked away, out toward the horses, his eyes following the twitching of their tails. He wanted so badly to see this boy, to maybe get the chance to meet him. He'd lost three children already, and I could see that the possibility of getting to see his last surviving son, bastard or no, for the first time could quite possibly begin to have a healing effect on his wounded heart. I hoped that someday he'd get the chance meet Liir to if we ever managed to escape from the Gale Force with our lives. He'd be the father the boy never had, and possibly I'd be able to fade from Liir's life, not to be taunted by everything I'd previously done - or hadn't done - for the boy.

I looked absently toward the sleeping soldiers just as the man on lookout switched off and was replaced with the familiar orange-haired soldier, who turned his head once more to stare straight at me.  
  
  
  
I spent a short part of the night dozing in a state of half-sleep, my head resting on Fiyero's shoulder, his head laid against mine, until I felt the soft fur of something rub against my arm, startling me awake. When I woke so did Fiyero, who bit back a cry when he found himself staring into the face of the Tiger. I was about to reach up to stroke his furry face, but then remembered my hands were tied together at the wrists, which were in turn tied to the pole Fiyero was leaning his back upon.   
  
"Here, we must be quick, before it's time for a new lookout wake and go to replace me." the Tiger began, his teeth snapping through the rope around my and Fiyero's wrists respectively in two sharp bites. I looked back to the camp, wondering what the Tiger meant, and I saw that there was no one on guard duty. Then the Tiger trotted a little ways away, said, "Both of you, _move_, we have to get out of here!" He picked up something in his mouth and ventured farther away from the camp. I rubbed my chafed wrists, trying to restore circulation in my hands, as I stood to follow, Fiyero and I hurrying to keep up with the Tiger's swift, loping strides as quietly as possible.   
  
"This way." he said softly around whatever was in his mouth, leading us into a fringe of trees a good distance from the camp. "There's a system of caves around here that no one's ever fully explored. The humans that live out here only explored a fraction of them, but we're going deeper, much deeper than that. Here!" he said, turning abruptly and pushing aside a large branch obscuring the entrance. We followed him inside, and once we were maybe a few hundred feet or so into darkness tiny lights flared up around us; the Tiger had conjured them, and whatever spell he used caused the little lights to follow us as we walked, growing brighter as the cave grew dimmer. I lost track of time as we ventured deeper into the caves, but after what felt like forever to my anxious, deeply disquieted mind, the Tiger called for halt.  
  
"This is where you'll be laying low for a while, at least until the Gale Force moves on in search of you. You'll have to get out of the Vinkus sooner or later, or at least into the Thousand Year Grasslands if not. Maybe even go back to the City if you're brave enough for that, but after winter's run its course and moved on. It's not safe to go far in times like this, especially not in a state of affairs the likes of yours. Sit and get used to this place; you'll be seeing a lot of it." Once we'd settled ourselves against the wall, the Tiger called the globes of light to come down closer to us and he dropped what he'd been carrying, the glass sphere, into my lap.  
  
"How did you -" I began.  
  
"I came to the fortress this morning to see how you've been progressing, and when I found you gone I saw that you'd left all your things there, including this. When I began to investigate your disappearance I caught the scents of other men in the room, people I didn't recognize. I knew something had happened, and I've been following you at quite a distance all day, until I'd gotten the chance to change my shape unnoticed to that of a soldier and could finally come into contact with you. This has been the first chance I've gotten to speak freely with you. Apparently you weren't able to see far enough to prevent this, and it's infinitely important that you get farther than that now or worse things may come to pass. Try as hard and as quickly as you can to call up the Sight."  
  
I did as I was told, surprising myself when I was able to cut straight to the visions in the young girl's globe. The piece about the Gale Force progressed through to show them in the tower, then here at the camp with Cherrystone's jibe about Liir. The next series of images was much more disturbing. I saw Fiyero crumpled on the ground in a place I couldn't recognize, his hand clutching his right arm, blood profusely seeping out from between his fingers; someone had reopened the recently-healed gash on his arm. The scene changed to show me in a different room, with four other men within it, Cherrystone included, two of them holding me still by the upper arms while a third cut tiny slits in my skin with a dagger as Cherrystone looked on, amused with his new form of gruesome entertainment. Blood flowed in many tiny streams over my skin, and I hissed with the pain, but didn't try to move to wipe them away. The most sickening part of it was that I didn't fight them or try to at all, or maybe I'd given up and lost the will to. I was disgusted by what I saw, blind fear twisting my stomach. I watched and heard my vision-self gasp and flinch from the tiny bursts of drawn-out pain, searing tears collecting in her eyes as she clenched her teeth against the burning. My eyes widened in shock when the scope of the scene broadened to include the entire room, and what I noticed made my heart lurch up into my throat; I was pregnant at least six months.   
  
I heard my younger self murmuring _"No, no, no more blood, no more wet-"_ right before the vision-Tiger snarled, and everything was lost into the haze of silver smoke. 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31  
  
Some of the color drained from my face as I watched the silver haze dematerialize, seeping back into the glass. I was stunned and horrified beyond what mere words could express. The glass sphere rolled from my hand, but I took no notice of it. The Tiger quickly darted to catch it before it hit the stone floor, and he let out a sigh of relief when the thing was safely back in his paws. Then the creature picked it up in his teeth and padded up behind me, curling around my back, leaning supportively against me.  
  
He spoke after he laid the globe back upon his paws, freeing his mouth enough for speech. "I'm sorry you had to witness those prophecies, but perhaps it's better that you know what may be ahead. Hopefully somehow you'll be able to avoid the Gale Force at the very least. There's really no way for you to prevent that which has already been set into motion. I'm sorry, Elphaba."  
  
I didn't answer and fell back against the Tiger, closing my eyes and drawing my knees to my chest, resting a hand on my stomach. Everything was happening all at once, and all so fast. This couldn't be real. Nothing was real. I was beginning to think that even if some imaginary higher power or deity was twisting events into every worst-case scenario it could throw at me things would feel more real than my life as it was.  
  
Fiyero knelt beside me and slipped his arm around me, squeezing my shoulder and drawing me close.   
  
"You look so shaken, Elphie, and you've gone pale. Here, relax, try to get some sleep, maybe a few hours' rest could do you some good."  
  
"I won't be able to sleep much...not after that." I said as I shivered and laid my head on his chest, curling up against him and seeking the comfort of what I knew was real.  
  
"Do you want to tell me what you Saw?" he asked quietly, cupping my cheek in his hand and gently running his thumb over my lips.   
  
"No...not yet. I need to process this first. Once I manage to accept the truth, I'll tell you, if you still want to know by then." I murmured, leaning into the warmth of his hand.  
  
"Shh. Tell me when you're ready. I won't press you if you don't want me to know yet. Whatever it is, we'll manage to work our way through it some way or another." He smoothed my hair back and kissed my forehead in an attempt to soothe my anxious mind.  
  
"That's a first." I smiled wryly in a halfhearted attempt at sarcasm.  
  
"Alright, that's enough. Now do your best to sleep. You've been through more than enough for one day."  
  
I nodded and closed my eyes, but the haunting images of my visions refused to be held at bay long enough for me to fall asleep, replaying themselves in a sickening sharp focus in the forefront of my mind. Every muscle in my body seized up and I pressed myself closer to Fiyero's warmth and his promise that we'd somehow manage to work our way around this hell, if at all possible.  
  
Eventually sleep won out over fear and heartsickness, but the latter two ruled my subconscious. At one point I grasped a fistful of the Tiger's fur in my hand and clenched my fingers tight around it, my other hand seeking Fiyero's and taking it in a vicelike grip. I woke after an hour or two, sore and tense from sleeping with my muscles as seized up as they were. I tried to stretch out as gingerly as I could, but every limb burned at the slightest movement.   
  
"Hmm, Elphie? You awake?" Fiyero asked sleepily, his lips against my forehead.   
  
"Yes. It's a wonder I didn't wake earlier; I'm so achy everywhere."  
  
"Let me help." He shifted positions and bade me to lay on my stomach, leaning my torso against the still-asleep Tiger. Once I'd complied, wincing from uncomfortable sensitivity, he kneaded his fingers into my shoulders, gently at first, but soon the depth of his touch intensified and I began to loosen up some under his hands. He worked his way from my shoulders down to my back, at one point accidentally pressing his fingers to the livid bruise on the small of my back that had come from Cherrystone's boot. I gasped from pain and he quickly drew his hands away.  
  
"Am I hurting you?"  
  
"No, there's a bruise there. It's okay."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Quite sure."  
  
He continued, asking me to turn back around so he could finish, stretching my legs out carefully and massaging my calves.   
  
"Thanks. Your hands are working magic over me; we should do this more often."  
  
"Don't mention it. You're so tense this morning, and my hand still feels crushed to bits from the grip you had me in; the nightmares were that bad?"  
  
"You don't know the half of it." I said, almost inaudibly.  
  
"I might be able to help a little if I knew what was wrong. Are you up to relaying to me what came to pass in your visions last night?"  
  
I drew in a shuddering breath and told him up to the part where I'd seen the full figures of myself and the soldiers in the room. My eyes were cast downward as I spoke, as if I was fixated on a certain rock in the cave floor. I paused, looking up and staring into his eyes.   
  
"The blood and the rest wasn't what came across to me as the most shocking."

"Oh?" Fiyero asked, giving me a look that said_ ::What, to you, constitutes "more shocking", Elphaba? You were watching them slice your skin as if it were nothing more than paper!::_

"I...there's no doubt that the scenes I witnessed are in the somewhat near future by the looks of things, of what I saw of us and Cherrystone, or at least what information I could gain from physical appearances. My stomach was swollen to such a degree there could be no questioning the truth. I - I'm pregnant, Fiyero; the images I've seen are going to occur somewhere near six months from now if we don't find a way to avoid them, or at least what of them is possible to avoid." The Gale Force and the torture I'd seen them inflicting in the visions was what I planned to turn aside; there was nothing I could do to avoid pregnancy, lest I turned to abortion as a way out. I balked at the very thought of it, of intentionally killing something that had no chance to defend itself.   
  
My eyes searched his face for a reaction; his emotions were torn, not sure whether to be delighted or despairing.   
  
"Elphie, I - don't know what to say."  
  
"If it were under any other circumstances..." I began, trailing off. What were the odds of my conceiving a child on the only time I'd made love to a man since fifteen years ago, since I conceived Liir? I was scared, deathly scared. Some of the most powerful people in Oz wanted me dead, and if I was ever taken captive by the Gale Force there would be no chance for either myself or the child to survive. Then there was the fact that of anyone else alive,_ I_ would be its mother; enough said. I astonished myself with the realization that I wanted more than anything to be able to keep the child, if it was at all possible, but how in Oz would Fiyero and I manage to raise it? I was hiding from the world; it would be impossible to bring up a child like that, always isolated, never having contact with anyone aside from ourselves.   
  
And then, there was the chance that the baby would be born with skin as green as mine. True, it was only a very slight chance, but since my mother had taken that hateful elixir before I was born it warped my cells in the womb, screwing with my genetics; I was deathly afraid of passing that hateful trait on to someone else. I could never sentence another living being to a life the likes of my own, scorned and hated on the basis of color alone. I tried to allay my fears by recalling the fact that Liir was born with a normal skin tone, and that he might be an indication to show what it would be like this time, but still, that nagging voice in the back of my mind refused to let it go, saying, _::There's still that chance of something going wrong, and that chance isn't going to go away, no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise.::_   
  
On the other hand, I knew how much it would mean to Fiyero for him to have another child of his own; there was no doubt in my mind that it would be pretty much the only thing that could really help him recover from the deaths of his children. What would happen to him if I decided to have this baby killed? I could see it in his eyes how badly he wanted us to keep it, but along with that I realized he was weighing his wishes against the hell that had already befallen us and that which was almost sure to come.   
  
"Elphie, I - I want what's best for you more than anything else; I'll let you decide what to do about this."  
  
I rubbed my arms as a sudden chill passed through me. Torn and anxious, I pressed my eyes shut, weighing the circumstances and our desires against each other. I remained silent for long minutes that felt like days, fighting an inward battle over what I knew would be best for Fiyero and myself and what I felt I could never do to another life again.  
  
"Fiyero, I'm afraid...what if...I choose to have the child and it's born...like I am? If I birth the baby and it turns out the same color as me...I could never condemn another being to a fate like mine. What kind of a life would it have...with me as its mother? But then I know I'd never be able to through with...I can't kill...I won't be the one to..." I murmured, unable to finish.  
  
He pulled me close and rubbed my back, the slow, rhythmic strokes giving me a small sense of comfort in our largely uncertain situation.  
  
"You're the only one who can make this decision. If there was any way for me to make it easier for you I would. I want you to choose what you feel would be best for you right now."  
  
"I wish this wasn't so_ hard_...why is everything always so _hard_?" I whispered.  
  
"I know, it all seems to be crashing down around us, doesn't it?" he replied, his voice emotionless to try to hide his own inward turmoil. I nodded, looking up into his hollow, desolate eyes for any sort of guidance to be found there. He looked away, out toward where the mouth of our cave opened into the blackness of the rest of the cavern as he gave me a squeeze. I buried my face in his shoulder, feeling as helpless as the baby whose life or lack of it hung in the balance of my choices. I remained like that, soundless and motionless for Oz knows how long, struggling with myself and wrenching my heart away from sentimentality so I could make my decisions unhindered by emotions. The silence grew and expanded until I felt as if I didn't speak soon I would be crushed under its weight.   
  
"I'm...going to carry the child to term. I've destroyed enough lives as it is; I could never intentionally kill another, especially a life as innocent as this one." I said finally, my voice almost imperceptible to even my own ears. Fiyero's eyes lit up for a split second, but then their happy fire was extinguished when he saw the pain in mine.  
  
"You're absolutely sure, Elphaba, that you want to do this?" I could see how desperate he was for me to stand with this decision, but still wanted me to do as I wished; I knew he would respect any choice I made, regardless of what pain it may inflict on him, and I was infinitely grateful to him for that.  
  
"Yes. I would never be able to live with myself if I'd decided to have the baby killed."  
  
He relaxed a little, relieved, but went on, "You realize how much more difficult it could be for us this way, especially for you? Are you positive you're willing to make your life that much more arduous?"  
  
"I know it's not going to be easy, but when have things ever gone smoothly for me? I'm trying to see this as my chance to create life, instead of...demolishing it, like I seem to have a gift for doing. Besides, I - I really want to - to keep the child, if you can believe it." I said, lowering my gaze, almost embarrassed by admitting it. I'd never wanted anything of the like before, and it felt strange now that I realized exactly how much it meant to me, this little life that belonged to me and my love, the first thing that was truly mine, truly _ours_, created through love and nothing besides.   
  
"You do?" Fiyero asked as he cracked a smile, sounding almost disbelieving, "I thought dealing with children was never your strong suit."  
  
"It - it's not, but I'd be willing to learn how if...you'd help me."  
  
"Of course I will, Fabala." He kissed my hair, then said, "It's a little hard for me to admit, but I loved -_ love_ - you so much, and I've...always wished that the two of us would do this, for us to join our bodies, hearts, and souls like this, to...have a child of our own."  
  
"I never had a soul to unite with yours." I said, my voice emotionless. True, his words had touched a chord in me, bringing a softness to my eyes, but his use of the word "soul" was almost enough to negate the emotion. I thought of Liir as I spoke;  
  
_ ::If I'd ever had a soul I would never have pushed the boy away like I did.::   
_  
With Liir, I hadn't wanted to believe he was mine, not with the man who would be his father dead as a result of loving me; the boy would've been too much of a painful reminder of what I'd once had, and I'd refused to let that happen lest it cause me more pain than was necessary. I'd had no regard for what effects my unconcern might've been doing to Liir. I regretted doing so now, but still, I could see that which justified my indifference to the boy at the time.  
  
"Elphie," Fiyero said, holding me out at arm's length, "Look at you. There is no way you can claim that you don't have a soul when you tried so hard to save Glinda's life, fought so heatedly with Cherrystone over my family, decided to preserve the life we've created, and so many other things I couldn't possibly be able to list. You would never be able to love so many things as fully and completely as you do if you'd never possessed a soul. Do you see where I'm coming from?"  
  
"No. Love is just another dimension of thought. It has nothing to do with the concept of the soul."  
  
"Elphaba, please tell me you don't really believe that."  
  
"I don't know what to believe anymore. My world has come tumbling down about my ears and I don't know which way is up or if I'm coming or going anymore. What is there left for me to believe or put faith in?"  
  
"Do you believe in yourself at all?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"What did I tell you a few days ago at Kiamo Ko? You have to stop talking like that or you'll be devoured by your own self-depreciation."  
  
"You told me that in regards to beauty; it has nothing to do with the present argument."  
  
"It has everything to do with it. I meant what I said in regards to every time you dismiss anything about yourself as inferior the way you always seem to be doing. Just believe me, or you'll never feel any better about yourself."  
  
I let the matter drop and refused to argue anymore, before it turned into a real argument. The fact was that I badly wanted to believe him, but since I'd been insisting for so long that I truly did not possess a soul I was disinclined to abandon all I'd followed since then.   
  
The Tiger, who'd been asleep until now, yawned visibly and stretched out, his draconic tail thrashing back and forth as he did so. Fiyero and I quickly moved to avoid being accidentally thwacked by the heavy appendage.  
  
"Morning," I said as the creature stood and touched his nose to my palm in greeting.   
  
"Did either of you sleep at all last night? You both look exhausted." the Tiger said, looking us up and down.   
  
"I was just brought up to speed with - what was Seen in the visions last night." Fiyero answered haltingly.   
  
"Oh..." said the beast a little uneasily, but he didn't inquire any further. He looked away for a moment, out toward the stony corridor leading away from our little niche of hollow rock before speaking again.   
  
"By the looks of things, the both of you could use some food and extra clothing, especially food, as you haven't eaten in over a day and don't look too good as it is. I'm going to the fortress to see what I can salvage for you there. There's really little limit to the amount I can carry with me, so if there's anything you might need that you want me to see if I can find you..." he trailed off, waiting for a response.  
  
"Yes, actually, there is." I said, grateful to have this creature as a friend, "There are a few green glass bottles of oil and another blue glass bottle with medicine in it. They're in my trunk up in my tower. There's a large leather-bound book, with purple pages and mostly silver lettering, also in the tower. It's...rather important that I keep it out of the hands of the Gale Force." I paused before remembering the last thing I'd need to have with me somewhere along the line, "Oh, one more thing; this should be in the trunk with the bottles," I said, a little hesitant to ask for it, "it's a black scarf, fringed around the edges, with red roses breaking up the black. It's got...a little too much sentimental value for me to want to part with it...and it might come in handy for me later down the road." I finished, thinking of the tiny drops of blood from Fiyero's finger I'd pressed into the fabric about three weeks or so ago, give or take a few days. I needed it for nothing in particular at the moment, just for peace of mind, so I knew I'd have it if ever the moment arose where I'd need to use the thing as a focus. I hoped it would never come to that where I'd need to use it.  
  
"I'll bring back whatever I can find."  
  
"Thank you." I said, scratching the large beast between the ears. He purred, or gave whatever passed for a purr in draconian Tigers, before padding out of the cave, changing his shape back to that of the orange-haired soldier as he went.

"Talk about blending in." said Fiyero, watching the retreating back of the Tiger-turned-soldier. "Shape-shifting comes in handy."  
  
  
  
The better part of the day was spent on pretty much nothing. I squandered time by brooding over everything that passed between Fiyero and me earlier in the day and didn't say much, and spoke only when it couldn't be avoided. Fiyero took the hint and bother me. Later in the afternoon the Tiger returned in his normal form, with a formidable treasure trove of things he's retrieved from the fortress in tow.   
  
"How in Oz did you get these things back here?"   
  
"A minimal amount of magic, and the Gale Force had managed to acquire a virtual herd of horses from heaven knows where, so it really wasn't terrifically difficult to purloin two of them for the time being. The ones I'd taken are currently standing in the corridor leading into here. I don't intend on returning them any time soon, so you might as well get to know them at some point."   
  
I came over and poked through the things the Tiger had brought with him. There were a few bundles I presumed were inhabited by extra clothing, another few whose space was occupied by food, and three others full of whatever else. I opened one of the bags of extras, seeing both the oil, the medicine, and my scarf, but my spellbook was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"I was unable to find the book, Elphaba. It was nowhere to be seen. There was also the scent of other men in the fortress, in your tower especially, and everything had been overturned; your things were scattered everywhere. I don't think there's much of a chance of getting the book back."  
  
The bottom seemed to drop out of my stomach at the words. There was no telling what they'd be using it for once Oz's king or whatever he called himself got his hands on it.

Ugh. I screwed that chapter beyond hope. I've got to rewrite it and switch this chapter with the revised edition, so if inyone has any suggestions on how to fix this mess, please let me know! Please, I implore you! Help me fix this monstrosity! lol Thanks to everyone who's read this far! I owe the lot of you for all the reviews! If any of you want to email me or something, feel free. I'm always up for conversation.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32  
  
"I can _just_ imagine where this is going to lead now that they've gotten their evil little paws on my book..." I said, throwing my hands up in defeat, retreating farther back into the cave near where the Tiger had seated himself.   
  
Fiyero followed me, saying "Elphie, please, calm down. There's nothing we can-"  
  
"There never is, is there? When is there ever something we can do about our lives? We have no say in what happens to us or what we go through; it all depends on where we can hide next to avoid the rest of the world, to keep ourselves a step ahead of everyone out to kill me. That's all it ever is. Why would I ever get the chance to choose what I do with my life?" I said, dropping to my knees. "I just want out. Out of this dismal cave, out of this hideous body, out of this twisted semblance of a life." Immediately after I'd said it, I regretted the outburst.  
  
Fiyero fell into place beside me, saying nothing, but he took my hand and I knew he understood.   
  
I held to silence for a while before venturing any more of my thoughts. "Have you ever wished for something you knew you'd never get? The kind of wish where you try to beat your mind away from it and you scream at yourself to stop foolishly longing for it, but you still wish, and want it more the more you realize it'll never happen?" I murmured, staring transfixed at the silver specks of mineral in the stone floor. Fiyero replied a muted "yes" and waited for me to go on.  
  
"I guess I've always had a taste for the impossible, since over the years pretty much the only things I've ever wanted have been impossible for me to ever attain. Things haven't changed any since I was little; I would wish every night that little Nessa would somehow miraculously be granted arms, wish that I had never been born such a color, and wish that my family would somehow begin to care as much for me as they did for Nessa. Later on I'd wish I'd had friends, wish to one day be loved for who I was, wish you weren't dead, wish I'd never failed at so many things. Now, I don't give a damn about anything I'd spent those years longing for, aside from that which involved you; all I want is for this to be over. I can't run anymore, especially not since it's virtually impossible for me to hide from those I'm trying to get away from. My visions back me up. I know we'll be caught again; there's no sure way to avoid it. I don't know what to do or how to go about it!" I cried, frustrated, tired, and filled with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.  
  
Fiyero didn't know what to say. The Tiger was playing the silent observer, curled up in the back of the cave, offering nothing to the conversation; he thought it better to leave us to ourselves, and I wasn't sure whether or not I'd have been more comfortable if he'd spoken. Fiyero squeezed my hand after a length and stood, helping me to my feet as well.  
  
"There's really nothing I can say to make you feel any better, dearheart, but I think I know what may make you feel a little more at ease now, take your mind off life. Are you up to it?"  
  
"Depends on what it is." I replied.  
  
"You've always been an animal person in every sense of the word, so maybe a little time spent with those horses the Tiger brought back will soothe your nerves a bit."  
  
I sighed and relented, letting myself be tugged into the smaller cave just off of ours. The Tiger had set a few globes of light around the edges of the rock ceiling, which seemed to lend the stone an otherworldly glow, giving off enough light to see well but not so much as to blind. The horses had been provided with some sort of grass or hay for food to keep them happy, no doubt the Tiger's doing._ ::He's thought of everything, hasn't he?::_

When Fiyero and I entered the two creatures looked up, the darker horse positioning himself in front of his lighter companion, as if to protect her.  
  
_ ::Silver and black, one timid as a mouse, the other posing as her bodyguard...::  
_  
"Fiyero, these horses belong to Boq; I'm fairly sure of it." I said quietly, careful not to spook either of the magnificent animals. I walked slowly toward the black one, Taye, as he tentatively reached his muzzle forward toward me. Juliette shyly peeked out from behind him, and I held my hands out for the both of them to sniff. Once he recognized me, Taye let his guard down enough to move away and allow me to run my hand down his neck. Juliette, emboldened by the sight and scent of a familiar face, stepped up to me and nuzzled her velvet nose in my hair. I tangled my fingers in the silver silk of her mane and kissed her nose, both soothed by the feel of the horses' soft coats and unnerved by the circumstances surrounding their presence here.   
  
_ ::What could've happened that would've been severe enough to make Boq give up his horses? He was so proud of them when last I saw him; he would never have let them go for nothing, especially not into the hands of the Gale Force. I really don't like where this is seeming to lead.::_ I thought to myself, working myself back into a worried mess.  
  
_ ::Just what I need, someone else to worry about when I can't even take care of myself.::   
_  
"What was that, Elphie?" Fiyero asked, the fact that I had spoken beginning to dawn on him.  
  
"These beasts are the same two that Boq showed us when our paths last crossed. Do you remember how he spoke of them? The man loved these creatures like his children, what could've possessed him to give them up to the likes of the Gale Force?"  
  
"I'm not sure I want to know." Fiyero replied, "I wonder what's become of him since we left. I just hope his fate has been better than ours." I nodded, lacking something to say.  
  
  
  
Two or three weeks later I woke up in the middle of the night, or so I guessed by the way the fire burned low in the corner, small tongues of flame flaring up every so often from among the glowing embers. No natural light ever managed to get itself this far into the cavern, so it was virtually impossible to tell if it was night or not. I was suffering from a painful uneasiness in my abdomen, being the reason sleep had ebbed away from me. Getting up and moving a little ways away so as not to wake Fiyero, I leaned my back against the wall in trying to ease the twisting sensation. Soon enough I found myself retching up everything that was in my stomach and then some. Fiyero wasn't yet awake, but the Tiger, who'd moved back into his own home about a week after Fiyero and I "moved in" to this cave, had been choosing random nights to come back to check on us. Thankfully, tonight he was paying us one such visit. The beast, who'd been sitting up all night just watching Fiyero and me sleep, got up and padded over to me, nosing my hair back from my face, trying to help me as much as he could.  
  
"Shall I wake Fiyero for you?" he asked once my stomach stopped heaving for a few much-needed moments.  
  
"No, let him sleep." I said, breathing rather heavily and pressing my fingers to my eyes, becoming quite lightheaded. "I'll live." I barely managed to croak the words out before another wave of nausea swept over me and my voice was drowned out by the bile working its way back up my throat. I tried to hold it back but my efforts failed and I choked as it climbed up the back of my throat into my mouth.  
  
"You're sure?"   
  
I nodded weakly, swiping my dark sleeve over my forehead to rid my skin of the stinging sweat that had collected there; by then the white dress had been stuffed in a bag and forgotten about; I never wanted to see it again. I'd switched back to my black dresses the day after the Tiger had brought them here from Kiamo Ko for me, and I hadn't heard a word from Fiyero about changing the color of my clothing since.   
  
I fell back against the cold stone wall, wrapping myself in my own embrace and laying my head upon my knees, seizing up my muscles in an effort to quell the dizziness making the room spin. The Tiger commenced to magic away the contents of my stomach I'd so gracelessly vomited up onto the floor. The prickle of static I felt arc over my skin alerted me to the use of the magic and I looked up to see the last of the ish on the ground vanish as if wiped away by an invisible rag.  
  
"Thank you." I said as quickly as possible; I was afraid if I kept my mouth open too long I'd begin retching again. The Tiger nodded in acknowledgment and then jerked his head toward Fiyero before vanishing into the shadows at the back of the cave, his reptilian tail sweeping from side to side as he went.  
  
"Dammit, why don't the men ever have to experience any of this?" I asked the air as I closed my eyes. I'd never felt so sick in my life.  
  
"Experience what?" Fiyero asked groggily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. I looked up when his voice reached my ears.   
  
"I spent the last fifteen minutes retching onto the floor." I said hurriedly, closing my mouth again as soon as possible.   
  
"Morning sickness kicked in, huh?" he asked, rummaging for something in the charmed container our food was kept in, a sort of magicked icebox.   
  
_ ::I must owe that Tiger my life by now.::_ I thought, glancing at everything he'd helped us with. I looked back to Fiyero and watched as his hand came up with an amber colored bottle in his hand.  
  
"Here, drink this for now, see if you can keep it down."  
  
Wordlessly I took it from him, too tired and distracted to give a thought to what might've been in the bottle. I took a small sip and coughed as it entered my mouth, searing my tongue and my throat as I swallowed..  
  
"What are you trying to do, poison me?" I cried, making a face from the taste. "What_ is_ this stuff? It burns as it goes down." I handed the bottle back, disgusted.  
  
"It's a kind of alcohol invented by the Arjikis; I won't tell you what it's made of. I figured if you can keep that down, you can keep anything down. I just don't encourage drinking any more of it until the baby is born."  
  
"I wasn't planning on drinking any more of it ever; it's _revolting_." I groaned and snapped my mouth shut, wrapping my arms around my stomach, which had started to twist and roil uncomfortably again. Fiyero scooted over and sat next to me, rubbing my back, the rhythmic strokes helping me to release my tensed muscles. I laid my head back onto my knees. My stomach started churning again and I grimaced as my hand flew to cover my mouth. Fiyero patiently held back my hair as I heaved up bile, drying the sweat from my forehead every so often. After what seemed like hours, my stomach finally managed to settle enough to allow for coherent speech, and the Tiger stepped forward to magic away the mess on the floor again.  
  
"A little better?" Fiyero asked, running his fingers through my hair.  
  
"Not a chance of it. I'm sick as all hell and you can't even tell I'm pregnant yet." I said irritably.  
  
"You won't be throwing up for too much longer, but later on the nausea gets replaced by pain elsewhere in the body. Then at the end comes the real fun, labor."  
  
"How would you know?" I snarled, nearing the end of my fuse. I knew it was a stupid question but I needed something to say to fill the silent space in the air.  
  
"Ah, in case you haven't noticed, I've been married before and the father of three children before this one, Elphaba." he answered calmly, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, completely unfazed by my peevishness.   
  
"Excuse me if I'm not terribly excited at the prospect of going through hell! Please don't be so nonchalant about pain you can never and will never experience!" I snapped back. Neither of us spoke for a while, but sooner or later Fiyero wrapped his arms around me and pulled my back to his chest, lightly resting his hands on my stomach.  
  
"You're too forgiving." I said. All too often I would fly off the proverbial handle and then he would bring his remarkable infuriating patience into play. I envied his ability to forgive so easily, but I reasoned with myself that no one besides Fiyero ever gave me reason to forgive them in the first place, and being too quick to grant pardon could often end up causing more trouble that it was worth.   
  
"I still can't believe you're willing to go through with this whole pregnancy ordeal." he replied, ignoring my last comment.  
  
"_I _can no longer believe what possessed me to."  
  
"I hope you don't keep that attitude for the next eight and a half months, or that baby will never have a chance."  
  
"We'll live."  
  
"Shhh. Calm down. You and I both know that it'll be worth it in the end." He started to reverently stroke my belly with one hand and I smiled despite myself. I laid a hand on his and looked up into his face to see his expression. He had this soft smile on his lips which gave a sort of life to his face, radiating love and joy and an overwhelming sense of awe.  
  
"What is it?" I asked, a small smile playing across my mouth.  
  
"Since I was young I was always amazed at how life could be created through the joining of two souls," I flinched at the word 'soul'; the motion went by him unnoticed, "but it's just that much more awesome when you realize it's happening through you and the one you've wanted to be with since...for so long."  
  
"I suppose..." I answered slowly, one corner of my mouth quirked upward into a halfhearted smile. He already loved this child so much, and I was no one to snipe at him for it; I felt the same unconditional affection for the baby, but the magnitude with which Fiyero was able to love was awe-inspiring. I wished I'd someday be able to do the same. I took his hand in both of my own, rubbing it between my palms. His skin was smooth on the back, but hard and calloused on his palm, the muscles in his fingers strong and hard. I'd always wondered how hands so powerful could still possess the ability to touch as gently as they did. I brought his hand to my lips, kissing the beautiful pattern of diamonds on the back of it. He laced his fingers through mine, squeezing my hand, then hesitated a moment before pulling away and getting up to look through the icebox again.   
  
"You'd better try to eat something, and drink if you don't want to dehydrate. You'll eventually be able to keep things down. For now, try these. They're light and should be easy on your stomach." He held out a few unappetizing-looking crackers, but I was beyond caring about their taste; at that point I'd have been thankful just to keep them down. Fiyero watched as I ate them, making sure I didn't just lay them aside and wait till my stomach completely settled before picking them up again. When after a quarter of an hour had passed and I hadn't retched them up, he deemed me well enough to try to drink. I laid my back against the wall and closed my eyes, sighing in defeat, as he built the fire up some and started to heat something in a kettle. A little while later he handed me a glass of whatever it was he'd brewed, urging me to drink it.  
  
"No, not this time. First you tell me what it is. If it's more of that liquor, Fiyero, I swear -"  
  
"It's tea, Elphie. I'm not going to fight with you over it; just drink the stuff. It's not as if I'm out to envenom you or anything."  
  
I brought the glass to my lips and sipped tentatively, then relaxed when I realized it tasted as normal as anything. Sitting with my knees drawn up to my chest, I stared fixedly into the cup, my vision swimming in the coppery hue of the tea, my eyes losing their focus as I receded into thought.   
  
_ ::I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. The Gale Force has my spellbook; they will find us sooner or later, there's little doubt about that now that they've got their be-damned bloody hands on the Grimmerie. Fiyero and I are stuck hiding in this rabbit-hole of a cave and haven't seen the light of day in weeks, and I can't help but think we're making it easy for them, staying in this one place. It's only a matter of time. According to my visions I have a few days more than five months until we're trapped again. To put the icing on the cake, I'm pregnant and now have another life besides my own to worry about protecting when I can barely take care of myself. What else could possibly go wrong? I'm running out of time...::  
  
_ "Elphie? What's wrong?" Fiyero asked, jerking me from my reverie.   
  
"What do you think?" I asked, my voice tired.  
  
"Believe me, I'm just as scared as you are. I don't care for the hand life's dealt us, but...once we have a little more information, say, maybe a way to worm our way out of all these problems, we just might be able to win this game."  
  
A powerful gut feeling told me he was wrong. Even so, I made myself nod as if I really believed what he was saying; it seemed to me like we could both use the false hope, if only for a little while. At least it would be something to believe in.  
  
He wrapped his arm protectively around my waist and told me to finish what was in the glass. I forced the last of the tea down my throat and laid my head on his shoulder; as I dozed off an all-too-familiar cracked cackling began to seep into my head, resonating cruelly until a dream took shape.

For the umpteenth time, I'm terribly sorry for the lack of visible plot in this chapter, but once I get cracking on this fic again sooner or later there will be an apparent storyline once more. Thanks to everyone who reviewed that last chapter; I'm in the midst of rewriting it, and the critiquing has helped.

-Lindsay-


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33  
  
As the weeks went by and the dreams came at night, it didn't take me long to realize that the fractured laugh preceding them belonged to Yackle. The strange thing was, even though the cracked, sinister laughter preceded every dream every night, Yackle herself never appeared in them. Often the dreams had nothing to do with her at all. Sometimes I got to the point where I would wake with a splitting headache and I was no longer sure if it was a symptom of the pregnancy or a delayed effect of Yackle's voice. I couldn't even ask the Tiger about any of it, since I hadn't seen hide or hair of him since his last visit the day the morning sickness kicked in. I would often wake and wonder why the mad old woman chose me of all people to torment. Hadn't I been through enough without her screwing with my mind?   
  
_ ::Get out of my head!::_ I cried out mentally as I awoke one morning, my head pounding. I pushed myself up with some difficulty; my stomach had begun to swell with evidence of my condition and it vexed me to no end. Bringing a hand up to my face, I pressed my fingers to my eyes, trying to block out my lover's familiar voice reaching my ears and the feel of his hand on my arm.  
  
"Dammit, Fiyero, not now." I moaned, not moving from the position I was in.  
  
"But I really think -" he began, his voice slightly amused.  
  
"Please stop talking to me!"  
  
"Alright, if you say so." He knew better than to push my buttons when I woke in a state like this. I could hear him laughing softly to himself as I felt him lay back down beside me; I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly, trying to ignore him. Something brushed against my arm and I assumed it was Fiyero again, so I reached out my free hand to give him a light smack, hoping to get him to leave me alone. Instead of connecting with his skin, my hand hit fur and a surprised squeal issued from whatever it was I'd hit. I heard Fiyero burst out laughing before the other little voice vied for my attention.  
  
"Ow! That hurt! Don't hit mee!"   
  
I opened my eyes to see my monkey sitting next to me on the floor, rubbing his arm where my hand had connected with it, and shooting me evil looks. Beyond that was Fiyero, bolting upright and trying to suppress his laughter. Sitting up a little behind him was the Tiger, who was chuckling to himself while watching me look back and forth between himself and Chistery, my face poised in happy astonishment. I scooped up the monkey and hugged him, burying my face in his caramel fur.   
  
"Hey! Stoppit! You hug too hard!" Chistery whined, wriggling in my grasp to get himself a little more breathing room. The Tiger smiled, shook his head, and melted away into nothingness.   
  
I loosened my grip and kissed his head, scratching between his wings as I murmured, "I thought I'd never see you again, little one. I missed you."  
  
"I missed you, too. It's scary out there."  
  
"Don't we know it, Chistery." I answered, looking out toward where the cave tapered off into the corridor leading away from it. "Did the Tiger find you and take you back to me?"  
  
"Yup. I like him."  
  
"Good, so do I."  
  
"Whoa - what_ happened_ to you?"the monkey asked, finally noticing how much larger my stomach was than the last time he saw me.   
  
"She going to have a baby, my winged friend." Fiyero answered for me, reaching over to scratch Chistery's head, his voice warm as his eyes met mine. I averted my gaze, not sure what to feel. Chistery's eyes grew big and round and looked from Fiyero to me and back again.  
  
"Really?"  
  
I nodded, a look that teetered on the borderline of happiness and sorrow and could be taken as either.  
  
"Wow." Chistery exhaled, paying no attention to my face. "When?"  
  
"Soon enough." I said no more about it.  
  
"Never ever go away again." Chistery said, climbing up to my shoulder and wrapping his little monkey arms around my neck in a hug.   
  
"I had no choice. Fiyero and I were forced to."  
  
"By who?"  
  
"The Gale Force, Chistery."  
  
"They scare me. I hid when they came in the tower and yelled and took you away." The little thing buried his face in my hair and I reached up to stroke his soft golden fur.  
  
"It's okay." I murmured, trying to calm my pet some.   
  
"Here, you better get to know this place, my friend. You'll be seeing a lot of it for the next stretch of time." said Fiyero, reaching out and untangling the creature from my hair. Chistery perked up at his words; he could never resist the prospect of nosing about in places he'd never seen. With that, he jumped from Fiyero's hands and scurried across the floor, looking around at the wealth of things littering the rather large stone room.   
  
  
  
Chistery spent the rest of the day exploring his new home, poking his head wherever it would fit and occasionally scampering into the next cave/room over where the horses were housed just for a change of scenery. It was a terrible lot of work for me just keeping an eye on him and making sure he didn't get his little monkey nose stuck in things he shouldn't be meddling in, or into unexplored corridors or rooms in the cavern system. After a while Fiyero flopped back down for an extra hour or two of sleep and coaxed the monkey into a nap as well to give me a little time to myself. Heavens knew I desperately needed it after eight or nine hours of scrambling to extricate the little beast from either our things, our food, or my own hair.   
  
I sat there on my own, pulling a pillow over from the makeshift bed Fiyero and Chistery had dozed off on, thinking about nothing in particular and enjoying the time I had to myself. After a while I drifted off, that abrasive cackling seeping into my head and filling my mind like a wealth of suffocating smoke. The cracked laughter faded after a short while, the sound and blackness replaced by light and images of a dream.  
  
  
  
The harsh sound of Yackle's laugh that had accompanied each and every dream of mine for the past weeks deteriorated to a low chuckle; I had the sinking feeling that the woman was laughing at my expense. The scenery was thrown suddenly into sharp focus and with the hurried clarification of my surroundings I felt as if I were about to lose my balance. Swinging my hand out at the last moment my palm connected with the cool brick of the wall and I caught myself, bringing my other hand up to rub the dizziness from my eyes. When I could see again my gaze swept over the room, my tower room, actually, if I could still call it mine; the old bed and part of a mostly-empty bookcase were bathed in moonlight streaming in through easterly-facing window. The room had been stripped of the vast majority of it's former contents, much of which was now in the cave my lover and I called home, the rest either trashed or in the hands of the Gale Force. Yackle stood leaning against the wall; I doubted she'd be able to hold herself up on her own if she tried; her arms were folded and there was a smile on her face colored by emotions I couldn't place. It was unnerving and I didn't like it. She took far too much pleasure in messing with the little sanity I'd managed to hold onto through the ups and downs of my life. I waited for her to speak first; you had to be careful with this one. You could never tell when she would begin and act like no more than a crazy old bat, then change tracks entirely until you no longer knew which way was up.   
  
"You're in quite a state, now, aren't you, dearie?" she started, looking me up and down and estimating how far along I was in pregnancy. When I regarded her with a steely, calculating stare and didn't reply, she did no more than laugh once and reach for her gnarled walking stick, clunking awkwardly to my side of the room.  
  
"Why am I here?"  
  
"I have something to give to you, dolly." Yackle answered, smiling her eerie grin once more. "You ruined it once; don't make the same mistake again."   
  
I wasted a few seconds wondering what it was she was gibbering about until she produced a broomstick from behind her.   
  
_ ::That can't be_ mine_...::   
_  
"Well? Take it already and get out of my sight! Mother Yackle's arms are too old to hold up something this heavy for as long as you're making her wait!" she barked impatiently, thrusting the broom's handle into my hands and making to wave away my dream, but she halted abruptly when I spoke.  
  
"How and why are you giving this to me? Months ago, the night that Dorothy brat came here I burnt the thing to charcoal; what did you do to it?"  
  
"Fixed it, of course! Dearie, Old Yackle thought you were a little swifter than that." She tsked at me and shook her head, wearing the same strange little smile.  
  
"What kind of unbalanced magic have you laid on it? For all I know it'll throw me to my death a hundred feet up in the air -"  
  
"Why would Mother Yackle do something disturbed like that? She's not _so_ brainsick, you know. That sorry excuse for a broomstick is no worse than it was when you first learnt to use it. Spruced up some, but no worse for the wear."  
  
"How can I -"  
  
"For Lurline's sake, Yackle is not out to kill you, woman! Just take the be-damned broomstick and let's be done with it! Don't you know a benefactor when you meet one?" she cried, shaking her head as if I were totally daft. "Go, witch. Out of my sight!"   
  
With that, the dream dissolved.   
  
  
  
I sat bolt upright, breathing hard. My stomach was overcome with a wave of nausea that I just managed to fight off before its contents could rise into my mouth. The broom's handle was still clutched tight in my hand. Once my stomach calmed I stared at the broom for a few moments, running my fingers down the handle. The wood was still smooth and worn in one place near the front end of it, where I used to place my hands before I lost it and burned the thing to ash.   
  
_ ::How in Oz did she manage this...?::  
_  
"I don't believe it." I whispered, my gaze sweeping over the broom; it looked as if I'd never set the thing afire at all the night Dorothy hurled that bucket of rainwater at me. I was delighted to have the thing back; possibilities of escape or at least the door leading toward it opening flashed through my head and the broom seemed to shiver with anticipation in my hands, yet all the while I was afraid that this was a part of a twisted scheme cooked up by Yackle to either kill me or make me go mad. I moved to set the broom aside and in doing so I accidentally hit Fiyero with the bristled end of it, scratching the skin on his arm.   
  
"Fabala, what was that for?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his forearm. He looked over at me and it registered in his head that the broom I was holding hadn't been there before. "Where did _that_ come from?"   
  
"_I_ don't even rightfully know. Even to me it sounds far-fetched, and I was the one who lived - or slept - through it."  
  
"Start at the beginning. I'm already lost."  
  
By the time I was finished telling him what had come to pass in my subconscious he was staring from me to the broom and back again, a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"But who, exactly, is this Yackle person?" he asked, confused. I continued my explanation, going back through my various encounters with her.  
  
"So this Yackle woman, she's the same one from the Philosophy Club all those years ago according to Tibbet, who told you about it while you were living and he was dying in the mauntery. She was also one of the maunts there, one of the ones that took you in after you'd thought I'd met my end. She was the one who gave Boq the medicine for my arm and the one who's been appearing and laughing in your dreams, among other things?"  
  
"None other."  
  
"She called herself your benefactor, am I correct?"  
  
"Yes. I just want to know why. She's done nothing that could ever really help me, aside from giving Boq that medicine for your arm. Everything else she'd just been watching from the sidelines, stepping in every so often to shake up my sanity."  
  
"But the broom..."  
  
"Yes, the broom. I don't know what to think, but then again Yackle often has that sort of effect on people."  
  
"What do you propose we do with it?"  
  
"I figured I'd try to fly it the way I used to. I can't know if she screwed with it or not unless I try."  
  
"Elphaba, I don't want you trying to fly that thing! There's got to be some sort of spell you can use to screen it for malicious magic -"  
  
"I'm not going to get myself or the baby killed, if that's what you mean." I began, lending an edge to my voice. "There's also the fact that the Grimmerie is no longer within my possession; even if there was such a spell I wouldn't know what it could possibly be without that book in my hands. I'll start out by practicing flight in here if it makes you feel a little more secure."  
  
"I'm sure you can do it, Fae, there's no doubt in my mind about that. I'm more afraid of what might happen after you branch out and leave the caverns. What if you're seen?"  
  
"I've never really flown during the day; I'm conspicuous enough, and was never so stupid to fly in broad daylight. What makes you think I'll do so now, when more is at stake than just my life alone?"  
  
"Elphie, please don't." he implored.  
  
"Do you see what this thing could do for us if, in fact, Yackle has really fixed my broom and not messed with it? We could finally get out of here, escape for good, to Fliaan or Quox or somewhere else outside Oz, where no one will know or care about who I am! It'll be so much easier to have our baby in a place where we'll be left to ourselves. If we try to stay here there will be the same persecution I've received for most of my life, only heightened by the Gale Force once they find out we've had a child. Sooner or later they'll put two and two together and use that fact to give them the upper hand on me. We'll always be running, just like we are now. I never had to worry about constant flight until I left Shiz. Imagine what it'll be like for the child, knowing nothing but prejudice and fear and flight from the very beginning of its existence and never having a chance at anything better in life, all because of its mother. I'm desperate, Fiyero, for the freedom I've never experienced because of my color. Let me try. We still have about two months, maybe a little more, to worm our way away from the Gale Force. It could work. Just please, let me try."   
  
He shook his head, undecided, and sighed, running a hand through his hair in agitation. Looking from me to the broom, he remained wordless for a moment or two as I waited for his word on this. I was going to fly it anyway with or without Fiyero's permission, make no mistake; what I really wanted to see was if he trusted me enough to go with what I thought might just give us passage to possible freedom.   
  
"Do what you feel is best. I won't stand in your way." he murmured, turning away from me.  
  
"Fiyero?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"It's not mine to decide. Do what you will with your life."  
  
"You're okay with this?"  
  
His voice softened, almost tired. "No, truthfully, I'm not. I'm afraid for you. If I knew anything of magic I'd try to fly the thing for you just to make sure you stay safe. But if you feel you can do this, by all means go ahead. It's the normal thing to feel when you love someone, I guess."  
  
"I know for a fact that it is. I understannd that." I replied, wrapping my arms around him. He kissed my forehead and I stretched to bring my lips closer to his. As he leaned in to kiss me I tensed and swayed backward a bit, wrapping one arm tightly around my stomach.  
  
"What is it, Fabala? Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. It's...this is the first time I've felt the baby move. It hurts, in a way, but...I think it's the sweetest pain I'll ever experience."   
  
"I'll believe it." Fiyero whispered, pulling me close and wrapping one arm around my back from the side. The other he used to swing me up into his arms. I laughed as he picked me up and I slid my arms around his neck, reaching up to brush a kiss on his lips. He kissed me back, gently trailing a line of little kisses from my lips up to my eyelids and back again. It was slow and drawn-out, the kind of kiss that takes your breath away and makes the blood sing in your ears, which were exactly the effects it had on me. When finally we did break it he walked me over to our makeshift bed, really only a very large pile of rumpled blankets, and laid me back on it, then lowered himself to sit beside me. I rested my head contentedly on his shoulder and felt the baby move again. It hurt less than the last time, but being as unused to the feeling as I was I brought my hands back to rest upon my stomach, wishing I could somehow stop the sensation.  
  
"You alright?"  
  
"Mmmn hmmn."  
  
Fiyero reached over and removed my hands from my belly, resting his own there. The child kicked again and his face broke into a warm smile; I couldn't help but return the expression, as much in love with the little life as he was, ignoring the physical pain as best I could.   
  
After a little while my mind drifted back to my broomstick. _::He said he'd fly it for me if he knew how...::  
_  
"Yero my hero?"  
  
"Fabala-Fae?"  
  
"What would you say to this whole broom situation if...if I could teach you how to fly it?"  
  
"I don't like the thought of either of us flying it at all."  
  
"Your daughter flew it once. As much as I don't like saying it, she wasn't all that bad at it, to tell the truth. If Nor could do it, you shouldn't have a problem."  
  
"Nor? How did she...? I thought you'd need to have some knowledge of magic to fly the thing. Plus, you're not the kind of person to let children mess with your things at all."  
  
"All three -_ four_ - of them never asked for permission to barge into my tower and take my things, and Nor least of all. Between my broom and my monkey -" I glanced back over at Chistery, who was still sleeping, thank Oz; as much as I loved the little winged menace, he had an annoying habit of poking into things at inconvenient moments; "- the girl and her counterparts nearly drove me mad." I laughed once, a bittersweet sort of affair. It bothered me how I'd despised the children not terribly long ago and now I wished I'd never made the decision to leave and visit my own sister if staying meant I would've been able to forestall their fates. If Fiyero felt any sort of sorrow at the mention of his daughter he hid it well, showing no indication of it. Still, I moved the discussion away from his family, as the subject was still touchy on both our parts.   
  
"I'm serious, if you'd like to learn I can teach you how to fly."  
  
"I'll think about it, Fae-Fae." He sounded a little uneasy, like he wanted to but at the same time fear was holding him back.  
  
"If it gives you any reassurance, it took me a while to get the hang of it, too, and you know how inept I am at magic -"   
  
"Inept my ass, Elphaba."  
  
"Oh, please, Fiyero. I mean it. Would you believe I had to threaten the broom sometimes to get it to take me even six feet above the ground?"  
  
"How would threatening it do you any good? It's an inanimate object, for Lurline's sake -"  
  
"Yackle gave the thing to me; when she's involved there's no telling what's possible and what's not; reality is skewed. So skewed in fact that a seemingly inanimate object is fully capable of having a mind of its own."  
  
He took another few minutes to answer, still not totally at peace with his decision, but willing to give it a shot. "I'll try it, Elphaba, but I'm not saying I'll ever fly the thing out in the open."  
  
"You might as well know how. One of us will eventually."  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of." 


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34  
  
The next morning I decided to reacquaint myself with flight before Fiyero could wake and try to pull me from the broom. I had a feeling that it was what he'd do if he saw me; I knew he loved me and was only trying to protect me, but sometimes I felt like he didn't believe I could take care of myself anymore. To be absolutely truthful, _**I**_ wasn't even sure if I could still take care of myself, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Even still, I didn't need to have my every move scrutinized like some reckless child who was not to be trusted. It infuriated me when he put on his "mothering" act, or so I called it, and tried to forbid me from doing as I saw fit.  
  
Making sure Fiyero was out cold, not that I really had to as he was snoring like a foghorn, I took the broom from where it was propped against the wall and padded as quietly as I could to the back of our cave/room. I concentrated on sending a small pulse of magic down my arm and beckoned to a few of the globes of light to follow me. They had dimmed for the night, but as I walked through a short corridor leading away from our room they brightened in response to the pitch blackness of the new cave.   
  
When I walked in I sent another pulse of magic through my arm down to my fingers, gesturing for the light-globes to increase in brightness a bit. Instead, they flared into blinding brilliance and I threw my arm up to shield my eyes; too much magic. I groaned softly; that was probably enough light to illuminate the rest of the cavern system, let alone to wake Fiyero. I hoped he was sleeping deeply enough for the light to not register in his mind. Waiting a moment or two for my eyes to adjust, I concentrated on bringing the brightness down a couple of notches and glanced around at the rest of the room, which was blissfully empty aside from a little shape hovering in the doorway; Chistery.  
  
"What are you doing here? Go back inside and sleep some more." I said quietly, pointing toward the entryway, making it quite clear I wanted him to leave.   
  
"Nuh-uh. I'm staying."   
  
"No, you're not." I said, and dropped the broom, plucking him from the air by his tail and tucking him under my arm to carry him back inside. I deposited the little menace on the lump of blankets that served as the bed, accidentally dropping the monkey on Fiyero, who was buried completely under the covers. It was hard to tell he was there, and the minute I heard his voice I cringed; there went my practice time, fluttering out the window.   
  
"What the - get off me, you little winged nuisance." Fiyero said, not bothering to get up or even open his eyes. He swung out his hand to swat my monkey away and I snatched my pet out of the path of Fiyero's hand. He scurried onto my shoulder, blowing a raspberry at Fiyero and folding his arms in annoyance.   
  
I put Chistery on top of my pillow and began to make my way back as quietly as I could to the cave I'd just left, but I heard an angry squeal and looked back; Fiyero had rolled over onto Chistery.   
  
"Will you leave that poor beast alone?" I cried, scooping up the monkey again as he flapped angrily toward me, his fur all bedraggled, chattering incomprehensibly and shooting the man evil looks. I smoothed down his ruffled fur and scratched between his wings; the little thing assumed a smug triumphant expression as he fixed his gaze on Fiyero, who scowled in return.   
  
"It's not my fault." Fiyero grumbled, sitting up and running a hand through his hair, already disheveled from a restless sleep.  
  
"Go back to bed, I'll keep Chistery with me." I sighed; I didn't need my lover and my monkey to start waging a war the minute I wasn't standing there to supervise them. Fiyero obeyed, pulling the covers back over his head, and I went back the way I'd come, mentally heaving a sigh of relief. Now I'd be assured at least another half hour to re-learn how to fly if my small bit of luck held out, and if Chistery decided to cooperate.  
  
"I hope you're happy now, you sorry excuse for a monkey. You can stay, but the minute you do something to vex me in any way, I'm banishing you to the other room with Fiyero. Understand?" Chistery nodded and scampered over to sit against the wall and watch me. I shot a glare in his direction as I bent with some difficulty to pick up the broom from where I'd dropped it; my stomach was getting in the way.  
  
_ ::And I've still got six more months of this to live through. Joy.::   
_  
I shook my head, irritated, and swung a leg over the broom, settling into a familiar position before kicking off. The broom chose that moment to shudder in an annoying way and I glared at it. "Oh, stop it, don't start that again, you fool thing. I'm thirty-eight and far beyond being embarrassed by that at this point in life." I snapped, and the broom decided not to cross me anymore, if it had the power to decide at all, being the seemingly-inanimate object that it was.   
  
"That's better." I kicked off, careful not to push too hard lest I shoot up and slam myself against the ceiling. I hovered about a foot or so below the ceiling for a moment or two before doing a few circuits of the room. There was nothing that compared to the freedom one felt while flying. It was empowering, which was a sensation I hadn't experienced in what seemed like forever, a feeling I desperately needed to undergo more often. A thrill rushed through me; it'd been so long since I'd felt like this, and I was prepared to relish it while it lasted. Every worry melted away for a few blissful short moments as I increased my speed and my hair breezed back from my face; I lived for moments like this. A genuine smile spread across my face for the first time in a very long while.   
  
Chistery, who'd been watching from the floor, unfurled his wings and flapped up to my eye level; I stopped mid-flight to avoid accidentally hitting him."You can fly again!" he cried gleefully, circling around me in excitement. His voice echoed off the walls, painfully loud, bringing me sharply back down to reality.  
  
"Chistery, no, keep it down -" I murmured, trying to get him to shut up. If Fiyero came in I'd never hear the end of it. Sure enough, he did, and I prepared myself for the impending argument.   
  
"Elphaba, what in the name of _Oz_ d'you think -"  
  
I brought myself back down to the ground and cut him off as I removed myself from the broom. "Good, you're awake and the broom flies as well as it did before I burnt it. Now it's your turn to fly the thing."  
  
"Oh, no, not now -"  
  
"Yes, now. You told me yesterday that you'd let me teach you to fly, and teach you I will before I change my mind." I said all this as quickly as possible, not letting Fiyero get a word in edgewise lest the argument turn to why I was flying the thing in the first place.   
  
"Go ahead and change your mind. I'm not going to fly that thing! I'm useless at magic, Elphie, you know that..."  
  
"But so am I, and I can fly it well enough. Now get on." I said, holding the broom out to him. He backed away, shaking his head.  
  
"You can't make me, Elphaba."  
  
"I can and I will."  
  
"No you can't -"  
  
"Just get on the damn broomstick and stop fighting with me!" I shouted, my voice reverberating off the stone. He'd set me off, and I was rapidly losing patience. My mood had been on a ride full of dizzying highs and groundbreaking lows over the past few weeks, and this was one of those lows. It would have to run it's course before the anger would bleed away. Fiyero refused to submit himself to my command, and it incensed me further, not helping the better my mood.   
  
"Give it up, Elphaba, you might as well be talking to the wall."  
  
"If you don't do this now, when the time comes I'm going to fly it outside myself." I snapped.  
  
"Are you touched in the head? I'm not going to watch you go and let that thing throw you off a hundred feet up in the air!" he shot back, his voice increasing in volume enough to leave a little bit of an echo trailing after his words..  
  
"What do you think I am, a toddler? I've flown this thing numerous times before and I know what I'm doing, dammit! Do you trust me or not?"  
  
"I used to, Elphaba, but now I'm not so sure! I've watched you try to commit suicide before and it's made me suspicious, because from my vantage point it sure seems probable that you'd try it again! A fall from the broomstick is a simple enough facade to mask the motives behind it!"  
  
"Do you think I'd be stupid enough to do something like that again, Fiyero? Do you _really_ think I'd be willing to end two lives, when one of which hasn't even really begun to live? I wanted to die before to _stop_ myself from destroying lives! Can you not understand that, or are you coming into the habit of discrediting me the way so many others have?" I retaliated, the edge in my voice sharp enough to cut through the stone of the walls.  
  
Fiyero shot me a look, his eyes smoldering, before walking stiffly away from me, back towards the room we lived in. As he retreated and silence filled the empty space my rage melted away along with the sound, my mood once again changing as easily as summer weather. I called after him, all heat and anger gone from my voice, their places filled by hollowness.   
  
"Do you really have such little faith in me, Fiyero, or is it somehow my fault that you've been driven to believe I'd try suicide again? If it is my fault, what've I been doing to make you think like that?"  
  
He sighed and turned back around. "Elphie, it's just that, to me, you never seem to look at what might be lost if something goes wrong. I don't understand the workings of magic and I haven't lived through half as much as you have, so it might be all in my head, but the way I've been looking at it, if I don't fear for you, who will? You don't seem to ever fear for yourself."  
  
"I _am_ afraid; I just do a damn good job of hiding it." I muttered.   
  
"Oh, really?"   
  
"Why do you think I'm trying to fly this thing again? In case you haven't noticed, we need to get out of here, out of Oz entirely. I'm afraid that if I don't at least _try_ to escape I'll be a relatively easy target for the Gale Force. Sitting here scared isn't going to help, and it'll be just as if we've surrendered without a fight, as if we've broken ourselves and gotten up to turn ourselves in. If we're ferreted out and captured again there's no way they'll let me or the baby live for fear of me causing more damage or the child being born another green abomination. Fiyero, I've never been more afraid. Would I be doing this if I didn't have to?"  
  
"I - I don't know."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Nothing - forget I said it. Teach me, if you must." he replied, relenting. At least he was beginning to see eye-to-eye with me, or so it seemed. The first step to getting out of here would be for him to realize that this broom was predominantly our only means of escape, and that was all I cared about.   
  
I let his remark slide, not willing to press him further and make things worse. Not knowing what he meant was going to gnaw at me until I could find out, but I could always bring the subject up sometime when things between us weren't as tense, lest I further endanger the fragile state of peace we'd achieved. I progressed emotionlessly to show him what to do, where to place his hands on the handle, how to gauge the mount of force to use when kicking off, and various other little specifics to take my mind off the row we'd just engaged in. On his first hour or so of attempts he either rose about a foot off the ground and then fell, or didn't manage to take off at all but fell anyway.  
  
"Do you want to take a break for now?" I asked after an hour or two as I tried to suppress a laugh, reaching out to help Fiyero up after he'd been dumped gracelessly to the ground for the umpteenth time.  
  
"I'm sure that both my rear end and my dignity would thank me for it, but no, not yet. We've only got so much time to do this and get out of here, and taking advantage of what we do have is more important than a bruised backside; the faster I get the hang of it the better." he replied, grabbing my hand and getting to his feet, doggedly swinging his leg over the broom once more.  
  
_ ::At least he's trying.::_ I thought as I watched him, _::It's better than having him fight with me over why we shouldn't fly it, or why_ I _shouldn't, anyway.::  
_  
  
  
He wasn't all that bad for a beginner; a little shaky, but not bad. After he'd been trying for maybe two or three hours he finally managed to kick off with just the right amount of force and make it the twenty feet up to a foot or so just below the ceiling, hovering there until I explained to him how to descend. He'd taken to flight a lot quicker than I had when I'd first started flying the thing quite a while ago, and I was more than a little envious of his abilities. When he touched back down his face was half a shade paler than usual, but he was wearing a triumphant smile, proud of himself.   
  
"You did good!" Chistery cried, flitting up to sit on his shoulder.  
  
"The monkey's right; when I first started it took me a week before I managed to get off the ground at all. You've picked it up so quickly; well done." I said, taking his hands and squeezing them. I kissed his cheek and then mounted up myself.  
  
"Elphie..."  
  
"I know what I'm doing, don't look so worried."  
  
"If you say so." he said with no prominent emotion, and watched me kick off, disapproval showing on his face. I leaned forward a bit over the handle, increasing in speed just enough to go from a hover to leisurely touring around the circumference of the room. Chistery, who seemed to enjoy flying with me, took to the air and coasted alongside the broom.  
  
"You make it look so easy." Fiyero said, following me with his eyes.   
  
"It is rather easy once you get the hang of it, and judging by the way you've been going it looks as if it won't be long before you're flying circles around me, like Chistery seems to enjoy doing." I said, stopping to hover again, watching the monkey fly in a spiral around me.   
  
"Chis, you're making me dizzy!" I said, averting my gaze from the monkey. It was that moment that the baby chose to kick and I flinched, losing balance for a second before pulling back to a hover and gripping the broom tighter with one hand, bringing the other arm up and wrapping it around my stomach.   
  
"Elphaba? What happened? I saw the broom shudder -" Fiyero called, worried.  
  
"Nothing, I'm fine. It was the baby."  
  
"See what I meant when I said I didn't want you flying that thing now? What's going to happen the next time -"  
  
"It's not going to happen again; calm yourself." I said as Chistery flapped out in front of me and perched on the broom handle, cocking his head to the side.  
  
"You look pale." he said, a thoughtful expression on his face.   
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"I'm going to land in a minute to set Fiyero's mind at rest; you'd better get off the broom." I sighed to the monkey.  
  
"He worries a lot."  
  
"I know. Please get off before I land and you fall."  
  
"Okay." Chistery flitted upward again, and suspended himself just below the ceiling, maybe three feet above my head.   
  
Once I'd brought the broom back down, Fiyero took it from me and propped it against the wall, taking my face in his hand.  
  
"I think Chistery was right when he said you didn't look so good. Maybe you should take it easy for a little while, or at least until your, "   
  
I knew he really meant _'Stay off the broom before you get yourself killed'_, but I ignored that and smiled a little at the uneasy look on his face; he was always so concerned about not saying anything in regards to my complexion for fear of aggravating what had always been a touchy subject with me. He flushed a bit and smiled sheepishly; he'd been getting harder and harder for me to stay mad at lately. I gave him a quick squeeze and pulled away, snatching up the broom from the wall.   
  
"Are you up to giving it another shot, or are you going to call it a day?" I called over my shoulder.  
  
"I'll try once more."  
  
I handed him the broom and leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms. He mounted up and kicked off again with a force that matched that of his last successful try. Stopping in his ascent just short of the ceiling, he looked down, awaiting my instructions.   
  
"Try to bring yourself down till you've reached the halfway mark, about ten feet down from where you are. You know how to descend." I waited for him to do as I'd said, watching carefully to help him catch any mistakes in form that might possibly have ended up in his being thrown from the broom, then continued.   
  
"I'm going to tell you how to actually fly it now, instead of just hanging suspended in the air. Are you ready?" He nodded, his face set with nervous determination. "All you have to do is lean slightly over the handle to go forward. The farther you lean, the faster the broom will go, so be careful not to take it too far lest you crash headlong into the wall. To stop, bring your back upright into the normal position you'd assume while you're sitting up on the ground. Let me see you fly to the other side of the room."  
  
He leaned forward ever so slightly, and the broom began to inch it's way toward the opposite wall. "Tilt just a little farther; at the rate you're going, it'll take you an hour just to advance two feet." Fiyero made to do as I'd instructed, but in his being dually as nervous as he was careful, his sweaty hands slipped on the handle and he fell forward, causing the broom to lurch forward at a speed that wasn't terribly fast, but enough for him to lose his balance and have to scrabble to get a good grip on the handle again, gripping the broom precariously with only his knees. My heart skipped and I cried for him not to panic, just to get his hands back on the handle, trying to retain my composure enough not to panic myself. Chistery covered his eyes and shivered, afraid to look. He forced himself to peek and scampered out of the room, afraid.   
  
Regaining his handhold, Fiyero sat bolt upright, his spine ramrod straight, and came to an abrupt halt maybe two yards from the other side of the room. The entire scenario was over in about five seconds, but that didn't make it any less frightening. A wave of relief washed over me, and I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. The color had drained from Fiyero's face, now a few striking shades lighter than his normally deep complexion, the diamonds peppering his skin suddenly much more pronounced on their lighter background. Once again I fed him the instructions for getting back to the ground regardless of the fact that he already knew how to descend, and when his feet were firmly back on solid stone he dropped the broom. I pulled him into a tight hug and waited for my heartbeat to return to normal. I felt his heart against my cheek, beating as rapidly as that of a frightened mouse. A sense of calm descended over us again as we both remembered to breathe and our heart rates slowed. Once everything normalized I looked up at his face and assumed a mock-angry expression.   
  
"Don't you _ever_ do that to me again! I'm thirty-eight and far too old to be scared like that!" I scolded, my hands gripping his shoulders, holding him out at arms length. He gave a halfhearted laugh before giving me a last tight squeeze. I squeezed him back, the shock of the scare wearing off and feelings of pride in him welled up to replace them; if he hadn't slipped he'd have done it, he'd have flown the thing for real. He'd been picking the skills up so fast, and he'd managed to catch himself before he could fall. It had been quite impressive, in a frightening sort of way.   
  
"You did extremely well considering you've only been at this for less than a day, and you managed not to fall and break your neck after only a few hours at it. You're so much of a natural it's unnatural. Just please, try not to get so nervous your palms sweat; if we can avoid another scene like that we'll be better off for it."   
  
"I think I just aged five years." he said breathlessly, his eyes sparkling. I paused to get a better look at him.   
  
"What?" I asked, noticing the odd look in his eyes.   
  
"Can I try that again sometime today?"  
  
"After all that, you still want to try again?" I asked, both amazed and amused. "I'd have thought you'd never want to get back on that thing again."   
  
"Given the circumstances, I don't have a choice but to get back in the saddle, so to speak, but, I don't know, I found it sort of...exciting, I guess. I know it doesn't make sense, but, while you're up there, you get a sense of..." he paused, searching for the right words.  
  
"I think 'freedom' might be the word you're looking for." I said quietly. Fiyero searched my face intently, clearly waiting for me to go on.   
  
"Do you understand now, why I was so ready to get back up there and fly? I could never feel free unless I was in the air, watching the godsforsaken landscape race out from under me, with no company but the night-darkened sky and the air that separated me from the ground. Now that I've got no choice but to play the hunted and run, it's helped to be motivated by something other than fear, and that freedom you get while in flight is more than enough incentive for me. Flight is my temporary escape. It doesn't last for long, but, living as I have for such lengths, it's highly probable I'll never get more than that little taste of it anyway, so I might as well take what I can get while I can still get it." I sighed and bent with some difficulty to retrieve my broom from the floor. Fiyero stilled me with a hand on my shoulder and picked it up.  
  
"Let me."  
  
"Look at me now," I murmured as he snatched the broom from the ground and handed it to me, "more limited than ever. I can't even move like I used to." Yet another dip in my humor washed over me. I ran a hand over the broom's handle, fingering a spiral in the wood.   
  
"I suppose saying _'you've only got about six more months of this'_ isn't going to be much of a consolation, huh?" I gave a lukewarm smile. His attempt at levity failed, but I appreciated that he made the effort to lift my spirits.  
  
"You tried, love." I said and patted his shoulder in pseudo condolence, trying a hand at the mood-lifting myself. He laughed and I couldn't help but do so as well. Taking my hand and pulling me out of the bare stone room, he tossed the broom aside and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I started to push him away, moving to retrieve the thing from the floor. "What did you do that for? Break that thing and we're screwed..."  
  
"It looks alright to me." Fiyero replied, tightening his embrace and kissing the side of my neck.   
  
"Not now, Fiyero, please -"  
  
"You look like you could use a little pick-me-up, and that is what you're getting."  
  
"Oh, please..."  
  
"Really, Elphie, can't you tell I'm trying to make up for what I said to you this morning?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Because...?"  
  
"Because you think I'd be willing to try my hand at suicide again. You wouldn't have said something like that unless you meant it. I know you well enough to put two and two together like that."  
  
"It was a stupid thing to say, I know, and I know that you'd never try that again, not with so much at stake. I'm just worried about you, Fabala, and even if that broom was the safest way to travel in all of Oz I'd still worry about you. But I am sorry. For all of it. Sufficient apology?"  
  
"I suppose." It still wasn't enough to put my mind at rest, but if I said anything else he'd retaliate and I'd be liable to fly off the handle like I did a short few hours ago. And that was the last thing I needed.  
  
"Good." And he picked up where he'd left off, kissing my neck again.   
  
"Yero, love, stop. Please."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing I can place, but...I don't know. Can I be left alone for a little while?"  
  
"Sure, if you want." he said, letting go of me and kissing my cheek before retreating to go rummage for something among his things. I made my way in the opposite direction, toward the entrance to the cave where the horses were housed. Taye, who was fully occupied by the three hay bundles I'd magicked in last night, looked up from his lunch at my entrance. Once he'd realized there was no imminent threat entering with me, he lowered his muzzle again to re-absorb himself in his food. Juliette, on the other hand, trotted over and started nosing the pockets on my skirt, searching for a treat.  
  
"Nothing there for you now, my friend." I said, reaching up to rub behind her ears. She whickered quietly as my hand moved from her ears down her neck and back up again to her chin. Being around the animals soothed my nerves some, but after a while my mind fell to thinking of Boq; after all, these horses were his, or had been his.  
  
"I wish you could tell me what became of him." I sighed, "The man would never have given you two up to the Gale Force for nothing." As much as presence of the two creatures was a solace in itself, it was even more so an omen, leading me to wonder about what could've befallen Boq in the days after Fiyero and I had left the city. I couldn't let my mind dwell on it for long, because the baby began kicking and soon the pain was more distracting than the worry.  
  
_ ::Six more months of this, Elphaba. And it's going to get worse before it gets better.:: _  
This voice in my head, it wasn't mine, it wasn't Yackle, and as far as I could remember by way of people's voices, it wasn't Sarima's either...

A/N: Thanks to all who've stuck with me through this whole thing up to now. If it weren't for the lot of you this fic would never have gotten this far. I owe you guys! Much love,

-Lindsay- aka Nancy


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35  
  
No, no, and no. Not again. I was becoming quite sick of hearing voices in my head that weren't mine.  
  
_::I don't care who you are, or what you're trying to tell me, just leave me alone! As if I don't have enough problems in dealing with my own mind already without various people poking through it of their own accord!::_ The voice may have been familiar, but I was of no mind to investigate further as to who it belonged to. I wanted whoever it was out, regardless of what they had to say.  
  
_::Elphie, I'm trying to help you.::_  
  
_::With what?::_ I mentally shouted.  
  
_::Stop yelling at me already! Sweet Oz, if you knew who I was I bet you wouldn't shriek like you're doing now.::_ she huffed. That injured huff belonged to Glinda; she was the only one I'd ever heard who used that tone at all.  
  
_::I do know who you are and if I was in a better state of mind right now I'd be more willing to hear you out, and I might even be babbling out random things I never got the chance to say to you before you were killed, but I am not in a particularly collected mental state as it is, so please, Glinda, just go!::  
  
::Elphie, please, be reasonable -::_  
  
_::What part of_ 'Get out of my head' _don't you understand?::_  
  
_::Elphie,Iknowyou'repregnant,andIknowwhat'sgoingonwiththeGaleForce,andIknowwhathappenedtoBoq!::_ She strung the words out all in one breath, trying to finish before I started shouting at her again. Her strategy worked and it shut me up for the time being. Now she had me wondering what she knew and how much I could get her to tell me.  
  
_::What do you know about all this?::_ I wasn't going to bother to ask how she knew, or even how she was speaking to me in the first place, at least not yet. It would be nice to know how these people were able to get into my thoughts and how, if possible, to keep them out. My once clear-cut view of the world had been shattered ages ago and I was at the point where nothing of the like would come as a shock to me anymore.  
  
_::Firstly, congratulations on your baby.::_ she began, _::I hope you have better luck with children than I did.::  
_  
_::What do you mean by that?::_ I asked. I hadn't the slightest idea what she was getting at.  
  
_::I...when I married Chuffrey, we...tried...to have children, but when finally I did conceive...::_ I head her breath shudder and could feel the pain in her voice, _::my son was delivered stillborn. A year later while I was still recovering from losing my child, Chuffrey died of a massive heart attack. I never got the chance to have another baby.::  
_  
My heart went out to her. If I'd only known what had been going on in her life and those of the others I'd once been close to I might never have holed myself up in Kiamo Ko, and maybe...no matter. It did no good thinking about what could've been done so long after.  
  
_::Glinda, I...::_  
  
_::No, save the condolences. It was years ago, and it's not like I can change any of it now. What I mean is, I've been through it. I know the ins and outs of pregnancy, and I know you're going to feel worse before you get better and this whole ordeal is over. If you think you're body's been twisted out of shape now, well, you've got a lot ahead of you, my friend. Prepare yourself for it.::  
  
::I'll remember that.::_ I gave a wry smile I knew she couldn't see before continuing my press for information. _::What of the Gale Force?::_  
  
_::You must leave this cavern system within the next thirty-eight days if you want to avoid the Force. If you stay beyond that they'll have you, no doubts about it. The sooner you leave the better chance you'll have of escaping them. That's all I know of it.::_

_::And of Boq?::_  
  
_::The Force captured him. They took him when he refused to sell out you and Fiyero.::_  
  
_::How did he know where we'd gone?::_  
  
_::He'd heard enough about Kiamo Ko from Fiyero on his various visits to the Emerald City over the years, even more so once you'd showed up again. He figured it was a likely place for the both of you to disappear to. He was often seen poking around your old home there, trying to find the possible reason behind your disappearance, until some of the Force noticed him and questioned him about who lived there, what happened to them, where they were now, you know, things like that. Boq must have let something slip that was of some sort of interest to them, so they brought him before the monarch. He ordered that Boq be kept in the Palace until he decided to cooperate. When he still refused the Force seized his family and imprisoned them as well, and they also took possession of everything he owned. That's how they came into the ownership of his horses, both of which I see have passed to you.::  
  
::Yes. They...it's a long story.::_ I sighed, the weight of the information falling heavily on my already tired mind.  
  
_::I figured as much. But still, I didn't know he was so brave. If he'd shown any indication of it while we were still at school I'd never have brushed him off so many times. I might've actually considered going out with him once or twice.::_ I could tell she hadn't changed much over the years._ ::Anyway, the Force is still trying to get Boq to spill what he knows about you, and if he takes much longer to break, well, they'll be picking off his family one by one until he does.::  
_  
I was horrified. I admired the man immensely for holding to his silence to protect us like he'd been doing, and now the plight of he and his family would weigh on my heart until I eventually became sick to my stomach with worry about them. Now I had all the more incentive to get out of here as soon as possible; we needed to leave enough time to try to get them out. Boq had done so much for us, and even more so for Fiyero who'd been speaking to him for so many years longer than I had. I refused to leave them there in the palace to await their deaths. I couldn't desert them, especially since I knew that without Boq, Fiyero would never have healed from the knife wound in his arm, and I wouldn't have survived through the downpour the night we arrived in the Vinkus if he hadn't given me the oil. We both owed the man our lives. The least we could do was try to save his.  
  
_::Glinda?::_  
  
_::Yes?::_  
  
_::Thank you.::_  
  
_::No problem.::_  
  
_::One more question, exactly how is it possible for you to still speak to me, with you're being...::  
  
::Dead? I don't rightfully know, Elphaba. It could be the result of a spell I don't remember casting, but who knows? I've heard it said that the Powers That Be can work in strange ways.::_  
  
_::I think you had far too much contact with Nessarose back at Shiz once I'd gone, what with all her silly religious ramblings running rampant without me to diminish the effects of the words.::  
  
::Still the same as ever, aren't you, Elphie?::_ Glinda laughed, and I could practically see her regarding me with those blue eyes and shaking her head.  
  
_::If you say so.::_ I was anything but the same as I'd been back then, but if she liked to think of me as such, I wasn't going to be the one to correct her.  
  
_::If I uncover anything else that might help you, you'll hear from me.::_  
  
_::I'm sure I will.::_ I finished, and she fell silent, withdrawing from me and leaving me alone with my thoughts once more. It had been a bit of a shock at first, hearing her speak, but it was nice hearing that characteristic voice again. I'd missed her more than I cared to admit. While I let my thoughts dwell on my friend, Juliette gently butted me with her forehead, trying to get my attention.  
  
"What is it, girl?" She pointed her nose toward the door. Fiyero was standing in the entrance, in the midst of an intense stare-down with Taye. I watched as the man tried to inch his way to the side and slip past the overprotective stallion, but Taye wouldn't hear of it, lunging at Fiyero and letting out an angry roaring sound as he did so; that horse meant business. I shook my head and laid a hand on Taye's side, letting him know I was there. Running that hand up to the horse's neck, I whispered "I'll take it from here.", winking at the glossy black animal. He snorted and turned his back on Fiyero and myself, moseying back to keep Juliette company.  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, my dear, he doesn't like you much." I said, bringing one hand up to rest on my hip.  
  
"Yeah, I kind of took the hint back in the City when he tried to bite me."  
  
"Well, he sees himself as the dominant male in this equation, and unless you find a way to assume authority over him while sustaining no permanent injuries, it looks as if it's going to stay that way."  
  
"Oh, joy; I've been shown up by a pack pony." Taye looked back at us and snorted loudly, stomping a back hoof as if to say 'I heard that!'.  
  
"Watch your mouth." I said, and added as an afterthought, "Or maybe I'll watch it for you." I stretched up to press a kiss to his lips.  
  
"That's more like it; I've been missing those lately." he said in response to it, running his hands down my sides and catching my mouth with his in another. He moved his lips from mine down over the curve of my neck, my shoulders, my hair, back over my throat to brush my ears and eyelids before finding my lips again, the kisses running together as smoothly as a string of flawless pearls. I gave myself up to him, kissing back, until the baby decided to kick with a vengeance and I needed to catch my breath again.  
  
"This child enjoys choosing the worst possible moments to move." I said. Fiyero laughed.  
  
"So, are you through pampering your precious pet ponies or can I afford to steal you back from them?" he asked, entangling his fingers with mine.  
  
"They seem to be through with me for now, so I guess it'd be alright by them if you borrowed me for a bit." I replied, glancing over at the pair of them who'd both begun tucking back into their lunch.  
  
"Good. It seems those horses have the right idea at the present moment; you hungry?"  
  
"Yes, actually."  
  
"When did you last eat?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
"Cut the habit of skipping breakfast, will you? You've got two people to keep healthy for the next stretch of time and I don't expect either of them to starve." He pulled me over to the crudely constructed table and commenced to make me lunch, which I finished in record time. Afterward he asked if I'd let him get back on my broom, and, as he put it, watch him to "keep him from falling and breaking himself in half". I nodded and he was in the next room in a heartbeat, broom in hand, wondering what was taking me so long.  
  
"You're just an eager little boy again, aren't you?" I said, pushing myself up, breezing past him, and getting down to business. "Mount up. We've got work to do."  
  
"Why so stiff all of a sudden?"  
  
"I have good reason to be, but I'll tell you when we're finished here. Now get on that broom already. I want you to keep yourself at about ten feet up from the ground, and fly across the room like I told you to before you scared the living tar out of me." He swung his leg over it and kicked off, and I saw him tense for a second before he leaned forward to accelerate. "Keep yourself calm and a scene like that won't happen again. That's it, good. You've got it." He'd made it across the room at a fair speed and I told how to turn himself so he could try it again. "There, practice going back and forth a few times, and when you're confident you can do it we'll move on."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"No, you won't _try_, you'll _do_. It's so important that you learn, Fiyero, you have no idea." He really was a natural, though. After he'd gone across and back a few times, you could see it in the easy way he began handling the broom and the smoothness with which the movements ran together. You'd have thought he'd been at it for years.  
  
"Alright, Elphaba, I think I'm ready to progress to the next step."  
  
"Good, come down and I'll show you what to do. This part's easier to watch than to have it pulled apart and explained." When he was on the ground and I was in the air, I went on, only flying about four feet up from the ground so he could get a better look at what I was trying to show him. "All there is to making the fluid turns is, you lean in slightly to the handle and slowly swing yourself in the direction you want to go. The faster you swerve yourself out, the sharper and faster the turn will be. Have you got that?" I finished, and landed, handing over the broom. He nodded, looking fairly confident and took it from me, keeping himself fairly close to the ground and doing exactly as I had. I was impressed. The way he absorbed all this and executed it better than I had was masterful. After he'd done a few circuits of the room I was convinced of his talent.  
  
"Alright, I've seen enough! It's highly embarrassing when you show up your teacher!" I laughed, beckoning for him to come down. "That was expertly done." Drawing him into a quick, tight hug, I whispered, "You never cease to amaze me. This is making the whole thing a lot easier for us. The faster you learn, the faster we can get out of here and do what we need to do before - before something happens we can't prevent."  
  
"Thanks. Anyway, I'm wondering what you mean by 'what we need to do'. Before what?"  
  
"Come here, I'll explain." I said, sighing heavily from the burden of the news I had to tell him, and pulling him back to the other room. I lowered myself onto our bed, tugging on his hand for him to sit with me. I spelled out the "conversation" I'd had with Glinda earlier in the day, giving him the details on how little time we had left, and on Boq's plight. He didn't question any of what I'd told him, even though I knew he normally would have had a hard time believing I'd spoken to a dead woman; the stakes were too high in this case to allow room for disbelief. By the time I finished his face was ashen, but set with an expression that showed he knew what we had to do and was willing to go ahead with it. "We have thirty-eight days."  
  
"Is there anything else I need to know about flying that broom, Elphaba, because if that's it we can get out of here within the week. The faster we go, the better."  
  
"Tomorrow I want to make sure you can put together everything I've taught you without faltering. Then, when I'm sure you can, we'll be ready to go."  
  
"I'll drive it; I don't want you to have to worry about anything more than the baby right now." I was in no mood to argue with him, and nodded. I had no qualms about stepping aside this time; with my luck, if I drove the baby would kick violently at precisely the worst moment possible and both Fiyero and I would be thrown from the broom.  
  
"I hope I can do this." I murmured, staring down at my hands, twisting my fingers together and untwisting them again. I'd tried to save lives before, but every time those I'd tried to save still died, more often than not because I'd made the situation worse. If this time was to be different, what could I possibly do to ensure that another whole family wouldn't die as a result of my "assistance"? What could I possibly do to ensure I wouldn't die as well?  
  
"We can. We have to. If not, we're all gone."  
  
"I know..." Floods of old worries I'd thought were long since dammed back broke through their barriers to engulf me all over again. Suppose we didn't succeed; what then? If I wasn't killed on sight, how would I live with the knowledge that I'd failed for the umpteenth time? I couldn't take another failure like that, having my efforts never come to fruition, leaving devastating consequences in their wake.  
  
"Fabala? Are you alright? Your eyes, they're so vacant."  
  
Quickly I came to again, trying to shake that nagging voice in the back of my head saying_ ::You've never yet succeeded in saving one person's life, much less an entire family. What makes you think this time will be any different?::_  
  
"It depends on what you mean by 'alright'."  
  
"Listen, we'll...we'll find a way. Somehow, we'll get them out." He tried to be confident, sure of himself, to give me some peace of mind, but peace of mind never did come easily to me.

* * *

"Good, you did very well with that last one. Now I want you to try this..." I called, commencing to explain an intricate series of maneuvers to Fiyero for him to put the broom through. I'd started putting him through his paces early in the morning so hopefully we'd be able to leave by nightfall. So far, he'd been incredibly successful with the "choreography" I'd laid out for him, if you could call it that. He'd had a few little setbacks, such as when Chistery had flown up in front of him, causing Fiyero to have to stop short; if he'd been going any faster the abrupt stop would've almost pitched him over the front of the handle. The monkey had been called out of the air and severely berated, my angry tirade ending with a threat to clip his wings if it happened again. Needless to say, Chistery wasn't on terribly good terms with me the rest of the day, and retreated to the other room to sulk and, as we later discovered, plot his revenge.  
  
When I'd gotten through testing Fiyero's abilities with flight I took the broom from him and slipped an arm around his waist, propping the broom against the wall as we went to sit and eat breakfast. The two of us got to talking and between the conversation and the food we forgot all about Chistery. The monkey crept away from us, taking to the air as stealthily as it was possible for him, grabbing my broom as he went and struggling to lift it with him into the room Fiyero and I used to practice flight. By the time I realized Chistery had made off with my broom it was too late; Fiyero and I discovered him sitting on the ground surrounded by the straw that had once made up the tail of my broom. The little monster had torn it all out.  
  
My composure seemed to break like glass in front of my eyes and my face contorted with fury and a strong sense of futility as I regarded the creature sitting among the mess in front of me.  
  
"What. Have. You. _**Done?**_" I screeched, my voice harshly reverberating off the stone. Chistery stared up at me from the remains of the broom and glared, reaching up indignantly to cover his ears and block out the sound of my voice. I was taking slow, deep breaths, exercising every ounce of control I had. It was_ so_ tempting to reach out, grab what was left of my broom and give that migraine of a monkey a good thwack with it!  
  
"Chistery, get those paws off your ears and listen to me!" I said stonily. Chistery obeyed, knowing better than to push my buttons and make things worse. My hands balled themselves into fists, bit I forced myself to release them. "You have single-handedly destroyed our only means of escape. I don't know why I keep you, or why I spent so much of my time trying to teach you. All it's done is helped you to become far better at wreaking havoc. You, my dear, are going to be punished for this." If he got nothing out of what I'd just said, I knew he understood what "being punished" meant, and that was exactly what I planned to do. I turned on my heel and pushed past Fiyero, not wishing to see hide or hair of the little beast for a good long time. I holed myself up with the horses, throwing my arms around Juliette's silken neck and trying my best not to choke on the knot in my throat. The mare nuzzled her nose in my hair, whickering softly. Taye walked up to investigate and leaned his shoulder against me, his warm bulk a small comfort in itself.  
  
_::Boq is as good as dead. There's nothing we can do for him now, or for ourselves anymore. Dammit, Chistery!::_ I mentally cried out, wishing I was anywhere but here, feeling anything but hopeless.  
  
Fiyero came in a short while later to find me perched on Taye's back and touring at a smooth gait around the circumference of the fairly large room, holding tight to his mane until my knuckles turned white; I wasn't a very good rider to say the least. I'd never really had the chance to before now. For a short while it gave me something to concentrate on that wasn't pertaining to the broom or the monkey. It even took my mind off the baby, who'd begun to kick a lot more frequently than it had previously. The sound of hooves on the stone and my efforts not to fall from his back provided a welcome respite from the events of the past hour, if only the feelings of defeat were replaced by fear of falling off the horse. When Taye caught sight of Fiyero, however, he stopped short and sped toward the man with me still clinging to his mane. Coming to a halt inches from Fiyero, he snorted in his face and I managed to slide down from his back and turn the horse away from him before anything else could go wrong.  
  
"I put what was left of the broom away where Chistery can't get at it."  
  
"Fiyero, I don't want to talk about this now."  
  
"I figured as much." He cupped my cheek in his hand, gently rubbing his thumb over my lips. "It's broken you, hasn't it?" His voice was soft, descending over me like a caress. I pressed my eyes shut and nodded once, unwilling to trust my voice enough to speak. Fiyero said nothing, just rested his lips against my forehead and took my hands.  
  
_::Everything's been lost to me now. If we can't get out of here, even our lives will be lost eventually...::_  
  
I don't know how long we stood like that, but sooner or later I heard the clunk of wood on the floor, suspecting Chistery had found the remains of my broom in wherever it was Fiyero had hid it. I pulled away and turned, a small blaze of anger flaring up again, but instead of Chistery there was a larger figure standing there, hunched over and leaning on a walking stick.  
  
"What have you done to it?" Yackle shouted, her voice grating on my ears. "You've gone and ruined it again! Well, where is the thing? Yackle hadn't got all day!" She motioned for me to follow her and I went, leaving Fiyero unsure of what to do.  
  
"Both of you, come! You," she said, pointing at Fiyero, "Where'd you put it? Go get Old Yackle that broom!" He obeyed, going to take the broom from where he'd hidden it. The old woman sat herself on a boulder that had been pushed against the wall. "Give it here, let's see what can be done about it." She took one look at the broomstick and her face seemed to tinge purple with anger. "Who did this to it? Who ruined it?" she cried.  
  
"That little monster." I said, gesturing toward Chistery. The annoying creature had managed to understood our conversation so far and was trying to hide himself under the blankets on the bed. He wasn't doing a very good job of it, either; his tail was sticking out.  
  
"Monkeys are like small children and soldiers; they're not to be trusted!" Yackle snapped, glaring in Chistery's direction. "Yackle expected better from you!" she aimed at me. I said nothing. "This will take Old Yackle a month to fix with bad joints like hers!" she said, and then grumbled something incomprehensible under her breath. "When it's been repaired Yackle will come and give it back. Don't let it happen again!" With that, she picked up her walking stick and clunker her way out, aiming a kick at Chistery as she went. The monkey yelped and scurried over, about to try and climb into my lap before thinking better of it and sitting at my feet instead. I ignored him and leaned against the wall, pressing my fingers to my temples.  
  
_::If she comes back with it a month from now, that'll leave us a week to get out of here. We'll still have a week...::_ waves of relief washed over me and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. 


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36  
  
"A week. We'll be left with a week." Fiyero said, "Do you think that'll be enough time to get to the City?"

"More than enough. We should be able to get there from here in two or three days." I answered, "If it once took me about a week to get from Kiamo Ko to Colwen Grounds in Munchkinland, it can't take as long to get to the City, seeing as we don't have to go all the way across Oz to reach it."

"Good."

"I'm just afraid we'll need more than a few days to get to Boq. We haven't been in the city in months; we don't know what kind of security Oz's new leader will have around the palace or even in the streets. I hate not knowing; it leaves too much up for guesswork." I wrapped an arm around my stomach as the baby kicked and I winced, biting my lip against the inward pain.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, Fiyero; I'm still not used to being kicked from the inside." I said dryly, wishing the baby would still itself.

"May I?" he asked.

"Be my guest." He took my hand and twirled me around like a dancer before pulling me to him so my back was against his chest, and he rested his hands on my swelling belly, which seemed larger than it should be for someone only a little more than four months pregnant. I heard Fiyero laugh softly in my ear as he felt the baby move against his hand and I couldn't help but smile a little while trying not to flinch at the same time. The force of the baby's kicks seemed far too strong for a child still in the womb.

"Does it really hurt you that much when it kicks?"

"Only when it takes me by surprise, like before."

"And that happens...?"

"Often. I'm not used to this, Fiyero, and I never will be. Would you really want to get used to a sensation that feels like there's something writhing inside you, trying to fight it's way out through your stomach?"

"I suppose not."

I felt something tug at the hem of my skirt and looked down to see Chistery looking timidly up at me, like a scared little schoolboy afraid to approach his teacher. "What do you want, Chistery?" It would be awhile before I forgave the monkey for destroying the broom, but I wasn't going to lash out like I did before. My mood had mellowed out a little since then, yet I wasn't any less resentful toward Chistery than I was when I saw him sitting among the wreckage of my broomstick.

"Can I feel the baby move?" he asked. Before I could say I word, Fiyero picked the monkey up and put one of his hands on my stomach. I winced again as the child moved and Chistery quickly drew his hand away, surprised and a bit afraid. Fiyero put him back on the floor and he started to creep away, trying to distance himself from me and the wrath he knew I'd soon inflict, but I called him back.

"Oh, no, Chis, I'm not through with you yet." Chistery froze, slowly looking back over his shoulder. I muttered a simple spell under my breath, watching its effects as it was being cast. Threads of sparkling ice wound themselves around the monkey's wings until they looked completely covered with the stuff, the magic lending them a silver-white sheen.

"What's happening?" Chistery asked in alarm, "It's scaring me!"

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Try to flex your wings; I want to see if that worked." I answered, my voice neither withholding nor giving any sympathy to the monkey. He did as he was told, trying to stretch his wings out, but they remained folded tight to his sides, impossible to move.

"But now my wings are numb and I can't fly!" Chistery pouted.

"That was the idea." I said, smiling with satisfaction at the effects of my handiwork. "You will not be flying in any sense of the word until the day we leave these caverns. Aren't you proud your revenge worked so well?" I smirked at his injured expression and turned back to Fiyero.

"Did you really have to do that to the poor thing?" he asked.

"Yes. I've spoiled that monkey since day one and it's about time I came to my senses. I've taught him so much, but the one thing he hasn't seemed to learn is that the concept of punishment does not exclude him. You forgive too easily."

"Well, aren't you the strict one. I hope -"

"No, Fiyero, I won't act like this toward our baby, because I don't intend to deliver a clone of Chistery." I cut him off. "I know you too well."

* * *

For the rest of the month Chistery sulked around, wishing he could be airborne again. I spent most of my time training myself to ignore the pain that came with the baby's kicking. It wasn't going terribly well. The farther along I was in pregnancy, the more the inward movements hurt. 

A few days before Yackle was due back with my broomstick, Glinda decided to drop back in on my thoughts.

_::You again, Glinda?::_ I asked, trying to keep the sarcasm level to a minimum.

_::Yes, it's me again. Who else did you think it could be?::_

_::Judging by the number of people who've been communicating with me in much the same way, it's becoming hard to tell who's who. But you, my friend, you're voice is pretty hard to mistake for someone else's::_

_::Ha, ha. Anyway, will you let me tell you what I came here to?::_

_::Go ahead.::_

_::You're going to have twins.:: _The words came out in a rush of breath, like she didn't want to tell me but if she didn't it would eat her from the inside.

_::Wh-what?::_ My mind seemed to have gone numb_. ::That can't be -::_

_::Believe it, Elphaba.::_

_::I don't know what to say.::_ This could fall either of two ways: if all went well in the City and we managed to get both Boq's family and ourselves out unscathed, another baby wouldn't be a problem for me. But, if somehow we managed to botch this, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to protect myself, let alone one unborn child. Two of them...Then there were the visions I'd Seen in the glass sphere. If those fulfilled themselves, I was afraid none of us would escape this alive. My fear tripled itself.

_::Elphie? Do you want me to tell Fiyero for you?::_ Her voice was gentle; she knew what position I was placed in and sympathized with me, I guessed.

_::Please, would you? I...I can't. I can't trust my voice not to break. I'm so scared, Glinda, if this whole ordeal blows up in our faces, if I'm caught again, if...::_ I couldn't begin to force myself to think in coherent sentences. Everything had been rushing at me so fast, and I had no chance to come to terms with it. It was either get the broom back from Yackle and leave for the City, or sit in this cave like the condemned waiting to be put to death. At least if we got to the City there was a chance of staying alive, even if it was a very slim one. But the risk was far too great.

_::Everything always seems to fall on you, doesn't it? You never did have an easy time of anything. And I, I never did do much to help you out over the years, did I? Elphie, you don't have to go to the City; you can get yourselves out of Oz and not have to risk getting caught -:: _Glinda was quiet, remorseful, and her voice seemed to shake. She was grabbing at straws, hoping to get me to forget what I knew I had to do._ ::I don't want you to end up like me.::_

_::No, I'm not going to let Boq and his family die just because I'm afraid. I've stood by too many times when the lives of those I knew were at stake. If I ever want to be able to reconcile with myself I can't do that anymore. Risks or no, I have to go through with this. If I can't ask for the forgiveness of those I didn't help when the chance arose, I have to try to forgive myself for what I've done, or else live with the guilt the rest of my life. I have a hard time living with myself as it is, but if I let another life slip by...I'm on my own, Glinda, I have to come to terms with and accept myself; neither you nor anyone else can do that for me.::_

_::Elphie?::_

_::Mmmn?::_

_::Protect yourself. Please keep yourself safe.::_

I was tempted to say 'famous last words', but held back. _::I'll do my best, my friend.::_

_::I'll go tell Fiyero.::_ She withdrew, slipping away like shadows when a cloud passes the sun. I let my back rest against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to slow the oncoming rush of thought and emotion. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Elphaba, it's...true?" Fiyero's strained voice tore me back to reality. I nodded, not opening my eyes.

"I don't know what to make of this. I'd wished for so long to one day be able to have children with you, but I never wanted that wish to come true the way it has; it was supposed to bring happiness, not fear and pain." He choked on the words and I made myself look over at him; he was kneeling amid the wreckage of our bed, the disheveled blankets strewn everywhere; Chistery's doing. The monkey was still being difficult about my restricting him from flight.

Fiyero's eyes were bright and he looked beaten, defeated. I went over to him and he pulled me close so that his lips rested against my swollen belly, kissing it gently. Tears ran down his face, leaving darker spots on the fabric of my dress. He made no sound. I carefully knelt before him and slipped my arms around his neck, stroking his hair and dropping a kiss on his forehead. He let his hands rest on my hips and gasped in a breath before pressing his face to my shoulder.

"Shhh. Calm down, it's alright. Shhh." I murmured, still running a hand through his hair. The other was pressed against his back, holding him as close as I could with my stomach in the way, offering him comfort. Chistery inched toward us, wondering what was happening. When he got close enough he could see the tear stains on Fiyero's face and he wedged himself between us, not knowing what was wrong but extending consolation all the same, all resentful feelings toward me forgotten for the moment.

When the tears stemmed themselves Fiyero pulled away, babbling an apology for the outburst of emotion, but I put a finger to his lips to hush him. "There's nothing we can do to change the hand we've been dealt, so we might as well work with it or at least around it. I just have to watch my back a little more carefully, to say the least." He nodded, fastening his arms tight around my body, giving me a squeeze in an embrace we were both disinclined to break. Chistery sat beside us, watching the exchange of feeling. After a while he got bored with the lack of action and tugged on my shirt hem.

"What's going on?" he asked, impatient for details. I have him the bare minimum of an explanation but he didn't press for more; instead he gave Fiyero's wrist a hug and then climbed into his lap. "You'll be okay, right?" he asked me.

"I hope so, little one." I replied truthfully.

"You mean you don't know?"

"No," I sighed, "I wish I did."

* * *

The day Yackle was due back with my broom was also the day the Tiger chose to drop back in on us. He materialized out of the shadows in the back of the cave, padding over to me and touching his nose to my palm in greeting. 

"Everything going smoothly?" he asked, nosing my stomach.

"In terms of pregnancy, so far, yes. In terms of everything else, things have never gone smoothly for me, so what's to say they'll be different this time? I'm hoping for a miracle, but something tells me I've just begun to step into the deeper water, so to speak. Things will more than likely get far worse before they get better if past experiences are any indication of what might come to be this time around." I paced agitatedly, twisting my fingers together and untwisting them again, occasionally pressing a hand to my stomach as one or both of the babies kicked. Twins explained why the pain of their movements sometimes became hard to endure.

"Stand still; you're making me dizzy." said Fiyero from where his back was braced against the wall. His arms were folded and he was watching me from across the room, his eyes following me as I moved. I rolled my eyes and rested a hand on the Tiger's back, trailing my fingers from where his neck merged with his spine to where the orange and black fur smoothly changed to shimmering draconic scales.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" the beast asked, regarding me with an even stare.

"Terrified." I said, my voice holding no emotion. I was steeling myself against the impending storm, hoping to stave off the worst of the anxiety until after we were already in the City.

"Rightfully, you should be. Facing an undertaking such as this without fear would increase its danger tenfold. But don't fear to the point where it begins to cloud your judgement; it may help you save your own neck for the time being, but could have dire repercussions farther on. Tread carefully, but don't spend too much time deliberating over every step. Time is a precious commodity in times such as this."

I looked away from the Tiger, anxious for Yackle to return with my broom. Time was something of mine she was taking far too much of today. As if on cue, I heard the telltale clunk of her walking stick on the stone and she emerged from the mouth of the cave, a scowl on her face as she thrust the broom into my hands.

"There, it's good as new. If you let that little fiend of a pet of yours get at it again, Old Yackle won't be coming back to fix it for you anymore!" she groused, muttering obscenities under her breath as she turned to leave.

"Thank you." I said, "I..."

"Save your breath, dearie. You're going to need it." she replied, chuckling darkly, and knocked her stick against Chistery, who happened to be sleeping curled up in the doorway. The monkey screeched angrily and moved as if to take off and harass her from the air, but his frozen, useless wings remained folded tight to his sides. Yackle did nothing but laugh, her cackling echoing off the stone as she vanished. Chistery trudged over to me with an injured look on his face as if he'd just suffered the greatest injustice of his life. The Tiger looked down his nose at the monkey and laughed, shaking his head.

"Pull yourself together, you useless thing. Don't cause more trouble than you're worth." he told Chistery.

"He already has, but I'm keeping him anyway for some reason I can't yet comprehend." I answered, folding my arms and shooting Chistery a look.

"Am I allowed to fly again yet?" the monkey asked, trying to test the effectiveness of his oppressed puppy-dog look.

"You can fly when we leave. I'll lift my spell then." Chistery sulked, but didn't cross me. He'd toed the line enough times to know that by now.

"We're traveling light; take only what you have to." I told Fiyero. "I'm going to take care of the horses first."

Taye and Juliette met me at the door, waiting to be petted and pampered, but I ran a hand quickly over each of their noses and brushed past them, mumbling a multiplication spell. It wasn't too hard, but I lost focus when Juliette nudged my back with her nose.

"Not now, girl, I've got work to do." I said, but she stood there in front of me, refusing to move. When I turned my back to her to begin the spell over she nosed my back again, a little harder this time.

"I'll scratch your ears for _two minutes_. That's it. Then you have to let me finish what I came in here to do. Alright?" She stood there expectantly, waiting to be petted. I scratched behind her ears, timing myself, and broke away after exactly two minutes. Then Taye shouldered past Juliette, wanting me to do the same for him.

"I'm spoiling you worse than I did Chistery." I sighed, "What's become of me?" When Taye's time was up I gently pushed him back away from me. He snorted and tossed his head, but trotted away to watch me work. This time I was able to complete the spell; the two animals watched from the side as their food and water increased before their eyes. Juliette turned away, afraid, but Taye watched intently, prancing from hoof to hoof.

"That's not for now, you great greedy thing. I made sure you won't be eating more than you should for each day." I hugged them around their necks and gave each a last pat before I left. "I expect the two of you to be good while I'm gone. There's a good chance you won't be seeing me again. Taye, if Boq comes here for the two of you, be good for him. Don't bite." I said softly, kissing each velvet nose, and returned to Fiyero, leaving the two horses staring after me, wondering what I meant when I said they wouldn't be seeing me again.

* * *

"Ready?" Fiyero asked as I re-entered our room. 

"Just about." I took a small bag from his hand and filled it with some food, the green glass sphere, and two bottles of oil, one full and the other half empty. I looked among my things for the bottle with the medicine for Fiyero's arm, just in case. It wasn't there.

"Do you have that blue bottle, the one Boq gave us for your arm?"

"Yes. You told me what was in those visions of yours and if Lurline forbid they come true I'm going to need it."

"Good." I finished, and picked up my last necessity, tying it around my waist and making sure it was hidden beneath my blouse and skirts.

"You're taking the scarf?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"For one, it's for my own silly sentimental reasons, but for another, I lost you once; I'm not losing you again. It's my focus if something happens and I need to get to you. Make sure I don't need to use it."

Chistery tugged on the hem of my skirt. "Are we going now? Can I fly yet?"

"Alright, Chistery, I'll lift the spell. On one condition."

"What?"

"You stay here."

"No! I can't stay here!"

"Chistery, you can't go with us this time. It's dangerous enough as it is -"

"Elphaba, let the monkey come. How much trouble can he possibly cause?" I glared daggers at Fiyero, but he refused to shut up. "Chistery, you get to come, but you can't make too much noise, enact revenge of any sort if for some reason you get mad at either myself or Elphaba, or pull airborne stunts that might make up plummet to our deaths."

"Fiyero, you can't use too many big words in the same sentence with Chistery. He may be able to speak in sentences but keep in mind he's not an Animal by blood."

"I get it!" Chistery said indignantly, scowling at my lack of faith in what I'd taught him.

"Fine. But if I catch you doing any of those things Fiyero mentioned, I will have your wings mounted on the wall."

"What does that mean?"

"You'll never fly again." The monkey gulped and stared up at me, his eyes huge; he couldn't believe I'd do such a thing. I'd never forgive myself if I ever did, but I needed to say something to get the importance of his behavior through his skull and make it stick.

"Was that really necessary?" Fiyero muttered in my ear.

"You forgive too easily." I stated flatly; he'd heard it enough times, but I was going to say it anyway.

"If you keep that up, people will do nothing but fear you more than they already do. You could do with a few more allies, Elphaba, try not to scare them away."

"For Oz's sake, this is _Chistery_ we're talking about. I'm not going to give people enough of a chance to_ glimpse_ me, let alone befriend me." He dropped the subject as I'd begun to become difficult. Anxiety made me tense. The Tiger, who'd been observing from the side, came over and nosed my back.

"You're seizing up. Try to keep yourself calm. Things will go more smoothly if you try to stay collected." I nodded and tried to swallow around the tight knot in my throat. The Tiger rubbed his head against my palm and I scratched absentmindedly behind his ears. Fiyero placed his hands on my shoulders and kneaded his expert fingers into them, loosening the taut muscles and forcing me to relax to some degree. I leaned into his touch, searching for some shred of reassurance that things would pass with at least a semblance of ease, but his movements were abbreviated and his mind was clearly elsewhere.

I pulled away and went to reach for my bag, but Chistery poked my ankle to get my attention and handed it up to me. "Now will you un-freeze me?"

"Stand still. If you squirm the spell might affect the wrong part of your body and that's the last thing you need." I said. Chistery stood still as I muttered the spell to lift the enchantment on his wings. The silver sheen bled away from them and dripped like liquid to seep into the stone of the floor. Chistery flexed his wings to make sure they were up and operational, then started to flap them with a vengeance. He squealed happily as he hovered near my eye level and then flew in a spiral around Fiyero, laughing the entire time.

"Save your energy, Chistery, we're leaving now." he said, and picked up the broom. "You ready, Fabala?"

"Not particularly, but it's now or never." I said.

"Protect yourselves. I can't show my face in the Emerald City; I'll be killed as soon as looked at. I'm hoping nothing happens where you would need my help." the Tiger said, "Good luck." Fiyero nodded toward the Animal to acknowledge his address, and I reached out to run a hand through his fur one last time. "I'll stay long enough to see you off." Together Fiyero and myself, Chistery and the Tiger made our way through the winding tunnels and corridors to the very mouth of the cavern system. I was blinded for a moment or two in the light of the sunset, the most brilliant thing I'd seen in almost six months. I reveled in the sight for a short while, marveling at the wonderful expanse of color and the breeze on my face. The fresh air felt wonderful, a welcome change from the stale stuff we'd been breathing in the caverns.

All too soon the feelings of awe at being outside again wore off and reality penetrated through the false serenity. I settled myself behind Fiyero on the broom, and held my breath as we took to the air, pressing my eyes shut, afraid of flight for the first time in my life. The fear was overwhelming, not of flight itself, but where and what it was taking me into. I felt as if it was bringing me into bondage instead of giving me the sense of freedom that normally came with being airborne. Those visions of captivity in the Palace replayed themselves in my mind, only in a gruesome, sharper focus.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

We traveled for the better part of the night, following the Vinkus River to keep ourselves upon the right path to the City. The moonlight was the only illumination we had to go by, but it was enough. I kept my eyes closed for the beginning of that night's flight, unable to shake the feeling of shackles closing around my wrists and neck, cutting off my air as well as my freedom, if you could ever call what I had "freedom" at all.

Eventually Chistery pulled my hair just to be irritating. I forced myself to open my eyes and ignore the strangling sense of being fettered, to glare at the troublesome monkey. Looking over my shoulder, I shot Chistery a look before turning back to watch Fiyero, to help him catch any mistakes in form that might throw us off. His back was ramrod straight, his muscles overly taut as he leaned forward to maintain a steady speed. I could tell he was nervous, as it was his first time flying in the open, especially since it was quite possible that it would also be his last. Keeping one hand securely around his waist, I stroked the other down his back to get it to loosen a bit.

"Relax. If you stay this tense it'll be harder for you to move and correct yourself if you start slipping up. Keep yourself calm. You're doing fine."

"I haven't been doing this as long as you have, you know that, right? Plus, I'm still unsettled by our being out here. What if we're seen before we even get to the City?" he said, his voice a little higher than usual. Even still, I felt the muscles in his back release under my hand as I stroked it down his spine again, and his posture became a little more normally settled.

"We won't be seen before we get there. There's enough cloud cover tonight to mask our presence. You, Fiyero, of all people, have nothing to be afraid of. You fly this thing better than I do, for Oz's sake, and I've had it for years now. Think like we're back in the caverns and I'm only testing you, if that makes it any easier for you to deal with."

"What happened to Chistery? I haven't seen much of him tonight."

"He's following behind us, since he doesn't really know where we're going; he was pulling my hair a minute ago."

"That sounds just like him -" he said, cutting himself off as I felt both babies kick simultaneously, clenching my jaw against the pain. Fiyero's back seized up for an instant, then relaxed.

"Even _I_ felt that one. Are you alright, Fabala?"

"I'm still not used to this." I sighed. "It's been almost six months and I'm still not used to the feeling."

"I can understand why you wouldn't want to be."

"It's not even winter and I'm freezing." Chistery whined, gliding up next to the broom.

"I'm sorry, Chis, but there's nothing I can do about that." I said. He pouted.

"But you know magic stuffs, right? Make the weather warmer."

"I don't know how to do that, and even if I did, I wouldn't. Weather magic is dangerous. Glinda and I learned that the hard way."

"When did that happen?" Fiyero asked, "I don't remember either of you trying to do something like that at school."

"For one, _I_ never tried it; I just watched Glinda make a fool of herself in trying to prove herself to me. For another, I don't think you'd come to Shiz yet."

"What happened?"

"This all happened right after she and I became friends, or at least on better speaking terms, after Dr. Dillamond's death, just so you understand where I'm coming from. She'd just begun to really apply herself in Miss Greyling's sorcery classes, and was all gung-ho about showing off her 'flair' with enchantments and incantations. It was raining, and the air in our dorm room used to get damp from it. I was getting a headache from both the moisture and Glinda's going on about her 'talents with magic', so I said something sarcastic like 'if you're so adept at all things sorceric, why don't you make it stop raining so you can shut up, having shown me what you're capable of?' So Glinda got all huffy on me and tried to make it stop raining just to prove she could. But, being as she'd only just started those magic classes under that dimwit of a teacher, and weather magic is at best a risky business in itself, Glinda only succeeded in making the clouds open up further, setting free lightning severe enough to fry entire trees. Which was exactly what happened, of course. An aspen that grew near the school went up in flame from being struck by the electricity. Thankfully, the sky was dumping so much water the blaze was extinguished quickly, but not before it attracted heinous amounts of attention. Glinda ended up cowering under the covers all curled up in the fetal position for the rest of the night, hoping no one would be able to trace the magic back to her. Me, I tried in vain to go to sleep, as Glinda had only succeeded in making the room damper than it was before, and my head felt as if it were going to split open."

"I can just imagine Glinda doing something like that."

"At the time her antics disgusted me, but now that I look back at it, it would've been something to laugh over, her cowering there for the remainder of the night, afraid Morrible would find out she did it."

The breeze picked up as Fiyero increased our speed some. I shivered in the night air, pressing myself closer to his warmth.

"You cold?"

"A little. Chistery's suggestion does sound appealing, but, as at the present time, my magical abilities are less than that which Glinda had at the age of fifteen, I'm not even going to dream of attempting a spell like that."

"D'you want me to land for a little while?"

"No, keep going. I'm alright."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. The faster we get there, the better."

* * *

After the one night of travel we were closer to the Emerald City than I'd anticipated. It would only take us maybe three hours or so for the first green spires of buildings to come into view. I was anxious to get there, even more so since it was so close, but neither Fiyero nor myself were willing to risk continuing after sunrise. The day was spent under a fringe of trees not far from where the river emptied out into Restwater lake. It wasn't much, but it would have to be adequate cover until we'd be able to take off again that night. Chistery dove headlong into one of the trees, swinging himself from one of the branches, absolutely in his element.

_::At least the monkey's occupied.:: _I thought, watching him weave through the boughs like a little tawny-furred acrobat.

The lack of distance between myself and the City taunted me from the moment I set foot back on solid ground. Hence Fiyero, who was slightly more together than I was at the moment, insisted on my getting some rest before we'd have to leave after sunset; at least it would keep me from becoming overly anxious. I figured he was right, but as he tugged on my hand to get me to sit with him, I ran into another problem. The size of my stomach was making it more and more difficult to bring myself to sit, especially since it was already larger than it should be, what with two children inside it. When I did make it to the ground, aggravated and tired, I leaned my back against a tree, sighing in a long rush of breath. I pulled the scarf from around my waist and fingered the roses, just to have something to look at.

Fiyero pulled me onto his lap and kissed my cheek, then brushed his mouth against my ear. "So far, so good." he said, and I could feel the words there as he spoke.

"If you say so." I replied, looking out to the sky through the canopy of leaves.

"Look, you can't start stressing now. We have to take things as they come. Like you said last night, keep yourself calm." He absentmindedly fiddled with the fringes of the scarf, beginning to lose himself in thought.

"Coming from you, who were stressed to hell and back last night. Normally you're the one doing the reassuring, not me. I'm not good at that." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"You do alright, Fae. You managed to allay my fears well enough. It took my mind off flying out in the open, anyway."

"Now if only I could get my own mind off everything else." I muttered before lapsing into a mute state of observation, watching his face and waiting for him to speak. After a while I noticed the vacancy in his eyes as he stared at the scarf and I spoke, unable to stand the silence any longer. "What is it?"

"How old is this thing?"

"Fifteen years, give or take."

"I can't believe...after so long, we're still here, you and I, that the love is still here."

"And we have this to thank for it, or at least for what we've got now." I said, running a hand over the scarf as he nuzzled his face nearer to mine, "If it wasn't for this I'd have never managed to get myself back to you. I keep it with me; you never know when I might need it...I hope what we're getting ourselves into won't give me a chance to try using this thing as a focus again. If it does..." I trailed off.

"I don't intend on losing you, Fabala. What could possibly happen for you to need to use it?"

"I don't know, and I hope I never find out."

"Fae? Where's that monkey? He's not careening around in the trees anymore, and I don't remember seeing or hearing him come down."

"I don't know -" I said, trying to push myself up.

"Hang on a minute, let me help you." he said, quickly knotting the scarf back around my waist before helping me up. It felt nice to know I had someone else looking out for me besides myself.

Back to the task at hand, I quickly swept my gaze over the trees, looking for some sign of movement that might betray Chistery's presence. There was nothing. It unnerved me, his absence. I tried to tell myself that he was probably exploring farther into the trees, since it was a Chistery-like thing for him to do, always poking his nose everywhere, but my mind would not be put to rest. I was always the one to fear the worst...

"He's probably just exploring." I said, addressing the wind and trying not to worry excessively. I wasn't managing to convince myself in the least.

"You're probably right." Fiyero replied, kneading his fingers into my shoulders. "Chistery can take care of himself."

"Dammit, Fiyero, I hate the guesswork! I hate not knowing, especially now..."

"Shhh. Stay calm. He'll make his way back when he's ready. Don't forget this is the most freedom he's ever had, since whenever you had to flee and hide he did as well."

"And that freedom of his is more than I've ever had, and probably ever will."

"Stop saying things like that. We'll get out of here eventually."

"Your optimism sickens me." I was being curt with him, and tried to relax a bit; when I was agitated my words tended to become either overly terse or they poured out in an unintelligible rush. Fiyero rolled his eyes and his mouth curved into a wry half-smile.

"Well, s_omeone's_ got to be the optimist here; who'll keep you from saying things like that if I don't?"

I turned to look away, farther into the trees, searching in vain for my monkey.

* * *

Chistery failed to reappear that day. By sunset I was fraught with worry, and doing my best to beat it into submission enough to keep it from showing on my face. Each moment that passed as the light diminished added to the anxiety. It wasn't like Chistery to disappear on me like this. When the darkness finally provided enough cover to leave we were left with no choice but to continue on to the City, with or without the monkey. Any time wasted here would be that much less for us to emerge out of this unscathed; all of us, including Boq and his family.

"The seams in this operation are beginning to split and so are those holding together my sanity." I muttered, "Did I not tell you we shouldn't have taken him with us? Did I not say we should've left Chistery in the caverns?" Fiyero stared at me for a second before looking out to the sky.

"It's no use thinking about it, Elphaba, we have to go now, or lose another day to get to Boq."

"I know that!" I snapped, about to be pushed over the edge. "I know..." I stared at the trees for another moment longer, feeling Fiyero run his fingers through my hair in an attempt to comfort me. I felt guilty, worrying more about the monkey than Boq, but where Chistery went trouble seemed to follow, and more often than not he would lead that trouble back to me... I closed my eyes, trying to collect my thoughts into some semblance of order while I felt my lover smooth back the dark strands of my hair, his fingers caressing the edges of my face as he did so. I shivered slightly, a bit chilled although the evening was fairly warm. I was unsure if it was from the sensations left by his touch on my face or from fear or both. I was strangely becoming accustomed to the feelings of a subtle chill creeping through me, fear's accomplice, attempting to ice over my heart.

Fiyero felt the tremor that ran through me and began to rub my arms; "You're trembling."

"Yes, I - I'm cold." I lied, shrugging him off. He looked a bit put out but quickly shook it off, refusing to let my aversion bother him. He knew how much we had to lose if somehow things went wrong; trifles between us in the calm before the storm meant nothing.

"Let's go." he said, leaving my side to retrieve the broom.

* * *

"Where are we going to land?" Fiyero asked as we neared the City, "It can't be too close to the palace, or to my old hovel of a place. There's sure to be authorities or Guardsmen around them."

"I know where we can go. This way." I said, reaching around Fiyero to lay a hand on the one of his, steering him in the direction I wanted him to take us. As we crossed over the City wall, the emerald buildings glowed faintly in the moonlight, radiating a soft silvery luster that reflected off nearby homes and other structures, making them glow even brighter. It was lovely, a marvel to look at, but loveliness with a price; the price of the brutality that laid within it, and that of the havoc it wreaked.

The wind picked up from a gentle breeze to a rapidly strengthening wind, causing the last few denizens of the street to keep their heads bent against it as they walked, all the better for Fiyero and myself to remain hidden, despite it's being a clear night. Fiyero struggled for a few moments, trying to keep the broom steady in the wind, but once he got the hang of it his movements once again became fluid and easy.

"Elphaba, where are we going? You're steering us toward the other end of the City. We haven't been there in years..."

"Precisely. We'll have a relatively good chance of safety if we stay...there." He now knew where I meant for us to go, and smoothly navigated a path over the same streets he'd walked countless times when he used come to visit me in my room above the corn exchange. I knew what disturbing memories of mine would be evoked by returning there, but it would be the safest place I knew of for us to bide our time...

"Do you still have your key to this place?" he asked.

"I destroyed my key long ago. But anyway, I won't need mine."

"What?"

"I have yours."

"How did you ever come across _that_?"

"The day when the Force tried to kill you, I guess you'd opened the door and dropped the key as you entered, since I found it lying on one of the bottom steps of the staircase when I returned home. I put it away in the purse I'd been carrying that night; I knew you'd have been more careful than that if you hadn't been worried or preoccupied by something, more than likely that something being me and what I'd been partaking in. It was then I figured out that you must've disregarded my words when I told you to stay away. It was then that I started to grow afraid."

"You remember all that?"

"I remember every gruesome, grief-stricken specific of that day." I replied quietly, resting my cheek against his back and holding him all the tighter as I waited for us to draw nearer to the flat where I'd spent a good five years of my life.

"I never thought I'd be seeing this hell-hole again." I murmured a little later as my eyes fell upon that gods-forsaken rattrap above the corn exchange. "At least we won't be here for terribly long; thank Oz it's only to wait until it's late enough to get to the Palace and Boq."

Fiyero brought us down behind the ramshackle building as I ferreted the key out of my bag, the very same bag I'd hidden under my cloak on that baleful Lurlinemas Eve so many years ago, the one that had been housing Fiyero's old key ever since I'd found it on the steps that night. I unlocked the door and put the key back in my purse, laying a hand on the doorknob for a long moment before turning it. The stairs creaked ominously as we climbed them, possibly the first people to do so in a little more than fifteen years. Holding my breath and closing my eyes against the inevitable onslaught of memory, I led the way through the pointed arch marking the doorway. I stood there for a few moments in the stillness of the undisturbed room, not wanting to see what had become of the place, but some morbid curiosity pulled at my eyelids, telling me to open them and look. Unable to hold back any longer, I forced my eyes open.

Everything was exactly the same as I'd left it that night, down to the very last detail still hanging poised so vividly in my memory. A thick layer of dust coated the room, but it wasn't enough to veil the bloodstains still covering much of it. They had faded over time, but dark rusty shadows of them still remained, spattering the walls, the floor, the bed. I slowly made my way over to the counter on the other side of the room, where I'd seen a dull silver glint as I walked in. Just as I'd feared, the knife I'd used to try to take my own life rested there, the long-dried blood from my wrists still coating it's razor edge. Bile rose in my throat as the memories rose in my mind. Short flashes of the scenes that had taken place here almost two decades ago flared up in my memory; I was experiencing it all over again, feeling it all over again, wanting it all gone.

_::The pain of the nights I'd lived through when there had been someone else's rough hands on my skin and bloody kisses on my lips instead of Fiyero's gentle caress.::_

_::The exchange of short words with Fiyero in the temple, running from him, when all I really wanted was to be able to talk to him again - no, it was too dangerous - no one could know of my existence or my engagements. No one could know...::_

_::The many nights he helped me discover what love and lovemaking were supposed to feel like.::_

_::The agonizing failure of Lurlinemas Eve, all due to my fault of foolish, feeble-minded sentimentalism. I couldn't go through with it; it would've killed too many innocents, mostly a throng of very young girls I didn't have the heart to do away with. Strong, I was. Heartless, I was not. On the contrary, I had too much of a heart.:: _

_::The sharp intake of breath when my eyes swept over the bloodied mess of my room.::_

_::The burn of tears in my eyes as I fell to my knees beside Fiyero's broken form; the burn of blood on my hands as they probed the wounds on his body, growing more hopeless by the moment, too grief-stricken to realize he was still alive.::_

_::The feel of my fingers closing around the handle of the knife, the deep breath before I touched the edge of it to the inside of my wrist. So _this_ was all my heart had done for me; in sparing a group of mindless young girls it had cost me the only one I'd ever truly loved.:: _

I swayed slightly on my feet and reached out to brace a hand on the counter to steady myself, until Fiyero's hand closed around my upper arm to do so for me. With his other he took the knife and practically threw it into one of the drawers; his hands shook as he drew away, watching my face intently. Once the blade was out of sight I took a finger and traced the scar on one of my wrists; the pale, slightly raised line of flesh seemed more prominent tonight than it ever had. I stared straight ahead, unseeing, my finger still running itself over the scar.

"Fae, don't. Please, you can't dwell on that now...you've got enough weighing on your shoulders without it..." His hands closed around mine, both to pull me closer and to stop them from trembling. I was retreating back into myself; he could see it in the way my eyes had become hard and vacant, and did his best to get me to snap out of it.

"Look at me, Elphaba." When I wouldn't do so on my own he cupped my cheek in his hand and turned my face for me. "Stay with me or you'll drown in it." On impulse he reached to pull my face to his, kissing me with a fierce desperation. It didn't last long, but it left both of us slightly stunned.

"I wasn't expecting that." I said, my voice a little unsteady.

"To tell the truth, neither was I, but I have a feeling that you needed it as much as I did."

"Thanks. I can't afford to get lost in things I'd rather never let my mind fall upon again." I said, my eyes lowered, and I ran my hands up his torso before letting them rest lightly, almost hesitantly, at the nape of his neck. Nuzzling my face against the curve where his neck met his shoulder, I planted a kiss against his collarbone, relaxing as his arms snaked around me. One of the babies began to kick with a vengeance so I brought one arm down to wrap around my stomach, but Fiyero beat me to it. He pressed his palm to my belly, a soft smile spreading across his lips. I bit my lip to quell the pain, and when the child stilled itself Fiyero sat on the edge of the bloodstained bed, pulling me onto his lap. For Oz knows how long we just stayed there holding each other, until I glanced out the skylight at the steady darkness.

"I think we should get going." I said abruptly, forcing myself to my feet. "Take the broom, just in case..." Fiyero picked up the broom as I paused, fingering the scarf at my waist for a moment, before descending the stairs and venturing out, stealing like shadows toward the menacing cold green spires of the Palace.


	38. Chapter 38

_A/N: Hello everyone! It's been awhile, hasn't it? I want to warn you in advance about the lack of length in this chapter. It was giving me loads of trouble writing it the past few weeks, plus I'm trying to draw things out a bit. Yes, I'm sorry to say this fic is beginning to draw to a close. Please R&R and I'll love you forever! It's because of you guys this fic's being written! Muchas gracias to the lot of you!  
_

_Next issue: to all of you who read and/or review fics by Dardreamer731, if you don't already know Hurricane Frances is about to wreak havoc on the stae of Florida and also possibly on her home, so she asked me to let you know that her updates may be sporadic for a while, to say the very least. Wish her the best of luck and hopefully she'll come through this relatively unscathed!_

_Now, on to the chapter!  
-Lindsay- _

**Chapter 38**

It was relatively easy to get to the Palace from where we were; it was only a matter of getting there as inconspicuously as possible. Flight was out of the question; the windiness of previous hours had died down, but there was still a distinct lack of cloud cover. No wind meant any last lingering people on the streets would be more likely to let their eyes wander. If someone looked up and the thing in the sky wasn't a hot-air balloon or a giant floating pink bubble, it wouldn't take long for them to figure out who and what it was.

"If we're not going to use it, you are having me carry this broom because...?" Fiyero asked in an undertone.

"Because if we're seen we might have to get our sorry tails out of here before anyone, especially anyone belonging to the Gale Force, can get to us. We are not flying this thing there. It would be taking an unnecessary risk."

"But when we flew over the City before there weren't terribly many Gale Forcers lurking about."

"They don't necessarily have to be Gale Forcers, Fiyero; anyone can look up and yell. Exactly how many green women have you ever seen shooting across Oz on something most people use to clean their kitchen floors?"

"Point taken."

So we walked, Fiyero following where I led, careful to keep to the side streets and away from anywhere there could likely be lingering denizens of the City. After much meandering down various alleys, the square opened up in front of us and the enormous emerald monstrosity of a palace loomed menacingly above, it's cold green walls shimmering faintly in the moonlight. I glanced quickly around the square, scanning for any remote signs of life before entering it. As my gaze traveled it soon fell upon the wooden platform still standing defiantly in the center, mocking me. It may have lacked the noose that had once been swinging from it, but my heart still grew heavy at the sight; Oz's emperor or whatever he called himself must have seen fit to make it a permanent addition to the square, and public executions a permanent addition to his reign.

_::He will be no different from the Wizard.::_

Blinking twice to clear my head, I moved on in a wide arc, beckoning Fiyero to follow me around to the opposite side of the Palace, avoiding the towering front doors lest we be seen in so obvious a location.

"There should be a servant's entrance near here; we shouldn't have any trouble getting in. The dungeons and holding cells are beneath the palace, and the only way to get there is down a staircase on the servants' level. There!" I said, spotting the handle of the door I'd been referring to. It was locked up for the night, and I laid a hand on the knob, murmuring a simple spell under my breath. When I finished the door swung open in front of me.

"How do you know all this?" Fiyero whispered, glancing nervously around behind us.

"I've broken into this place before." I said, my words clipped and businesslike. I started to continue on inside, but stopped when I realized Fiyero was still standing frozen where he was outside. Looking back, I saw he had a look in his face like that of a hunted animal, eyes darting to try and take everything in all at once.

"What's wrong with you, are you daft? Come on!" I hissed, grabbing his hand and pulling him after me, since he didn't seem to be able to do so on his own.

"I feel like someone's eyes are boring into my back; Fae, we shouldn't be here, we'll be seen..."

"No, we won't. Let's go, we have precious little time as it is, and standing here waiting for you is not a wise use of it." I stared ahead determinedly, refusing to let go of his hand as we walked on down hallway after hallway, passing the kitchens and servants' quarters among other things, searching for a staircase that would take us underneath the building to where Boq was being held.

"Where the hell are we going? If we keep this up much longer we're bound to be heard or seen..." he said as I pulled him down another corridor. I stopped, finally catching sight of a grimy door in a little alcove off the hall, one of the few things I'd seen in this palace that wasn't green. It was tarnished metal and bolted shut in three places.

"_That's_ where we're going." I replied. I repeated the spell I'd used on the outside servants' door, and it worked just as well on this one despite the extra locks, swinging silently open though the rusty, ill-kept hinges rightfully should've screeched ominously. I tested the first step with my foot, wincing as it creaked; the sound seemed to echo at ten times the volume in the silence of the deserted halls. Stepping as gingerly as I could, I started my descent.

"What are you doing? That thing's as loud as -"

"It's not as if we have a choice!" I whispered fiercely. He was beginning to try my patience. Even so, reluctantly he followed, each stair groaning under his weight.

"At this rate the entire palace will know we're here." he muttered after what felt like lifetimes filled with nothing but the strained creaking of the stairs and the sound of our own breathing, but nevertheless we made it down unscathed and undiscovered. My feet soon connected with the cold stone of the floor and my eyes adjusted to the dim light, a welcome change from the near-total darkness of the corridors upstairs. I could make out rows of cells lining the walls of the dank room, the majority of which were empty, but every once in a while there would be one inhabited by a tired and despondent-looking man or woman; most of them were sleeping, propped against the wall or tossing in restless dreams, and the few that weren't were awake and alert, scrutinizing my every move, watching me, disinclined to let the others on to my presence. I was highly grateful for their silence.

I traveled down the line of cells, looking for a face I recognized. As I neared the last few I was beginning to fear that we wouldn't find Boq at all here, my eyes sweeping desperately from one tiny barred chamber to the next when I heard a voice quietly call out Fiyero's name. I spun around, catching sight of the person it belonged to. Fiyero had reached through the bars that fashioned Boq's cell door and the two men were gripping each other's wrists so tightly their knuckles went white.

"Fiyero, how in Oz did you - Elphaba, get yourself out of here! Do you have any idea what -"

"Stop prattling away like an idiot; I'm getting you out of here. Where is your family being held?" I muttered, tracing the lock with my fingers, about to begin the spell.

"They've all been killed. All but milla and Clarinda, my oldest. They're being held elsewhere in the palace, and they'll die tomorrow morning if I don't tell the Force where the two of you are." he murmured. Neither his voice nor his face showed any emotion whatsoever.

_::We're too late - I can't believe I let this happen again...::_

"Gods, Boq, I'm so sorry..." Fiyero trailed off, looking from his friends face to mine.

"You should never have done this for us," I said softly, staring into Boq's face, my own blank and hard, "not if it would've cost you this much."

"I couldn't betray you. Not when you and Fiyero have gone through so much already. Not now that I know you've done nothing to deserve it. I couldn't live with myself if I let them hurt you any more."

"Be quiet. I'm going to unlock this thing." I said, refusing to answer his last response.

"Elph-" he began, but Fiyero shushed him, leaving me free to perform the spell. The lock opened within the moment, but as Boq began to push the door open he froze when he heard the stairwell groan and male voices floating down from it.

There was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run.

Trapped.

_::They've finally found me. After all this time running, they finally have me where I can't escape...::_

I felt one of the twins stir; I brought my hands up to rest on my stomach. My heart plunged.

_::And at the worst time imaginable...:: _

"This better be good this time, boy, I swear. If you're leading me to another false alarm..." said an oily voice, toned with a familiar hiss.

"It's not, Commander Cherrystone, sir. She was seen by one of the officers, coming in through the servants' door. I was told to alert you." said another horribly familiar voice; it cracked here and there, indicating youth and confirming my fears.

"Then _why_ are you dragging me down here?" Cherrystone growled.

"I have a feeling this might be where she is, sir. Supposedly she was friends with that man we've been trying to force information out of, the Munchkin." Liir replied. The sounds of the voices grew louder; they were coming to the end of the staircase. My heart pounded so hard it felt as if it were going to burst through my chest. We had no chance to escape; there were no windows in the dungeons, so the broom would do us no good now.

_::Now what fresh hell have I gotten myself into?:: _I thought desperately, reaching out on impulse and clutching Fiyero's lower arm, smoothing my face into an expressionless mask. I heard Cherrystone mutter something incomprehensible under his breath and then inhale sharply as he entered. His face molded into a malicious smile when he caught sight of me, grinning like a rabid animal about to toy with it's prey. Liir, on the other hand, was trembling slightly, hands clenched, and gave me a look that seemed like a bizarre cross between hatred, pity, and something that bordered on sympathy; he said nothing. I didn't know what to make of it.

"So you _are_ worth keeping after all, boy. For once in your life you've gotten your facts straight. Go fetch me Mesraez, Nicoley, Sagrel and Timmar. Now!" he roared when Liir didn't move fast enough. The boy jumped, caught off guard, and then practically scampered back up the staircase, his footsteps echoing off the stone. He seemed somehow anxious to get out of my line of sight, like he was ashamed to be seen with Cherrystone all of a sudden, afraid of me or of what I would think of him now. I knew it wasn't probable that he'd feel like that, and it was probably just my eyes wanting me to see such a thing, but something in his expression wanted me to believe otherwise.

"That son of yours, witch, he may be a bumbling idiot, but once in a blue moon he has his moments. It's at times like these I'm glad I didn't shoot him when I had the chance." he said smoothly as he watched Liir hurriedly scramble away, still smiling his perverse grin. Not taking my eyes from the Commander, I gently squeezed Fiyero's arm, anticipating the shock he would feel in learning that his last surviving son was working with the very people who'd been trying to kill me, on the very first time he clapped eyes on the boy, no less. He laid his hand over mine and curled his fingers around it, seeking condolence through the gesture, gazing at me for a moment through dolorous, forlorn eyes.

Cherrystone glanced over to Boq, his cell door still half open, and smiled a little wider before looking back to me. "A friend of yours, witch? On a rescue mission, are we?" he asked. I said nothing. He turned back to Boq. "Well, Munchkin, it seems we didn't need your information after all. The witch played right into our hands. I suppose you'll be free to go soon enough, but I fancy your wife and daughter for myself. They'll be staying here indefinitely, or at least until I tire of them."

"Son of a bitch - !" Boq began, but was soon cut off as Cherrystone slammed the cell door shut, narrowly missing Boq's hand as steel clanged against stone, the door locking itself as it closed.

Once he was through grinning cruelly at Boq's expense, he focused his gaze on Fiyero, recognition clicking on in his head. "And what have we here? So he really _is_ your lover then, witch, this Winkie? He must be the one who got you in such a state." Cherrystone laughed softly, derisively, narrowing his eyes and curling his lip into a sneer as he looked me up and down, taking in my swollen abdomen, throrughly enjoying himself. "I can _just_ imagine what sort of hideous hellspawn that child will turn out like, so before it has the chance, we'll just have to rid Oz of the little monstrosity-to-be, won't we? But to do that we'd have to do away with the mother as well; what a delightful turn of events this is coming out to be. Killing two birds with one stone; it'll make the whole ordeal_ so _much simpler."

My insides were twisting, contorting themselves with the hatred that had also begun to distort my expression. Cherrystone did naught but laugh, giddy with vile glee, practically beside himself.

"Where is that half-wit moron of a boy? LIIR!" he roared up the stairs, and was met with an answering yelp, accompanied by five sets of footsteps echoing with it. I was surprised the staircase was able to hold up so much weight. When Liir reentered the room, he trotted to Cherrystone's side, carefully avoiding my eyes; the four other Forcers stood behind them, each one's eyes glittering maniacally. They reminded me forcefully of burly attack dogs, coming when called and ready to lash out at the master's order.

"Timmar and Sagrel, take the Winkie to the holding cells on the third floor. I'm not sure how long we'll need to keep him here, but for the time being it'll do." One soldier shoved me aside so my back hit the wall, and I was soon grabbed by the arm and held back in a vise grip by another soldier. One of Cherrystone's attack dogs seized Fiyero's upper arm, but he would not come quietly. He fought the two men, trying to get back to me, but the smarter of the soldiers grabbed the back of Fiyero's neck, pressing his fingers into the sensitive spots on either side, cutting off his air. Fiyero had no choice but to go lest his windpipe be crushed. I tried to twist my arm free, to follow him, though I knew it would be in vain. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to witness. The only man who'd ever been open -or crazy- enough to love me taken away to eventually be killed all to my own fault. I half-wished he'd never even met me; then neither of us would have had to be put through this. Well, I'd still be hunted like an animal, but at least Fiyero wouldn't have had to go through it as well. The harder I fought the more the Forcer holding me back tightened his grip, causing bruises to raise on my skin.

I shouted after them, enraged and afraid, "No, you can't hurt him! He's never done anything to deserve -"

"The worst crime the Winkie committed was falling in love with you!" the commander shouted in a deafening, furious roar, then brought his voice back down to it's normal oily volume, "That alone is reason enough to kill him, but now that he's went and gotten you pregnant, his death is a given! It's only a matter of how the job will be done!"

"You can't kill him -" I was growing more desperate by the moment.

"No, we can't. Not so soon, anyway. He might be useful to us yet." Cherrystone's face still hadn't lost it's rabid sneering grin. "Mesraez, you and I will be in charge of the witch. We'll take her up to the high-security cells, the one we kept Glinda the not-so-Good in. You _do_ remember where they are, don't you?" The soldier, Mesraez, the largest of the four men Cherrystone sent Liir to summon and possibly the stupidest, took a moment or two to think about it first before nodding an affirmative. "Good. Nicoley, I need you to get that sorry excuse for a Munchkin out of here. Tell his Ozness that the Munchkin's information is no longer necessary, and that he'll be given a full report on the staus of the situation quite shortly." The soldier Cherrystone was referring to nodded and pulled a key ring from his pocket. Once Boq was out of the cell he tried to hold back, he began to say my name as if to tell me something else, but was cut off as the soldier half dragged him out of the room; Boq's strength was no match for the man.

Cherrystone took hold of my other arm and jerked me after him up the rusty stairs, chuckling darkly to himself all the while.

Once again I felt the invisible, imaginary shackles closing around my throat, cutting off my air, leaving me with less and less room to breathe...


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Cherrystone and his bulldog of a companion half-dragged me through what felt like the better part of the palace before we finally reached the floor I was to be housed on. I was subjected to the rain of snide, derisive comments and threats spewing like a fountain from Cherrystone's mouth. His aim being to break me into total submission, it would never work the way he was going. He could throw at me every derogatory statement in the book about my appearance or my past, neither of which I had any power over at the moment or ever would be able to control or change. I wouldn't let him, of all people, break me that easily, nor anyone else in this deceitful, treacherous regime for that matter. I kept my face expressionless, a facade to deceive the man into thinking I wasn't hearing a word he said; it was a technique I'd sadly had to learn to perfect over the course of my life. Unfortunately, I had no such technique to truly keep myself from hearing him as clearly as I was.

"Give it up, witch, hiding from me now when you've already been captured will hardly do you any good." he said when I'd refused to respond to any of his remarks; he was frustrating himself trying to get a reaction out of me and trying to keep a semblance of ease on his features. Eventually he put two and two together, realizing that taunting me about my color or long past events in my life wasn't going to get him anywhere, and he changed tracks, his jibes and threats now aimed at Fiyero and the children that were to be born in three months, if I lived that long; even Liir. He had found the weakness he'd been searching for.

I fought and failed to maintain a hard, even expression to belie how deeply his newfound words cut. They were shards of glass and fire embedding themselves into my heart, and all the more frightening knowing that the man was perfectly capable of making good on his threats.

"What is it, am I beginning to crack through that stony, collected shell you're always hiding within?" he asked, taking some perverse form of pleasure from seeing the loathing spreading across my face, watching me practically spit at him as a cat would from intense hurt and passionate hatred. I almost contemplated running through those few spells I had committed to memory and choosing to enact one that would give him a run for his money, but I was hardly composed enough to think clearly and any attempt I made at magic would only incense Cherrystone enough to do something drastic or even perhaps amuse him into causing me further pain. Neither of which would do me any good.

"You'll be staying here for the time being; how long that entails, I don't have the power to decide. His Ozness will more than likely drop in on you at some point tomorrow or the day after and clear for me the matter of how much longer you'll be able to maintain that current longevity of yours; I swear, you've been living off of sheer luck for years, even before that incompetent Dorothy child was dispatched to put an end to you. She's still here in Oz, did you know that? I don't know how in hell she managed to get her little shiny slipper-clad feet back into this world, but the little brat's being taught _magic_, of all things. She was given that book we found in the same tower where you were caught, and is the only one who's been able to read it. I daresay the monster of a girl will go and get this entire city blown up with the haphazard spells she's been throwing around, wreaking havoc. I don't know why I'm telling you this, witch. But no matter. I highly doubt that you'll be able to utilize that information in whatever way your twisted mind works; your life on this earth is rapidly drawing to a close. I daresay what meager time you have left will be determined for you in precious little time." he sneered before pushing me into a minuscule closet of a cell, slamming the steel door behind me.

The room was horribly close and dank as well as nearly pitch dark; it would be lit only by one tiny window in the wall and an even smaller on in the door if it wasn't the middle of the night. I was quite grateful at that moment to never have been claustrophobic. The walls were cold stone from what I could feel, having hit the far wall with my hands after being brusquely thrust into the cell. I figured the room would be without any furnishings whatsoever; it seemed far too small to house so much as an extra chair once an inhabitant was forced into it. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness my assumption was confirmed. The room was only about six foot square, maybe less.

I leaned my back against the far wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor, my shoulder tucked into the corner, drawing my knees up as far as I could with my stomach getting in the way, tired, furious, and deathly afraid. There was no way I'd be able to spell my way out, what with the insane number of Gale Forcers I presumed Cherrystone would momentarily assign to guard me. I'd be sure to botch sorcery of such high caliber. Opening locks seemed to be my specialty, but the lock would have had to be on my side of the door for any spell at all to be able to open it. How I wished then to have taken sorcery with Glinda all those years ago, or at least to have sat in on those classes! It might have done me some good, even under that fool of a teacher.

_::The magic never did do Glinda any good, either, in the end.:: _I remembered, which only added to my distress. She'd been put under that enchantment shortly after she was captured, the one that prevented her from magicking herself away. Fear loomed menacingly on the horizon of my thoughts; I hoped they wouldn't lay the same spell over me; what good it would do me, I had no idea. I just didn't like the thought of being rendered even more helpless than I already was. I wondered vaguely if this was how Glinda had felt when the Force shut her up in this same room in the last hours before her execution.

Or maybe, just then she'd gotten a taste of what I'd been put through my whole life.

Reality began to sink in, the complete effects beginning to take root. It tightened in a cold steely band around my chest, making the hollow ache of another failure echo more painfully through me. Not only had I been too late to save the vast majority of Boq's family, I wasn't even going to be able to save myself. Now here I was, shut up somewhere in the heart of the palace, waiting for the matter of my fate to be settled. And Fiyero...oh, heaven, Fiyero! I'd dragged him into this. He told me even before we'd even set foot in this hateful building that someone was watching us, that we'd be caught if we pressed on.

_::I should've paid him more heed while I had the chance.:: _I thought, wondering what the Force had done with him - or _to_ him. I remembered the visions I'd Seen the night the Tiger had helped Fiyero and me escape from the Force. If my memory served me correctly the gash on his upper right arm would be reopened, and he would be bleeding to death. And I had no way of knowing whether or not the Force had already done the deed and his blood was now staining the cell he was housed in, or if he'd already bled to death. I made a small despairing sound in my throat, almost like the mewling cry of a terrified kitten. I couldn't bear not knowing.

_::I should've known...If only I'd...::_

_::No, if I'd listened and waited to do this another night Milla and Clarinda would be dead. We came here to save Boq and his family; at least we managed to make sure that he and what was left of it would stay alive; for the time being, anyway. If I'd heeded to Fiyero we would've been pushed farther away from what we'd set out to do.::_

_::I would be better off dead than to have the blood of any more innocents on my hands.:: _I glanced down at them for a moment, and in the black of the cell I could've sworn that, just for that moment, I could see blood on them, the blood of Boq's other children, the ones I'd been too late for. I looked away, shaking my head to clear it, and glanced again; the red tinge I'd thought was there had vanished. Closing my eyes, I laid my head back against the stone for a minute or two, then looked back down; the illusion of blood had reappeared, but this time I was certain it was that of my own children, not Boq's, lending my hands their terrible ruby hue. Unable to hold back, I let out a single dry, despairing sob and pressed my eyes shut, refusing to open them for quite some time.

* * *

Left to myself in the darkness, I had nothing to tear my mind away from the "what ifs" and the stomach turning replies I'd concocted to answer those wonderings, each one more profoundly disturbing than its predecessor. A few times I tried vainly to sleep, but what little rest I did manage to get was overcome with the same gut-wrenching horrors of dreams that had plagued me while I was awake. 

_::Horrors,:: _I thought, my mind only half-there, _::I was having premonitions before I was two. Horrors...how fitting for me. I've always been one.::_

The dim light entering through the minuscule windows was all that signaled the passage of time; a total of almost two days during which I had nothing to distract myself from the hideous imaginings ripping me apart. The third morning was when I heard hushed, muted voices from outside the steel door. I listened, hoping foolishly that they'd divulge something about Fiyero. What I did hear was something entirely different.

"Your Ozness, the witch is being held here. I'm sure you'll want to lay that anti-enchantment charm over her, prevent her from causing any unnecessary havoc." Cherrystone said; from his tone I could tell how he detested having to submit himself to another man. "

"No, actually," said the monarch after a moment or two of thought, "She's had ample chances in the past few days to cause damage with magic or to help herself escape, and she hasn't utilized sorcery at all. I'm actually beginning to believe that she's not capable of it, from the reports you sent me from both the Vinkus and those from the past day or two."

"But sir -" he began, sputtering to find words. "She is _the_ Wicked Witch! You -you can't expect her -"

"Cherrystone, you have no say in whether I use the spell or not!" The emperor's voice grew fainter and harder for me to make out, quietly dangerous and laced through with subtle veins of threat. "If I'm not mistaken, you've never had any magical inkling to you, and therefore, haven't the slightest idea how draining it is to put that spell in place. It requires immense concentration and prowess. The talent is quite present in me, but the concentration and effort it takes to perform it accurately are exhausting. I haven't the time nor the patience to let myself recover fully and regain the strength lost during the enactment of the sorcery."

"But sir, this is the Wicked Witch of the West! Surely you don't think she'll just sit there quietly and wait to be killed?"

"I know she won't come as quietly as we'd all like, but there are other ways of making her give in to defeat." With that, I heard his steps recede from earshot. Cherrystone stood there outside the door for a little longer, probably smoldering a bit from being nay-sayed and having his pride bruised, but soon enough I heard his footsteps fade away as well.

I knew how they were going to make me give in.

I couldn't let them hurt him.

I couldn't let them hurt our children.

* * *

Yes, I know, it's short. It's sickeningly short, but it's my last attempt to drag this out! There's still a little left...stick with me and I'll love you forever! R'n'R, dearies! The worst is yet to come! ::cackles-like-Yackle::

-Lindsay-


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Be forewarned, my dears! This chapter is sickeningly, hideously, evilly short. It's only two and a half pages on Word. I don't want this to end so fast! So sue me! lol no, not really...oh hell, I'm not good at author's notes! ::grins sheepishly:: just R&R and I'll be the happiest camper to ever have attempted to write fanfiction! Thanx a million and three, and I luv you all for sticking with me so long! And like I said at the end of the last chapter, the worst is _**still **_yet to come! ::laughs maniacally::

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**Chapter 40 **

I waited.

It felt like decades had passed in the time space of mere hours. What else _could_ I do but wait? There was no way I'd be able to get myself out of here in time to keep them away from Fiyero. I'd Seen enough in that bubble of green glass to know that much. I wondered and worried and despaired over whether or not he'd live once they reopened the scar on his arm. Yet again I found I was telling myself that trying to use magic to do something about it was out of the question; with my menial skill I'd be more liable to hurt him rather than help. If he loses more blood now than he did when the scar was created there'd be no possible way for him to remain alive.

If he died, I'd have nothing to live for. Not even our children. There would be no conceivable way I'd be able to raise even one child, let alone twins, by myself. I hadn't a motherly bone in my body. If I couldn't forge my way through parenthood with Fiyero's help, there would no way I was going to give myself a chance to screw things a second time around. I would kill myself. I couldn't lose him again. His death would be my own, and that outweighed all my other concerns, I was sure of it.

_::No, stop! Don't think...you can't let yourself think anymore...you'll only make yourself worse...he won't die, and neither will you! You'll get through this together, you'll have your children...oh who the hell am I kidding...::_ I dropped my head into my hands, pressing my fingers to my closed eyes. I couldn't take much more of this...

I tried to sleep, get my mind away from everything, and succeeded for a short while, dozing fitfully for clipped stretches of time. I couldn't remember dreaming, but woke up terrified each time, startled out of sleep by some small noise or another. Each short length became more abbreviated as the noise outside the door increased with the onslaught of day. Soon I gave up and set myself to listening for any news that might be of value to me. Most was casual banter between the large number of Gale Forcers set to guard me traipsing about near my little cubicle of space; much of their conversations were aimed at ridiculing me. I paid it no heed; my one concern was news of Fiyero. What of my lover? I would practically leap at the chance to hear any tiniest bit of information...

After a long while of listening and hearing nothing of any value, I ended up dropping off into hazy half-thought, only maintaining barely a vague awareness of my surroundings; my body seemed to become numb except for the furious movement of the twins. It hurt terribly. Surprisingly, I hadn't noticed it for a while; the physical pain had been negated by my fear and the war zone my mind had become from my continuously tearing it apart.

::_What did I tell you?:: _my mind screamed at me, _::No thinking! Just accept it! There isn't going to be much you can do even if you hear something about Fiyero. You're all dead. If you let yourself dwell on these things you'll only make it harder for yourself!::_

Eventually sleep came full-on and unavoidable, lending me a much-needed, if not welcome, respite from life and all it's miseries. My mind was wonderfully blank for a while -

_:: - Until I was bombarded with the images from my visions; blood and pain, hopelessness and despair. The writhing of the twins was making me sick to my stomach as well as the nausea accompanying the scenes playing themselves out in vivid color in the black behind my eyelids. The sights and sensations continued for ever, a never-ending whirlwind of red and black and heat and hurt and brightness..._

_When abruptly every inch of my body felt as if plunged into ice, freezing and burning from the water melting against my skin. A violent shudder ran through me, and instantaneously the moisture evaporated along with all other sense of feeling. Everything was numb but my thoughts, which were what I'd wished the numbness had claimed. Even the twisting of the babies within me had been temporarily calmed. The only things I could physically feel were cold fingers stroking my forehead, but leaving trails of searing heat in their wake. For a while I could see nothing, feel nothing but those chilly fingers stroking across my skin. I wanted to shiver from cold, but couldn't. Instead, I lurched backward, closer to her, instead of convulsing away from the touch like I'd meant to._

_"There, dearie, shhh. Still yourself." _

_It was that cracked old voice again. Her. I tried to reply, but, like every other action I'd tried to execute, I was unable to. And sight still eluded me, like the ability to do anything about the dream - or vision - or whatever it was. I slumped involuntarily backward into Yackle's decrepit old arms, repulsed by the feeling of her touch against my face, yet I was unable to twist myself away. I had no control over my muscles or any movement whatsoever, helpless and powerless at the mercy of a senile old bat I was neither able to trust nor abhor. After a bit more futile struggling I gave up the fight to regain movement, relinquishing myself for the moment. I was too scared about far more important things to be overly concerned about Yackle; besides, she was hardly strong enough to cause me any physical damage. Mentally...I was already so far gone in that respect that anything she could do would hardly change things there. _

_"That's right, it's no use fighting Old Yackle now. Yackle could be your last chance at life past tomorrow morning." I heard her say, still unable to see anything; it was still completely black behind my eyes. However, nausea and achiness began to seep back into me the longer her fingers traced themselves over my forehead. Even if I could've then controlled my muscles, I wouldn't have been able to for fatigue and throbbing in my limbs. I wished she would leave me alone. If there was anyone whose arm I desperately wanted to be encircling my back it was Fiyero's; my heart was giving its life up to fuel my worry, and I was beginning to doubt that I'd ever see him again. _

_Yackle started clicking her tongue against her teeth and tsk-ing at me before speaking again. _

_"Well, the poor dolly is sick, the poor dolly is tired." _

_She took her hand from my forehead and caressed my swollen stomach. I sensed her confirm that there was no damage to the twins - yet, and then there was her approval at how I'd been dealing so far with pregnancy. Then her hand pressed itself to my heart, and she sighed, losing some of that approval. _

_"Though intact, the poor dolly is in pain." _

_She brought her hand back to my forehead_ _and her fingers probed over my temples, applying light pressure to them._

_"The poor dolly is faint, the poor dolly is faltering." She paused, and I could feel her eyes searching my face, boring through my closed eyelids, rifling through my very thoughts... _

_"The poor poppet is failure itself."_

_::She's right...oh, sweet Oz, she's right...::_

_No, no she wasn't! Yes, I'd felt like a failure for most all of my life, yes, I'd labeled myself as one and believed it, but it was an entirely different matter hearing this woman, who knew either nothing or everything about me, say it to my face. There would be no more failure. I couldn't afford to let it happen again. Fiyero would live. I would live. We would have our children and not have to worry about our being hunted down by the Force, or having to fear for our lives and our twins' lives. No one else I loved would die. I wouldn't be a curse on their lives any longer._

_I tensed up, wrenched away as hard as I could, clenching a hand tightly around the fringed scarf at my waist. My eyes were still filled with black and unable to see, but couldn't have cared less. I heard Yackle start to laugh loud and uncontrollably, fading slowly until I could hear it no longer, and sleep claimed a stronghold over my consciousness, beating it into submission until I'd lost all sense of wakefulness.:: _

I'd slept deeply, yet I woke with the mindset of having not closed my eyes at all. Even still, the fatigue that had been collecting in my limbs and clouding my head with worry for the past few days had all dissipated.

_::I'll never feel rested again.:: _I thought grimly, and that was the last thing I'd had the time to say to myself before a key turned in the steel door, the sound echoing menacingly off the stone walls.


	41. Chapter 41

_Hello everyone! Wow, this one took me a while. I'm sorry!!!!! It was so hard for me to write, you have no idea. It's not terribly long, and it's still not over yet! Give me maybe ... 2 chapters more, at the most i'm guessing, before the epilogue. Enjoy!  
-Linz-_

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**Chapter 41**

The door slowly swung open, hinges screeching, the sound grating on my ears. I gritted my teeth, bracing myself against the noise. Two silhouettes were backlit in the fairly bright light streaming in from the open door; at least, it seemed bright, as I had been shut up in a nearly-black cell for three days. I shielded my eyes from the glare, hoping to be able to use the shapes of the two men to figure out who had come for me. I assumed the silhouettes belonged to Cherrystone and possibly some underling, or even Oz's emperor.

_::Funny, I still don't know the man's name.:: _I thought to myself; the thought came out of nowhere in some half-cracked moment of unnatural calm. It seemed unreal, like a too-vivid scene from some sick horror novel.

"Happy to see me?" Cherrystone sneered at me before addressing his companion. "Get her out here. Do you expect_ me_ to be the one to haul her to her feet?" I figured that it mustn't be the ruler of the country then.

The other, slightly shorter man jumped, and it took a few seconds for it to register in his mind that he'd just been issued an order. He came closer, and when his face was far enough into my shadows I could see it wasn't some mindless thug; it was Liir. He must've been Cherrystone's apprentice or something of the like here.

The boy held back a moment, about to close his hand around my arm, but in that moment of hesitation he gave me that same look I'd seen on his face the night I'd been taken prisoner; one of intense hatred, along with some sort of twisted pity and even something that bordered on what might've been sympathy. He shook it away quickly, afraid to set off the commander's temper, and made to pull me up like baggage. I intended to give him a hard time of it; my son or not, I was not going to quietly submit myself to him and to eventual death. Cherrystone scowled as Liir struggled; for once I was thankful of the weight added by the twins I was carrying.

Eventually the commander got tired of waiting for his inept young associate to haul me up and bent to help, taking me roughly into his grip. I wrenched back a little and he retaliated with more force, cracking the back of his hand across my face. My hand flew to where his knuckles had connected with me and pressed lightly on the spot, inhaling sharply from pain. Cherrystone's lip curled into a cruel smile, pleased with his handiwork.

"I wouldn't have had to do that if you'd just give up already. There's no hope for you anymore, don't you get it? Or are you dumb as well as mute?" he quipped, his twisted mouth forming the searing droplets of ridicule he was ever spewing forth. I was sick of it.

We continued in silence until I was forced to a halt in front of the steel door marring the steep coiled passage leading down to the dungeons Fiyero and I had broken into a few nights ago. The commander spoke to Liir, the aggravated tone dripping from him like hot oil. It was easy to tell how much he despised the boy just by the voice he used when addressing Liir.

"Boy, got tell the others to come meet me below the palace, in the larger room off the dungeons. And tell them to bring the Winkie with them."

Liir, who had been staring blankly ahead, his mind clearly elsewhere, seemed not to have heard his superior's instructions. It wasn't until Cherrystone loudly barked his name that he came back to his senses.

"What are you, boy, as stupid as you are inattentive? Wake that half-wit mind of yours into working order!" Liir seemed to bristle at the comment, but remained silent so as not to incense his master. Cherrystone repeated the command and Liir scampered to obey it; I could practically see the anger radiating out from him in waves. I seethed inwardly as the insults he'd thrown at Liir reverberated through my head; in a sick and demented way the man reminded me of myself. As much as I loathed everything about Cherrystone, pangs of guilt shot through me as I realized that I'd acted no differently toward Liir while still in residence at Kiamo Ko than my adversary was doing now. I was no better than Cherrystone. And I despised myself for it.

My head was reeling; between grim anticipation of possible torture and pain, belated sympathy for the son I'd never cared for, and the prospect of seeing Fiyero, a throbbing sensation came to be right behind my eyes; I could feel a splitting headache coming on. But Fiyero...there were so many things swimming through my mind that the Force could possibly have done to him! I had no idea what state he would be in when I next laid eyes on him; he could be dying, or already dead for all I knew. I was terrified beyond what words could express.

_::Bring the Winkie...Fiyero...oh, heaven, what in the name of Oz is Cherrystone planning for me now? What if - no, they can't have killed him! I would've sensed something if he was dead, wouldn't I? Sweet Oz, tell me he's alright, tell me he's alive!:: _

Cherrystone fumbled one-handedly to pull a key ring from his belt loop while trying to make sure his other hand remained holding my arm in a bruising vise grip. I contemplated trying to wrench myself free, but that really wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. I had nowhere to hide, and I'd be caught before I managed to take three steps. It wasn't worth it. He struggled with the keys for a little longer, swearing under his breath every time he tried the wrong one. In a halfhearted attempt at defiance I folded my free arm together with the one he held captive, and he glanced at me with a flare of anger in his eyes before going back to the monotonous trial-and-error process of weeding out which of the many keys would open the door.

When finally the heavy steel swung open I was jerked through the dim passage and down the creaking spiral stairs to the familiar bleak stone of the common dungeon, my eyes flicking from one cell to the next, occasionally lighting upon one of the despondent emaciated prisoners I remembered from the last time I'd been down here, minus Boq. I didn't have a chance to take in much else because at that next moment I was roughly shoved through another steel doorway into a cold stone room much like my cell from before, just without the window, and this one was a little on the largish side so it could accommodate those who would be administering my torture.

There were a few green-clad men already waiting for me inside, arms folded, sickening grins pasted on their brutish faces. Yet, I wasn't afraid of them. I wasn't afraid of what they would do to me. This strange lack of fear was frightening, but also slightly empowering in a way. I felt almost defiant, and against all odds a small smile quirked up one corner of my mouth. I glanced quickly back over at the soldiers, and this time there were no grins on their faces . They were staring at me, one glaring, the others dumbfounded. Cherrystone, on the other hand, was reddening with rage. I could just imagine what those men were thinking, especially the commander, seeing me standing there before them, a smile where a humiliated and scared grimace should have been, hugely pregnant and facing torture and death without the tiniest indication that I was even minutely afraid of it in any way.

My quiet defiance was infuriating Cherrystone. His face remained calm, but he set his vehemence free with the reintroduction of my face to the back of his hand. I made no sound. My head snapped to the side on impact, my cheek stinging from the blow, turning my line of sight to merge with the opening door. Fiyero had been pushed through the doorway by two burly Gale Forcers and he was staring from me to Cherrystone with wide horrified eyes; he had seen him hit me. Liir was watching from behind them, biting his bottom lip and putting on a falsely cruel smile as he sidled into the room, trying to look inconspicuous. His eyes betrayed him.

"Don't touch her -" Fiyero growled.

Cherrystone snorted at Fiyero's expression, "I can do whatever the hell I want to her. You, my brave, stupid friend, are not one to talk."

"I swear it on my life, if you touch her again -"

"If you don't keep that mouth of yours shut you won't have a life to swear on!" Cherrystone roared, cutting off Fiyero and smoothly drawing a pistol from his belt, cocking the gun with his thumb. Fiyero fell silent and looked at me with pain in his eyes; he knew there was nothing he could do to help me now that wouldn't betray the both of us. I knew the feeling of helplessness that plagued him. I knew his heart better than my own. I knew he would rather die than see them hurt me. I knew I would rather die than have him forced to watch such a thing. I met his gaze blankly for a moment, then pressed my eyes shut. I couldn't look into his eyes and not hurt.

"Much better." Cherrystone said quietly and put the gun away. He bade one of the others to keep one of their pistols trained on Fiyero, just in case, then unsheathed a small silver knife with a gilt handle. He twirled it between his fingers, watching the dim light issuing from the three torches on the walls glint off the flawless metal blade.

"Do you remember this, Witch?"

I didn't answer.

"You should. Your blonde friend plunged this very knife into the Wizard's back not terribly long ago. It's been, what, almost a year since then? You were there, weren't you?"

_::How did he find out - ?::_

"I was in the room off the office that night. I was in charge of getting the woman to spill about you once His Excellency the Wizard had figured out that she was keeping something from us. She was a difficult one to crack, but eventually she came around. Anyway, this was the very knife that Glinda the Good stabbed into his spinal cord, killing him on impact. The Wizard would be happy knowing that this little blade of his will finally finish the job that should've been done through that pampered priss, Dorothy."

I clenched my jaw and stared at a fixed point on the wall, avoiding the gaze of everyone in the room. My breath caught slightly when I felt the pressure from the tip of the knife against me, but felt no prick of sharp pain or the burn of sticky wet blood; it was another moment before I realized Cherrystone had been slitting the seams holding the sleeves onto my dress. After a few moments of bitter anticipation one sleeve fell away down my arm, and he began his work on the other. He was careful, making sure there were no incisions made in my flesh - yet - and when he was finished emaciating my sleeves he moved on to carve up the back, making the fabric dip low enough to expose more of my spine than I cared to have sliced to ribbons. The cloth around my neck and shoulders went next, shreds falling to the stone around me. I stole a glance at Liir; the boy was looking back and forth from me to Cherrystone with wide eyes, afraid and intrigued both. His fists were clenched, for what reason I didn't know. I didn't think it possible for him to be fearing for me in any way, but yet the look that had been in his eyes when he was made to fetch me from my cell made me doubt my better judgement.

When Cherrystone seemed satisfied with his work thus far, he deftly and quickly engraved a long and moderately shallow line lengthwise through my arm with the razor edge of the blade. I clenched my fist against the searing droplets of blood running slowly over my skin but made no other movement. There was still no fear on my face for them to feast on, and not nearly enough blood to slake their thirst. They would have it so I ran red with the crimson life-liquid before they would be satisfied. They would make me burn alive with it.

Cherrystone glared at my lack of a reaction, and spent a few seconds calculating where to make his next incision so that it would elicit from me some sort of response to the pain. A satisfied smirk soon spread over his face, and with a flash of silver I felt a stripe of sticky heat making its meandering way drip by drip down my cheek. Still I made no movement but my eyes, which stole a quick glance at my lover. His eyes were glittering with wet. I looked away, staring straight ahead as if fixing my gaze on the stone could chase Fiyero's pitiful lovely eyes away from my mind.

The commander tried his hand at making a few more incisions in my skin to try to elicit a response from me. "Still being difficult." he sighed at my silence, and shook his head as if I were no more than an ornery child. "Please, do give up. You're going to die anyway, whether you like it or not, so you might as well oblige me and make this amusing for us."

I continued to stare at nothing in particular just to look at something that wasn't alive and mocking me.

"You still need incentive? I'm beginning to think you're slow-witted, even with my considering all those times you've managed to evade me." He strode away from me and circled slowly around Fiyero, who clenched his jaw and did his best to keep the tears that had accumulated in his eyes from falling. I watched, both afraid and sickly curious of what he was about to do. Cherrystone paused near Fiyero's right arm and I knew he was examining the scar there left from his knifing, letting a subtle smile creep over his lips. I trained my eyes on my adversary, hoping against hope that he wouldn't choose to do what I thought he would -

- Hoping for naught as I learned a second later. The commander glanced at me, finally getting the reaction he wanted from my wide and horrified eyes, and slashed his dagger through the deepest part of the flesh on Fiyero's arm, reopening the old wound and enlarging it so more blood spilled more quickly than it had when my hand had been the one on the knife. The only sounds that had escaped Fiyero's lips were a gasp and a deep moan of pain before Cherrystone roared for him to be taken out and left in the only other totally walled-in cell on this level of the palace. Liir's face fell wide open with horror and took on a slightly pasty, nauseated tinge, but still he forced himself to watch. I almost pitied him.

"Put the Winkie away so he can bleed himself out, and then get rid of him! I've no more use for him!" And Cherrystone laughed, a terrible cold victorious laugh. The sound of it ran me through with hurt and fury better than any physical blade ever could.

My face flamed, my heart broke, my eyes burned with hate, and yet I made no sound or movement. I waited precious seconds for him to set upon me again, which of course he did, deftly wielding his destructive little weapon and making the blood that my lover had left on the blade mingle with my own, scorching its way over my skin in so many tiny rivulets. Still his maniacal laugh pierced my panicked thoughts. My head reeled as if I'd been dealt a physical blow to the skull, racing through it's fear-riddled state to come to some sort of way to get myself out of here in time to save Fiyero's life. If he died...there would be very little for me to live for if I myself managed to survive.

I began murmuring under my breath words I barely understood, running through them at such a speed it was a wonder I didn't trip over my own tongue and botch everything. Sounds and syllables from some foreign language swirled through my head and past my lips, so real to me I could almost see them. They were colored with reds, blacks, blues, and, more prominently, a very specific and much-loathed shade of green: the colors of my intense hatred for them, for myself, for sorrow, for fear, for circumstance, for life.

Cherrystone's knife continued to flash before me, more violently and frequently hitting its mark. Blood blossomed as did bursts of drawn-out liquid heat while the little rivers of the stuff streamed down over my arms and my face, my back and every other inch of skin the commander could get his blade close enough to. As much as I wanted to gasp or hiss from the excruciating pain I wouldn't; it wasn't possible for me to, what with the words coursing forth unbidden from my mouth I had no room in my voice for expressions of suffering. I cast a fleeting glance over myself; much of my exposed skin ran red with the blood, and the clothing that hadn't been cut away sported incisions and damp patches where the scarlet liquid had seeped into it.

My murmuring became even faster and more feverish, the words growing louder as I grew bolder. The syllables seemed to hold confidence in the form of sound, lending me a sense of sureness that otherwise wouldn't have been there. The sheer power contained in the language of the spell, for that was what I'd deduced it was, thrummed through me, sending a euphoric rush to my head. It was almost completed.

All of a sudden, Cherrystone's nauseating laughter turned to a half-strangled cry of fear and then to a death gurgle as the knife he had been using to cut me to ribbons fell from his hand, clattering against the stones. I sealed the spell , a satisfied smirk possessing my mouth as I watched him struggle to breathe and then as he shriveled before me, the magic eating away at the man from the inside. Bone disintegrated first, then muscle and organs and lastly the skin and clothing, until Cherrystone was no more than grey ashy dust among the grey ashy hue of the floor, clothes and all. I looked around the rest of the room and it was devoid of life, aside from me, and, surprisingly, Liir. Everyone else had met the same end as the commander.

The boy was pressed up against the wall, terrified and shocked. He was trembling, fighting to steady himself before I noticed. Vaguely I wondered how the spell had missed him, but I dismissed it without a second thought. There were far more important worries to contend with before Liir would claim my attention. I ignored him, more concerned about getting out of here and into wherever Fiyero was, hoping against all hope that I would be in time to keep him alive.

It was then I realized as my gaze swept over the commander's remains that the keys Cherrystone had been carrying on his belt were no longer there; they had deteriorated along with the rest of him. After all that, I was still trapped...


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

I felt completely powerless, like a cat trying to catch it's tail. I was forever doomed to chase after the things I could never have for my own, like the safety and freedom that had been forever denied me, and also lately denied him I loved. I couldn't keep going on like this. I couldn't let him die, not after coming through so much. I had to get out, even if I'd only be caught again...just give me long enough to get to him, make sure he lives, if no one else...

Unless...

- but in this case magic was too risky to use in healing, more so when the amateur witch/healer was not in close proximity to her patient. And I'd never even attempted to heal by magic before. I'd be liable to make things worse.

Then again, there was always the transportation spell, and I still had that ragged scarf around my waist. The blood from his finger I'd pressed into the thing was still there, of course. It could work well as the focus - if I wasn't so drained of the energy it would take to perform the spell. Then there was the fact that now there was so much more of my blood saturating the scarf than there was his. It would be highly possible that if I did manage to enact the spell completely, it would react with my own blood instead of his. That would leave me not three inches from exactly where I now stood. Stranded, and weak, and helpless...and so scared. I had nothing left to my advantage.

_::You have to try! You and Fiyero have come too far and gained too much for you to abandon him now! You know of a way to get to him, spell or not, so take advantage of it! You love him, Elphaba!::_ That feminine shriek resounded through my head with urgency and horror, and I could've sworn I felt delicate hands push me closer to Liir. _::You know the spell that will take you there, so use it! And don't forget the boy - you can't leave him here, either!:: _

Mentally I thanked Glinda, and almost without thinking, I grabbed a fistful of Liir shirt. I wouldn't leave him here. As I started murmuring the foreign words the boy balked and tore himself away.

"Dammit, Liir, there's no time for you to question me! Fearing me will do you no good!"

He shouted in retaliation, desperately trying to get away from me. "What are you doing? How can you tell me not to fear you when I just watched you kill everyone else in this room? How can you say -"

"Oh, shut up!" I tried to snap, but the bite I'd intended the words to have was lost in their deliverance. I managed to get a hold on his wrist and gripped as tightly as I could, ignoring the way he tried to twist himself free. I would waste no more time in dealing with the boy, and began murmuring the strange words that just might save me.

Liir began to whine with fright when my grasp would not loosen itself, a sound uncharacteristic of a thirteen year-old boy, one that grew progressively louder as my feverish muttering continued. I was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate, the last of my energy was close to spent, and it was taking all my self control and then some to keep myself from lashing out at the whimpering puddle that was Liir.

How I managed to pull it all off in the end without killing both myself and the boy I haven't the slightest idea.

* * *

I landed, as always after using such a spell, dizzy and with the wind knocked out of me, my energies more hopelessly depleted than before, but this time remarkably on my feet. The first thing my eyes took in was the blood spattered darkly over the cold floor, then the ashen dust that filled in the cracks between the stones. There was just so much of it, that dust; I'd had no idea how far the terrible spell would carry at the time I performed the incantation. Exactly how many people had it killed? My heart nearly stopped for an agonizing half-second, but as my gaze traveled up Fiyero's body lying unnaturally still on the floor, they caught sight of a bandage wrapped around his right arm, the white cloth only slightly stained with his blood. I quickly glanced around, to see Liir clamber to his feet and throw his arms around a slight, young girl with dark hair in two long braids, whose dress and hands were darkened in places by blood not her own...

_::Dorothy Gale -::_

I sharply drew in a breath, so shocked I was by the scene. So she _was_ still here, in Oz. Why did she help him? Did she know about him, about me? What would she do now that she knew I was still alive? If she turned me in, I'd have no chance left.

She heard the hiss of air and whipped around to stare at me, her eyes wide with fear, and also, remarkably, sympathy. Glancing from me to Fiyero and back again, she gave a tentative, nervous smile before turning back to take Liir's hand and look questioningly up at him. She fixed her eyes back on me, frightened and also perversely curious about me and what sort of connection I had with the man lying prone on the floor.

I made a small noise deep in my throat, half-shocked, half-grateful for the girl's presence, all hatred I'd harbored for her past offenses of me forgotten. Wordlessly I fell to my knees beside the form of my stricken lover, gently running my fingers over his bruised face, holding them just above his parted lips. I nearly collapsed with relief at the feel of the light stream of air over my skin; it wasn't the even rhythm of steady breath, but I could see the rise and fall of his chest and pressed my hand there to feel a distinct heartbeat. Still, it was far better than it would have been reaching Fiyero only to find that there was no breath or pulse left in him at all. I carefully eased his head off the stone and into my lap, stroking his hair as much for his comfort as my own, despite the fact that I doubted he could feel it. The relief washing through me was stronger and sweeter than anything I'd ever felt before; he was alive. I'd feared the worst, thought him lost to me forever, and somehow, impossibly, we were here. He was alive, and he was _mine_.

Dorothy made no move to intrude upon me and soon had to step in to prevent Liir from advancing and bombarding me with confused and frustrated questions. For that I owed her even more thanks than I already did for what she had done for Fiyero. There was nothing I wanted more at that moment than to be alone with my love, and I think she knew so. But I could not voice my thanks just then any more than I could force Fiyero to wake. My tongue was caught and my throat choked. I couldn't begin to fathom why the girl had chosen to step in and help him. Did she even know who he was, who was connected to him?

All I could do was turn and flash a tired, thankful smile toward Dorothy for saving him, and continue to caress his hair and his forehead. His sweat had formed a light film over his skin, which was lighter than usual from loss of blood. The anemic tinge his face had taken on was alarming, but as long as he still held breath in his lungs and I could feel his heart beating, there would be no room in my mind left for much more than sheer unbridled relief. I disregarded the sting of moisture; sensation in my fingers had been dulled by the blood that had come to coat them from brushing against damp fabric or skin that still ran red. I barely felt whatever blood still flowed from my so many shallow gashes. I had gone mostly numb from so much pain. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have many new scars once I healed from all this.

"Heaven, Fiyero, once all this is over I promise you I won't cause any more trouble." I murmured, not really believing it. As far as I was concerned, I was trouble incarnate. Not that it mattered then, anyway; I had my life and my love, and that was all I really cared about.

A few tears managed to eke their way past my eyelids, but as they traced themselves wetly down my cheeks I was met with a sensation more like mere warmth than the normal stinging pain. The feeling was fleeting, replaced by the usual burn by the time it registered in my mind. I wiped the droplets away and smiled, wanting desperately to cry and fighting the urge. Not in front of them. Not until I could be alone with him again. Not until we could be somewhere else with our days spent in Oz far behind us. I laid my hand once more upon his heart, just to feel him there.

* * *

I lost track of how long I spent sitting there with my hand pressed to Fiyero's chest. It was all I had to assure myself he was real. Time meant nothing to me. The only thing that alerted me to its passage was my growing weariness. The longer I spent by his side the more I wished I could let sleep claim me. I heard Dorothy delicately clear her throat, waiting to be noticed, and I turned my head to see her clearly. She was sitting on the floor with her legs folded underneath her, tucked under Liir's arm. She tried to speak, opening her mouth once or twice to begin but sucking back the sound, unsure of how to address me.

"I think - I mean, I, I...um, I'm sorry, I don't know what to - I don't know your..."

"Just Wicked - is fine." I said, my voice tired. It wouldn't be hard for her to put two and two together and realize just how much I wished she would remain quiet. I didn't want to have anything to do with this girl, be she my lover's savior or not. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to be able to curl up close to Fiyero and sleep myself into oblivion.

"That can't possibly be your -"

"No, it's not my name, but it might as well be. It's just a shortened version of the only title you already know me by." I interrupted. I would tell her my name if ever I felt the need to.

"Well, I was wondering, possibly, if you'd mind if I asked you to - to help me get him, what I mean is, both of you, out of this...place." Dorothy stammered, gesturing toward Fiyero and me. "Liir can help take him up, and I - I know a spell or two that might make the going a little easier. So...so you won't be noticed."

"Do you mean stay in the palace?" At least the talk was keeping me awake, if she insisted on talking. Besides, maybe there'd be something she had to say that I wouldn't mind knowing.

"No! No, not here. That's too risky. I have a little place not too far from here, right across from the soldiers' barracks. No one ever intrudes on me. I can take you there. You can stay as long as you need - for the two of you to heal."

_Near the soldiers' barracks...where no one thought to look for me...until I fell in love...until Lurlinemas Eve... _

"I used to live near there...years ago." I mused, my mind foggy with exhaustion. I mulled over Dorothy's offer. She was clearly wary of me if not actually afraid, and under normal circumstances would never be inviting me to stay in her home; this must be her way to make up for trying to kill me so many months ago. I absently glanced up and down her before answering. My gaze paused for a split second on her feet. She still wore those shoes.

"I - I think I'll accept."

I had no choice.

"I have a question for you." I said, fixing my eyes back on her face. "Have you heard at all of a Munchkin man, goes by the name of Boq, or of his wife Milla or daughter Clarinda?"

"Oh..." she began, averting her eyes. "The wife, Milla - she's dead now. The Commander, he - he used her too hard. She didn't live through her first night with him. The daughter is bruised and, well...anyway, at least she's alive. She should be set free once the news of Cherrystone's death gets out."

"You know about..."

"Yes. I could feel the power of your spell. When I heard that the Commander was going to kill another innocent, meaning that poor man on the floor -"

"Fiyero."

"Fiyero, yes," she went on, continuing more slowly, "I was going to try to save him before his time ran out; I - I'm sick of all the death. So many have died because of Cherrystone..." Her voice grew softer for a moment, and her face pained. "And Glinda..."

"What of Glinda?"

"She was my - my teacher - my friend - before... The Commander was the one who gave the word for His Ozness to kill her. I could never forgive him for that. If I could help it, I wasn't going to let him kill anyone else. I was just reaching the bottom of the stairs to the dungeons when the air seemed to prickle with just pure energy. I realized that something must have happened or you must have done something to save yourself. I didn't know what, only that it was hugely powerful. When I got myself in here and the only one there was Fi... Fie..."

"Fiyero." I repeated automatically.

"Fiyero, I realized that they, the guards, had been...eliminated." She was treading carefully, trying not to use words that might in the least way offend me. I found her to be the considerate type, and even slightly amusing. Who would've thought that my would-be murderer would be one to treat me like something other than a criminal?

"Can we please get out of here?" Liir cut in, "I really don't like being in this room. People just died in here, for one thing - " he motioned toward the corpse dust, "and...and if we keep standing around, he...he might not pull through as easily."

I nodded, gently squeezing Fiyero's limp hand. So, Liir did care a bit about him. I almost smiled at the boy.

"Um, the spell I'll use to get us out of here is almost the same as the one you just did, just better to accommodate more people. But I - I'll need more power to back it. If I could - I mean, if you'd be willing to -"

"Do what you must."

"Just to warn you, lending me the rest of your magic right now is almost certainly going to make you pass out for a few days at the very least. You've been so drained already, and -"

"That doesn't matter. As long as we live through it."

"May I?" Dorothy asked, tentatively reaching to lay a hand on my shoulder. "I need to be touching some part of whoever I'm borrowing the power from. You just have to keep a hold on Fiyero." I nodded, tightening my grip on his hand. Her fingers rested lightly on my shoulder before better settling themselves there. Liir wrapped an arm around her shoulders and once she made sure everyone was in close enough proximity to everyone else, I heard the first lilting syllables of her spell before fuzzy blackness began to darken, and closed my eyes.

* * *

I awoke with a start heaven knows how much later on a little overstuffed sofa of indeterminate color, covered with an old frayed blanket. My stomach was bothering me, which was understandable. I hadn't eaten in days. But the twisting, that was coming from someplace else. I almost laughed as I pressed my hand to my abdomen, delighted to feel that the twins were still alive. Their kicking wasn't as strong as I rememberer, but there. I couldn't remember feeling any sort of movement from them in what seemed like forever, but then again this was the first time in days that I was really able to pay attention to the feeling. My hand pressed a little harder, anxious to feel them move again. Like I said, I hadn't eaten in days. It would be a miracle now if they managed to develop without some sort of birth defects.

_::What a surprise. I feel like an abusive parent already.:: _I'd been afraid of not being a good mother from the moment I learned I'd conceived. I had no idea that the feeling would begin before they were even born.

Eager to get my mind off it, I looked over to the wall across from the couch I was lying on, taking in the doorless entrance to what passed as a kitchen. Dorothy was rummaging for something in a cabinet over her head. She looked over to me, afraid that the sound would break me out of sleep. The look on her face was one of nervous anticipation as she hurried to me and spoke in an anxious rush.

"Do you feel alright? You've been out for about a day now." She seemed to feel obligated to make sure I wasn't going to die on her. She seemed the type to blame it on herself if indeed I did die, not because she felt in any way connected with me, but probably because she would think of my death as her fulfilling the task she'd been set by the Wizard more than a year ago.

I wanted to sit up and get out of such a vulnerable position, despite the fact that I knew in the back of my mind that Dorothy wouldn't think of doing anything to hurt me further. Mostly I wanted to see Fiyero; that in itself was enough to get me to move, pain or no pain. Even still, I was almost afraid to move for fear my many little injuries would smart something terrible. Gingerly I stretched a bit, amazed when I felt little to no pain at all.

"Nothing hurts -" I carefully swung myself up into a sitting position, flexing my arms in disbelief. The cuts were still there, but all had at least begun to scab over, and some were no more than faint scars. "Rightfully I should be writhing in pain right now." I said a bit dryly. I ran my fingers over the long red line on my arm, already closed up, then shifted to better face Dorothy - the longest cut, one that ran down my back, stung viciously for a second as I turned, but other than that, nothing. "I don't know how this could conceivably happen - some sort of magic...?"

"No magic. Actually, I'm...this may sound a bit stupid, but...I'm deathly afraid to use magic to heal." She blushed, somewhat embarrassed to admit it.

"Really?" I asked, just a hint of sarcasm in my voice, and smiled a little, thinking _::Sounds like someone else I know.::_

"I - my dog, Toto, well, one day I didn't have him on his leash, so he ran out into the street trying to chase a bird or some other little creature. He wasn't watching where he was going, and his little leg got stepped on by a horse pulling some cart. The horse shied away after that, so there wasn't any more damage done, but after I saw it happen I brought him home to try and magically fix the few bones that were broken, but somewhere I made a mistake with the words and the magic - it killed him." Her face flushed a little more, and the area around her eyes grew red. "It's been a long time since then, and I know I probably sound like a stupid, sentimental little girl, but...he was my pet...and I don't want to make the same mistake again."

"I know how you feel, believe me." I said. I'd seen enough of my own pets die, and the fact that I feared for the lives of those I loved prevented me from ever attempting the complicated magic that was healing .

Hastily she stepped in to change the subject, quickly swiping her hand across her eyes. "Your wounds are almost all closed up, except for some of the longer and deeper ones. They'll probably take another few days to mend completely."

"But how, exactly, did this happen and how, exactly, am I awake? If I didn't pass out from loss of blood your spell would've kept me comatose for another few days at least. What kind of twisted goings on...?" I was still somewhat disoriented from waking in a place I'd never seen, still drained of much of my energy, scared for my children, and even a little frightened of what I would do once Fiyero and I healed.

"This is what did it, actually." Dorothy said hurriedly. She turned her back to me and reached up to take something from a shelf across the room. When she faced me again, she was holding out two bottles, one green, one blue. I took them from her and studied the blue one. The thick-ish liquid only filled about a quarter of the bottle now. I tightened my fingers around the glass neck, wondering how this was possible.

"How did you get this?" I asked quietly, question in my eyes as I awaited her answer.

"When I got the two of you back here almost two days ago, I had Liir help me get Fiyero into my bedroom and you here. Once he left for the Palace, I came back in here and there was this scary old woman kneeling next to you."

Yackle again. So maybe she was my benefactress after all. She seemed to look after me well enough, but she could've done without scaring the girl. She seemed to be warming up to me some, and I to her the longer she spoke. Dorothy was quite open and earnest; I mean, what sort of person could look past my title and alleged crimes and see an innocent who desperately needed an ally? That girl was the last person in the world I'd have ever expected to do something like this for me, but yet she had.

And against all odds, I was beginning to find that I was forgiving her.

"She barked at me not to use your strength in my magic again; didn't I know you're carrying twins? I could've drained the babies of their possible magical inclinations before they were even born! Then she knocked her walking stick against my ankle and went off to work on Fiyero. When she came in she handed me the blue bottle and told me to watch what she was doing. All she did was smooth oil over your gashes and then use the stuff in the blue bottle on them and they just..." she bit her bottom lip, looking at me with eyes that told me how afraid she was of making herself sound crazy. She had no idea easily I understood.

"They seemed to almost fix themselves in minutes."

Dorothy nodded before going on. "It was sort of scary. She finished with you and told me to clean the cuts again with the oil and dress them every day with the medicine until you woke, and for Fiyero just change his bandages and redress his arm."

"And how is he?" I asked anxiously. I bit my lip, wondering what the extent of his damage would be. If he pulled through.

"He's doing well. He's still out, but his breathing is normal and his heartbeat is getting there. But according to that woman, there's a very good chance he'll lose feeling in that arm; he'd still be able to use it, but the nerve endings are probably dead all along the line of that gash, and maybe even in much of the rest of his arm. All that aside, he should wake sometime either today or tomorrow. If you'd like you can see him later today." I smiled and released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, glad that he was getting better, and anticipating the moment when I could finally hold him again. I needed him more than I could ever say.

"You don't happen to know who that woman was, do you?" Dorothy asked, curious about my lack of surprise regarding the subject.

"Yes, I do. I've run into her on many an occasion before. She calls herself Yackle."

"Whoever she is, she's a frightening person."

I nodded in agreement. "She is, but what's scary about her isn't so much who she is, her mannerisms and but how she does the things she can. Like how she appears out of nowhere, or how she seems to have these psychic abilities to know most anything about a person or situation, or how she's able to appear in dreams and give them physical embodiments in the waking world."

Dorothy shuddered. "I hope I never have to see her again."

"You might not always think so. She might surprise you with some of the things she does."

"Oh, and I have a few more things that belongs to you." she piped. "I - I think you'll be happy to have them back. They're over there." She pointed to the opposite corner of the room and I twisted around to see what she was getting at. There was a small chest of drawers pushed against the wall, my broomstick propped up against it and my Grimmerie lying atop it. And curled up on top of the huge tome was a deeply-sleeping tawny furred ball with wings.

I was confused and relieved and insanely happy all at the same time. How did she get my things? How did Chistery find his way here, to the City? And what was Dorothy doing with him? I set the two glass bottles aside, got up and let the blanket fall off me, tensing just a bit when the heavy fabric scratched over my back. Ignoring it as best I could, I scooped up my monkey and rubbed my cheek against his fur. He woke up and shook his wings out, somewhat disgruntled.

"Why'd you wake me up, Dorofy?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes and blindly swinging out a hand to whack whoever had disturbed his nap.

"Hello to you, to." I said my voice doing its best to sound sarcastic enough to conceal a laugh. The monkey's eyes sprung wide open and he broke into a grin, throwing his arms out to hug me.

"It's you! You're back! I missed you!"

"Chis, I missed you, too, little friend."

After he tired of hugging me, he pushed himself back a little, staring up into my face with a scowl spreading across his mouth, like he was suddenly realizing that he was mad at me.

"You left without me!"

"You explored too far away. We didn't know where you were and we ran out of time. We couldn't come looking for you."

"But...but you left without me!"

I laughed and kissed the top of his head before he climbed up to my shoulder, curling his tail around the back of my neck. His little monkey paws tangled themselves in my hair, and gently I reached up to keep him from pulling it.

"I'm just glad I have you back." I said, nuzzling my face against him.

"Dorofy, I'm hungry." Chistery piped after a little while.

"Oh, really?" she asked.

"You're always hungry." I said to him.

"So? Can I have a snack?"

"Alright, Chistery, you want to eat? I'll make you a snack." Dorothy said, coming over to take the monkey into the kitchen. "I'm sure you must be hungry after not eating in so long." she said to me. "I'll make something for all of us. Fiyero's in that room over there if you want to see him while I make something halfway-edible. I'll be there in a little while to dress his arm." She pointed to a closed door near the corner my broom was propped up against.

"I can do that for you." I replied as I handed her the monkey, "I'm no stranger to that sort of thing. Thank you." I took the two bottles from where I'd set them down a while ago and went to see my love.

* * *

The room was slightly dim, dark enough for someone to sleep but with enough light coming in through the large skylight for a person to read by. The sky was cloudy, lending just the right amount of light to serve the purpose the room was employed in, just enough to possibly be able to coax Fiyero into waking sometime soon.

I perched myself on the edge of the bed Fiyero slept on, running my hand from his left shoulder down his good arm to lace my fingers through his. I squeezed his hand, heartened when he squeezed back. I let him go, setting to work on untying his bandage. His wound was closing up well; the surrounding flesh had lost most of the unsightly inflammation that always accompanied such injuries, and his heartbeat had returned to a far more normal pulse. I opened the green bottle and poured some oil into my hands, rubbing it over his arm to clean it, then worked some of the medicine into it. Once I'd done up his bandages again, I slipped my palm under his cheek, running my thumb over the ugly bruise under his eye; it had turned a nasty shade of bluish black, but had receded a little since the last time I'd seen him.

"That hurts. Watch my eye." Fiyero moaned, his voice hoarse. I hadn't realized that I'd been putting too much pressure on the bruise. I drew my hand away and used it to smooth back his hair instead. His eyes labored to open and blinked themselves free of sleep, smiling brightly at me. I laughed, really laughed, leaning down to kiss his eyelids as he pushed himself halfway up with his good arm. "Where are we?"

"Still in the City, close to my old flat. We're staying with Dorothy Gale until we're healed." He looked at me with a confused expression on, about to open his mouth to inquire about it, but thought better of it.

"You know what, I'm not even going to ask." he said, shaking his head.

"How do you feel? Does it hurt much?" I asked,.

"Actually, it doesn't really hurt at all, but then again, there's no sensation in it at all, either. The black eye actually feels the worst."

"Don't use your arm for a while, until we can see if you're going to get feeling back in it at all. I asked Dorothy about you before and she told me she's afraid the nerves in that part of your arm have died from so much trauma."

"So, now you...and her...? But you hated - isn't she the one that tried to...?"

"She saved your life, and mine as well, now that I think about it. That's enough to make me love her like a sister."

"And you, you look...remarkable, for someone who was nearly slashed to ribbons. Everything's all closed up." Fiyero took a finger and traced it down one of my many new scars. "You feel okay?"

"I'm fine. We both have that Yackle woman to thank for all this."

"This stuff again, huh?" he said, pushing himself the rest of the way up and leaning his back against the headboard, then reaching out to grab the blue bottle from where I'd left it. "That woman is slightly disturbing, but I'd hate to see where we'd be if she wasn't looking out for you like she does."

"You hungry? I'll go see if Dorothy's done making something to eat." I said when I felt my stomach protesting it's being empty for days.

"I have something better for you to do first..." He captured my mouth with his, softly kissing and then releasing me, only to catch me again, gently biting at my bottom lip. I shifted to better reach his lips and laced my arms around his neck, enjoying myself. I'd missed this for too long. When he let me go he pulled me back to lean myself against his chest. He laid his hand against my swollen stomach and I covered it with my own, moving it until I found where one of the twins had been kicking me. His smile widened and he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"I love you, Fiyero." I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Oh, Fabala..."

The door creaked, startling the two of us. I relaxed quickly, knowing that the only one it could be was Dorothy. She pushed it open, peering around the door just in case she was inruding on anything.

"Oh, you're awake! That's always good. There's food in the kitchen if you're hungry; Chistery's been fed and is napping right now. I have to go to the Palace for now, you know, clear some things up with His Ozness."

That didn't sound good. Oz knew what she would tell him...I looked at Fiyero; his expression mirrored mine. Dorothy looked back and forth between Fiyero and me, blushing when she realized what we were thunking and hurriedly assuring me that she'd never betray me like that to His Majesty.

"I'm going to tell the king and his Force that Liir and I did take the two of you to our home and tried to save you, but you'd died anyway. They won't question me. I'm too valuable to them right now." She sighed, about to leave the room, but turned her head to speak over her shoulder; suddenly she looked far more like a child to me than she ever had. "I wish I were one of you right now. It'd be wonderful to pretend that I've died; I wouldn't have to put up with all the magic lessons and the politics and those horrible Gale Forcers. I hate them. I hate the whole disgusting murderous lot of them. Oh God, I just want to go home."

Before the door could click shut behind her I got up and followed, signaling to Fiyero that I'd be right back. I called to the girl from the doorway, catching her as she was pulling on a sweater.

"Dorothy?"

"Oh, yes?" She looked confused, wondering what I was doing.

"I owe you so much for what you've done for me. Once I've healed I'll see if I can't find a way to get you where you want to be."

She stopped trying to fight the sleeves over her arms, standing ramrod straight for an moment. Slowly a delighted, hopeful child's grin spread over her mouth and her eyes lit up her face.

"You'd do that...?"

I nodded.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

"So let me get this straight, she tried to kill you last year on orders of the Wizard. She said that he told her to kill you if she wanted him to help her get home. And she told us a day or two ago that she came from some place called what?" Fiyero asked, still confused after the third or fourth time I'd explained the whole thing to him. He just couldn't fathom why I'd ever accepted an invitation of help from the girl I'd passionately hated for so long, or why I'd agreed to get her back where she came from. We were sitting on the small sofa in the living room, alone; Dorothy and Liir were both at the Palace, which was a bit relieving. It had been a stifling two days with never a moment without Dorothy lingering around too close for comfort or having to watch Liir scamper awkwardly to get me out of his sight whenever he happened to stumble into the same room as me. Not that I'd been eagerly anticipating talking to the boy. I was just as uncomfortable around him as he was around me, maybe more so, but even still it was aggravating the way he always looked like some cornered animal staring down the barrel of a gun every time he laid eyes on me. For Oz's sake, I wasn't going to kill him!

"She said she's from...what was it? Kansas, I think. No, I've never heard of it, either."

"Where the hell is Kansas and how do you expect to get her back there if you've never even heard of the place before?"

"How should I know?" I retorted angrily. In the two days since Fiyero and I'd woken up, that little fuse called my temper was burning ever closer to the point of no return. Dorothy, as kind as she was trying to be, was wearing on my nerves. She kept hovering like some paranoid hen, ever trying to reassure herself that neither Fiyero nor I was going to die. As much as I knew she was trying to make up for attempted murder, she seemed to be unable to prevent herself from driving me completely and utterly mad. Fiyero wasn't helping. No matter how many times I explained it to him, he refused to retain the information. The nerves in his arm were supposed to be damaged, not those in his brain! On top of all that, I hadn't felt the babies move nearly as often in the last two days as they used to and it was making me worry. I'd been growing used to them twisting themselves around and it had been starting to feel endearing and almost encouraging, like the one thing that had still been going right in my life was really going to come through. If things had gone wrong somewhere in the past week and I ultimately ended up miscarrying...I didn't want to even consider it. We were so close to the end of this whole nauseating terrifying mess of an ordeal, but still the life I'd always wanted was still dangling just out of reach. I was so, so sick of it all. At this point, the least little thing was going to set me off, and both of us knew it. And I was about to cause a veritable war.

"Will you calm down, Elphaba? I didn't expect you to know where it was. Sweet Oz, could you be any more on edge?" He recoiled a little from me, leaning back farther into the kitchen chair and shaking his head ever so slightly. I leaned my elbows on the table and massaged my temples; something told me I would have a migraine before the day was out.

"I'm sorry." I said; he could practically see me spitting venom.

"What's the matter? You're being seclusive."

"It's nothing all that bad. At least, nothing you should have to worry about."

"Oh, really?" His voice dripped sarcasm.

"Will you please stop?" I asked. The fuse was burning lower...

And of course, at precisely the wrong moment, Dorothy and Liir returned from the Palace. And if course, Liir had to choose to put on his cornered animal face when I was just about in the mood to take a gun and shoot someone. I took one look at him and it pushed me too far.

"Go...away...please." I forced out in a whisper, trying as hard as I could to keep my voice down.

"Why should we? _We're_ the ones who invited _you_ here." Liir ventured, his face turning pasty at the prospect of how I would react to his outspokenness. I saw Dorothy's eyes go wide and fearful in her face. She squeezed his arm; I could see in her expression that she wanted him to back down and leave me alone, but he did not look at her face and mistook the gesture to mean that he should continue. Emboldened by Dorothy's supposed urging, he proceeded to slander me, growing more and more outspoken by the sentence. This was his outpouring of all the hatred that he'd held pent up inside himself through years of my negligence.

"Why do you think I should back down and obey you like I used to? Motherhood was never your strong suit, was it? I feel sorry for those babies you're carrying; I hope you're not going to treat them the way you treated me!"

Dorothy and Fiyero wore identical expressions of shock, Dorothy because Liir had never told her of the fact that I was his mother, and Fiyero because I'd never let him in on exactly how I'd treated the boy. It wasn't as if I'd ever physically hurt him, but the psychological abuse invoked by my indifference and detachment had wreaked more havoc on his mind than any physical abuse would've; if I had ever hit him at least it would've been an indication of my having any interest in him at all. But I'd never done much but ignore him and then get mad at him for always being around to annoy me.

"You, witch, are a lucky woman. If it had been up to me I would've left you there. I cared about Dorothy and the fact that she would feel responsible if she let you die, not you. If not for Dorothy's taking pity on you, you wouldn't be alive. Not you, not him, not those poor children you're carrying!" he shouted, gesturing to me and Fiyero then back to me. "I pity them because, one: you will be their mother and two: they'll probably end up just like you. Soulless. They have nothing going for them."

Fiyero stared at me, his face paralyzed into shock and disbelief and anger. His eyes seemed to heat slowly with it, burning into my face. I felt my cheeks go hot, but I paid him very little regard just then. My attentions were focused on Liir.

I knew I deserved what the boy was hurling in my face, there's no denying that. But at that moment I neither possessed the discretion nor the mentality to keep my trap shut and take it. I had always been very good at bringing chaos upon myself, and who was to say that now would be any different? I slowly got to my feet and replied.

"And you, Liir, have no right to say such things. You have never understood what life as an outcast entails. And you have never known what it feels like to see the only person you could honestly say you loved lying on your floor in a pool of his own blood and then realize years and years later that you carried his child and never knew it. Once you'd figured it out, would you want to admit to yourself what you'd done to that child? And even if I did come around and accept that I was your mother would you have actually believed me? No, of course not. You would've pushed me away and done exactly as you are now. But you are right in one respect; I am lucky. That man I loved never did die." I said in a precariously even voice.

"Really? Then where the hell is the bastard now? And why has he acted like you for so many years, like I had no significance at all?"

"He's right next to me." I answered, relishing the stunned expression Liir wore and twisting half of my mouth into a smile. If I had turned my head I could've seen Fiyero's fury played out in full across his face, but I didn't; I wanted to focus on Liir.

And I could not look at Fiyero for fear of seeing cold rejection in his eyes. I had spoken without thinking. If there was one thing I would have done anything at all to ensure I would be able to keep forever, it was Fiyero's approval. I would have nothing at all if not love, and I was terrified that I'd just lost it.

After a few long seconds spent in agonizing silence, Liir found his tongue and snapped back at me, "So you kept it from him? You made sure he couldn't care about his having a son? You knew that if you never told him about me he couldn't turn on you, didn't you? I bet you that would've been what he'd have done if you'd actually let him know exactly what happened at Kiamo Ko in the last few years. You always were out to watch your own back, weren't you? When did you ever look out for someone else?"

"I don't need to justify myself to you! I know you will never take my word for it, so why should I try? You'll always have your warped view of me, and nothing I can say will change that! Why do you bother?" I cried. I knew that whatever I could say about Fiyero or Glinda he would turn around and ask why I couldn't have done the same for Sarima, Irji, Manek, Nor, and himself. It was a no-win situation.

Liir and I both fell silent, staring at each other with faces contorted in anger. Dorothy stepped up beside him and laced her fingers through his, regarding me with a cool expressionless gaze. Fiyero spoke up for the first time, addressing me.

"Elphaba, just...stop." His face was tired, but his eyes were hard and alive, boring through me and my anger with his own. It chilled me to the core.

"I don't...Whatever you want me to say, I - I don't know what it is. All I can say is I'm sorry." I replied quietly. Still I could not look at him.

I left the room and pushed through the door to the bedroom Fiyero and I shared. Would nothing ever go smoothly for me? Ever? Between Liir and Dorothy and Fiyero I was in no mood to deal with anything else for a while. I lowered myself to sit on the bed, angry and tired and sick of everything. Chistery was standing by the doorway, peering back and forth from them in the other room to me.

"What happened? You were yelling."

"I'm very mad at them, Chistery. You might not want to get in my way right now." I shooed him outside, not in the mood to put up with whatever questions he planned on asking me, especially not the one I knew was coming; the eternal What's for dinner. The monkey scowled at me and stuck out his tongue before he trudged out into the living room to crawl sniveling to Dorothy and try to squeeze some sympathy out of the girl.

Slowly I slid down onto my side, sighing out my grievances in a rush of air, only to have them come pouring back with my next breath. I couldn't believe what I'd said. There would be no calming Liir enough to listen to me for a good long time yet. Even if he did listen to me at some point he'd still hate me anyway. Fiyero was another story. If it was humanly possible, just then I was more scared than I'd been even when I'd seen Fiyero lying prone on the floor in the Palace cell. After all we'd been through, could it be possible that I would lose him now? I pressed my eyes shut, wishing for sleep and the possibility that things would smooth themselves out while I did so. It was a foolish hope, but I couldn't apologize to Fiyero...not just yet. He wouldn't listen to me yet. And I had nothing to say. While I waited for sleep to claim me, I could vaguely hear Dorothy arguing with Liir.

"Why didn't you ever tell me? Liir, please, you shouted at her for not being truthful to Fiyero. What about me?"

"Dorothy, I'm sorry, but -"

"I identify with you. My mother died before I even knew her. I never even had a father at all. If you ask me, I think you've got it better than I had."

"At least you had your Aunt Em and Uncle Henry. I had no one."

"You've got me."

"I know, but -"

"Please, Liir, don't. Let me finish. And why didn't you listen to me while we were walking home? I told you to leave her alone. Look, I know you don't like -"

"Hate."

"You don't hate -"

"Yes, I do, Dorothy."

"Whatever. Do you have any idea what she's had to go through?"

"Why should I care? You don't even know. She doesn't talk much, except to _him_."

"You're right, I don't know, but I can tell you this much, your situation would be a lot worse if you were like her."

"What, if I was some green monstrosity?"

I had no desire to hear any more of _that _conversation. I worked at forcing myself to sleep, and after a while I succeeded. I'd been dozing for a while when I felt silky fur against my cheek and heard a quiet meow in my ear. Dorothy and Liir had a cat? I hadn't seen one in the few days I'd been in residence here. Under normal circumstances I'd have wanted to get to know the little creature, but just then I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to sleep myself into oblivion and ignore everything and everyone.

Yet the annoying little creature would not take the hint. It kept at it, pawing at my face and meowing until I'd get up and give it some attention. I was this close to swinging out my hand to push it away, but I stopped mid-swat when I felt a much larger depression cave into the mattress and then a bit of a bounce when whatever it was leaped off the bed. It landed almost soundlessly on the floor, and then it spoke.

"I don't much like being ignored, you know."

My eyes opened and blinked a few times. When they were up to seeing again they met the sight of a white belly fringed at the edges by silky orange fur that merged into scales halfway down. I looked up into the Tiger's face and he smiled at me.

"Since when did you become such a kitten?" I asked dryly. Mo one was going to escape my mouth today, no matter how glad I was to see him.

"I didn't want to scare the girl when I showed up, unlike that Yackle woman did."

"You know Yackle?" I asked, a bit disbelieving.

"Yes, I do. She enjoys scaring those she comes to assist, and the fact that she's a creepy old crone only helps her to be better at it. It's the only perverse pleasure she takes from being both frighteningly ancient and immortal. The fact is she's got nothing better to do with herself. I prefer not to frighten people off; I find it makes it easier to get them to trust me, but what do I know? I'm still fairly new at this as far as immortal terms go. As a new one I have far more limits placed on me to train me to accommodate myself to know what information I can and cannot divulge to you. You're my first task as a Guardian. Believe it or not, Yackle is the one who set me to be one of your informants and protectors."

"Really?" I said. Some guardians. Neither he nor Yackle had been there when Fiyero and I had been captured, nor had they been there when the two of us had almost met our deaths. But the Tiger had some excuses. For a protector, he was kind of at a disadvantage being of such a strange shape. It had to be hard for him to get places without being noticed. I guessed that as a new immortal he was also still trying to figure out what he could and could not do. Yackle was a different story. Maybe that was where the fear thing came in for her.

"I know what you're thinking, Elphaba. Why weren't we there when the Commander tried to kill you? Well, while we're allowed to hlp you, we're forbidden to step in and save your life if it comes into danger. You have to use what information we give you to make it through that sort of thing on your own. Don't ask me why; they're Yackle's rules and I have to follow them."

"So that cretin is your boss?"

"Mmmm hmmm. She's been in charge since before Oz even had a name. So, to get away from that subject, may I ask why you're so...aggravated?"

"If you'd have been here ten minutes earlier you would know. Sweet Oz, I wish you'd scared that girl all the way back to wherever it is she came from and told her to take my halfwit son with her!"

"So you fought?"

"'Fought' doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Well, since I can't resolve this one for you, I might as well tell you what I came here to. Maybe it'll brighten your mood just a little."

"I don't 'brighten', my friend, I smoulder."

"Ha ha. Look at me laughing." he said dryly. "Just listen to me, will you?"

"Fine." I sighed. "I suppose whatever you've got to tell me is better than being left to seethe and feel sorry for myself."

"Your friend Boq and his daughter are both perfectly fine, give or take some bruises and a deflowering."

"That doesn't sound like perfectly fine to me."

"The main thing is, they're alive."

"I suppose. Go on."

"Anyway, once I figured out a way to meander around the City in a form that would neither deplete me of energy nor make people look at me like I'm some monster -"

"You've taken human form before, couldn't you have done that again?"

"You know how drained you were after you let the girl use the last of your magic reserves? Yeah, that was me."

"I see."

"So, as I was saying, the two of them are currently residing in the City, courtesy of one Master Avaric. But, they plan to make their way back to Munchkinland soon. Boq wanted to stay here long enough to learn what became of you and your lover after the two of you managed to get him out and yourselves incarcerated all in the same five minutes. When I finally got him and his daughter to believe that, yes, there really was a, orange tabby cat talking to them, I gave them your status as alive. They seemed relieved enough. Actually, if I wasn't mistaken I could've swork Noq was fighting off tears."

I had a hard time believing that the man would be _that_ relieved, but didn't interrupt.

"He asked me if I would let you know that he's not deserting you; he said he needs to find a way to salvage what's left of his life now that he's got no family left but for his daughter. I wonder what he'll think when he reaches his old home to see that it's been emaciated by the Gale Force."

"What?"

"They gutted it for anything of value. They took most everything."

The horses...they didn't have them...

"Is there any way I could get two large animals from the Vinkus to here without...damaging them?"

"I wouldn't advise you to do so right now. You're still augmenting your energy. What sort of animals?"

"Two horses. Specifically, the ones you brought to Fiyero and me after we escaped the Force out in the Grasslands."

"Hmmmm...I'm not the best one to ask about that. But, I believe Dorothy would know what to be doing with something of the like."

"Why would I ask her? She's only been in Oz for a year, and exactly how much knowledge of sorcery could a thirteen year old girl retain, especially one who'd never even known that there was such a thing as magic before getting herself dropped here?"

"Still, it's a year's more worth of training that you've never had."

I could've said something, but no matter which way I turned it, he was right. I hated that with a passion.

"Plus, Dorothy was taught by Glinda. And once Glinda...passed, the rest of the sorcerers in the palace stepped up her training. They've been teaching her at twice the rate that Glinda had been - she's next in line for the position of Good Witch. And it won't be much longer until she takes the role; she's been absorbing the knowledge at an insane rate, being as she's fluent in the language the Grimmerie was written in. The book was created in her realm."

Yes, I vaguely remembered Sarima saying something to the effect that the book had not been made in Oz when she gave it to me to read, that it had been given to her by a traveler not from anyplace in what lands she knew of. But what shocked me was that they were going to give an incredibly young girl the role Glinda had filled. More had gone into the position than just magical inclination; there was a political aspect as well, and something like that was far beyond Dorothy's comprehension. She was far too trusting and naive for that sort of thing. Then there was the fact that they were going to entrust this to a girl who did not even belong in Oz or know how to deal with its people. Some perverse corner of my mind was interested in seeing what sort of chaos would ensue with a girl like that trying to do what Glinda had politically, but something told me I wouldn't be so interested if I was still here when such chaos did ensue. Not that I thought I would still be in this place if that ever did happen. As soon as Fiyero and I were well enough we planned to get as far away from the monster of corruption and self-demolition that was Oz.

"I can't ask her." I said.

"Why can't you?"

"You didn't hear what went on back there."

"Wait a while. You try to live up to your word on getting her back where she came from, and maybe you'll win her over. She sympathizes with you, at least a little if nothing else."

"Can you please just see if you'll be able to do it? I owe the girl enough already without adding to my debt."

"I'll see what I can do." the Tiger sighed. "If I can I'll do so, and I'll be back to tell you. By then I want to see you reconciled with Fiyero and Dorothy, if not Liir. If you ask me, you and him are too far gone for complete forgiveness."

"Thank you for stating the obvious." I snapped, positively radiating sarcasm. I didn't need anyone else telling me what I'd done wrong. Liir had brought plenty of guilt back to weigh on my shoulders in the last half hour alone. I knew that close to everything he'd said about me had been true, hence the longer I let my mind dwell on it the more guilty I felt.

_::You bring these things upon yourself, Elphaba. Learn when to keep your bedamned mouth shut.:: _I growled at myself.

"Before you speak to anyone, calm down first. You'll thank yourself for it." The Tiger said, and shifted back to house cat size. I had to look away as he changed; the transferring of his shape was dizzying to watch. Once miniaturized, he leaped up to sit beside me on the bed and rubbed his head against my hand. "Things will work out eventually."

"I hope so." I replied, gently scratching behind his ears, pausing when he got up to sit in my lap, and then stroking his back as he got himself settled and closed his eyes.

"You know I would never be letting you do this if I was my normal shape." he said, opening one eye. "It's undignified for a Tiger to be petted by anyone, and sitting in someone's lap just throws whatever self-respect is left to the wind." I smiled a little and continued to pet him. "Do you feel any better?"

"A little."

"Take as long as you need. I know things have been more than trying for the past week or so."

So I did, stroking his silky orange and black coat for more than an hour and a half. He purred like a quiet machine, whiskers twitching every now and then, and eventually fell asleep. I barely noticed when he did so; I just kept repeating the motion of my hand over his fur until it required no thought at all, becoming automatic and allowing my mind to slip into an oblivious lack of thought. It felt wonderful just to lose awareness for a while. It had a calming effect, even a small aspect somewhere that let me put aside for now the events of the past few hours. I hadn't realized how much I'd desperately needed to do so.

After a while the click of the turning doorknob jerked me out of the blank reverie. I knew it was Fiyero. There wasn't any need for me to look to see who it was.

"I've got a lot to make up for, don't I?" I asked. My eyes were trained on the Tiger's back, and my voice rang hollowly through the empty silence, sounding alien even to my own ears.

"Yes..." he said after he closed the door behind him. Once he was sure Dorothy and Liir wouldn't be able to hear us, he sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "...we both do."

"Oh?"

"It's partly my fault, isn't it?"

"How is it your fault?"

"I disappeared."

"But still, that never gave me the right to treat him like he never existed."

"No, it didn't."

"So get the anger out of your system and let me have it."

"I'm not going to yell at you."

"Then dole out what punishment you will and we'll both feel better off for it."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"How should I know? But whatever it is, just do it and get it over with."

"I'm just as flawed as you; I have no right to be judgmental. I abandoned you both."

"You never knew of him."

"I didn't, true, but that's not the point."

"Then what is?"

"I'm not going to try guilt you into anything. You do a good enough job of that on your own."

"Don't remind me. The boy's been eating at me since Cherrystone brought the subject to light." I stopped petting the Tiger and brought my hand up to my face, kneading my fingers into my temples. The cat opened one eye and then stood, shaking himself out before leaping off of my lap.

"I think I'll leave you to it. Go easy on her." he said, stopping to speak in front of Fiyero and then trotting out of the room, stepping right through the door as if it wasn't there at all.

"You're going to have to apologize." Fiyero continued after watching the cat leave.

"Liir won't listen to me."

"He probably won't listen to either of us, but just do it anyway."

"Not now."

"I'm not saying you have to now. At least talk to Dorothy."

"What makes you think she'll care?"

"She seems a bit more open-minded, at least."

"She loves Liir. That'll be enough for her to close herself off."

"Didn't you tell her you'd try to get her out of here? She can't afford to risk losing that. She's not going to block you out."

I sighed. He was right, I guessed. She probably wouldn't risk losing her chance to get home. But I wouldn't tell him so. I hadn't yet built up the nerve to look at his face.

"Fae?"

"What?"

"Come." he said, reaching his hand out to me. I took it, but still would not meet his eyes. He pulled me to my feet and tried to get me to lift my gaze to his. I would not. I stood before him, my hands enfolded in his, my eyes burning imaginary holes through the floor, until he slipped his arms around me and held tight. I returned the gesture, holding on with the same force. His hair brushed against my cheek and I buried my face in it, breathing in deeply. I felt his hand tangle itself in my loose hair, holding my head close against the curve where his shoulder met his neck. The rise and fall of his breath was comforting. When we let each other go my hands slid down his arms until they found his own.

"What a fine pair of screw-ups we turned out to be." he said, attempting to get me to smile, even a little.

"Look at us now. Did you ever envision a life like this?"

"No. But, in losing some freedom and safety, maybe, in fact, we've gained something better?" he asked. I finally brought myself to look at him, and when I saw the sad, hopeful look in his eyes I could do nothing else but draw him once more into my arms.

"I don't know what it is about you, Fiyero, but it never fails to make me see that there's still something better waiting for us. It just might take a while to get there."

"Yeah, it's been a long time coming, hasn't it? Eventually, Fabala. Eventually we'll have it. But first, apologize to our son."

I gave him a look.

"Eventually, Fiyero."


	44. Chapter 44

_:singsong voice: I'm baaa-ack! Didja miss me? lol The word sorry doesn't even begin to cover how evil i feel for making you wait so long. If anyone can get their hands on the little monster, someone please kill Liir for me. He's made the writing of this chapter very difficult. According to a good friend of mine, thisinstallment has been 2 months,1 week, and 2 days in the making or something of the like, and I still don't really like it. I hope the characterization isn't too off...if it is, pleasepleaseplease tell me so i can fix it! When i'm through with the ending I'm putting it through major overhaul to patch up the many many little holes all over it, so anything you can give me to make it better is highly appreciated. R&R, dearies!  
__Thank you all very much for putting up with my rambling,  
-Linz-_

**Chapter 44**

A week later, I hadn't yet spoken a word to Liir. He hadn't been trying to avoid me as adamantly as he'd used to, but instead he had taken to shooting venomous glances in my direction and bitching constantly to Dorothy about my 'wickedness'. Dorothy, wanting desperately to keep the fragile peace, yessed him to death but would often send pleading glances in my direction to try and make me understand why she did so. I resented it all with a fiery passion. Needless to say, I wasn't on very good terms with anyone. And Fiyero, every chance he got he would badger me about apologies. I insisted that I wouldn't waste any more breath on words that would go unheard. He would not see my logic. He did not know the boy, or the extent of what I'd done to make him hate me, and make me deserve such hate. He'd soon pushed my buttons one too many times, and I'd ended up barking at him to get the hell off my case for five minutes. Both of us stubbornly refused to speak to each other as we tried to salvage whatever scraps of pride we'd managed to preserve in ourselves. But as we both well knew, if there was to be love, there could be no room for pride. I was just too closed off right then to acknowledge it.

I'd taken to keeping myself shut up in Fiyero's and my room. The less contact I had with everyone else, the better. If no one was around, I couldn't do any more damage. Fiyero generally gave me my space, letting me battle my demons on my own. I spent an entire day curled up on the bed, my arms around my stomach, wondering darkly how, exactly, I was going to manage raising two children when I'd done such a wonderful job of screwing the first one up. It haunted me; I was not predisposed to motherly instincts. I guess I'd spent so long avoiding people and being avoided myself, I'd trained myself to believe once Fiyero had "died" that any wild impossible hopes of ever being a mother that I'd foolishly indulged myself with had died along with him. After that I'd dismissed children as things belonging to other people and of no concern to me. I never once considered children after I lost Fiyero, so I'd never really cared about them, or rather I tried to force myself not to care if they lived or died. After all, it was a group of children that had kept me from doing my job back fifteen-odd years ago; I couldn't bring myself to kill them just because they happened to be in the way. It had been those children who caused my first real failure in life. Later on I'd felt no icy slivers of guilt or remorse after Manek's death, at least not until I had to tell Fiyero the causes of his children's deaths, so why had I cared so much about Irji and Nor when I found them gone when I'd returned from visiting with Nessarose? I'd never really paid them much concern until it dawned on me that they would die if I didn't try something to get them out of whatever predicaments they'd been forced into. And why did I suddenly care about Liir now when I'd never done so before?

_:Your perspective changes when you realize you can't afford to make the same mistakes again. You're worried about your own twins.:_

_:What do you want, Glinda: _I sighed.

_:To check up on you.:_

_:Oh, really.: _I practically oozed sarcasm.

_:We haven't spoken for a while.:_

_:And these impromptu conversations of yours are precisely the cause of that. Cut to the chase, Glinda, why are you here:_

_:Apologize to Liir or you'll never be able to get your sorry carcass out of Oz.:_

_:No.:_

_:I'm serious, Elphaba, I know that's what you've wanted for so long, to leave this place. And I know for a fact that Dorothy won't do one thing to help you, no matter how unbiased she's trying to be, until you reconcile yourself with Liir. She cares for him immensely, and won't let you get away with doing him further injustice. I worked with her as a teacher and a friend for long enough to figure out what makes her tick. Just make amends with the boy and you'll finally be able to reach the destination you've never been able to come close to before.:_

_:Why couldn't you have just let me leave that boy back in the Palace dungeons? It would've made my life _so_ much easier.:_

_:I knew you would never forgive yourself if you had. It would've further complicated the already delicate state of order your mind is in with extra loads of guilt.:_

_:Well, now I regret getting him out of there with me. I seem to have such an uncanny knack for making people turn against me, don't I: _I replied dryly.

_:If you try to reconcile, maybe he'll come around enough to realize that you got him out of there for a reason, that your spell must've missed him for a reason.:_

_:Or maybe he'll close himself off like I'm sure he will and refuse to listen to even one syllable out of my mouth.:_

_:You are impossible.: _she said, growing quite annoyed with me and my stubbornness.

_:Thank you. I do my best.: _I could practically see her pout and fold her arms, and hear that injured huff I knew so well.

_:That oh-so-destructive spell of yours did miss him because buried way back somewhere in your cluttered wreck of a mind you truly meant for it to happen that way.:_

_:I can't imagine why.:_

_:Forget Liir, now _you're_ the one closing yourself off. Elphaba, you know he's an innocent. You couldn't have made that spell include him even if he was the one you'd aimed it at and put all your strength behind it.:_

_:He's an innocent, I won't deny that, but an innocent ruined because of me, and just one more person in the hundredscores of those who hate me. And I'm sick of it. I want out.:_

_:Elphie, I know you are and I know you want to just forget that he ever existed but you can't, you know that as well as I do, and as well as Fiyero does. It's your awn fault Liir is the way he is and it will be your fault for the rest of your miserable life if you don't try to make things at least bearable between the two of you: _She was exasperated now.

:_Damn it all, Glinda, what makes you think he'll come around? What in Oz makes you think that I can just say I'm sorry and make it all vanish? Apologies can't erase the scars on a person's mind or on their heart! Apologies can't do away with all that I've done: _I cried, before pausing for a moment in stiff silence. I forced my mental voice under control again, and croaked out,_ :I want you to go. Now. This discussion is closed.:_

She rushed to cut in and add her last remarks on the subject, doing all that was within her power to make me listen. _:But you'll have done all you can to right whatever wrongs you've committed to Liir! Doesn't that mean anything? What is so terrible about an apology? Are you afraid of him? Or is whatever pride you've got left keeping you from doing what you've know you have to and have meant to do ever since you learned he was yours:_

_:I have learned through more experience than I care to remember that no one listens to or believes anything said by someone the likes of me:_ I shouted, but by the time I finished speaking she'd already gone, tearing away faster than she'd ever done, and leaving me with even more inner demons to contend with.

That night when Fiyero slid into bed beside me, I hadn't moved any since Glinda had done her best to bend me into doing what I knew had to be done. He carefully maneuvered around me, thinking me asleep until his shadow left my face, the moonlight from the one window catching on the wetness that had collected in the corners of my near closed eyes. I was just too good at finding more reasons to hate myself. Between glaring daggers at anyone and everyone for the last few days, pushing away the one I loved the most, and as good as screaming bloody murder at a friend who'd only tried to help the one I'd refused to, my head was not exactly in the best condition. Then there was the heavy realization that all these problems I faced now I'd been taking ages in the making; first Liir, the fact that I couldn't do the transportation magics on my own, my having kept so many things from Fiyero for so long. And then, most prominently, letting myself become so consumed with hatred that I'd taken on the miserably flawed scheme that had eventually gotten Glinda killed, and how through hatred again I was now ruining Fiyero's and my last possible hope of finding something better than the wreckage that had been our lives in Oz. I'd been heedlessly giving up any compassion I'd once had to spread the hate I'd so long been a victim of, when I hadn't any shred of validation whatsoever to do so.

What was wrong with me?

The door creaked as Fiyero swung it shut. I felt gentle fingers stroke my face and his lips brush against my forehead.

"Elphaba, why do you do this to yourself?" he sighed. "Must you always choose to do things the hard way?"

I felt a bit better, thankful that his anger always cooled off much faster than my own, and comforted in knowing that there was at least one person in this world who didn't think I was something to be reviled. He laid himself beside me, passing an arm around my shoulders, and finally, curled against his side and eased by his warmth, I forced myself to let it go for now and sleep. Mercifully, I did not dream.

"Fabala?" I heard him murmur, his mouth against my hair. I buried my face closer into his chest and away from the light shaft that was falling across me. I did not want to get up. Every day just melded together, one fresh hell after another.

"Fabala, it's late." he repeated.

"To hell with it." I replied, squeezing my eyes tighter shut. I hadn't slept well in any sense of the term.

"They're out."

"Thank Oz." I breathed, still not ready to face Liir, Dorothy, or the apology I'd eventually have to give. I would do it today and not give myself any more time to drown in guilt and hate. Maybe it would finally clear my conscience.

"Hey," he said, taking my cheek in his hand and tilting my head so our eyes met, "do you feel alright? Look, your face..." I brought my hand up and fingered the thin inflamed streaks falling from my eyes. It must've happened while I'd been asleep.

"Oh...I'm alright." I said, grudgingly pushing myself up and fumbling around for the oil.

"What happened?"

"Guilt, I guess." He needed no other explanation. I found the bottle, opened the stopper and rubbed the stuff into the burns; I wasn't expecting it to sting, and I winced at the contact, continuing more gingerly. Once done, I closed the bottle and turned back to face Fiyero.

"Speaking of which, how's your arm feeling?" I asked; I'd been worried about him, no matter how much it'd seemed otherwise lately.

"It's not 'feeling' at all. Hasn't been for days. Most of it's been numb since I woke up. By now I doubt I'll really be able to get feeling back in it, ever." he said, seemingly resigned to it.

"I don't like the sound of that." I said, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Why had I wanted him to? It wasn't as if I could've done anything about it anyway. Ruefully I wished I knew how to use healing magic. But I wasn't brave enough to practice on anything alive for fear of killing it, and Fiyero was the last person on which I'd be willing to practice - and most likely screw up.

"You have enough to deal with already. I think you can at least leave this thing to me, alright?" He seemed touchy about it, and I felt terrible, like the whole thing was still all my fault, which it probably was anyway. I wouldn't say so, of course; the last thing we needed was another catfight.

He sighed and rubbed the twisted scar running from his right shoulder to his elbow. "I can't even tell that I'm touching it at all. It's like the arm's not even there."

I didn't know what to tell him. I kissed his cheek, circling an arm around his neck and pulling him into a tight squeeze. "I'm sorry, love." I whispered in his ear. My eyes closed themselves, unable to bear the sight of my destructive handiwork anymore. His good arm wrapped itself around my back, and he made no other movement but breathing out into my hair, releasing his hurt without words. We didn't let go for a long time, silent and seeking solace from each other. When we finally did release each other, I still didn't know if we'd found that much-needed peace.

I spent much of the day hunched over my Grimmerie; the huge, familiar tome, being the nasty mysterious thing it was, decided to give me as hard a time as it ever had in trying to locate the instructions to a particular sort of magic. I attacked the book with a will, meaning to finish off everything I'd had hanging over my head since I got here. The silver writing swam into and out of intelligible words, making my head spin. Pages turned furiously, more often than not because I was quickly growing sick of staring at words I couldn't understand. I knew the right spell was here somewhere, I knew I'd seen it before on the many occasions I'd had to tear through the volume, and I was going to find it. I needed to live up to my word to Dorothy…and if luck decided to turn her face in my direction, the thing just might be able to help me right two wrongs in one go. The Tiger strolled over to sit at my feet, the first time I'd seen him at his full size in a while. His reptilian tail swished itself back and forth as the large cat amused himself watching the movement of a certain small sunbeam across the floor. Absently I reached down to stroke its ears, slowing in my feverish search through the volume; a page had caught my eye, it's elaborate illustration grabbing my attention. The silver letters ebbed and flowed over the illuminated drawing of a small house being carried by swirling winds. It was just what I needed.

"They're back." the Tiger said eventually, breaking the silence in the room. I looked up from my work momentarily to glance at the Animal. "You have about two minutes before they actually open the door." He was now calmly concentrating his attentions on a single speck of dust floating in the air, yet still managed, in whatever strange supernatural way, to shift back to housecat size without losing his focus on the dust.

"Lovely." I said, not exactly relishing the fact that I had my work cut out for me. Fiyero, standing behind me, squeezed my shoulder and kissed my ear before scooping up the little Tiger to retreat back into our room. He knew enough to let me deal with this on my own. Sure enough, once the two of them had left, Liir and Dorothy returned. Dorothy gave me a lukewarm smile, the same I'd been getting from her since I'd been here, picked up Chistery from the table and retreated into her own room – she'd seemed of late to prefer the company of the little menace to the other actual humans in this place. I could hardly blame her. She couldn't take the fighting anymore, either.

So there I was, sitting on the threadbare sofa, pointedly staring out the window and away from my son, who'd lowered himself into the other chair. He watched me, a vision of disdain personified. I wasn't going to leave the room; I'd been there first, after all. But apparently, Liir wasn't going to leave, either. Leaving the room for him would mean admitting that I intimidated him. I'd realized of late that if there was one thing he'd inherited from me, if nothing else, it was his pride. It may have taken years to emerge, but my own stubborn pride was definitely there, manifesting itself on his face, in his eyes. I didn't know what to think. Should I have been happy that something of my own had finally shown itself in him? Should I have felt he would've been better off without any remote resemblance to me at all?

But I was sure as ever, though, that both of us would've been better off if the boy had never been conceived in the first place. No, that wasn't right. I didn't hate Liir enough to think that. Keenly dislike, yes. Hate, no. I, of all people, had no right to hate. The boy was half my fault to begin with…more than half, actually, if you count the fact that I'd caused him to become the way he is. I owed Liir more than an apology, but there was no possible way I'd ever be able to make up for all I'd done wrong.

Not that I would've tried even if there _had_ been a way.

Pride dies hard.

_:Just get it over with.: _

Anger bubbled up inside. _:Glinda, I swear, you intrude again and I will hunt you down in whatever obscure afterlife you're inhabiting and I will kill you again.:_ She retreated after I'd voiced the empty threat, but I sensed a smug presence still lurking somewhere beyond my thoughts, and I swore that if I could see her, she'd have been giving me the most self-satisfied, I-told-you-so look I'd ever been given.

Liir noticed the way I breathed slowly, trying to keep the visible humiliation to a minimum. Quickly though, he turned away, realizing that I'd caught him staring. What, had it just registered in his mind exactly what I looked like? I straightened a little; I may have gotten used to feeling powerless lately, but still, I didn't need to look like the whipped dog I was in front of someone a fraction of my age. I turned to stare past the boy, focusing my eyes on nothing in particular.

The room remained in a tense, silent face-off for Oz knows how long while I battled with myself to just give in and get it over with. And eventually, I opened my mouth.

"I'm sorry, you know." The words sounded foreign, heavy and quiet. His face took a moment to register what he'd heard.

"Excuse me?" he said derisively. He wanted no part of what I had to say, no surprise there. But I'd finally gotten started on this damn thing, and I was going to say what I had to whether he liked it or not.

"Much of why I'm here is my own damn fault, and I'm sorry I've been imposing myself on you unwanted."

"Like I had a choice but to let you in." he spat, glancing towards the door to Dorothy's room and back to me, taking care not to meet my eyes. For the whole duration I'd been here, he'd never once brought himself to full on meet my eyes.

"Look, if I could've helped it, I would be anywhere else but here right now. I don't like it any more than you do. Any halfwit could figure that out for himself - " For my own good, I cut _that_ remark off right there. "But that deviates from what I mean to say."

"Not like I care." he said. I chose to ignore it, though heat had begun to creep through my blood.

"The last thing I want is to push you further than I already have. I've been years in ruining your life and looking back now I regret most everything I've ever done in that respect." He snorted contemptuously, but let me continue. This wasn't what he'd expected to come out of my mouth. And I think that somehow, perversely, he now wanted to hear what I had to say.

"Your…your perspective changes when you realize…that you can't afford to make the same mistakes twice." I hated to admit it, especially out loud, but Glinda was right. Again_. :Are you quite happy now:_ my mind voice shot at her, incensed. She laughed, and the sound and her presence faded away from my thoughts.

"I don't know what you want me to do, but I can't rescue you from everything. If I could start my life over – " wouldn't that would be wonderful, to just wipe it all away – "I wouldn't choose to put you through the shit I did. Yes, boy, I do have some sense of morality in me, don't look so shocked, dammit. I treated you like I'd been treated my whole life – nothing could ever justify that, least of all coming from me."

Liir seemed neither to have heard nor felt anything in regards to what I'd just said. He was expressionless, posture stiff, and eyes cold and hard. Then, as I searched his face for a reaction, I realized just how similar the boy really was to the girl I used to be.


	45. Chapter 45

**_A/N: I am a terrible person and I apologize a million and three times for being so stupid and waiting so long to post this. I'm so sorry, guys! So unbelievably sorry you have no idea (begs forgiveness) please don't throw things at meeee... (meep)! You know I luv you guys for putting up with me, right? So much drama...(le sigh) first there was that nasty little complication with the six-month ban from the computer as a horrendous punishment for a not-so-horrendous offense (the powers that be are hell-bent against my owning the Avenue Q CD). Then there was the issue of the malfunctioning floppy disk, causing me to need to retype the four pages I'd written about five separate times (stupid school computers! They're like 20 years old, I kid you not). Then the powers that be gave me a laptop for Christmas, only to tell me after I'd typed the entire chapter (again) on the lovely littlerectangular boxy-thing of technological goodness that Iwasn't allowed to hook it up to the internet. The powers that be insist on watching my every virtual move and poking their noses into my internet files to "supervise" me, and they can't do thatif I have internet on the laptop. Whatever. I'm surviving. It's not really all that huge of a deal, but the fact that I retyped it all over again for no apparrent (did I spell that right?) reason got on my nerves, especially since as of yet I haven't figured out how to fix the settings on the laptop so I can save documents to CDs...I'm technologically challenged,to say the very least. But I digress. Back to the matter at hand; I throw myself on your mercy! Please don't hate me! Pretty please with whipped cream and hot fudge and sprinkles and cherries and M&Ms and gummy bears and every other possible delicious sundae topping that exists? Please? (puppy eyes)_**

**_-Linz-_**

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* * *

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**Chapter 45**

After a while the silence became too much to just sit there and suffocate in, and, obviously, Liir realized this. He got up, relieving himself of my presence, and retreated to Dorothy's room where she had withdrawn with the monkey. I heard her ask before Liir shut the door, "Well? What did she say to you?" I wondered if the boy had heard a solitary syllable of anything I'd just said.

I sank back into the dilapidated couch, bringing a hand up to massage my temples; the headache coming on was going to be merciless. Eyes closed, I tried to let the self-imposed tension melt away, but the harder I tried to force relaxation on myself, the more I found my back and shoulders knotting up. Not to mention the fact that having a pair of twins writhing inside me wasn't helping things much. There went the whole "de-stress" approach.

The next thing I knew, I felt a hand in my hair and the cushion beside me cave in on itself. "Stop it, you're making things worse." Fiyero murmured. I let my head fall back into his palm as his fingers worked themselves through my hair. It was somewhat soothing, but still trying to ward off the oncoming migraine, I wouldn't disengage my hand from my temples. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and tried to prize my hand away from my face. After some brief resistance on my part, I gave in. Once my head had been liberated, he resumes stroking my hair, but kept his other hand secured around my wrist.

"It went that badly?"

"I don't know."

"How could you not know? Weren't you there?"

"I rolled my eyes. "He's…difficult, to put it very mildly."

"In other words, he's exactly like you."

He had no idea how right he was. Apparently, he'd picked up on that a lot faster than I had. Being as used to loathing the boy as I was, I'd become blind to the resemblance I didn't want to see, until I had no choice anymore. Fiyero wouldn't meet my eyes, only turned over my hand and began to rub his thumb over my palm.

"That could be right," I said, not wanting to directly admit to him that it was. But, letting go of the fleeting inhibition, I sighed. What did I have to hide anymore? "I guess it is." When he neither replied nor looked me in the face, I lapsed momentarily into thought, and then went on.

"I've been wondering if that's not the reason I could never bring myself to call him mine."

"It's not your fault. You don't hate the boy or yourself enough for that to be why."

"If you'd put that past me, you must not know me very well, love."

He squeezed my hand. "I think I know you well enough to say that you have more heart than anyone I've ever met - " I gave him a look.

"Elphaba, give it up. You know I'm right anyway." He smiled, and I returned it. "And I'm willing to bet that your reluctance to claim the boy had more to do with shame than with hate." I stared blankly at him, thinking it over, letting it sink in. When I said nothing, he continued trying to get my mind off of what he knew I'd rather not dwell upon anymore. "Look, whatever the reason was, there's nothing we can do about it now. Let it go, move forward, and accept that you're not immune to mistakes."

"That's a little too big to be called a 'mistake', Fiyero."

"Whatever. There's no way you could've be able to do anything about it now that would make Liir understand you. He's stubborn like that; it's not hard to tell. Remind you of anyone, Elphaba?"

"You're not funny."

"Alright, I'm sorry. So shoot me. But in all seriousness, I think if he's set himself on believing that there's not a shred of good in your body, so be it. He needs time to consider things, consider who you've become. There was once a time you thought people couldn't change, wasn't there?"

I nodded. Unfortunately, there had been. I was young then, not yet old enough to go to Shiz, but not so young I couldn't understand human nature. Around fifteen, I guess; near Liir's age now. I was still hopeful, naïve, and stupid, knowing I wasn't wanted but still believing I could change that. Then I realized they're all the same, never going to bend their world to suit you. It had hit me a day or so after my mother had died, supposedly of internal bleeding after giving birth to my younger brother. After her burial, I'd tried to help Nessa get to her feet, but she'd twisted away from me, tears and hate in her eyes. She'd railed at me, shouting how everything leading up to our mother's death had been my fault. I'd caused Nessa's deformity; I'd made our father paranoid that any other children of his would end up like me. I'd made our father force Melena to try different drugs to keep her from turning out a child as deformed as her first two. If it weren't for me and my "problem", our mother would never have taken that last drug, the one that made her bleed inside and die. Everything was my fault.

No one had ever hurt me more. Nessa had been the one person who'd accepted me for what I was, and now she was hurling words like knives at me. I'd always known how disliked I was by others, but to hear it from my own twelve-year-old sister had been too much. I'd gotten up and ran, reaching home long before my family. When they finally did arrive my father had shouted at me, how could I leave Nessarose like that when she was already so upset, how could I be so selfish. It made me laugh, his calling me selfish, and it'd gotten me in even more trouble for doing so. He'd always been so deliriously clueless, my father. I'd been my sister's keeper since her birth; that job left no room for the self. And he'd had no idea at all. He only loved his "pet", his little invalid, his Nessa. The only function I served was that of the nursemaid.

I shook my head to rid it of the memory. Hadn't Fiyero just said that there was no use in brooding over past things? _:Let it go and move on, Elphaba. Self-pity will get you nowhere.:_

"Hey," Fiyero looked at me with warm concern in his eyes. "You okay?"

"Yes…yes, I'm fine," I replied, feigning a smile and reaching up to press a kiss to the hinge of his jaw. He turned his head to rub his cheek against mine, and as he did so the telltale click of a turning doorknob rang out. The two of us sprang apart, feeling very much like amorous teenagers getting caught by an angry parent.

"Come back here with that, you little - ! Oh! I'm so sorry, I…" Dorothy stammered, halting in her pursuit of Chistery. The monkey happened to be absconding with none other than my Grimmerie.

I ignored the girl for a moment, casting a quick spell on the furry thief to stop him in his mischievous tracks. His top half lurched forward and then snapped back again, rooted to the spot. For a few seconds Chistery tried to continue running, then realized he couldn't and started examining his immobilized feet. Once the poor thing wizened up to what I'd done, he gave me a death glare.

"That's not fair!" he pouted. Dorothy and Fiyero both tried to suppress laughter.

"All's fair in love and war, little friend. And, being as you've taken a hostage, this means war." I plucked my spellbook out his paws and dusted off the cover. It was beyond me how a tiny little monkey like that managed to outrun Dorothy with my huge, obnoxious book in his arms, but apparently he'd managed. "Hostage recaptured. I win."

"That was an awfully short war." Fiyero quipped, reaching down to scratch the monkey's head. Chistery batted his hands away and folded his arms.

"Don't touch me! You're on _her_ side!"

"What makes you think that?" Fiyero retorted, trying to make a convincing innocent face.

"You laughed!" the monkey huffed, and then turned back to me. "Lemme go!"

With a barely concealed smirk stealing across my face, I lifted the spell from the poor troublemaker. He stuck his tongue out at me before slinking back to Dorothy.

"She doesn't play fair." Chistery whined, pointing at me.

"Well, you hardly play fair yourself, you great annoying furry thing." Dorothy replied. "She didn't do anything to you, and you up and ran off with her book." She offered a quick smile to Fiyero and myself before turning her full attention back to us and began apologizing all over again.

"Oh, stop it," I cut into her repentant monologue, "You've nothing to be sorry for. You were hardly interrupting anything important."

"We're the intruders. We should be apologizing to you for taking up space for this long." Fiyero added. He knew I wanted out of here about as much as Liir would've liked to throw me out.

"No, no, that's no trouble. But really, I've hardly made up for…for what I did to you…"

"You've more than made up for it." I said, not really wanting to venture in that particular direction. "And besides, I'm alive, aren't I? It's over and done with, can't be changed, so you might as well let it go. I don't really give a damn anymore about what you've done. You saved my life, you saved _his_ life, and that's worth more than the world to me." With that bluntly stated, the subject was dismissed.

Dorothy stood there for a minute or two, blushing furiously in the uncomfortable silence. "I, um, I should probably go now, uh, I have to get some things, so…" she trailed off and ducked out of the room, embarrassed to have been caught chasing Chistery like a child chases a pet. Chistery, on the other hand, seemed to have disregarded all hard feelings toward my cheating self and clambered up to sit on Fiyero. His small hands tugged at my sleeve, and I smoothed back the fur on his head to acknowledge him.

"What's wrong, little nuisance?"

"You never talk to me anymore. It's either the stupid babies or you're tired or you're mad at something."

My eyes lost a little of their smile. "I know I haven't been very friendly, and I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind. But I promise I'll never forget about you. How could I, with you running around like crazy with my things?" I said, trying to let laughter seep into my voice. The monkey grinned and grabbed my wrist, squeezing it as hard as he could. I scratched between his wings, my mood lifting a little.

"Now I'm hungry."

"Why am I not surprised?" laughing dryly. I pushed myself up as Chistery scampered ahead, expecting me to follow him into the kitchen. I had to admit, possibly the most frustrating thing about being so many months pregnant with twins was that even getting to my feet on my own had become difficult. I loathed with a fiery passion the loss of my self-sufficiency. Chistery kept looking backward over his shoulder and dancing from paw to paw, making sure I was following. "I'm coming, you. Ever heard of the art of subtlety?" I pretended to grouse.

Just as I'd gone to reach for the kitchen door handle, an excruciating burst of pain flared in my spine, blossoming out to spread up my back and settle there. Vaguely I saw Liir's door swinging away from me from the impact; so I'd been hit with it as he was leaving his room. His face went pallid from horrified shock, and that was the last thing I saw clearly before tears sprang into my eyes, clouding my vision. Tendrils of pain seeped into my stomach, and before I could even fully register what was happening they lanced like lightning through to my core.

I could practically feel all the blood drain from me. The tears continued to well up as the lightning in my stomach grew fiercer, driving me to my knees. It hurt…everything hurt…! Somewhere deep inside,my gut instinct told meI was going to lose the babies.

_:No, no! Don't take them from me, not after all this! I've come too far to let them die now, please…:_

I barely felt the streaks of liquid fire running down my face as I struggled to breathe. I held my stomach as if it could keep the lives inside me from escaping. Gasps like sobs made my entire body shake, and hazily through the hideous sounds I was making I heard a rough, cracked voice drawing nearer. Old papery skin smoothed over my forehead before I felt no more.

* * *

**_Okay, NOW it's almost over, I promise! Cross my little black heart lol  
Please forgive me!_**


End file.
